Breadcrumbs going mad

[NoMoreJerks]

The texts are more painful.......he is still calling me by his put name for me. it is a knife in my heart every time.

My ex did this to me when he dumped me, in his last message, which he then ended with an "x" (kiss). I don't know whatever he meant by it, or why he would even do that when he said he didn't love me the way I loved him (romantically). Was it because he felt guilty, and was fond of the memories and the pet name he came up with for me? Or what? Those 3 words made me sick to the stomach more than the entire break-up conversation we had.

[aMguilts]

What do you mean I'm a back up plan?

 

Does it sound as of there is gaslighting there?

 

Is he with you now????

 

aM

[aMguilts]

My ex did this to me when he dumped me, in his last message, which he then ended with an "x" (kiss). I don't know whatever he meant by it, or why he would even do that when he said he didn't love me the way I loved him (romantically). Was it because he felt guilty, and was fond of the memories and the pet name he came up with for me? Or what? Those 3 words made me sick to the stomach more than the entire break-up conversation we had.

 

hi NoMoreJerks

 

The `x` (kiss) , again

 

it`s hard to explain why he would do that, but it`s easier for me to explain why i think he would put that to you, make sense?

This goes to you too Amelie1980 .

It`s a way of letting you down gently so you don`t `kick off`.

It`s a cowards way out.

Neither (in both your cases) have the `balls` to say to you, what they really want?

and until they `grow up`, they never will

 

aM

[Amelie1980]

So only if he doesn't get anything better ill be on the radar again?

[aMguilts]

gonna let you into a little secret now too

 

men NEVER grow up.

fact

 

aM

[aMguilts]

So only if he doesn't get anything better ill be on the radar again?

 

omg, you will be on the `radar` as long as you allow it!!!!

 

Amelie... you ok with always being `2nd` best??

if so, carry on

 

aM

[Mme. Chaucer]

Tara's suggestion WAS a very good one and I wish you would just do it. Instead, you seem to want to hold onto a thread here.

[Amelie1980]

I'm stuck in the worst depression I have ever had. seriously I can't get out of bed or function. I lay on the sofa all day yesterday.

[TaraMaiden]

Stop wallowing. You KNOW it's doing you no good.

Get up, have a shower, wash your hair, put some clothes on and go for a good brisk walk around a local park - and greet everyone you meet with a smile and a 'Merry Christmas!"

 

You will be nothing short of astounded at how good it will make you feel.

 

I worked yesterday - Christmas day - in the convenience store where I'm employed. EVERYONE who came in received a cheery, bubbly joyful greeting, and everyone loved it. It lifted them - and it certainly lifted me!

 

Working??

 

CHRISTMAS DAY - ?!

 

Who cared!? I loved it!

 

Focus on the positive.

As my MiL used to say "Well, you've got to be alive to complain!"

 

You're alive, and breathing. be grateful for that.

 

look back on your past life - all of it. All <insert age number here> years of it.

Long, eventful, up and down, wasn't it?

But it's all gone, in the blink of an eye. Here you are, all these years later, and your past life seems to have gone by in an instant.

 

Do you want to look back in a few years' time and remember how much time you wasted now, feeling down, maudlin and sorry for yourself?

Get a grip, throw your shoulders back, and start walking....

[Amelie1980]

I can't do it.

 

Everything I am is useless. I'm never good enough for anyone.

[Amelie1980]

Nope. I was depressed before I met him. I have.some health.conditions that require lots if medication and will.affect my ability to have children.

 

I had a seemingly good relationship until his problems set in so it gave me some.hope.

 

It was some hope for me. now I'm just sad again over my health and the fact that I May never have children.

[aMguilts]

Nope. I was depressed before I met him. I have.some health.conditions that require lots if medication and will.affect my ability to have children.

 

I had a seemingly good relationship until his problems set in so it gave me some.hope.

 

It was some hope for me. now I'm just sad again over my health and the fact that I May never have children.

 

oh Amelie1980

 

Please please oh please stop basing your happiness (or lack of it) on anyone else.

It`s no one else`s job to make you happy, only you can do that.

 

I`m not having a go at you, i`m not. I can feel your pain from here and i wish i could do more to help you.

 

I know you are really down right now and i`m not the best of putting my view across in the best way on here sometimes!

It`s ok to just lay on the sofa all day. I know that feeling. Amonth ago i had a week off and was so down that i didn`t even get dressed or wash for a whole week.

 

But the way you are feeling will pass IF you allow it too.

Tara`s right. Sitting there feeling sorry for yourself is ( and you know it, don`t you?) NOT going to help you at all.

Everything is overwhelming you?

Start small. Write down now , 1 thing you HAVE to do today. And even if it takes you ALL day just make sure you do that 1 thing.

Then tomorrow write down 2 things you have to do and again even if it takes all day to do them , then thats ok:).

 

Amelie, you are not worthless and you are certainly not helpless.

Start now by helping yourself

 

Big hug

 

aM

[tori0001]

Amelie, I wish I could hug you, and send postive thoughts. Anytime, any day, if you need help, just private message me. I'll listen. Sometimes we need that.

[Amelie1980]

Amelie, I wish I could hug you, and send postive thoughts. Anytime, any day, if you need help, just private message me. I'll listen. Sometimes we need that.

 

hi

 

thank you for your kindness. it means a lot to me. I don't think I can pm you. not been a member long enough.

 

I really want to contact him :-(

[Amelie1980]

I'm still in bed at 1pm. can't get up. my mom just said its all your fault, you should have behaved better when you were with him.

[Amelie1980]

Up and out. unsteady in my feet again I think my ear infection is back.

[geegirl]

Up and out. unsteady in my feet again I think my ear infection is back.

 

Amelie, I remember when I caught my ex having sex with another woman, parked in his driveway, on New Years eve, I went into a dark hole.

 

I stayed there for days just sleeping. A week later, I was stinking to high heaven and my hair was matted up and just greasy.

 

With no family or friend to help me or motivate me, I realized that I finally had to face my pain. I dragged myself out of bed. I crawled to the bathroom. I said to myself loudly, "First, brush your teeth. Do it now." One thing at a time. And I did. Then I hung over the sink sobbing after my teeth was cleaned. Then I said loudly, "Stop crying, turn the shower on and clean yourself up." And I struggled to walk to the shower to turn the tap on.

 

After that shower, I will say I felt a little bit better. Eventhough I went right back to bed, I made a small step.

 

Tara is right. Sometimes those little steps that we force ourselves to make, turn into huge steps forward.

 

Set the alarm. When it rings, push yourself out of bed and MOVE. Even if your body is screaming in pain, move.

[Amelie1980]

Ok. I feel a little better. I tend to be calmer at night and feel like hell in the morning though.

 

One of my friends is about to go into a LDR which I don't think will last because its half way around the world. we are planning stuff to do together when he's gone and I felt ok. please don't let me hit the floor again tomorrow.

 

Please feel free to throw something at me but I feel better as I'm having one of those days when I think I'll get him Back....

.I'm going to get so hurt.

[Amelie1980]

I'm doing really badly again.

 

it's hit me hard how he took everything I am and threw it in my face. he said he never knew who I was or what.I liked when all I did in the 9 months we were together was open up my world to him & share my favourite things & places with him.

 

I can't believe he didn't take notice of all this and said he didn't know who I wass based on my ability to name a favourite film and he thought I wad boring and not life partner material because if my inability to keep up with current music.

 

I loved everything he was, didn't want him to change and didn't care about the problems ge had or his other issues. I would happily gave spent my life with him.

 

I am so hurt I don't know how I will get over this.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes you do.

You're just not making the effort to go that way.

You'd rather revel in the sweet luxury of profound agony, because feeling this pain - caused by him - is better than the prospect of moving on.

 

Carry on dear.

let me know when you're serious about actually doing something to quit this cycle.

Drop me a PM then.

Until I hear from you - I'm off.

I have important stuff to deal with here....

[Amelie1980]

I tried a few times. I know exercise is an anti depressant and I have tried the gym a fee times. thing is I have had a bad ear infection and it has perforated the drum. I have vertigo and am sea sick as it affects balance.

 

in aerobics I thought I was going to vomit because of the vertigo or pass out. I had to give up on yoga as I can't balance and it hurts my head and ear. Its difficult even walking as the road feels like its morning. I am only really comfortable lying down doing nothing. I can't even run off my frustration which would help.

 

It can take 3 months for an ear drum to heal ....great.

[Amelie1980]

I can't send pm anyway

[aMguilts]

I tried a few times. I know exercise is an anti depressant and I have tried the gym a fee times. thing is I have had a bad ear infection and it has perforated the drum. I have vertigo and am sea sick as it affects balance.

 

in aerobics I thought I was going to vomit because of the vertigo or pass out. I had to give up on yoga as I can't balance and it hurts my head and ear. Its difficult even walking as the road feels like its morning. I am only really comfortable lying down doing nothing. I can't even run off my frustration which would help.

 

It can take 3 months for an ear drum to heal ....great.

 

Or it can take a lifetime?

 

Tara is giving you really good advice!!

You kneed to hear it or ignore it

But to just keep coming on here and `hearing` nothing( ear infection or not) is wrong

 

One thing thou, from the post that i am replying too, you have said things that ARE posistive

 

I`m not going to point them out to you, cos you know what they are!!

 

You have good inside you,

hell,!! i can see it even if YOU can`t!!

 

It`s a new year soon, make it YOUR year, you can do it.

 

hugs

aM

[Amelie1980]

I'm going to go to therapy too in the new year.

[aMguilts]

I'm going to go to therapy too in the new year.

 

good for you

 

I`ve know what you are going through

Well ok, not EXACTLY what you are going through.

 

But i`ve been where i think you are now, and i`ve been lower.

 

Amelie1980 , listen

No matter how hard you scream

 

There`s a lot on here that will hear them...ok?

There are SOO SO many good ppl on here that will help

 

You`re not alone ok?

 

hugs

aM