My ex's new long-distance relationship

[dazednconfuzed]

Hi,

 

My ex broke up with me a while back ... you can read my story in the coping forum if you so desire.

 

Early this month she experienced an "unstoppable connection" with somebody from out of state ... California to be exact.

 

Anyway, she is now this person's gf.

 

Only the person had to go back to Cali and will be there for 9 mos getting a second masters degree.

 

When my ex told me the news, I wished her good luck and said I'm glad she found somebody to love, blah blah, blah.

 

My ex responded, "Love? Who said I was in love? I like this person."

 

My thought is ... okay, you claimed to really like me but you didn't even give me two months before you called me up on the phone and told me bye bye.

 

But now you're seeing someone you've only hung with a couple of days ... and who is gonna be in CA for 9 months???

 

What the hell?

 

My question to you is can this relationship really work out?

 

Thanks for your feedback.

[Pained]

Maybe, maybe not. What I find odd is why YOU'RE concerned about it. I understand that you're hurt, but trying to analyze your ex's relationships with other men isn't very productive. When my ex said the same things to me that you did to your ex ("I'm glad you found someone to love"), it came across as sounding insincere and meant to provoke a response from me.

 

Carry on with your own life and let her do the same.

[honey2005]

LDR can work out if both people put alot of time and effort into it. If she really likes him maybe she will stay in contact with him for the next 9 months and then he will come back to see her. I don't see why you're letting this bother you. She's you're ex and she's moved on, so you should, too. If you still have feelings for her you probably shouldn't be trying to do the "friends" thing, because that only works if you don't love the person anymore (IMO). Why don't you go out and meet new people, and maybe find another girlfriend.

[dazednconfuzed]

You're right. I guess I am still hurt.

 

After she broke up with me, she wanted to be friends. I gave it a try but just couldn't do it so i told her we shoudn't talk anymore.

 

2 months later she contacted me to tell me she had met someone else but I stuck with the no contact mode.

 

A week or two after that she begged me to contact her and she caught me one night on IM. She apologized profusely for how she treated me. Said she really wanted to be friends. I broked down and said I'd give it a try.

 

We only chatted a few times on IM ... no phone. But when we talked, it was always slamming each other ... kind of like banter. I told her I didn't want to know about her love life. Yet one day she e=mailed me a pic of her new beau.

 

That was when I wished her good luck and said I was really happy she found somebody to love and that I didn't feel right being in the picture anymore.

 

We have not talked since.

 

Yes, I am still hurt and confused about the way things ended between us.

 

Yes I have been seeking somebody new. And yes, I have gotten involved in a lot of hobbies, sports, extracurricular activities to meet new people, but it's really hard for me because I'm new to the area and I really don't know anybody.

 

That is why I am speculating about her relationship ... even though I know in my heart that she is no good for me.

[kooky]

I think she is trying to make you jealous. You turned her down a couple

of times, now she is trying to make you do something by making

jealous. You either give her up and stop worrying about her current

relationship, because that´s not your business (sorry to say that) or

you admit that you want her back even though she broke up with you.

This looks like it´s about your pride.

[StrengthThruStruggle]

Forget this girl! She's obviously trying to hurt you and make you jealous. I think she gets a kick out of knowing that there are people out there that care about her and she can toy around with their feelings. However her invitiations to friendship went, I don't believe they were sincere. I think she wants to string you along in order to boost her pride. I wouldn't be surprised if her new "unstoppable connection" boyfriend in Cali and her get into a little e-mail fight one day and the first person she tells is you. She's looking for attention from a man, and I hate to break it to you buddy, but it sounds like you are the old stand-by. The fall back for "I'm looking for a man who I know likes me to make me feel good about myself for a few hours." I think that even hurting you will make her feel better because you can only really hurt someone if they allow you to do it.

 

Please get up the gumption to let go of this chick. She's using you and she doesn't care about your feelings. It's all about her. Block your emails, completely ignore her - maybe she'll get the point. Remember, all she wants is the attention. If she doesn't get it from you, she'll find someone else.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

P.S. - Unstoppable attraction usually means lust and nothing more. I don't think they'll last. It sounds incredibly young and foolish.

[dazednconfuzed]

You're absolutely right.

 

After a year she has contacted me to tell me that she now lives in CA with her magnetic connection.

 

What a jerk LOL!

[emotionsmessmeup]

are u still hurt?

[dazednconfuzed]

In all honesty, yes, I am still hurt.

 

We didn't really start off as friends ... we had maybe a week to 2 weeks of friendship before our first kiss and that didn't just stop at one LOL. You know, she was my first love, and she treated me so badly ... and it's always been her way to contact me like this to let me know she's with somebody else.

 

I know that you can't force somebody to love you, and I'm not sitting here waiting for her to come rushing back to me, but I am so tired of these head games. 6 months after I told her No Contact, she contacted me anyway and she apologized. We tried to banter a little online, but she always ended up throwing a new love interest in my face. She even "accidentally" sent me a pic of her magnetic connection.

 

Everybody says get out there and date other people, and believe me I have tried. But I'm still pretty new to the area and don't really know anybody. I have tried online dating and that ended in disaster ... that's how I met my ex. I guess I can live with my loneliness, but the last thing I wanted were these memories dredged up by a woman who could've contacted me when she lived 30 minutes away, rather than waiting till she moved to CA.

 

I'm sorry, but I just have to vent a little.

[Proto]

Originally posted by dazednconfuzed

In all honesty, yes, I am still hurt.

 

We didn't really start off as friends ... we had maybe a week to 2 weeks of friendship before our first kiss and that didn't just stop at one LOL. You know, she was my first love, and she treated me so badly ... and it's always been her way to contact me like this to let me know she's with somebody else.

 

I know that you can't force somebody to love you, and I'm not sitting here waiting for her to come rushing back to me, but I am so tired of these head games. 6 months after I told her No Contact, she contacted me anyway and she apologized. We tried to banter a little online, but she always ended up throwing a new love interest in my face. She even "accidentally" sent me a pic of her magnetic connection.

 

Everybody says get out there and date other people, and believe me I have tried. But I'm still pretty new to the area and don't really know anybody. I have tried online dating and that ended in disaster ... that's how I met my ex. I guess I can live with my loneliness, but the last thing I wanted were these memories dredged up by a woman who could've contacted me when she lived 30 minutes away, rather than waiting till she moved to CA.

 

I'm sorry, but I just have to vent a little.

 

 

You know what?

 

If this girl keeps emailing you and harassing you when you've asked her to stop, then you really need to:

 

#1) Change your email address and get new screenames for your instant messages. That way she can't bother you.

 

#2) Get more involved with groups and activities where you can meet sexy, single women.

 

#3) If your ex has your phone number and keeps harassing you that way, then start telling her about YOUR new girls (EMPHASIS on the plural here!) that you're dating.

 

If she wants to play that game....then fight fire with fire! If she comes crying to you about stupid issues with her relationship, then tell her that you can't talk because you're busy with your women! That'll really piss her off!

[dazednconfuzed]

She messaged me and said, "Time has passed, when are you ever going to talk with me."

I felt like saying Never LOL, but I played it cool and said hi.

 

My answers were polite, but brief. I didn't volunteer any personal info or ask her any questions.

 

And all she did was brag about how much fun she is having in CA. She asked me if I get out much ... what a jerk! I gues I could've said yes all the time with a different girl each time, but I just knew she was hoping I'd say that so she could bring up her new GF.

 

Then she told me to go to poetry.com (which is a big scam) and to read her award-winning poems ...

I told her it was a scam LOL. I told her my friend with dyslexia had won an award on there, too.

 

As she was complaining about that fake poetry.com bursting her bubble, making her think she was a poet laureate, I cut the convo short and told her I had to take a call ...

 

Later, I checked out her poems and sure enough, they were love poems to the new love of her life, letting the world know how happy she is with this new girl.

 

I'm sure she'll try to contact me again, because she'll want to mention her magnetic connection, but I'll never know if she does because I'm placing her on ignore : P

[RecordProducer]

It might work out. That still doesn't stop you from trying to re-gain her love if you love her. You're here and he's far away. You have the advantage. But he is new. Do you think she would give you another chance if they don't work out? She might break up with him and still not give you a second chance. And if they don't work out and she considers being with you again, do you really want to be the second best?

If you want her back, ignore him and try now. If she refuses then she doesn't love you. After all she did give you a two-month chance, it's not like she doesn't know you enough. You had your turn.