Snow Bubble Posted December 25, 2012 Share Posted December 25, 2012 Hey guys (mostly) and gals. Just wanted to get some feedback on this. My ex and I broke up 8 months ago. (We were together for 3.5 years) Though, for half of that we still were acting coupley and still tried to be friends. A few weeks after we broke up, I guess he did the "guy thing" and starting meeting girls at super sonic speed and started talking to a lot of girls (and other things) It kind of hurt that he was already doing that kind of stuff, but I figured girls and guys handle things differently. He was the one that broke it off with me, but in the past, when I was the one that broke it off with someone, I wasn't really able to immediately start mingling with people. In fact, I didn't really start till like years later. As the months went by, he started seeing this young girl (she's 18 and he's 27) more and more often. (The first 2-3 months she would come over like 2-3 times each month. Then it just increased more. Then by the 4th he decided to be official with her. BTW, the main reason I know all of this is because I see it (whether I want to or not =( ) We live 3 houses down from each other. So I see her car. It sucks. When me and my ex talked alot (and we'd be pretty open about things) one of the things he told me was that he moves on fast because he doesn't want to feel the lonliness and loss and he'd rather be preoccupied with someone else rather than sit and wallow. He told me he knows its not always a healthy decision.But I guess when you do things that have worked for you in the past, you keep doing it. I told him I just want him to be happy and if being with her makes him happy, then at some point I'll be ok with that. But one thing that bothers me (and his friends) is that the girl that he's with was cheating on her boyfriend for those 4 months. She even lied about her name for awhile so that it wouldn't get back to him somehow. His friends told him that's a pretty big red flag and that she's probably not GF material, but he went along anyway. (I've seen her and she's really pretty too. Really curvaceous with really, REALLY big boobs.) And she's apparently a pretty chill and cool girl...but those actions she showed don't seem very good. (This is just from what he told me in the past and what he's dated before) But she's not really his "type" either. (Physically, personality wise,etc) And even said a few days before being official with her, that "The sex is really good with her, but I don't really feel anything else for her for some reason". I told him that you don't always feel things for people right away and it might take more time. (God, it hurt saying that. But at the time I was still pushing being a good friend to him.) Afterwards, he then said "But I don't want to hurt her. She already really likes me. I kind of don't understand why. She's pretty can can have any guy she wants." Another thing that happened (3 times actually in the span of the 4 months) was that he kept telling me that he still wished that we could try again one day, but felt that it was too soon. He didn't want to be one of those couples that got back together and broke up a lot. But to me its like...if you care about me like that still, then we should've just started working on the problems now, and not involve other people into the mix and just make things even more confusing. So I guess what I'm asking is: (And maybe I should've limit this to one sex) but is it common for people to want to quickly jump back in the pool to avoid feeling a certain way? And to do so an avoid red flags? And maybe later on in their relationship the stuff that showed in the beginning won't be a problem, I dunno...I guess its not really any of my business to speculate, but the psychology of it interested me. I just know for me (being on both sides of the dumpee/dumper thing) I couldn't imagine being with someone else that soon. I'm a person that needs space and alone time for awhile, otherwise it'll feel kinda suffocating to have someone around me like that. I still kind of want to hear more from the guys side because maybe as a female I'm not understanding how he's processing things. (Not only that but a lot of other males I know kind of react this way.) Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted December 25, 2012 Share Posted December 25, 2012 For me it was common to jump back into the pool, if I wasn't overly hurt by the breakup If I was hurt it goes : Denial, Sadness, Depression, Anger, Indifference, Move On If I wasn't hurt it goes something like : Happiness, Attempted Leap back in the Pool, Sadness, Indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
portableversion Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Hey guys (mostly) and gals. Just wanted to get some feedback on this. Another thing that happened (3 times actually in the span of the 4 months) was that he kept telling me that he still wished that we could try again one day, but felt that it was too soon. He didn't want to be one of those couples that got back together and broke up a lot. But to me its like...if you care about me like that still, then we should've just started working on the problems now, and not involve other people into the mix and just make things even more confusing. this is exactly what my ex had been saying to me even though shes in a long distance relationship with an old co-worker who joined the army. I said basically the same thing was that well hey if you hope and wish we could get back together, we can work on it now, my therapist said he can help and has before, my priest said hes brought divorced couples back together. Then sheh said it was too soon and didnt want to committ at this time. Later on she told me if i love her the way i say i do ill wait for however long it takes. Aslo had the audacity to tell me she does not want me to date or i have no business dating, 2 weeks before she goes to shag this guy up in alaska for a week. SIGH. Makes no difference i work with a bunch of guys, i dont know anyone in this town, too heart broken anyway. I dont know ive been lucky and unlucky with the ladies. Lucky in that my ex we were married and together for 17 yrs. She was my 2nd serious girlfriend. Bad luck is that she and number one dumped me. 1st girl i was with for 7 months was devastated and did not find anyone else for another 2 yrs about and thats when i met this one. Same thing this time around, im gonna be single for a long time despite the fact a lot of folks tell me im a nice good looking guy. I hate being single but its sometinh i gotta live with. internet dating has been no good for me so far, only ladies im not attracted to at all send me messages Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Nope I did not jump back into a relationship instantly or quickly. I loved and still do love her too much for anything instant. Though now I am ready. This girl sadly reminds me of my ex... If I were you, I wouldn't get back with this Guy, no matter what. If he is going along with this whore's cheating, then he too is a cheater. If he'd agree to sleep with her, behind her bfs back, but what would he do behind yours? A little off topic, I know, but figured I'd touch it. But nope, if you really care you won't have a new person in less than a week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Snow Bubble Posted December 26, 2012 Author Share Posted December 26, 2012 Well, he didn't start a new relationship a week after we broke up. (And you and others can correct me view of this is you want) He just did what I figured most guys do is hit the bar and go kinda "girl crazy" and she's the one that just happened to stick out/stick around for awhile. It wasn't until 3-4 months later that they decided to be official. But I see what you're getting at. And its a good thing to note. =/ I guess it's just hard for me to look at it that way because I don't believe that "Once a cheater is always a cheater" thing. I believe people change (for we are creatures that adapt/change to things) it just depends on whether you WANT to reach a point where you feel its necessary. If someone keeps doing the same behavior then its probably because they haven't had any major repercussions of it or something. Maybe some people are just more "reactive" than "proactive" I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Well, he didn't start a new relationship a week after we broke up. (And you and others can correct me view of this is you want) He just did what I figured most guys do is hit the bar and go kinda "girl crazy" and she's the one that just happened to stick out/stick around for awhile. It wasn't until 3-4 months later that they decided to be official. But I see what you're getting at. And its a good thing to note. =/ I guess it's just hard for me to look at it that way because I don't believe that "Once a cheater is always a cheater" thing. I believe people change (for we are creatures that adapt/change to things) it just depends on whether you WANT to reach a point where you feel its necessary. If someone keeps doing the same behavior then its probably because they haven't had any major repercussions of it or something. Maybe some people are just more "reactive" than "proactive" I guess... The week thing was a play on speed at which one finds another. Actually from personal experience....it is incredibly rare for a cheater to stop cheating once they cross that line. Many do not care about repercussions. Trust me my ex didn't care when four dudes she banged throughout our relationship. Many threads on this forum do not shoe many cheaters changing. But it doesn't mean he's that type(he's still a cheater.) But might not be the type to continue... Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I am with keenly. Almost 100% how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
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