The letter of apology..

[TaraMaiden]

Ya I know.

Just trying to whup his ass to kick some sense into him.

Gentle persuasion, the police and therapy haven't worked.

I think it's high time the gloves were off.

 

It's part of the cure to wish to be cured.

 

This guy may have a stack of obstacles, but half of them are self-erected.

 

he's got to recognise that he's not part of a problem.

 

He IS the problem.

He needs help, and he's going to have to get off his fat butt and get it.

 

Nobody here can do diddly-squat for him except keep replying.

And clearly, he's not listening.

 

Some addicts make it, and see their way through.

 

Others....?

Well.....

[terlislee]

Also it's much better to see him post one venting thread after another here than him writing it to her or actually doing something stupid again, it's a way of release that's pretty harmless.

[TaraMaiden]

Unfortunately, it seems that even with all the threads and responses - he's STILL gone and done something stupid.

 

Don't get me wrong.

I despair to see so many good, well-intentioned posts being submitted by good well-meaning people. But it's so frustrating when the recipient is letting it all wash...

Having seen this before, and in a previous, much younger life, having even done it myself - I recognise it for what it is.

It's an emotional vampire's attention-seeking gambit.

 

This guy is sucking it all up - but doing nothing to help himself, and furthermore, he's luring further comments and input by claiming to be beyond help and understanding.

Classic victim syndrome.

 

He needs help.

Big time.

And he won't get it here.

[jwhite]

I think this is fredrikkk under a different name

[TaraMaiden]

It is. He was banned before, and he's back in a new guise. he stated so himself.

 

Read his ooops thread.

[geegirl]

I think this is fredrikkk under a different name

 

I was thinking the same thing.

[quite.foolish]

I'm not Frederickkk.. Although I do see a horribly similar situation there.

 

I kept away from her for three months or whatever, and I sent an apology an hour ago.

 

I panicked after that. I apologised for apologising. I asked her to tell me she wouldn't get in trouble. Three emails within ten minutes.

 

Massive **** up. I can't take it back. I hope she remembers that at one time we were good friends. I really don't want to get in serious trouble. I hope I didn't upset her and I hope she understands the apology was sincere.

 

I've calmed down. What's done is done. I didn't do anything else bad, if she gets me in more trouble. So be it, there's no reason for it, I don't think she will, I can't imagine she wants me in serious trouble.

 

Anyway.. What do I do?

 

No money really, no car to drive somewhere (It's raining to **** today), my job isn't starting for another couple of weeks. I'm not crazy about emailing her, it's not like I constantly have her email open. I keep away from her facebook, her friends, I avoid walking by her house most of the time. Awkward cause her and her parents live right by the nearest shop and it's the route to my mum's house, but I go the long way most of the time.

 

I read all your advice and it's sinking in, it's just getting the first step (which seems to be gettin this money together- or possibly getting thrown in the cage if she's on her period still)

 

I didn't mean to cause her grief.. a lot of you guys are acting like I'm a bad dude. The only bad things I did were talk out of anger and then send a couple jealous messages to her exs.

 

**** it, that doesn't make me terrible.

 

I just gave her more power and I freaked out for a few minutes. **** her. I have no career already with my record. Few weeks in a cage won't hurt.

[quite.foolish]

Regardless of what I actually wrote in the apology, whether it was generic "sorry, won't happen again" or it was me trying to explain to an old friend exactly what went through my head- I'd have still freaked out.

 

I shouldn't have sent her anything. too late now.

[geegirl]

Regardless of what I actually wrote in the apology, whether it was generic "sorry, won't happen again" or it was me trying to explain to an old friend exactly what went through my head- I'd have still freaked out.

 

I shouldn't have sent her anything. too late now.

 

What's done is done. I'm sure she won't get you into trouble, but if it does, then you'll just have to bear the repercussions, that you were very much well aware of from the time you started drafting the email. Maybe it's the lesson you need to finally make you learn.

 

You are not a bad or terrible person. No one has said that. Posters are trying to stop you from putting yourself in a bad and terrible situation.

 

You have to understand she most likely doesn't view you from an "old friends" perspective anymore after all that has happened. You have to put all that aside and understand that damage has been done and you're just going to have to learn to live with it and try to make things better for yourself, moving forward.

 

Let time and distance mend her view of you. You can't do that. Forcing your apologies in hopes of trying to make her change her view of what happened and your behavior will not work. It's only making things worse and you do see yourself spiraling because you so want that validation from her.

[Zammo25]

I feel quite uncomfortable about the abuse this guy has got on Loveshack. There is not a lot of love here being shown to him. The Guy is in turmoil so it is very easy to slag him off if you cannot empathise, Tara Maiden and others, infact your slagging him off is probably making him even more anxious and angry and I thought Loveshack made no judgements and tried to help. Very sad. Just because you have not been in this guys place or state of mind does not mean you have the right to be so utterly brutal. Loveshack is not about slagging off people in suffering. Shame on you.

[Mcnulty]

Bollocks Zammo.

 

He's been given support and advice throughout!

 

He's treading a very dangerous line at the moment, through his actions and words...we are all accountable for our own actions. What he put on this site to get himself slung off was shocking and disrespectful to the girl and her poor daughter.

 

Anger, police, jail, threats, cursing, lack of self control are all features of the threads, but support, advice are there also....from people who care man.

[Zammo25]

Bollocks Zammo.

 

He's been given support and advice throughout!

 

He's treading a very dangerous line at the moment, through his actions and words...we are all accountable for our own actions. What he put on this site to get himself slung off was shocking and disrespectful to the girl and her poor daughter.

 

Anger, police, jail, threats, cursing, lack of self control are all features of the threads, but support, advice are there also....from people who care man.

 

My mantra is life is do not comment unless you have walked in the same shoes. All this beating him up is not helping. He is in a bad way,

[geegirl]

My mantra is life is do not comment unless you have walked in the same shoes. All this beating him up is not helping. He is in a bad way,

 

Where is the beating up? You don't have to walk in someone's shoes to know when someone is spiraling out of control. I believe he's been offered advice rather than insult or judgment.

[Zammo25]

Where is the beating up? You don't have to walk in someone's shoes to know when someone is spiraling out of control. I believe he's been offered advice rather than insult or judgment.

 

There is tough love and pushing someone over the edge. Think on this.

[geegirl]

There is tough love and pushing someone over the edge. Think on this.

 

Pushing over the edge? Give me a break.

[TaraMaiden]

The calibre of the greater majority of my posts has always been supportive, constructive and to the point.

This is no exception.

There are none so blind as those who will not see.

He needs professional help. he should get it.

[Mcnulty]

My mantra is life is do not comment unless you have walked in the same shoes.

 

No one is going through the same identical thing, so that would mean you or I should not be posting support and advice, is that what you're saying?

 

It's a forum. You post for different perspectives from people who may or may not help your situation.

 

Is he posting for advice? I don't really know. I do know he doesn't take it.

 

Yes, I can see he's in a bad way and as diplomatically as possible, people are trying to help..they're getting nowhere, hence members saying he needs help, but not from this site. That is not dismissing someone or brutally slagging them off.

 

Quite.Foolish, you need to look at counselling, anger management specifically or CBT.

 

Please realize that she wont be coming back to you. We all make huge mistakes in life, but it's about trying to take something from those mistakes and learn from them. You're not a bad person, but you really need to accept the past is the past and try to gain strength and learn from what happened...we all make mistakes and lose control sometimes - it's called being human.

[quite.foolish]

I know I was utterly stupid to email her again and stupid to write some of the things I've written on here.

 

No chance will I EVER contact her again. Now I just pray I don't get arrested again.. That will REALLY screw things up.

 

No job, no place to live. Utterly stupid.

[Bumaga vsyo sterpit]

Whatever you do don't stop, this Sydney saga is extremely entertaining.

[quite.foolish]

I feel quite uncomfortable about the abuse this guy has got on Loveshack. There is not a lot of love here being shown to him. The Guy is in turmoil so it is very easy to slag him off if you cannot empathise, Tara Maiden and others, infact your slagging him off is probably making him even more anxious and angry and I thought Loveshack made no judgements and tried to help. Very sad. Just because you have not been in this guys place or state of mind does not mean you have the right to be so utterly brutal. Loveshack is not about slagging off people in suffering. Shame on you.

 

I appreciate this zammo.. although to be perfectly honest, I have said some ridiculous things the past couple of days and I was a stupid.fool to email her again today. That's why everyone's been screwing today..

 

I really shouldn't have hit that send button.

Don't know what I was thinking. I really have a bad feeling.

[geegirl]

I know I was utterly stupid to email her again and stupid to write some of the things I've written on here.

 

No chance will I EVER contact her again. Now I just pray I don't get arrested again.. That will REALLY screw things up.

 

No job, no place to live. Utterly stupid.

 

QF, we all do things that we're not very proud of so don't beat yourself up for it. It's done. If you didn't do it, you would probably be driving yourself up the wall for weeks about it. You got it out of the way and the best thing now is to let go and start looking inward.

 

I hope you don't get arrested either. It would be a blessing if she blocked your email.

 

You will have a job in a couple of weeks. And you have a place to stay since you said it was raining outside and that you are stuck indoors. Stop giving life to your negative thoughts because all you will do is let them take you down a dark road. Start trying to look forward to the positives that you will soon have.

 

First thing to do when you get back on your feet with your job, seek counselling.

[quite.foolish]

Whatever you do don't stop, this Sydney saga is extremely entertaining.

 

 

'The Sydney saga'

 

I see the funny side for approx. 3.5 seconds.. Then I realise, snap.. I really have been freakin foolish. I'm likely to end up in even more trouble after messaging her today. Not at all happy.

 

I shake my head in disbelieve and hold it in shame.

 

I really made a massive fkup. Guaranteed I could never possibly screw up so badly again.

[beyond]

There is tough love and pushing someone over the edge. Think on this.

 

Every post that I have read on here has been supportive. Most people take the time and trouble to reply to threads that they in some way care about or it resonates with them in some way.

 

Realising that someone has gone past the 'chin up, you'll be fine' phase and identifying that they may need professional help IS support.

 

Maybe Zammo, like me, you didn't read the FULL story of the OP - including the posts in his other name before he was banned.

 

As for the 'not commenting until you have walked in their shoes' - how do you know what other posters have or haven't gone through?

 

Instead of concentrating on how bad you think the advice here has been, perhaps you could offer the OP your advice

[quite.foolish]

QF, we all do things that we're not very proud of so don't beat yourself up for it. It's done. If you didn't do it, you would probably be driving yourself up the wall for weeks about it. You got it out of the way and the best thing now is to let go and start looking inward.

 

I hope you don't get arrested either. It would be a blessing if she blocked your email.

 

You will have a job in a couple of weeks. And you have a place to stay since you said it was raining outside and that you are stuck indoors. Stop giving life to your negative thoughts because all you will do is let them take you down a dark road. Start trying to look forward to the positives that you will soon have.

 

First thing to do when you get back on your feet with your job, seek counselling.

 

The job and place to live will be gone if the police turn up at my house again. I'm going to be driving myself up the wall for the next few weeks half expecting the police to turn up. She definitely recieved those emails.. I created a new account to email the guys at that job, I emailed her from there, she didn't know about it until today.

 

That's now 4email accounts that have emailed her. I have no idea what the hell I've done.

Edited December 27, 2012 by quite.foolish

[geegirl]

The job and place to live will be gone if the police turn up at my house again. I'm going to be driving myself up the wall for the next few weeks half expecting the police to turn up again.

 

The next time you want to react based on impulse, you have to step back and think about these things. If only, to just sit and breathe and to spend a few minutes separating yourself emotionally and thinking about repercussions and if they're worth it.

 

Let's just hope she has blocked your email or at this point has read the email and decided to let it go.