jf2good Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 For everyone who always has their holidays ruined, I wish you a Merry Christmas anyway. Here is an article that proves your not alone with this issue. It is about women who ruin Christmas, but the same points can apply to men as well. Why Abusive, High-Conflict, Personality-Disordered Women Frequently Ruin Christmas: Why Abusive, High-Conflict, Personality-Disordered Women Frequently Ruin Christmas | Shrink4Men For me it has been 25 years of Christmas ruined by the wife, so far this year she has been quiet, but expecting her to blow her top tomorrow with some frivolous argument and since it is Christmas there is no where to go to escape the abuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 Trust me there is always a place to go! Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 For me it has been 25 years of Christmas ruined by the wife, so far this year she has been quiet, but expecting her to blow her top tomorrow with some frivolous argument and since it is Christmas there is no where to go to escape the abuse. How about the divorce court? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jf2good Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 We are planning on getting a divorce, I stood up to her last month and said I was no longer afraid of her. The next day she definitely said we need to get divorced and then went to talk to her lawyer as she realized she couldn't use her tactics to control me. Since then she back tracked as she found out she can't get what she wants in a divorce, but I told her I am going to divorce her anyway after talking to my son who was away at college. He is now home for Christmas, so she has her stage to act out. However, I am somewhat hopeful she won't as I won't let her verbally abuse me anymore. But since both kids are home, it gives her a stage to act out. Here is one possible scenario that could play out. Our daughter might want to go spend Christmas with her boyfriend and family since we don't have Christmas at our home (wife never allowed children to celebrate it). the wife will make some excuse why she can't go, daughter will cry and argue back, wife will blame me somehow. Her usual excuse it that I blocked her from having a relationship with our kids, which is blaming me for her abuse and controlling behavior that the children rebelled against. Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 JF, I'm so sorry to hear you've been married -- as I was for 15 years -- to a very abusive woman. I notice that the website you cite is targeted to the male victims of BPDers, narcissists, and histrionics. Have you decided which traits -- those of BPD, NPD, or HPD -- she seems to exhibit most strongly? I ask because my exW is a BPDer (i.e., exhibits strong traits of BPD). If you would like to read about some of my experiences with BPDers, please see my posts in Rebel's thread at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/275289-crazy-i-think-but-i-love-her-anyway#post3398735. Take care, JF. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I always thought my situation with XW was so unique and bizarre. But when I read this article I realized it was classic textbook. Even the fabricated, forced fights a day before holidays. I was always like WHY? I didn't understand at the time how simple the reasoning was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 For the record, Downtown might as well have a PhD next to his name regarding Borderline Personality. If anyone has questions, I suggest you talk w him. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 How about the divorce court? BPD women are most destructive in the courtroom. This is why their spouses fear divorce so much. I almost lost my kids to false child abuse accusations. This is common. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 For everyone who always has their holidays ruined, I wish you a Merry Christmas anyway. Here is an article that proves your not alone with this issue. It is about women who ruin Christmas, but the same points can apply to men as well. Why Abusive, High-Conflict, Personality-Disordered Women Frequently Ruin Christmas: Why Abusive, High-Conflict, Personality-Disordered Women Frequently Ruin Christmas | Shrink4Men For me it has been 25 years of Christmas ruined by the wife, so far this year she has been quiet, but expecting her to blow her top tomorrow with some frivolous argument and since it is Christmas there is no where to go to escape the abuse. So sorry. How many years do you have left and how do you want to spend them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jf2good Posted December 25, 2012 Author Share Posted December 25, 2012 So my wife wanted to talk to our son on Christmas Eve about us getting divorce, well really it was her blaming me for everything. It stressed out our son so much he wanted to pack up and leave the house tonight. So I told her that she ruins every Christmas at which my son chimed back, no she ruins every holiday including all of his birthdays. But in the end she succeeded in getting our son to hate us both. Well there is still time tomorrow to get in a fight with our daughter, she was gone all today and wants to leave to early tomorrow to spend Christmas with her boyfriends parents. Anyway back to the divorce issue, she keeps saying I am forcing her to divorce. I say I am not, but won't let you control me anymore, for which she replies unless I can control you, I can't fix the problem. So around and around we go, no wonder our son is stressed. She blames me for spending too much money, she says it is our money, which means her money, I say it is mine since I pay for everything anyway. She always claims I cheated her, I know I didn't do right about spending the money, but that is my problem from all the stress and abuse I needed an escape, besides I earn it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted December 25, 2012 Share Posted December 25, 2012 Wow! I thought it was only my mum who is like this. She's like this not only on Christmas day, but on my birthdays as well. I was never able to make any sense out of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted December 25, 2012 Share Posted December 25, 2012 (edited) I think holidays, to controlling people, represent a difficult situation: too many variables to control. There are travel arrangements, whose house to visit and when, what gifts to buy, etc. So if they just throw a piss fit, they focus all the attention on THEMSELVES. And if its a big enough pitch fit, their spouse will be willing to do almost ANYTHING to just create preace. Thus she gets her way in all the above stated areas in one simple breakdown. Edited December 25, 2012 by M30USA 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 25, 2012 Share Posted December 25, 2012 With my father (sorry he wasn't a woman ) It was because it was easy to keep us all isolated when I was younger: There was no school, My friends had their own Christmases to attend to Nothing was open, And these HUGE expectations on his part about everything being PERFECT and us recognizing him as a HERO. He loved to film our Christmases and send them to his old sixth grade teacher. It was weird. It also required everything to be high-pressured perfection. He would even rearrange the furniture. The sniping and shaming started early, followed by the explosiveness later, and after enough alcohol and dinner, if we got so lucky, sometimes violence. Then fast-forward twenty or so years and my husband cheated on me on Christmas. My mother-in-law is a Jehovah's Witness, today she is acting like a crazy, crazy bitch and has started a fight with everyone that has been over (five of us, ugh). It ISN'T even a holiday for her BUT: nothing is open, others are busy, no school etc and odds are we won't slam the door and run away. (well, after the Chinese food comes I will). FUVK, I hate Christmas. Sorry all of you guys had to deal with emotional BS from crazy bitches on Christmas. They just do it whenever they figure we are trapped. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 25, 2012 Share Posted December 25, 2012 I checked the list. I'm glad I don't have the traits despite my childhood. Especially teaching the kids to fear the holidays. That's awful. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 I think I'd be bored if I didn't have some kind of drama going on during the holidays. Good luck to you j2 when you finally find a normal, sane woman. It will be like watching paint dry. I know, I've tried it. You didn't stay with her for 25 years because you disliked what she had to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 I think I'd be bored if I didn't have some kind of drama going on during the holidays. Good luck to you j2 when you finally find a normal, sane woman. It will be like watching paint dry. I know, I've tried it. You didn't stay with her for 25 years because you disliked what she had to offer. True. But there is crazy...and then there's pathologically destructive. Some women are too much to handle even for the Incredible Hulk. Link to post Share on other sites
bpdr Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 True. But there is crazy...and then there's pathologically destructive. Some women are too much to handle even for the Incredible Hulk. I concur fully M30USA. This year, finally - I had my first "Good Christmas" celebration with my family in five years due to my D and separation. It was a good time - for the first time in many years. Great link on this thread. I identified wholly contained within the context of her behavior. Spot on information, and definitely rooted in PD variety of disorders. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 For everyone who always has their holidays ruined, I wish you a Merry Christmas anyway. Here is an article that proves your not alone with this issue. It is about women who ruin Christmas, but the same points can apply to men as well. Why Abusive, High-Conflict, Personality-Disordered Women Frequently Ruin Christmas: Why Abusive, High-Conflict, Personality-Disordered Women Frequently Ruin Christmas | Shrink4Men For me it has been 25 years of Christmas ruined by the wife, so far this year she has been quiet, but expecting her to blow her top tomorrow with some frivolous argument and since it is Christmas there is no where to go to escape the abuse. Sad......xmas is a time i show people how i care by cooking or making a feast to remember i dotn care if i get nothing for xmas many years i havent gotten anything.....i do think xmas is commercial and the spirit of giving seems to have a price tag...a xmas card with a simple poem can cost ten dollars that istn part of a personality disorder thats just fact...i used to buy sets fo xmas cards by artists that have painted with their feet as they havent any arms....i thought that was pretty special......i get bad anxiety xmas birthdays etc......as i try to make ti special and i am ocd about that....i guess my family and friends know that...they give em lead way to go a little fruity in the process of doing everything i can to make it perfect...this year i took it easy......i didnt make it a hot xmas.....with five roasts and seafood and all the trimmings i am proud of the fact i didnt obsess......i still got a little bossy.....tryign to get all the food on the table and getting some xmas photos with a tribe of kids........someone has to though... a lot of the time people can often say that oh its because i have this illness that illness i suffer anxiety...even when i am anxious......i still have foresifght to know when i am behaving badly and i apologize........there is no excuse for bad behavior cant medicate bad behavior.....you can only apologize for it..sometimes i apologize before the bad behavior or snappiness takes hold....so i pre-empt i know when i feel antsy or sick...i feel it coming on, it starts with something little, i catch it before it gets big and i do that without medication even when i am delusional.....it starts with a trigger.there are no excuses for bad behavior only consequences most people have a semblance of self control unless truly sick....and that isnt akin only to holidays, its there all the time.deb Link to post Share on other sites
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