"I dont want to rush into a relationship"

[kaylan]

So I was thinking, when someone says that, what do you usually take it to mean?

 

When someone has said that to you in the past, what has the outcome been?

 

Id say how long youve been dating a person can help determine how you can perceive that statement. That being said, generally I feel that if someone says to you that they dont wanna rush anything, that they arent as into you as they could be.

 

However, it could also mean they want to take things slow and be sure about how you two click before making anything exclusive.

 

In the past, Ive said it to girls or had it said to me, and in those cases, 1 of us wasnt that into the other. But in this current situation, me and the girl I am seeing have both said to each other that we didnt wanna rush things. And unlike the past, we both seem to be pretty into one another, but cautious due to our pasts.

 

Thoughts? I figured Id see what everyone elses experience was. Not that Im worried about anything. I have flirted with the idea of becoming official in the near future....even though right now we arent really talking to or seeing other people. But Ive been single for so long that I really gotta be sure before I make that jump.

Edited December 26, 2012 by kaylan

[Lonely Ronin]

Thoughts? I figured Id see what everyone elses experience was. Not that Im worried about anything. I have flirted with the idea of becoming official in the near future....even though right now we arent really talking to or seeing other people. But Ive been single for so long that I really gotta be sure before I make that jump.

 

When this has happened to me, most of the time it was because the woman in question was very attracted to me initially. Her wanting to take it slow was her way of making sure she didn't let passion completely override anything else she might be thinking/feeling. The only time it ended badly for me, was when one woman wasn't over her ex yet.

[Radu]

When this happened to me in the past it was because she either was not into me, or didn't want to be into me [i decreased her social standing] even though we got along great.

 

So i take it generally with a grain of salt, i now become 'outcome independent' but i still pursue the girl in question.

I get a little more busy with other projects, start noticing some other girls ... not doing anything with them, i just like to remind myself that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

[LittlePrince]

They want to be fcked.

[bolase]

For me it's what LR said; except I wouldn't say 'relationship' as that adds pressure on a guy.

 

I would say I didn't want to rush things, if I liked him and wanted to get to know him as a person and hang out genuinely (as i always do!) to draw the distinction for him between this and a mostly/purely/quickly physical thing. So, if I felt he might try to sleep with me too soon for me, or whatever.

 

But if I were crazily attracted I wouldn't say "I don't want to rush", right? Ha, wrong. Sex is as vulnerable as you can be with another person. So I want to make sure the guy isn't impatient, is into getting to know me as I am him, and knows sex isn't the point it's just the exciting part.

[Divasu]

When someone has said that to you in the past, what has the outcome been?

 

Not good... (but perhaps for the best, as it was 'not meant to be').

 

And unlike the past, we both seem to be pretty into one another, but cautious due to our pasts.

 

Some time ago, I had an engagement that ended and a couple years after that, met someone and fell head over heals. Caution went to the wind, for me.

 

Was it a matter of timing? Maybe.

Was it because of the person? Perhaps.

 

When it's 'right', it's right. And when it's not, it's not.

 

But in this current situation, me and the girl I am seeing have both said to each other that we didnt wanna rush things.

 

Sounds like you're both on the same page.

[Mrlonelyone]

In general it has meant they weren't fully unattached. There was at least someone else they also had an eye on and were weighing their options.

 

When this happened to me in the past it was because she either was not into me, or didn't want to be into me [i decreased her social standing] even though we got along great.

 

Same here. That situation is the worst because they will be into you, even physically but... they won't go on a date. "What would people think/say?"

[Angel Heart]

Wants to develop a friendship first? How often do you see her? Perhaps she is cautious b/c she really wants to see if there is a viable reason to choice you.

[Treasa]

I don't know what it means (as I'm sure it varies), but if a guy were to say that to me now, I'd smile and say, "Oh, no worries. You aren't the only guy I'm seeing."

[Mrlonelyone]

In the OP's case, it probably does just mean the young woman wants to see if a real friendship can develop in addition to their sexual chemistry.

[phineas]

When this happened to me in the past it was because she either was not into me, or didn't want to be into me [i decreased her social standing] even though we got along great.

 

This was my experience when I was overweight & every single time they wound up getting into a relationship with someone else who was much better looking than me when I got tired of waiting around. They were also sleeping with an ex or had some FWB I found out about after I bailed on them.

 

When this has happened to me, most of the time it was because the woman in question was very attracted to me initially. Her wanting to take it slow was her way of making sure she didn't let passion completely override anything else she might be thinking/feeling. The only time it ended badly for me, was when one woman wasn't over her ex yet.

 

Since i've gotten in shape I'm either flat out rejected or they make it clear what they want, be it casual, FWB, relationship.

 

However I did meet one woman who I can tell is attracted to me but says she likes being single & not interested in a FWB & says we are friends ect.

 

Which is fine. I'll hang with her, let her get ot know me ect.

But based on past experiences where women like this either jump me unexpectedly or *poof* when they find someone they really want to date I won't stop looking for other women to date & she will either come around & jump me or become a good friend. LOL!

[NoMoreJerks]

So I was thinking, when someone says that, what do you usually take it to mean?

Well, I know that the only time I would say that is when I really like someone and see a potential, but I recently got out of a break-up and am still devastated, and not in the right frame of mind to get into a relationship (out of guilt, depression, or fear that I would be mistreated again and have my heart broken again, so soon after the break-up). It would be like letting someone know I'm really interested but can't RUSH into a relationship -- not that I don't want the relationship, but that I might be UNABLE to have a healthy/meaningful one RIGHT NOW, and need to take it real slow.

 

I've never said it so far, and never had anyone say it to me (unless you consider "I can't have a relationship right now" to be another variant of this -- my ex said this to me, because he claimed his job involved too much traveling, etc.). But I know that if I do meet someone that I really like, even if I went on a few dates with him, I would tell him that if things started to get a bit serious.. It's not a way of saying "no". It's just a way of taking things slowly, and see where things end up. I guess there is an element of stringing someone along , but I do not expect the guy to stick around and wait for me. I'm mature enough to know that he's going to date other people in the meantime and keep his options open. But I just can't be rushed into something just because the ship might be leaving port at any moment.

Edited December 26, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[Mrlonelyone]

However I did meet one woman who I can tell is attracted to me but says she likes being single & not interested in a FWB & says we are friends ect.

 

Which is fine. I'll hang with her, let her get ot know me ect.

But based on past experiences where women like this either jump me unexpectedly or *poof* when they find someone they really want to date I won't stop looking for other women to date & she will either come around & jump me or become a good friend. LOL!

 

^This happens to me as well. Either their attraction is strong enough, or their need for approval is weak enough and they will get physical with me. Like something out of a Spike Lee joint.

[Alma Mobley]

I told my now-husband that I didn't want to rush and wanted to continue to keep seeing each other, go with the flow and see where it went rather than having abstract discussions about us. We had been seeing each other for about a month, and that didn't mean that I wasn't into him. I liked him very much but wanted to make sure that there weren't going to be any issues (he isn't over his ex, we are not as compatible as I thought, etc). It was mainly because I was older and had done the rush into a relationship thing based on infatuation before and had it not work out due to various reasons and wanted to be sure.

 

Just trying to say that it doesn't necessarily mean that she isn't into you or there is someone else and so on, but I have had people do that to me and it was because of those aforementioned reasons.

[LittlePrince]

If it is after sex and she didn't regret the sex then she wants NSA. If it is before the sex then you were friendzoned.

 

Originally I read it thinking the former had happened and not the latter.

[iris219]

Kaylan has already said they are sleeping together; that IS my definition of rushing things. I don't understood what he's means by taking it slow. So he'll rush to have sex, but take it slow when it comes to getting into a committed relationship?

 

Guess I'm an old fashioned sort of girl.

[LittlePrince]

Kaylan has already said they are sleeping together; that IS my definition of rushing things. I don't understood what he's means by taking it slow. So he'll rush to have sex, but take it slow when it comes to getting into a committed relationship?

 

Guess I'm an old fashioned sort of girl.

Waiting to have sex is considered prudish here. Better to be a serial monogamist or live every night like it is a one night stand.

[phineas]

If it is after sex and she didn't regret the sex then she wants NSA. If it is before the sex then you were friendzoned.

 

Originally I read it thinking the former had happened and not the latter.

 

I forgot Kaylan was sleeping with her.

 

I'm only referring to women who havn't slept with me I had been spending time with.

 

I've very rarely had women I was spending time with sleep with me before telling me what they expected so I know going in & decide if I want to go through with it or not.

[Mrlonelyone]

Since he's already sleeping with her; then she's just not trying to get carried away by sexual passion.

[CptSaveAho]

She's a GIGS chick....

 

Doesnt want to be locked down.... wants to plow through other guys too....

 

I've posted this before.... yet her actions continue to validate what I have said over and over again.... He thinks he can change her by being nice and winning her over

 

Anybody that tries to enter relationships with these guys/girls are in for a world of hurt. The sad part is guys with no relationship experience are the ones that always try to win them over and cry foul when all the warning signs WERE there and they still pursue it and get hosed.

[kaylan]

Kaylan has already said they are sleeping together; that IS my definition of rushing things. I don't understood what he's means by taking it slow. So he'll rush to have sex, but take it slow when it comes to getting into a committed relationship?

 

Guess I'm an old fashioned sort of girl.

Relationships are harder than sex for me.

 

And this topic has come up again since her and I first agreed on not rushing anything. Shes misunderstood my wanting to visit her area for new years as me possibly wanting to stay over her place...in which case Id have to meet her parents. However I didnt want to do that so quickly and I have people I can stay with not far from her.

 

So after she said "I dont want to rush anything" again, I let her know I wasnt trying to stay at her parents place or meet them anytime soon.

 

So at the moment Im not quite sure where we are at. But before xmas, quite a few "I miss yous" and other kind words have been exchanged. So we shall see what happens.

If it is after sex and she didn't regret the sex then she wants NSA. If it is before the sex then you were friendzoned.

 

Originally I read it thinking the former had happened and not the latter.

Id say the former is a possibility. However, she made it a point in the early going to say that she doesnt really ever have sex outside of a relationship, and she continually made comments that let me know that she wanted me to stick around.

 

So I dunno.

[charlietheginger]

Didnt you unplug from the LS matrix?

[CptSaveAho]

Relationships are harder than sex for me.

 

And this topic has come up again since her and I first agreed on not rushing anything. Shes misunderstood my wanting to visit her area for new years as me possibly wanting to stay over her place...in which case Id have to meet her parents. However I didnt want to do that so quickly and I have people I can stay with not far from her.

 

So after she said "I dont want to rush anything" again, I let her know I wasnt trying to stay at her parents place or meet them anytime soon.

 

So at the moment Im not quite sure where we are at. But before xmas, quite a few "I miss yous" and other kind words have been exchanged. So we shall see what happens.

Id say the former is a possibility. However, she made it a point in the early going to say that she doesnt really ever have sex outside of a relationship, and she continually made comments that let me know that she wanted me to stick around.

 

So I dunno.

 

GIGS girl stringing you along because you are easy... read the breakup forums especially the GIGS post pinned and come back and report in

 

Stop making excuses for her.... Her actions dont match her words

 

NEXT...

[kaylan]

GIGS girl stringing you along because you are easy... read the breakup forums especially the GIGS post pinned and come back and report in

 

Stop making excuses for her.... Her actions dont match her words

 

NEXT...

Easy? Dude Im not rushing to make this chick my girlfriend or anything. Calm down. And actually, her actions have matched her words for the past month. Shes treated me nothing but great...and has done a bunch to make sure I stick around. If anything, the only deviation is a misunderstanding over the past couple of days.

[todreaminblue]

So I was thinking, when someone says that, what do you usually take it to mean?

 

When someone has said that to you in the past, what has the outcome been?

 

Id say how long youve been dating a person can help determine how you can perceive that statement. That being said, generally I feel that if someone says to you that they dont wanna rush anything, that they arent as into you as they could be.

 

However, it could also mean they want to take things slow and be sure about how you two click before making anything exclusive.

 

In the past, Ive said it to girls or had it said to me, and in those cases, 1 of us wasnt that into the other. But in this current situation, me and the girl I am seeing have both said to each other that we didnt wanna rush things. And unlike the past, we both seem to be pretty into one another, but cautious due to our pasts.

 

Thoughts? I figured Id see what everyone elses experience was. Not that Im worried about anything. I have flirted with the idea of becoming official in the near future....even though right now we arent really talking to or seeing other people. But Ive been single for so long that I really gotta be sure before I make that jump.

 

 

when i used to date it was friends i would date.when the dating started they wanted exclusivity.....as i did...i already knew basic supposed core values....notice i said supposed......so basically relationships for me started from dating,they normally got pretty intense pretty quickly, to the point it wasnt me requesting spending time together the guys i have been with didnt want to share me.....just wanted to share themselves around eventually....selfish guys i dont know.......non admitting serial cheats suck

 

i think when you start dating someone you envision whether you can be with that person or not...for me it happens early, for the guys i have been with they make the moves once i am dating them i just say yes or no...i dont muck around.....once dating a guy i dont say i dont want to rush things....i already know who they are, i let it go and see how far it goes, i listen when they talk what they want am not shy about what i want...and if they were to say to me i dont want to rush things into a relationship......as far as being in a relationship goes i would say

 

 

friendship is a relationship, dating is a relationship whether you like it or not......if you want to have other multiple dating relationships you arent for me i am not right for you...if you dont want to rush sex i am with you on that because i feel the same way......deb

Edited December 27, 2012 by todreaminblue