egalew Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 There has been a lot of talk on the board these past few weeks about NPP (Narcissist Personality Disorder). My ex-OM is a text book case of someone with NPP. That said, I stumbled upon Sam Vaknin, an expert on the subject. Maybe some of you are familiar with Sam and his work. If not, I high recommend you watch some of Sam's videos, which he made many and are excellent. Narcissist, Psychopath, Abuse - YouTube Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Sam Vankin is a self-proclaimed narcissist and is NOT a doctor although he refers to himself as one. Whether or not his articles (oponions) have any validity is up to the reader to decide, but it is important to note that he is not a professional. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author egalew Posted December 27, 2012 Author Share Posted December 27, 2012 Could be wrong.... but I thought he had a Ph.D? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 His PhD is in Philosophy..not Psychology, and it's from an unaccredited school so it doesn't actually mean very much. He is not a mental health professional. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain34 Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Sounds like you are still trying to figure your narcissist out like me. For me, its become more of a self-reflection on why I fell for his ways and continued to see him after he beat me down emotionally through the roller coaster of the A. Christmas was rough! If you're like me, you wonder if he ever really loved you or if it was part of his PD. I found a great answer to that one in the link below. Hopefully it will help you as well! Send me a private message if you want to help each other out. Did The Narcissist Ever Really Love Me? Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Living With A Psychopath - When The Mask Slips.: The Psychopath Sam Vaknin & Femfree - Exposed Link to post Share on other sites
Author egalew Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 Never -- I've been in therapy for years, so more or less know my issues. And, now that I've stepped off the relationship roller coaster, have so many questions, trying to understand the lies, the deceit, the mood swings, the plans..... It's painful, as you know. I would love to talk away from this forum. We seem to have some similar issues. How do I shoot you a private message? Or, can I just give you my e-mail here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author egalew Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 Thank you for sharing that article about Sam Vakin. Scary. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 You're welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 San Vankin is not a psychiatrist, but he has valuable info. He is one of the few narcissists that are aware of their narcissism. A self aware narcissist is a rarity and as such he provides good insight into the world of narcissists. The best psych in the planet cannot know what it feels to be a narcissist. Sam does know because he is a narcissist. IMO many of his videos are on the mark. He's not just a narcissist though, he's also a diagnosed psychopath, which means that what he says cannot be trusted. His narcissism is all muddled up with his psychopathy. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) Of course! Most narcissists are psycopaths. Nevertheless it is important to listen to this guy. After all everything the experts know about narcissism come from listening to men like like Sam Vankin. And many philanderers have narcissistic traits. And many OWs are attracted to men with narcissistic traits. And many other women are disgusted with men that show narcissistic traits. Why? Other way around..most psychopaths are narcissists but not all narcissists are psychopaths. I sound like my 4th grade math teacher... I truly don't understand what's attractive about narcissism. It's completely repulsive to me, just like you said. I guess people confuse narcissism with confidence or worse, with charm. The thing is though, most people aren't experts, and it's easy to get sucked in by someone who speaks with as much confidence and arrogance as Sam Vankin. I think people like him should be left to the experts and not exposed to the general public. Edited December 28, 2012 by ThatJustHappened 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author egalew Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 Why are women attractive to narcissists? Well, mine was interesting, highly intelligent (His mind moved at lightening speed) fun, charming, and very flattering. The woman of moment was, according to him, beautiful, hot, intelligent, alluring. When you were with him, you felt like the most beautiful, cherished, respected woman of the world, But, when he turned.......Lordly. About Sam Varknin....Indeed, it's scary. However, his insights are amazing, and he goes to places that no other psychologist or expert can. It's insider knowledge on NPP. I compare it to when the psychologists meet with serial killers or the FBI talks to mobsters.....By talking to the person who has been there and done that, it can provide a wealth of info. IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain34 Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Never -- I've been in therapy for years, so more or less know my issues. And, now that I've stepped off the relationship roller coaster, have so many questions, trying to understand the lies, the deceit, the mood swings, the plans..... It's painful, as you know. I would love to talk away from this forum. We seem to have some similar issues. How do I shoot you a private message? Or, can I just give you my e-mail here? I think you have to have a premium subscription for private messages. It's like $2.50/mo. Email is fine too but I'm scared to post my email address on a thread after all I've dished on here. Lol. Are you doing better? I'm past the pain, anger, and learning about NPD. I still think of him, but am numb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author egalew Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Never - I too am numb. I've been on vacation the past 10 days and during that time really did a lot of healing and reading. I read a ton about NPP and sociopathic behavior, both of which my ex-MM has a ton of character traits, so much so it's scary. Then I went away to a yoga and mediation retreat, where -- of course -- I received an e-mail from him, thanking me for gift I made his grandson. I didn't respond. I feel every day I am getting stronger, but it's hard. I really wish we could talk away from this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain34 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Whatever you do, please don't reply to his thank you email!! I know it must be hard, but it's just an excuse to reel you back in. Narcissists hate being forgotten and since you haven't made contact or tried to win him back after being discarded, it bothers him. By saying "thank you", it makes him sound like a kind person which will make you stop and think of all the kindness he showed when you were together and the next thing you know, you'll be rethinking your entire NPD diagnosis and will be back in his arms again as a back up supply. Sounds far-fetched, but that's how they work. (I'm sure you know that though from all you've read lately, but sometimes we need reminders.) If you're comfortable sharing your email address here, I'll email you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author egalew Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Never - Dying to talk away from the site. We have a lot in common. You can e-mail me at [email protected]. Please put something in the header so I don't delete. Look forward to talking. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Of course! Most narcissists are psycopaths. Nevertheless it is important to listen to this guy. After all everything the experts know about narcissism come from listening to men like like Sam Vankin. And many philanderers have narcissistic traits. And many OWs are attracted to men with narcissistic traits. And many other women are disgusted with men that show narcissistic traits. Why? You might already know that my XH was a Narcissist with paperwork. But...he got the paperwork while we were breaking up, in an effort to prove there was a medical reason for his...breathtaking selfishness. So, add psychopath or sociopath to his paperwork if you like. You might also already know that prior to meeting my XH I was OW , several times, with MM ...just like him. Successful , ambitious, confident, attractive or at least admired, high profile or plain rich. So , to your WHY? You see the pattern. Yeah, me too. I see it, but I don't get it myself. It started somewhere way back and I can guess a little. But it also has to do with knowing these seemingly strong men intimately enough to know their weaknesses , that's attractive in some nurturing way. And it has something to do with my own competitiveness, I know that. And finally, I get them. I'm somewhat like them in the errors I've made, the things I didn't understand, and whatever. Some kind of connection. I'm insecure and probably, by someone's definition, narcissist to some degree. Link to post Share on other sites
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