the downward spiral

[Anna84]

How do you prevent being caught up in a downwards spiral?

 

 

I feel like I’m being sucked in, and it’s getting harder not to be blinded by despair at this point, it just feels like I’m close to hitting rock bottom and I won’t be able to climb out. My vision is becoming more blurred which makes it harder to see what’s still possible and I’m afraid I’m missing out on opportunities this way and life is just passing me by.

 

I’m really not a fan of self pity, but as part of analysing the problem I feel like I need to write down what’s been bothering me.

 

I’m in my late twenties, just finished my post grad study, returned home this summer from 4 years abroad. Two years ago one of my parents died, while unfortunately I’ve had to cut off contact with the other only recently. My sister lives abroad and maybe the worst problem of all, I –cannot- find a job. I feel like I’ve applied everywhere, and I’ll accept close to anything, but all I’m getting is rejections. Of course this is the result of the crisis, but it’s starting to feel like I’m doing something wrong.

 

Anyway, all these things piled on top of each other have turned my view on things into a pretty grim one, and it’s really confronting at this time of year. My friends are scattered around the globe and all seem to have a busy life, I’m not making any money and feel like I’m just a waste of space, I have no close family near, and I’m running out of inspiration to make my life meaningful. It’s just increasingly hard to remember that every cloud has a silver lining, and what I really wish for, is someone to point out to me what direction to head for, or simply tell me what I’m doing wrong or what to do.

 

All I’m doing now is turning into a withering, lonely, self pitying old spinster :S

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

what I really wish for, is someone to point out to me what direction to head for, or simply tell me what I’m doing wrong or what to do

 

Yeah, this. I really wanted someone to do that for me. Still do. I think there's a lot of people out there who haven't made anything of their lives because they either don't know what they're good at, or they don't know how to make money from what they're good at. When I left Uni all I really wanted was someone to tap me on the shoulder and point towards some magical horizon, whereupon I would find exactly what I was looking for. It seemed to me like everyone around me knew what they were doing and, like yourself, most of my friends too were leading busy lives so it was difficult to ask them.

 

A job is a job, it pays some bills. It's not a career. I won't tell you what you should do but I'll say that I was in a kind of similar position to you about a year ago. I would've taken ANY job. And I did. And I got stuck. It helped me out with bills but instead of moving forward I was moving sideways. Still am. So I decided to find out what kind of career I'm looking for and be brave enough to quit my job and seek out the career I really want.

 

Life's about experiencing things, I believe. I think you need to take risks in life to eventually find what it is you're here for.

[Anna84]

That's the dilemma; I know that just accepting any job in order to pay bills has the danger of sending me on a sidetrack- I'll be too tired or void of inspiration to change what I'm doing.

 

But not doing anything and waiting till the right thing comes along is even more draining, and then there's the worries of bills that need to be paid.

 

I suppose it's just a luxury problem.. it's just really annoying not to know what I want to do, as if I've got a plate in front of my face blocking my view.

[TaraMaiden]

Sadly, in this day and age, money is more important than vocation.

 

We have three regular guys, who work for the local authorities, who come to empty our trash bins every fortnight.

One of them is a University lecturer in British History, one of them used to be a top-line accountant for IBM and the third is a Polish immigrant, who back home, used to be the director of a sports company.

You think they empty dumpsters because they like it?

 

No.

They empty dumpsters because their line of work is not employing, or is dead, or is making loads of them redundant.

Just like these three guys were.

 

You need to earn now - and consider your long-term career later.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

You need to earn now - and consider your long-term career later.

 

I hear you, but when later? In any job you need to work your way up and that takes time. Years. So how long should anyone spend doing what they hate before they take the risk and find their vocation? Because its always going to be a risk. How about trying to nullify your bills? Cut out luxuries altogether so there's minimal bills to pay, then live close to the breadline while you figure your life out. Those trash men of yours probably have families and no choice. It's a horrible thing, but for those who don't have other mouths to feed but their own, I think going back to basics is the answer.

[TaraMaiden]

Again? maybe never.

 

The percentage of people in jobs - who really love their job and consider it more a paid hobby - you can count on the fingers of one hand. Sadly, a high proportion of people who qualify for a vocation, rarely get to have their dream come true, and if it does, they find it's not all it's cut out to be.

 

I personally know at least a dozen people who switched careers and took further training later in life because the job of their young dreams turned out to be a right nightmare.

 

Did you know Harrison Ford is a fully qualified carpenter?

Or that Tom Selleck owns an Avocado ranch and that Nick Offerman makes and builds bespoke canoes?

 

Have something else under your belt. One career vocation - isn't enough.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

Again? maybe never.

 

The percentage of people in jobs - who really love their job and consider it more a paid hobby - you can count on the fingers of one hand. Sadly, a high proportion of people who qualify for a vocation, rarely get to have their dream come true, and if it does, they find it's not all it's cut out to be.

 

I personally know at least a dozen people who switched careers and took further training later in life because the job of their young dreams turned out to be a right nightmare.

 

Did you know Harrison Ford is a fully qualified carpenter?

Or that Tom Selleck owns an Avocado ranch and that Nick Offerman makes and builds bespoke canoes?

 

Have something else under your belt. One career vocation - isn't enough.

 

No but you missed the point; Harrison Ford loves carpentry, and had talked about giving up Hollywood for it before Star Wars came along. Tom Selleck loves outdoor work, he actually has no hired help because he enjoys what he does. In both instances we have two men who could literally pick two careers they enjoy. Sure, I have other vocations too! I want to be a filmmaker, but I'm also a writer with journalistic experience from school and college. I won't get that kind of job either, though. The jobs out there are rote, boring, uninteresting work that pays very little and offers more of the exact same every day.

 

I'm caught now in a trap where I work in a bar for a meagre wage. I can't afford to save up, even on full time wages, because my money's tied up in bills and trying to maintain a social life. I bought two gifts this Xmas because that's all I could afford.

 

What I'm saying is, I don't believe it's worth it to have a full time job that pays minimum wage and isn't at least a little interesting. I think you have to leave below your means and figure out a way to break through into a decent, well paying job. In this day and age, that's what's important; because so many people live unhappy with their jobs. And it affects their home lives too.

[TaraMaiden]

That's precisely the point I made.

The majority of people are in the same boat. making poor money in a job not of their first choice.

 

if you want to change that, it's probably going to require a change of direction and further study.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

That's precisely the point I made.

The majority of people are in the same boat. making poor money in a job not of their first choice.

 

if you want to change that, it's probably going to require a change of direction and further study.

 

Hmm, I agree. Least ways, you'll need qualifications for these jobs. Problem is, there's so many students these days, so many people have qualifications, that it waters them down. I have a degree in film production and screenwriting, but that isn't getting me a job. Same with most of the people in the bar where I work. Post grads who can't find employment in their field so they slave away meaninglessly.

 

OP I'd say you need to get qualifications to get places, sure, but you have to carve a niche for yourself. Bring something to the table that others don't have. It takes time to find that. If you can, I'd avoid throwing yourself into working dead end jobs and try and find something that leads somewhere.

[Anna84]

Thanks both for your thoughts. TheUnthoughtKnown, it's good to hear your opinion because apparently I just need someone to tell me -from personal experience- that some ways which I'm considering just aren't good ideas, like taking on any dead end job.

 

 

The problem remains to be though that I can't really decide on what my other opportunities are. I don't know what drives me. I know sort of what I'm good at, but it's almost as if I'm frozen, not daring to make a move for fear I'm taking a step in the wrong direction. Turning back and choosing another direction isn't that simple because it just costs money and time, so I feel forced to make the right decision whichever one that turns out to be. That's why I'd love for someone to tell me: Head that way that's the right way for you to go - I don't care what it is.

 

 

Maybe I should just pack my bags and board the next flight to the other side of the world..?

[Teknoe]

I'm not here to advocate or push my faith down your throat... (in fact I take my faith very privately these days) but I just have to recommend this book. I figure why not share it, and you can choose what to do about it. It's no skin off my back either way. But this is a book a friend recommended to me when I was in a similar situation to you.

 

It made a big difference.

 

Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God's Will: Kevin DeYoung, Joshua Harris: 9780802458384: Amazon.com: Books

 

I think a non-Christian could read it and STILL get something out of it.