ex back in contact?!

[fancy feast]

Just take a break from the "romantic" life for a while. Continue to get your head right. If it's meant to be, let it happen naturally down the line. Forcing this stuff hardly ever works out.

[Hopeful83]

it was weird lone.. its like i started having flashbacks of our relationship.. everything especially the little things i found haunting... so many things about him an us.. i dont think anything really caused the feelings to change.. bc he got with his new gf almost immediately after the breakup.... so i got slammed all at once with breakup devastation and realizing he had met somoene new... but the most important thing i did an still do.. is absolute NC. Because contact only adds confusion. Not only does your silence give them time to truly think about you and miss you... but it also gives them time they NEED to sort out their own emotions. Even though it is killing me to not contact my ex.. in my heart I know if our love is true, he will sort out his relationship in the most peaceful way possible. It breaks my heart when i see these 'homewrecker' situations, because that is simply not fair. I think if love is true, nothing can keep people apart. You muyst take comfort in that. And know that if this girl is your destiny, theres is not a damn person or thing that could ever keep yall apart permenantly.

[Lone]

If he is happy in the relationship then nothing can come in between that. A letter from you wont be a issue. And then perhaps atleast you can resolve some of these feelings. As mentioned though forcing this stuff hardly ever works. But i dont think it would be wrong to let him know how you feel. especially since you mentioned he showed some apprehension towards his current gf.

 

Tell us about your GIGS...

[Lone]

it was weird lone.. its like i started having flashbacks of our relationship.. everything especially the little things i found haunting... so many things about him an us.. i dont think anything really caused the feelings to change.. bc he got with his new gf almost immediately after the breakup.... so i got slammed all at once with breakup devastation and realizing he had met somoene new... but the most important thing i did an still do.. is absolute NC. Because contact only adds confusion. Not only does your silence give them time to truly think about you and miss you... but it also gives them time they NEED to sort out their own emotions. Even though it is killing me to not contact my ex.. in my heart I know if our love is true, he will sort out his relationship in the most peaceful way possible. It breaks my heart when i see these 'homewrecker' situations, because that is simply not fair. I think if love is true, nothing can keep people apart. You muyst take comfort in that. And know that if this girl is your destiny, theres is not a damn person or thing that could ever keep yall apart permenantly.

Well here's hoping then right.

She did say she knows she's not the right person for me though. I realise words are hollow but these words had some weight. I guess all i can do is hope, like u did, that with time she will miss me (for the right reasons) and perhaps come around to the idea of another attempt.

 

A part of me thinks those words are more for her than me anyway.. to convince herself what she is doing is the right thing... she also mentioned how lonely she is and how badly she misses us as well. So its mixed signals really. I genuinely think she doesnt know what she wants.

 

I hope NC does give her time to think about me and miss me. Again for the right reasons.

 

Either way we will be better off regardless of what happens in either of our situations. I do believe that.

[Hopeful83]

yes either way the best thing is going to happen. but please try not to let her words haunt you right now.. (easier said than done i know) because i said some horrific words when mine ended and i literally feel like i could vomit when i think back on that. things can change so dramatically sometimes. Its amazing what a little time and NC can do for a broken relationship. I knwo this time apart is killer- but in some ways its a beautiful thing.. like just think of how happy and appriciative you both will be if yall decide to do a second chance you know? time changes everything so so much....

[Hopeful83]

if theres one thing ive learned about GIGS-- is its definitely not green. its brown as hell. but sadly we must experience it to know that.

[Lone]

is that just because you havent met anyone else though? or just not anyone who treated u the way he did?

[shalisha42]

well its not that simple. he is in a very serious relationship and i will have no part in disrespecting her, him or myself. I would love to have him back and have a second chance, but if it happens it will only be because he simply isnt fully in love with her. I have deep respect for peoples relationships, even if i care alot about him. He has to figure out his own emotions, regardless of me. It doesnt seem to me like we could ever build a strong foundation for a second chance if it starts out with a messy breakup with his current gf. I caused so much drama the last go round, I really want us to have a serious chance this time and I want to do whatever is best. Its just hard because I dont know what to do- i do think he cares- and i care- but hes got a gf who loves him dearly. I have never been anywhere near a situation like this before. I dont even know where to begin. All i know is i never ever want to repeat what happened again.

 

In one post you said you didn't know for sure if he was in a serious relationship and if he was in love with this woman. Now you say you know for sure. So you have your answer. You said you believe in not disrespecting other people's relationships. So why are you asking for advice? The answer is leave him and her alone - or did you want to hear something else?

[Lone]

Don't worry about his relationship. If u said something and he went for it then their relationship is flawed because he can be swayed like that. U mentioned he said he isn't happy also.

[Hopeful83]

@shalisha- I have always made it very clear he seemed to be in a serious relationship. That is why I went NC immediately because I was so aware of how i hurt us both, I didnt want to get in the way of his emotions or his new relationship. My confusion is to his feelings for her- When i say 'serious relationship' it is because they live together etc and in my mind- that equals serious. Now in reference to whether he is in love with her or not- I cannot know that. Even she cannot know for sure. Only he knows how he truly feels. That is where I am lost. His emotional phone calls to me to some could be considered 'breadcrumbs' or even stringing me along. This story is alittle different from alot of the stories on here, I was the dumper and the tables turned... now I am the vulnerable one in hopes for another chance. people post here about every little thing that happens in their breakup- its a wonderful place to vent so I will continue because that is what it was made for. You seem to be very offended by my posts..I could understand if I was acting oblivious to my actions, but I am not. I made a mistake, I am learning from it and trying to build a better life. I treated him badly, he wasnt perfect either, and we broke up. I realized my emotions that I cant deny after a year. That is why I am here. This is a support board, and I think its wonderful people come here to share their stories, because somehow maybe we all can help each other.

 

@lone- I have dated a little since the breakup- thus far I havenot connected with anyone like him. You know how it can go.. some people just are special anf finding that connection again can be very hard.. if not impossible. that is why i think we must be open to everything.Yes when he called he was crying.. his gf is very good to him.. so i think he is confused as to why he is not happy with her. He was ready to settle down when we were together.. wanted marriage family etc... I just was not quite ready.. His current gf wants to marry him now.. he just bought a house and he even made it clear he had bought it in his name.. he said that he had no passion for his gf.. that the relationship felt like a 'business deal' because she wanted the same things (marriage family etc) he said he guessed to get all of that he had to give up passion etc. I was shocked... but for me its confusing bc like on his facebook page (i know not a good example, im not friends with him but we have many mutual friends) he looks very happy in the pics with her etc. Its just so confusing to me how he can continue living/sleeping with someone when he confessed his undying love to me. That is what was hurtful to me and i also thought it was disrespectful to her. Even if I would give anything for him to still love me.. i dont want anyone else hurt in the process. From a guys perspective what do you think about this?

[Lone]

Forget about facebook photos. People only put good/positive photos of themselves up. Not "me throwing coffee in his face after i found him in bed with another woman" photos.

Feel me?

 

If what you have just said to me is true. And you arent sugar coating it or twisting it. then i say go for it. you saying something to him isnt going to ruin his relationship if he really is in love with her. and by saying some of the things he has said to u makes me think maybe hes saying it as bait to see how you feel? maybe....

 

i say go for it. youve got nothing to lose and everything to gain regardless of what happens. if he says no then well thats it and you can begin letting go and moving forward. if he doesnt well then jackpot.

[shalisha42]

@shalisha- I have always made it very clear he seemed to be in a serious relationship. That is why I went NC immediately because I was so aware of how i hurt us both, I didnt want to get in the way of his emotions or his new relationship. My confusion is to his feelings for her- When i say 'serious relationship' it is because they live together etc and in my mind- that equals serious. Now in reference to whether he is in love with her or not- I cannot know that. Even she cannot know for sure. Only he knows how he truly feels. That is where I am lost. His emotional phone calls to me to some could be considered 'breadcrumbs' or even stringing me along. This story is alittle different from alot of the stories on here, I was the dumper and the tables turned... now I am the vulnerable one in hopes for another chance. people post here about every little thing that happens in their breakup- its a wonderful place to vent so I will continue because that is what it was made for. You seem to be very offended by my posts..I could understand if I was acting oblivious to my actions, but I am not. I made a mistake, I am learning from it and trying to build a better life. I treated him badly, he wasnt perfect either, and we broke up. I realized my emotions that I cant deny after a year. That is why I am here. This is a support board, and I think its wonderful people come here to share their stories, because somehow maybe we all can help each other.

 

@lone- I have dated a little since the breakup- thus far I havenot connected with anyone like him. You know how it can go.. some people just are special anf finding that connection again can be very hard.. if not impossible. that is why i think we must be open to everything.Yes when he called he was crying.. his gf is very good to him.. so i think he is confused as to why he is not happy with her. He was ready to settle down when we were together.. wanted marriage family etc... I just was not quite ready.. His current gf wants to marry him now.. he just bought a house and he even made it clear he had bought it in his name.. he said that he had no passion for his gf.. that the relationship felt like a 'business deal' because she wanted the same things (marriage family etc) he said he guessed to get all of that he had to give up passion etc. I was shocked... but for me its confusing bc like on his facebook page (i know not a good example, im not friends with him but we have many mutual friends) he looks very happy in the pics with her etc. Its just so confusing to me how he can continue living/sleeping with someone when he confessed his undying love to me. That is what was hurtful to me and i also thought it was disrespectful to her. Even if I would give anything for him to still love me.. i dont want anyone else hurt in the process. From a guys perspective what do you think about this?

 

Hi. You're right. I'm so sorry for being so judgmental and impatient. I forget sometimes I'm here to help - not make things worse for others. I will be patient, loving and accepting of all people on here. Thank you for pointing this out to me.

[Hopeful83]

i am not saying you must be patient and kind to every poster, but there is no point in being harsh with people asking for genuine help. life is so overwhelmingly short to be anything less than kind... even to and especially to strangers... there is no way we can know what poeple are struggling with in their personal lives etc..

[shalisha42]

i am not saying you must be patient and kind to every poster, but there is no point in being harsh with people asking for genuine help. life is so overwhelmingly short to be anything less than kind... even to and especially to strangers... there is no way we can know what poeple are struggling with in their personal lives etc..

 

You're right. I agree. We're all on here to get help and to be helpful. Thanks for the reminder.

[Hopeful83]

Well I have a little bit of an update.. I sent the ex a very to the point email about it be disrespectful for us to be communicating etc and to please not contact me anymore. I have not heard anything from him but am honestly really wondering if he is just one of those guys who likes to strong girls along. Yesterday I saw a random tagged picture of his gf on facebook, and it appears that she is pregnant. That would explain alot... he moved her to the west coast in nov and he just bought a house etc..I think there is much more to the story than he told me.. Im sure the truth will come out in time... she looks about 3-4 months at this point. I dont even really know what to say.

[shalisha42]

@shalisha- I have always made it very clear he seemed to be in a serious relationship. That is why I went NC immediately because I was so aware of how i hurt us both, I didnt want to get in the way of his emotions or his new relationship. My confusion is to his feelings for her- When i say 'serious relationship' it is because they live together etc and in my mind- that equals serious. Now in reference to whether he is in love with her or not- I cannot know that. Even she cannot know for sure. Only he knows how he truly feels. That is where I am lost. His emotional phone calls to me to some could be considered 'breadcrumbs' or even stringing me along. This story is alittle different from alot of the stories on here, I was the dumper and the tables turned... now I am the vulnerable one in hopes for another chance. people post here about every little thing that happens in their breakup- its a wonderful place to vent so I will continue because that is what it was made for. You seem to be very offended by my posts..I could understand if I was acting oblivious to my actions, but I am not. I made a mistake, I am learning from it and trying to build a better life. I treated him badly, he wasnt perfect either, and we broke up. I realized my emotions that I cant deny after a year. That is why I am here. This is a support board, and I think its wonderful people come here to share their stories, because somehow maybe we all can help each other.

 

@lone- I have dated a little since the breakup- thus far I havenot connected with anyone like him. You know how it can go.. some people just are special anf finding that connection again can be very hard.. if not impossible. that is why i think we must be open to everything.Yes when he called he was crying.. his gf is very good to him.. so i think he is confused as to why he is not happy with her. He was ready to settle down when we were together.. wanted marriage family etc... I just was not quite ready.. His current gf wants to marry him now.. he just bought a house and he even made it clear he had bought it in his name.. he said that he had no passion for his gf.. that the relationship felt like a 'business deal' because she wanted the same things (marriage family etc) he said he guessed to get all of that he had to give up passion etc. I was shocked... but for me its confusing bc like on his facebook page (i know not a good example, im not friends with him but we have many mutual friends) he looks very happy in the pics with her etc. Its just so confusing to me how he can continue living/sleeping with someone when he confessed his undying love to me. That is what was hurtful to me and i also thought it was disrespectful to her. Even if I would give anything for him to still love me.. i dont want anyone else hurt in the process. From a guys perspective what do you think about this?

 

You can still be in love with someone else and date other people. He's not going to just sit around and wait for you and not date. So it's not odd that he still has feelings for you or is still in love with you but with someone else. remember, you dumped him. He moved on and is doing the best he can. People's feelings don't disappear over night. BTW, you said you have mutual friends. I really believe that you let your brain tumor leak out so that he could find out and get in touch with you. That's just my opinion. I also think that you going on his fb page, you're exacerbating your own grief.

[shalisha42]

Well I have a little bit of an update.. I sent the ex a very to the point email about it be disrespectful for us to be communicating etc and to please not contact me anymore. I have not heard anything from him but am honestly really wondering if he is just one of those guys who likes to strong girls along. Yesterday I saw a random tagged picture of his gf on facebook, and it appears that she is pregnant. That would explain alot... he moved her to the west coast in nov and he just bought a house etc..I think there is much more to the story than he told me.. Im sure the truth will come out in time... she looks about 3-4 months at this point. I dont even really know what to say.

 

He never strung you along. You made sure he heard about your brain tumor through mutual friends that's why he contacted you. This is why I'm annoyed with your posts. You are playing the victim here and trying to be the martyr at the same time (i.e., oh, i respect other's relationships, i would never try to break anyone up, etc.) yet, you keep doing things to make sure he initiates contact with you. You're still stalking him by visiting his fb page.

 

You're tracking down his every move, i.e., his girlfriend is pregnant, he moved her to the west cost in november, she looks 3-4 months at this point... you are the one that's leading him on. I'm not being judgmental either. I can just see through people's manipulation. If you want nc then stop doing and saying things to your mutual friends knowing that they are going to go back to him and tell him.

 

You said you're looking for help? I don't believe you. You're looking for us to analyze him and say he is wrong for dating someone else after you dumped him and because he still has feelings for you. He's not cheating on her because he has feelings for you. He's just not willing to be dicked around anymore by you.

[Lone]

i think you should be done with it and just reach out to him. Whats the harm. You will know where you stand and either way will be better off.

 

Shalisha, you come across very harsh. Empathy is vital here.

[shalisha42]

i think you should be done with it and just reach out to him. Whats the harm. You will know where you stand and either way will be better off.

 

Shalisha, you come across very harsh. Empathy is vital here.

 

Can you please tell me where you believe I'm coming across harshly? I think be see my words as harsh simply because they are true. If that's that case, I'm guilty. But I will not sugar coat. People come on here to get honest answers.

[Quest4_TheLost]

 

I really believe that you let your brain tumor leak out so that he could find

out and get in touch with you. That's just my opinion. I also

think that you going on his fb page, you're exacerbating your own grief.

 

 

 

 

 

You made sure he heard about your brain tumor through mutual friends that's

why he contacted you. This is why I'm annoyed with your posts. You are playing

the victim here and trying to be the martyr at the same time (i.e., oh, i

respect other's relationships, i would never try to break anyone up, etc.) yet,

you keep doing things to make sure he initiates contact with you. You're still

stalking him by visiting his fb page.

 

Are you serious?? You don't know how your being harsh?? This dosen't sound judgemental to you? Call off your dogs seriously. Your not helping all your doing is putting this girl down every chance you get. Then you apologize and continue to do it? What crap.

 

Op. You said your still not ready for a relationship. So there is no point in bringing this to his attention. If he is happy in this new relationship its definetly time to let him be. There is no more advice anyone can give you other then that. Your still not ready to commit and he has someone new. I have delt with some of my own committment issues. But in reality I just bailed at the first sign of bs lol and somtimes more then once ont he some guy. It happens.. Get yourself right, move on, learn from your experience.

[shalisha42]

Are you serious?? You don't know how your being harsh?? This dosen't sound judgemental to you? Call off your dogs seriously. Your not helping all your doing is putting this girl down every chance you get. Then you apologize and continue to do it? What crap.

 

Op. You said your still not ready for a relationship. So there is no point in bringing this to his attention. If he is happy in this new relationship its definetly time to let him be. There is no more advice anyone can give you other then that. Your still not ready to commit and he has someone new. I have delt with some of my own committment issues. But in reality I just bailed at the first sign of bs lol and somtimes more then once ont he some guy. It happens.. Get yourself right, move on, learn from your experience.

 

@Op: First of all, you spelled judgmental wrong. Yes, I am judging you, since you just judged me. Yes. I did apologize initially. I thought I was being judgmental. But after her last post, I'm not second guessing my judgments. She wants us to say the problem is him. It ain't gonna happen. He's in a relationship. Why is she still stalking him and in turmoil over it, looking at his fb page? She's full of crap. It's over. What the hell is she doing? She's playing stupid games with him. That's not asking for help. Too bad if you don't like my response to this girl. Get over it. She should too.

[Quest4_TheLost]

She misses him and is reaching out for some kind of support.. Your sitting there saying she is doing things on purpose and you don't even know her.

 

Your responses are ignorant, there is a such thing as a dose of reality and then there is "you" an overdose of nonsense. Why don't you do yourself a favor and stop acting like a know it all.