How can I learn to not feel so guilty when people want to do things for me?!

[ukie-cutie]

I have a really hard time accepting things from people. Whether they buy me coffee, or want to take me out for dinner, or take me out for my Birthday.. I tend to feel really guilty afterwards & like I owe them something in the long run. What's wrong with me?! .. I think it's because of my past! . . Because in my past friends especially have thrown it in my face that they have paid for me, and that I owe them, or I never did anything in return, when during that time they we're the one who offered. As well my family does it to me very often as well! . . And they told me there doing it from the goodness of there heart. How can I trust people & not feel so guilty when people want to do things for me?! . . I tend to beat myself up about it when people do things for me. How do I stop this?! . .

[treegirl]

When ppl offer to do something for you, it means they really care for you. :)

 

Do things for them in return, whether they want it or not? My best friend has done a lot for me over the years and I buy her presents when she's least expecting them just to say Thanks.

 

Don't feel quilty, they want to do things for you - it's all part of a good friendship.

 

Love TreeGirl

xoxo

[joseph]

I agree with treegirl..they want to do things for you; just recently my good friend offered to move me back to college in her truck. This is a 5 hr drive away and she's squeezing it between shifts at work..thats what true friends do.

I think it brings out the best in a friend when they do something for you and expect nothing in return; the favour should go unmentioned.

So just sit back and enjoy, these friends care about you..

and dont do something in return because you feel obligated, only because you care

[faux]

If I do something for someone, I am not going to expect anything in return. I've had "friends" buy me dinner, pay for me to see a movie, or do something else and bring it up later as if I owed them. I feel that they offered, and they were doing these things because they were my friends. I dislike it when someone will hold a trip to a fast food restaurant against you a few months down the line.

 

It's too confusing keeping track of who owes me what, or what I owe other people. Being in debt of any kind is very uncomfortable. If someone offers me something, and he or she doesn't mention any type of strings, I'm not going to worry about having to pay him or her back in any sort of way. If someone is going to hold a favor he or she did against me, I don't consider that person to be worth my time.

 

If I expect to be paid back for forking over a few bucks for food to a friend, I make it very clear before he accepts the money that he must pay me back within a certain time. I also, of course, make sure he has a steady source of income, otherwise he won't get one dime. If I decided to get him something to snack on, no strings attached, I'm certainly not going to use that to make him feel guilty in the future.

 

Just because I decide to give you twenty bucks, for no reason, doesn't mean that you are expected to hand me fifty dollars a month later. It was my choice to hand you the twenty bucks.