edgygirl Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 But who are "you" to tell me what is repulsive to me or not? I'm someone who would only go for tall, thin men in my 20s (what they call lanky types?). I found all other types repulsive in a way. I would never imagine even to look at a short or thicker guy. Until I was with a chubby guy one night. It's feels so much better (to me) in bed and I was so shocked to realize it, that I changed my whole concept on the subject. Sometimes it's good to have an open mind and let life surprise you. Just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 You say that, and yet always get on my case for not wanting to date an obese woman. Pot, kettle. I don't see the similarities. I'm willing to date men I don't find physically attractive. Are you one of those that is not super into sex? I ask because I am a horn ball and not being attracted to someone and try to deny it in my head, trying to become attracted through emotional and intellectual connection only - always makes me miserable. I desperately want a family. I would love to be in a relationship with a man whose clothes I wanted to tear off all the time, but I don't have the luxury of waiting around for him. I want a stable man who will be a good father which is why I will compromise on looks if I have to. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Maybe if more men were better at handling the fact that a lot of women love their careers as much as they love their own, there wouldn't be so many single women like this around. Nah that was never the problem for me. The lottery ticket men I have found were always supportive of me wanting to have a career and wanted to settle down with me. I was the idiotic person who ditched them thinking that if I stayed with them I wouldn't be able to move countries as I pleased, or to go places or to chose my own future. Ugh. *beating my stupid former-self* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I desperately want a family. I would love to be in a relationship with a man whose clothes I wanted to tear off all the time, but I don't have the luxury of waiting around for him. I want a stable man who will be a good father which is why I will compromise on looks if I have to. I desperately want one as you do. But I tried to go that route and it didn't work. I wish it did. I am doubtful it will. It made me so unfulfilled, like something was lacking. I still think about it daily though and if I can make it work On the other hand I think not having a family might be worse than not having lust. Maybe I should try again if the opportunity arises. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I'm someone who would only go for tall, thin men in my 20s (what they call lanky types?). I found all other types repulsive in a way. I would never imagine even to look at a short or thicker guy. Until I was with a chubby guy one night. It's feels so much better (to me) in bed and I was so shocked to realize it, that I changed my whole concept on the subject. Sometimes it's good to have an open mind and let life surprise you. Just sayin'. Back when I was 22 or so I was in a very short relationship with a girl who was about 3 inches shorter than me and at least 50lbs heavier. So I did try. My thoughts? "No sir, I didn't like it." I'd also like to point out that you were only attracted to one type and repulsed by all other types. I am the complete inverse to that. Attracted to all-but-one type. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 You say that, and yet always get on my case for not wanting to date an obese woman. I don't see the similarities. ---------------------------- I would do it, as long as I wasn't physically repulsed.as I wasn't physically repulsed.physically repulsed.See it now? Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 ---------------------------- See it now? We're different in that I'm willing to date men way less attractive than myself and expect to end up with a man much less attractive (if I end up with anyone) and I'm ok with that. You talk about trying to find your physical equal. I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
terlislee Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 There seems to be this paradox that I've never been able to unravel -- you have to "earn" attraction but ultimately want to end up in a relationship where you can be completely open and free of inhibition with your partner . . . and be loved in return just for who you are. I don't see how one can lead to the other. Seems to me that you either have to forfeit the attraction game to get the LTR/marriage (like I did) or win the attraction game and have a difficult time committing. It's not about earning attraction or having to pretend to be someone else. Vast majority of men have family or friends who already love them for who they are and it's not different with finding a partner. It's just that some men are unable to communicate the qualities they already have or overshadow them by being bitter, unable to talk to women, playing at something they are not, coming off desperate etc. You can always improve yourself that's true and you should always aspire to that, not to attract anyone else, but for yourself only. Soon enough others will pick up on it without you having to try hard to persuade them how awesome you really are. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I desperately want one as you do. But I tried to go that route and it didn't work. I wish it did. I am doubtful it will. It made me so unfulfilled, like something was lacking. I still think about it daily though and if I can make it work On the other hand I think not having a family might be worse than not having lust. Maybe I should try again if the opportunity arises. It's a hard place to be in. Only you can decide what you're willing to accept. If I didn't want children I think I'd just quit trying to date at all because it seems so futile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 So I did try. My thoughts? "No sir, I didn't like it." Fair enough! Still, we all might have to settle if we don't want to end alone. I'd also like to point out that you were only attracted to one type and repulsed by all other types. I am the complete inverse to that. Attracted to all-but-one type. note: I regret what I wrote but was late to edit. I wasn't repulsed by all others, just didn't lust after them, in my 20s. Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 The joys of reading about women who gigs (acting like idiots) in their 20s and now are rushing and willing to compromise now and lower their standards only to realize there are no good ones left while their clock is getting louder and louder. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 The joys of reading about women who gigs (acting like idiots) in their 20s and now are rushing and willing to compromise now and lower their standards only to realize there are no good ones left while their clock is getting louder and louder. Same goes for men too. I have a few friends who let their "primes" pass by and now they feel the pressures of being with someone or starting a family but all the good women are taken or have kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 The joys of reading about women who gigs (acting like idiots) in their 20s and now are rushing and willing to compromise now and lower their standards only to realize there are no good ones left while their clock is getting louder and louder. What are you talking about? Why would you be happy to hear about people suffering? That's horrible. My entire 20s were all about trying to find a husband. It didn't work out. Does that make you happy too? Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Same goes for men too. I have a few friends who let their "primes" pass by and now they feel the pressures of being with someone or starting a family but all the good women are taken or have kids. Men's primes dont pass They can always go younger... If they settle, they are dumb Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 What are you talking about? Why would you be happy to hear about people suffering? That's horrible. My entire 20s were all about trying to find a husband. It didn't work out. Does that make you happy too? Don't mind him. He's just your typical single and jaded male on LS 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Men's primes dont pass They can always go younger... If they settle, they are dumb No they can't. Otherwise they would. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 We're different in that I'm willing to date men way less attractive than myself and expect to end up with a man much less attractive (if I end up with anyone) and I'm ok with that. You talk about trying to find your physical equal. I don't. You must be very hot if you can be happy with a man way less attractive than yourself and still not be repulsed by them. So what does repulse you since you brought it up a few posts ago? As for myself, trying to find my physical equal, is what I would be most happy with. I'd still be fine dating a woman who wasn't attractive as I think I am. When it comes to repulsion, I draw that line at very overweight. Fair enough! Still, we all might have to settle if we don't want to end alone. That girl I mentioned before, happened because I settled. After that I realized that I would rather be alone than be with somebody who completely turns me off. A real relationship where I have zero attraction to the girl would be completely horrible for both of us. note: I regret what I wrote but was late to edit. I wasn't repulsed by all others, just didn't lust after them, in my 20s. Dude, "repulsed by" and "not lusting after them" are on completely different ends of the spectrum. You said what you did for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 What are you talking about? Why would you be happy to hear about people suffering? That's horrible. My entire 20s were all about trying to find a husband. It didn't work out. Does that make you happy too? Weren't you focusing on your career and moved into an area where there are no age-appropriate men? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 The joys of reading about women who gigs (acting like idiots) in their 20s and now are rushing and willing to compromise now and lower their standards only to realize there are no good ones left while their clock is getting louder and louder. I don't understand people who take pleasure in the pain of others - even if you think they deserve it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I don't understand people who take pleasure in the pain of others - even if you think they deserve it. Exactly - it's a character statement when one takes joy in the pain of others. There is a reason why most people DON'T fly that flag ... it's quite an unattractive trait . Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 This is stated in the negative bent. It puts priorities on looks and assumes that being a good, loyal person is a trait everyone has. It's not. When I talk about attractiveness, it's includes her personality, and how it meshes with mine. With regards to loyalties, I won't even associate with, let alone date a woman who isn't loyal. I desperately want a family. I would love to be in a relationship with a man whose clothes I wanted to tear off all the time, but I don't have the luxury of waiting around for him. I want a stable man who will be a good father which is why I will compromise on looks if I have to. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but I broke up with a woman last year, for this very reason. I was completely unaware of what was going on, until she made an off hand comment one day about how we would make really pretty babies. Over several more conversations i was able to probe and find out, that while she was attracted to me, her primary reason for dating was because she wanted children. All other reasons where a distant second. It was something I struggled with for a few weeks before I made the decision to end it, and it took several friends pushing me to do what I knew was right. It all boiled down to the fact that what she was interested in the most, wasn't me, but what I could provide. Just to be clear, I to want a family, but that's secondary to being attracted (on multiple levels) to my spouse. Simply put, children grow up and move out. Eventually it's going to be just the two of us again, so we better be attracted to each other, and we better have a lot of common interests. Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 It was sarcasm... Dear nice guys... please mature and stop taking everything spoken at word value... Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 It was sarcasm... Dear nice guys... please mature and stop taking everything spoken at word value... either way, it wasn't very funny. You don't have to be a "nice guy" to see that . Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 wasnt trying to be funny.... truth hurts sometimes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 either way, it wasn't very funny. You don't have to be a "nice guy" to see that . I think KungFuJoe's original assessment was correct.... Link to post Share on other sites
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