Dating made easy by LittlePrince

[naviis]

I've won the lottery a few times but lost the tickets

 

I threw mine out.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have yet to see a relationship in which someone settled for a mate that didn't check off all the requirements, that didn't end badly, or result in a cold & distant relationship.

 

You would end up resenting your partner thinking "I deserve better than this."

[Later82012]

I've won the lottery a few times but lost the tickets

What do you mean by that? Opted to not be tied down to one person?

[iris219]

You would end up resenting your partner thinking "I deserve better than this."

 

If I have respect for a man, I won't resent him. I would feel lucky to meet a man with good morals and similar ideals who treats me well. There’s nothing I’d appreciate more than finding a man who would be a good father and a good husband. I don't need to be super physically attracted him at all.

 

Actually, if I found a man with all the above, I would become attracted to him physically.

[dreamingoftigers]

If I have respect for a man, I won't resent him. I would feel lucky to meet a man with good morals and similar ideals who treats me well. There’s nothing I’d appreciate more than finding a man who would be a good father and a good husband. I don't need to be super physically attracted him at all.

 

Actually, if I found a man with all the above, I would become attracted to him physically.

 

I find for myself (and some other women are the same) that the physical attraction builds off of the emotional and intellectual connection.

 

I used to see my husband as very good-looking to me.

 

I see him that way when he does something that triggers joy or pleasure for me like when he is really loving and sweet toward our daughter.

[edgygirl]

What do you mean by that? Opted to not be tied down to one person?

 

Yes. Typical delusional woman thinking that I had places to go and had to succeed in my career before settling down. Now I am here, with my career, and in the places I want to go. But my career won't hug me at night

[Lonely Ronin]

If I have respect for a man, I won't resent him. I would feel lucky to meet a man with good morals and similar ideals who treats me well. There’s nothing I’d appreciate more than finding a man who would be a good father and a good husband. I don't need to be super physically attracted him at all.

 

Actually, if I found a man with all the above, I would become attracted to him physically.

 

How would you feel If a guy told you, I'm attracted to you but not overly so, but I'm with you because you will make a good mother, and you're nice to me?

[KungFuJoe]

Love is like a poker game. There is skill involved that will better your odds, but ultimately, luck plays a big part.

 

Some of you might be awesome people, perfectly capable of a loving and trusting relationship...but will just never encounter the right person to share it with and that's luck playing her hand. Just like you could be the best poker player in the world and lose a hand to a guy that just learned to play yesterday...due to luck.

 

But, if you keep trying, keeping honing your abilities, and don't let the losing streaks get you down, then you increase your odds of winning in the end.

 

And that's all anyone can do...is decrease or increase their odds. There are no guarantees.

[KungFuJoe]

How would you feel If a guy told you, I'm attracted to you but not overly so, but I'm with you because you will make a good mother, and you're nice to me?

 

For most people (over 95% by my estimation) this is what you can expect.

 

"good enough". Not perfect, not ideal, not amazing...but good enough.

 

And that's how the world works. Just like most people will make enough money to be "good"...but very few make enough to be "great".

 

And there's nothing wrong with that. Expecting a perfect result out of every endeavor is admirable...but unrealistic. And a set up for disappointment.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Be a woman.

 

/end thread

 

 

In general yes, it is easier for women. An average woman has dating a lot easier than an average man. Men have to deal with rejection way more.

 

But, there are women who are below average looking who have it just as bad.

 

Dating is one of the most unfair things in life, in that your looks and your base personality (being/liking yourself) will determine largely your success.

 

Hard as it may be, you have to be content with your 'lot' while trying to improve your success. And complaining that women have it easier is not the key to being content.

 

You can know it in the back of your head, but not let it affect you into being unhappy and giving up. Learn a way to internalize rejection.

[Under The Radar]

How would you feel If a guy told you, I'm attracted to you but not overly so, but I'm with you because you will make a good mother, and you're nice to me?

 

 

I'm a male, not gay, and currently not in prison. So, if a guy told me this it would make ME feel pretty uncomfortable .

[edgygirl]

Same for me. Having all 3 (physical, emotional and intellectual) seems nearly as hard to find as winning the lottery. I perhaps met one man in my lifetime that had all 3.....I know I will end up alone if I wait for that.

 

So I need to compromise. I would rather take lust out of the the equation. Lust dies down anyway....

 

Hmm the theory is good. And I tried it last year. With a guy that was not really physically my type. The night we went out and I couldn't help but eye his friend who was my type, I realized my lust was still there... but for other people. Train wreck waiting to happen. I don't think it can work even if you have a great emotional connection with someone as I did with him. Tried for a full year. I think I would go crazy if I stuck there. I need some lust. Otherwise you're just good friends with non-fulfilling sex. Ugh. Maybe single-dom is better.

[dreamingoftigers]

How would you feel If a guy told you, I'm attracted to you but not overly so, but I'm with you because you will make a good mother, and you're nice to me?

 

Welcome to my marriage......

 

 

BUT, with us it does kindof work that unless a guy is supremely good-looking or there's some flukey chemistry (like 1 in 1000 guys might have this) than physical attraction isn't the "front-runner" for a certain percentage of us.

 

I have NEVER, repeat NEVER had physical attraction be a starter for me. I find 99.8% of men DO NOT spark a physical attraction for me on looks alone.

 

What does attract me is a smart, dedicated man or a good speaker. This isn't some PC "pretty on the inside" bunk. I think women are a bit more varietal in their attractions in that looks trigger some, deeds trigger others and words etc trigger yet others. I think the survival of the species may even have depended on such a variety. Men more often could control for the physical health aspects by deeming looks an important factor instinctually and women may have needed some sense of long-term factors to pique an interest.

 

(some of us anyhow)

 

I know for me that attraction has sparked at odd moments. Rarely anything to do with the physical. In fact only twice that I can recall my WHOLE LIFE.

 

BUT when the attraction is sparked by word or action than I find that person PHYSICALLY attractive.

 

I in fact did not find my husband attractive AT ALL until he was a bit more persistent and than said something so ridculously astounding to me a few weeks later that I actually fell in love with him. After he cheated though that killed lots and lots of it. I find it hard to be attracted to him now because loyalty was actually an AROUSING quality for me. It's actually hard to be aroused by him if I have been thinking about it at all that day. It feels like sleeping with a dirty slut. I am trying to work through it in counseling etc.

 

Moments of attraction have actually had unusual contexts and even laughable situations.

[iris219]

How would you feel If a guy told you, I'm attracted to you but not overly so, but I'm with you because you will make a good mother, and you're nice to me?

 

I'm not sure why a man would verbalize this, so this is hypothetical, but if he treated me well and kept his vow to be faithful, I wouldn't care. I'm not going to be all that attractive in 25 years anyway. I would hope that my positive traits are outstanding enough that he becomes sufficiently physically attracted to me.

 

Just so you know, you're talking to someone who gave up on any sort of fairy tale romance a long time ago!

Edited December 26, 2012 by iris219

[somedude81]

I would do it, as long as I wasn't physically repulsed. I would take stability and a guy who treats me well over lust. I'm curious what Lonely Ronin thinks is wrong with this.

 

I'd rather marry a guy I can respect and who can hold an intelligent conversation, but I don't meet guys who offer this.

You say that, and yet always get on my case for not wanting to date an obese woman.

 

Pot, kettle.

[Later82012]

Yes. Typical delusional woman thinking that I had places to go and had to succeed in my career before settling down. Now I am here, with my career, and in the places I want to go. But my career won't hug me at night

Ok. I hope you find someone real soon that would hold your hand and never let go of it for the rest of your life. You are one of the few women on the forum I am really rooting for (not that I don't want it for the rest of them). You are special. Please don't ask me why.

[edgygirl]

I don't need to be super physically attracted him at all.

 

Are you one of those that is not super into sex? I ask because I am a horn ball and not being attracted to someone and try to deny it in my head, trying to become attracted through emotional and intellectual connection only - always makes me miserable.

[somedude81]

Yes. Typical delusional woman thinking that I had places to go and had to succeed in my career before settling down. Now I am here, with my career, and in the places I want to go. But my career won't hug me at night

I see this a ton in women over 30.

 

They have a good career but are alone and struggling to find somebody. Sometimes it becomes obvious that continuing to choose their career first is the reason why they are still alone.

 

It's just not possible for some people to have it all.

[edgygirl]

Ok. I hope you find someone real soon that would hold your hand and never let go of it for the rest of your life. You are one of the few women on the forum I am really rooting for (not that I don't want it for the rest of them). You are special. Please don't ask me why.

 

Wow. Thank you for this darling. Aww. I appreciate it. I really do.

 

You are also growing on me and I also wish you find what you're looking for

[edgygirl]

You say that, and yet always get on my case for not wanting to date an obese woman.

 

Pot, kettle.

 

I think it's more that we see that it's a shame that you can't realize that obese women can also be sexy. I swear they can. Not all, but a few certainly are. And it's yummi to hold the chubs. Try it and you'll never go back.

[JuneJulySeptember]

How would you feel If a guy told you, I'm attracted to you but not overly so, but I'm with you because you will make a good mother, and you're nice to me?

 

This is stated in the negative bent. It puts priorities on looks and assumes that being a good, loyal person is a trait everyone has. It's not.

 

Instead, you could think/say, I think you're cute and you're just the greatest person.

 

I'm not sure why a man would verbalize this, so this is hypothetical, but if he treated me well and kept his vow to be faithful, I wouldn't care. I'm not going to be all that attractive in 25 years anyway. I would hope that my positive traits are outstanding enough that he becomes sufficiently physically attracted to me.

 

Just so you know, you're talking to someone who gave up on any sort of fairy tale romance a long time ago!

 

Right. No need to say something like that. If the other person just absolutely needs to know that you think they are gorgeous, and you don't think so, well that's their fault for continuing to dig.

 

But women I have dated have asked me if they think they're beautiful, every one actually. Did I think they were the absolute most beautiful women I have met or even top 10% in terms of sheer looks? No. Did I say yes? Of course.

[somedude81]

I think it's more that we see that it's a shame that you can't realize that obese women can also be sexy. I swear they can. Not all, but a few certainly are. And it's yummi to hold the chubs. Try it and you'll never go back.

But who are "you" to tell me what is repulsive to me or not?

[Anela]

I see this a ton in women over 30.

 

They have a good career but are alone and struggling to find somebody. Sometimes it becomes obvious that continuing to choose their career first is the reason why they are still alone.

 

It's just not possible for some people to have it all.

 

Maybe if more men were better at handling the fact that a lot of women love their careers as much as they love their own, there wouldn't be so many single women like this around.

[somedude81]

Maybe if more men were better at handling the fact that a lot of women love their careers as much as they love their own, there wouldn't be so many single women like this around.

And now you are trying to put them blame on men?

 

Oh Lordy.

[edgygirl]

I see this a ton in women over 30.

 

They have a good career but are alone and struggling to find somebody. Sometimes it becomes obvious that continuing to choose their career first is the reason why they are still alone.

 

It's just not possible for some people to have it all.

 

My mistake honestly was to think that I couldn't be tied with someone AND also make my career and places-to-go thing work. You can do it even after you settle. You can do it while having a partner. The support of a loving partner can even help you. I am not sure why I was so blind not to see it.

 

Meeting people, and available interesting people themselves become rare after you're in your 30s. In my almighty know-it-all youth delusion, I thought interesting people would always be out there. They are not. Because the ones who realized you could have it all when you're younger, caught them while you were dreaming about your future.