How do you friendzone someone?

[ColdEggNog]

I'm a guy, a graduate student. There's another girl in the program, about the same age as me, who I'm very close with. She's smart, funny, kind-hearted, cute, basically all those cliche' adjectives.

 

Thinking rationally, she's still kinda seeing her ex-boyfriend, and there are other reasons why this relationship wouldn't work that I need not go into. As much as I'd like to pursue something more, it wouldn't work (at least right now). However, I still enjoy her company and enjoy the friendship as is.

 

This is an odd question, and one that likely doesn't have a concrete answer, but how do you friendzone someone? How do I simply become unattracted to her without withdrawing myself from her (which I don't really see as an option)? Thoughts, experiences?

[somedude81]

withdrawing myself from her (which I don't really see as an option)?

Why not?

 

.........

[ColdEggNog]

Why not?

 

.........

 

Graduate departments are generally small and close knit; the one I'm in is no exception. Because of that, I have to see her most days, and because it's a small department, we typically do stuff as a group. As it turns out, she and I have a lot in common, so her and I are especially close and we're comfortable hanging out one-on-one and talking outside of class too.

 

If I suddenly withdrew from her, she would definitely notice, and it's likely that others would notice too... unnecessary drama that I wouldn't want either of us to deal with. The best plan of action would be the no contact plan, but I don't see this as being an option without consequences.

[Nightsky]

Graduate departments are generally small and close knit; the one I'm in is no exception. Because of that, I have to see her most days, and because it's a small department, we typically do stuff as a group. As it turns out, she and I have a lot in common, so her and I are especially close and we're comfortable hanging out one-on-one and talking outside of class too.

 

If I suddenly withdrew from her, she would definitely notice, and it's likely that others would notice too... unnecessary drama that I wouldn't want either of us to deal with. The best plan of action would be the no contact plan, but I don't see this as being an option without consequences.

 

Sounds like thats what you want to do, so you should do it. what you are doing now is more likely to cause drama eh

[MsSmurf]

 

This is an odd question, and one that likely doesn't have a concrete answer, but how do you friendzone someone? How do I simply become unattracted to her without withdrawing myself from her (which I don't really see as an option)? Thoughts, experiences?

 

You start seeing someone else. You don't have to get serious with someone, but going out, meeting other women, and going on dates will distract you from her.

[oldshirt]

I am going to assume you have seen the old Val Kilmer movie from the 80s called, "Real Genius." There is a scene in that movie where Val Kilmer's character throws a party on the geek campus with students from the nearby 'Wanda Trosseler School of Beauty.'

 

When the science geeks walk in and see all the bikini-clad beauticians they are all aghast and disconcerted. The geeks are afraid of the ramifications of interacting with the beauticians and protest engaging in the party because of all of the percieved pitfalls that they are predicting.

 

At that point Val Kilmer states, "Given the type of people you are and the environment you are in, you have to admit the strong probability that this might be the one chance you have in your entire lives....to have sex. Think about it!"

 

Think about it.

 

Are all these perceived pitfalls and ramifications that you have, really such that you cannot have normal relations with a woman without having all these terrible things happen to you.

 

Some times what separates the jocks from the physics club isn't biceps and six-pack abz but imagined ramifications and fears conjured up by those that over-analyze and dream up worst-case scenarios on why things won't work out.

Edited December 24, 2012 by oldshirt

[oldshirt]

Graduate departments are generally small and close knit; the one I'm in is no exception. Because of that, I have to see her most days, and because it's a small department, we typically do stuff as a group. As it turns out, she and I have a lot in common, so her and I are especially close and we're comfortable hanging out one-on-one and talking outside of class too.

 

If I suddenly withdrew from her, she would definitely notice, and it's likely that others would notice too... unnecessary drama that I wouldn't want either of us to deal with. The best plan of action would be the no contact plan, but I don't see this as being an option without consequences.

 

I was science geek in my youth and all my buddies were science geeks too. Through my superior intellect (sarcasm) I was able to analyze how multiple scenarios would play out and I was able to predict with astonishing accuracy how all the dramas and chaos and controversy would play out and I was able to avoid all the conflicts and dramas that the jocks were having to deal with.

 

Then when I got to my mid-upper 20s I realized I had avoided drama and conflict but I had avoid getting my tank drained too and I got tired of walking around with an over-filled prostate sloshing around like a jellyfish.

 

I figured some how the world was surviving with drama and chaos and noone really gave two-$h!ts whether I had drama in my life or life not so I tried to let loose and not hold myself back and not fret about all these percieved future disasters anymore.

 

Yes I had some drama and some conficts and took a few scrapes and bruises but I was getting laid like tile too.

 

I'm 48 years old now and don't regret a single bit of drama. I don't regret any of the conflicts, none of the disasters that came to fruition and I don't regret any of the pain, heartache or bent feelings that I experienced.

 

What I regret are the missed opportunities and the missed experiences that passed me by while I was sitting on my hands fretting about all the things that could possibly go wrong.

 

Now in all honesty only a tiny fraction of the disasters ever came to fruition. Some how I managed to survive the feelings of awkwardness that inevitibly occured now and then and some how I survived getting rejected now and then and some how I survived females having emotional outbursts that were completely alien to me. I survived all that and the rest of the world didn't even notice that I had drama and awkwardness and hurt feelings in my life.

 

And the reason for that is the rest of the world is a whole lot more fu(ked up than I am and people have their own $h!t to worry about so they couldn't care less about mine.

 

So my advice is if you are not attracted to this gal, don't desire her and don't want to be with her, all you have to do is keep your d!(k in your pants and don't put it in her. That's all you have to do.

 

If you are attracted to her and you do like her then grab her hair by the back of her head and cram your tongue down her throat as deep as you can and throw her legs up over your shoulders and slam it to her as hard as you can untill you are both so exhausted and dehydrated that you can't move.

 

Then if any of these percieved dramas and complications that you are so afraid of rear their ugly heads, deal with what comes up at that time. You are smart, you'll figure something out.

[GLDheart]

How do you friendzone someone??

 

... sounds like she already did.