PreppyPoppy Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 There is this guy that I have been talking with online for several months now. It was on a whim that I reached out to him regarding something and it turned into us exchanging IM contact information, and then chatting on a very regular basis. (4-5x a week) As it turns out, despite not meeting him in person yet, I actually really do care about him. I am certain that, if some of our conversations are any indication, he likes me as well – at least on SOME level. Maybe not on a boyfriend/girlfriend type of level yet, but as something above being “just friends” – it is hard to put into words. Despite all of the positive things I said, there is something that have been bugging me… The thing is we do 99.9% of our conversing through IM of course as well as texting. I look forward to each and every one of our conversations, but I want something besides it all being text based. We actually did talk on the phone one time a couple of months ago for close to 2 hours, and it was so awesome being able to put a voice to the name/person that I have been chatting with for so long. It was my idea to do so – and in some ways maybe I did pressure him into doing it maybe – but he said that he enjoyed it and would love to do it again. I let it go for a couple of weeks to see if he would make the first move there but when he didn’t, I brought it up with him again and he said sure as soon as he had a free moment. Well that was close to two months ago and come on! *pout* It actually hurts my feelings a little that he hasn’t suggested it and I just don’t feel comfortable calling him at random just to say Hi. Should I bring it up with him AGAIN or just let it be? I know not everyone is a phone person – it isn’t my preference – but that being said, I still like hearing the other person’s voice and makes things “feel” more real. (and Skype is not an option, unfortunately, and we are both not in a position yet financially to meet in person) I don't know... he is pretty outgoing so I doubt it is because of shyness or nervousness, but I just find it strange that we don't at least talk with one another once in awhile on the phone. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Casually bring up the phone thing and see what he says. Not everyone likes talking on the phone. Maybe he just wants to keep it as 'just friends'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreppyPoppy Posted December 29, 2012 Author Share Posted December 29, 2012 I might just have to be the one to bring it up - AGAIN - which irks me ever so slightly. And I know not everyone is a phone person, but I don't think it is asking too much to speak on the phone once a month or something if that is the case. When we spoke he sounded very natural and at ease, didn't sound nervous at all. As far as what he might think of me... well you very well might be right. It is just that the things that he says would indicate otherwise in some regard. (No "I Love you's" said, which might actually be a tad weird cause we never met... yet. But some "I like you's" and even mentioning a few times he would like for me to live with him at some point once he gets more settled) Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 Several months and you've never met? You say it's because of financial reasons -- do you live that far away from each other? I don't know, but I suspect there are flimsy excuses being bandied about, because... I hate to say it, but if the guy has already had a good phone conversation with you and can pick up the phone but won't, he's not interested. Says he'll do it when he has a free moment? Bah! If he wanted to talk to you, he'd be finding those free moments and wouldn't put it -- or you -- off. Who knows what's going on with him, but the bottom line is that you are not a priority for him. He's apparently happy having you as an IM "pen-pal," and I just can't see him changing that. Actions speak louder than words, and he's clearly demonstrated that he doesn't want to talk to you on the phone. I wouldn't be surprised if he has given you a lot of excuses (which may or may not be true) why he can't meet you face-to-face. To answer your question, I don't think any good will come of bringing up phone calls again with him -- I'd bet good money he'll just say he will, then do the passive-aggressive thing again and not do it. I think your only real choices are: 1) to initiate all calls with him (which I'd also bet he would quickly start finding reasons to reduce the call time and to not take or return your calls), 2) settle for being IM buddies, or 3) stop communicating with him altogether (and use that time to find someone who can't wait to call you ). Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreppyPoppy Posted December 30, 2012 Author Share Posted December 30, 2012 Yes the financial aspect is the main reason – there is another reason why not yet on my part but I prefer not to go into that. So I am not all mad or anything that we have not crossed paths as of yet, ask me this time next year and I might have a completely different answer if we still haven’t! But with the current “issue” that I am facing with him, you very well might be right and bring up some good points to ponder. I never really looked at it that way – although at the same time I never got that impression from him, either. I think next time we speak (which I am hoping will be today!) I can bring it up with him in a roundabout way just to see what he says. Depending on where that goes I think will help me determine a lot of things. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 Serious red flag for me. I do not spend more than a few exchanges of email and/text (no more than a week) before insisting on conversing on the phone. I'm a very social person and talking on the phone is a must prior to meeting. I've had three conversations with a new interest and none of them have been less than 5-hours in length! Okay, perhaps a little too much, but we have had tons to talk about and exchange. She also has a great voice. Anyway, come on, he either isn't interested in anything more than an electronic friendship or he has some social limitations. Either way, not good from my perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 Some people , like myself, just hate talking on the phone. It's not really a guy thing. It's funny , I can Skype... But I hate the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 Yes the financial aspect is the main reason – there is another reason why not yet on my part but I prefer not to go into that. Ah, I had thought your reason was finanical, too. You don't need to go into details about it here, but another thing to consider... if there is something else keeping you unavailable, then he may have good reason for not wanting to get closer to you by talking to you on the phone. He may be taking a "wait-and-see" attitude about it and reluctant to progress the communication beyond IM for now. Just another thought. Link to post Share on other sites
ZxExD Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 Agree with another reply. He most likely has a number of contacts talking just over texts and IM. I did that a long time ago, and I also preferred talking on the phone. Heck, if you and I started messaging each other all the time, I would hope that I meant something to you and would love to hear your voice in the morning wishing me a good day. I guess I am just the last of the romantics though. Seriously, move on and find someone that wants to hear your voice everyday and wants to hear it from your lips, not your finger tips. Wahoo, made a rhyme! If you want to talk, I will be around, and have unlimited calling and text! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreppyPoppy Posted December 31, 2012 Author Share Posted December 31, 2012 Serious red flag for me. I do not spend more than a few exchanges of email and/text (no more than a week) before insisting on conversing on the phone. I'm a very social person and talking on the phone is a must prior to meeting. I've had three conversations with a new interest and none of them have been less than 5-hours in length! Okay, perhaps a little too much, but we have had tons to talk about and exchange. She also has a great voice. Anyway, come on, he either isn't interested in anything more than an electronic friendship or he has some social limitations. Either way, not good from my perspective. Well I do prefer to take things a bit slower than that - I did not start talking with him with the intentions of him being someone that I was going to really like-like. That being said, I think enough time has passed where I would think it would be a little more... natural if you will, where phone conversations could become more of a regular part of our communication. I am fine with it mostly being IM/text messaging back and forth, but again, I don't think it is asking a whole lot to speak on the phone too occasionally at least. He seriously doesn't strike me as the type that has social limitations, and I would honestly be surprised (and hurt) if he wanted to keep it strictly as an electronic friendship. Things that he has said would indicate that to not be the case, yet I still scratch my head over the lack of communicating via phone calls. It seems like a natural progression to do that for awhile until we can finally meet in person, like he says he wants to. Some people , like myself, just hate talking on the phone. It's not really a guy thing. It's funny , I can Skype... But I hate the phone. Yeah I totally get not everyone is a phone person. My preference is seeing someone in person and communicating with them face-to-face. I am not a big fan of phone conversations myself because I can't see their face yet they have their importance, especially here. But I hate Skype, go figure. If he hates talking on the phone, I wish he would come out and say so. I would be more accepting of that... although would still probably insist on doing it once in awhile anyway, you know, just so I can hear his lovely voice, heh. Ah, I had thought your reason was finanical, too. You don't need to go into details about it here, but another thing to consider... if there is something else keeping you unavailable, then he may have good reason for not wanting to get closer to you by talking to you on the phone. He may be taking a "wait-and-see" attitude about it and reluctant to progress the communication beyond IM for now. Just another thought. Well it has never come up in conversation since it has always focused on the financial aspect for both of us, so I have never felt the need to tell him. I would though if need be, but it is secondary compared to finances. If he really did feel that way though, I wish he would come right out and say it! Agree with another reply. He most likely has a number of contacts talking just over texts and IM. I did that a long time ago, and I also preferred talking on the phone. Heck, if you and I started messaging each other all the time, I would hope that I meant something to you and would love to hear your voice in the morning wishing me a good day. I guess I am just the last of the romantics though. Seriously, move on and find someone that wants to hear your voice everyday and wants to hear it from your lips, not your finger tips. Wahoo, made a rhyme! If you want to talk, I will be around, and have unlimited calling and text! Man there is a part of me that wishes it could be like that - like once in awhile I could call him to wish him a good morning... or he call me to wish me a good night. Maybe I can drop hints about it - if after I can get him to agree to another phone conversation! Baby steps... Cute rhyme by the way. ################################## Thanks everyone for the feedback provided so far - for better or worse. I am really hoping he will be around to chat tonight so I can finally try and get some resolution regarding this. If he isn't online... on a night where I really need to talk with him more than ever... I think I might go insane! Link to post Share on other sites
ZxExD Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 Poppy, poppy, I got your number, 867-5309. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreppyPoppy Posted December 31, 2012 Author Share Posted December 31, 2012 Ha ha, now you are just being silly. Touché 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreppyPoppy Posted December 31, 2012 Author Share Posted December 31, 2012 Alright so I brought it up with him last night and he said that he was thinking of calling me sometime and then adds he will see when though. Then we proceed to have the most amazing conversation in awhile. Ugh, so frustrating! I made up my mind that now that he knows again and it should be fresh on his mind I am going to give him 2 weeks to make his move regarding that. That should be plenty of time to find out "when" we can talk again in that manner. And if at the end of the two weeks he still at least hasn't brought it up... made an attempt... something... Well I think I might have to really let him have it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts