help me, I don't know what to do

[lollie]

I don't know what to do. My husband and I have been married for 19 years. We haven't been getting along for the past 7 years. I do love him and want to work things out but he told me he doesn't. we have 3 kids. He told me last night he is moving to Oregon, accepted a new job there. I am not working at the moment. I will be next week to get my old job back. I have no money right now. I recently found out we are behind on our house payments. Got a notice saying we will lose our house if payment not made on the 24th. My husband says " I don't know what you are going to do but I am moving to Oregon and I can take the kids until you can get up on your feet". We live in WA state. I don't want him to take the kids. They start school in 2 weeks. I don't know when we have to be out of this house by. I don't know where to go or turn. what do i do?

[seahorse]

Hi,

 

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. Your husband sounds like he is not being supportive or helpful. It is bad enough that he seems to be ready to seperate from you very easily, without the added problem of losing your house, and of him taking the children.

 

Who was responsible for the house payments? Is that coming out of a joint bank account? How much do you know about the family's finances?

 

First off you have to find out, if you don't know already, where the house payments go to. Who provided your mortgage? Mortgage providers can be very understanding if they know there are financial problems, but what they do NOT like, is when the person who is falling behind in payments, ignores the situation and does not contact them about it to explain the reasons for the defaults. If you can't keep up the payments you will certainly lose the house, but you have to communicate with the mortgage company one way or the other. Find out who they are and phone them ASAP.

What is your husband saying about the lack of mortgage payments? I am worried that if you/he has fallen behind on that, there may be other bills unpaid.

 

 

" I don't know what you are going to do but I am moving to Oregon and I can take the kids until you can get up on your feet".

 

This is sort of like slapping you and then trying to make it better. He distances himself from your problem, pushing you out there on your own, then offers to take the children!

 

I think you need the advice of a solicitor to find out where you stand re: child custody. I'm sorry, I'm from the UK and do not know if there are any free advice centres in your state. Would you be willing to move out to Oregon with your husband and children, and share a place until, if he really won't re-consider your marriage, you can find your own place and get a job?

 

Sorry, I don't feel that I've been much help, but post back and let us know your plans.

[lollie]

thank you for responding. I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this. I know the morgage company's name. I was thinking about calling them and letting them know why the 2 missed payments. I can't afford the payments on my own. Maybe if it was a few hundred dollars less, I could. My husband was the one paying all the bills. I haven't seen any more late notices on anything. I would love to stay here with the kids. I'm sure my kids would like that. but got to also think about other bills (water, phone, lights). My daughter is almost 16. she's had a job for the past years. my 12 year old son is so hurt by this. he keeps asking me why dad has to move far away and not see him often. It's so sad. I can't stop crying at times because I look at my kids and see how this is affecting them. They don't want anything to change.