promises Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Sure enough, Christmas Eve. He found a way to send me a stupid forward email. I forgot ONE time I'd emailed him from a separate private account. Well, I guess he figured out I shut down the other one and made sure to have his name pop up on Christmas. I remain NC. This may seem like not a big deal but, I am certain that he is now just trying to F with me. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 You know what you have to do, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted December 27, 2012 Author Share Posted December 27, 2012 You know what you have to do, right? Not exactly.. I am staying NC Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 That's exactly what you have to do... It's never about "Why are they doing.......?" It's only ever about "Now what do I do?" And you're doing exactly what you should do. Block him on this account too... or close it.... I sometimes advise the following: Replying to an email/text: "The recipient has blocked incoming mails/texts from this address/number". (As appropriate.) Then - Block. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted December 27, 2012 Author Share Posted December 27, 2012 He's such an attention who#e. I can displace rage here, right? That ?! @#?$!?###?!'!!!!!!!!-er. Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Send an email to a fake made up email address using whichever engine u use (ie gmail, hotmail, yahoo, etc)...u will get an official email back that says something like this account doesn't exist...copy the contents of that email in word...change the fake email address in the body to ur real one (the one u say he's using)...then next time he emails u hit reply and copy the doesn't exist email into ur reply...that worked for me a while back to get BS to stop emailing me... If u use AT&T for cell phone...get a friend to block ur #...then send that friend a text...u will get a message back that says the # is no longer working or something like that...copy it and use it to text back if he texts u...might work with other carriers too... I used both methods bc changing my phone # and email that I've had for 10+ years would have been too much of a PITA... Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted December 27, 2012 Author Share Posted December 27, 2012 Send an email to a fake made up email address using whichever engine u use (ie gmail, hotmail, yahoo, etc)...u will get an official email back that says something like this account doesn't exist...copy the contents of that email in word...change the fake email address in the body to ur real one (the one u say he's using)...then next time he emails u hit reply and copy the doesn't exist email into ur reply...that worked for me a while back to get BS to stop emailing me... If u use AT&T for cell phone...get a friend to block ur #...then send that friend a text...u will get a message back that says the # is no longer working or something like that...copy it and use it to text back if he texts u...might work with other carriers too... I used both methods bc changing my phone # and email that I've had for 10+ years would have been too much of a PITA... I've blocked both he and his wife and other friends of hers from text. He informed me that he had his number changed. We've both deleted email accounts. This is why it's so F'ed up. I'll close this email address, too. MY therapist ((due to this ridiculous A)) advised me to avoid any and all responses. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Just remember that he is reinforcing to you exactly WHO he is and WHO he values most in your A - himself. If you think back you will begin to see that most of the A was about HIS needs - and less your own. There are, of course, A's where the MP caters to the OW/OM - however, I would argue that those "people-pleasers" are yet again placing their own needs first even though they outwardly "meet" the OW/OM's - namely that need to please (some might say rescue) others. The email wasn't for you per se - it was for HIS ego. So, the best way to "strike back" is to not reply. It's precisely what he wants and expects. Deny it to him. Keep that in mind as you move forward - every contact sets you back and helps his ego - he wins and you lose. Up to you though.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted December 27, 2012 Author Share Posted December 27, 2012 The email wasn't for you per se - it was for HIS ego. So, the best way to "strike back" is to not reply. It's precisely what he wants and expects. .... Yes, and two weeks from now he'll do it again. You're right. He's now doing it because his life is so messed up he feels the need to remind me again and again.. He doesn't want me to be happy either at this point. This is the control part. Affairs are so much about control issues. It has little to do with caring about me. What a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 It has little to do with caring about me. What a mess. So why on Earth are you "hanging on" to this guy who views not as a woman but as a salve for whatever ails him? I don't know about you but when I "learn" that someone is using me as a "tool" or distraction or "anything" that involves them not liking me for ME, then f_ck them. Why give this walking sack of carbon another thought? F_ck him (uh, not literally ok ) Wash hands, introspection, learn, then meet some guy who likes you simply because you ARE you. He doesn't deserve another thought. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 So why on Earth are you "hanging on" to this guy who views not as a woman but as a salve for whatever ails him? I don't know about you but when I "learn" that someone is using me as a "tool" or distraction or "anything" that involves them not liking me for ME, then f_ck them. Why give this walking sack of carbon another thought? F_ck him (uh, not literally ok ) Wash hands, introspection, learn, then meet some guy who likes you simply because you ARE you. He doesn't deserve another thought. All very true although sometimes easier said than done...we'll get there... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 I don't know about you but when I "learn" that someone is using me as a "tool" or distraction or "anything" that involves them not liking me for ME, then f_ck them. Why give this walking sack of carbon another thought? F_ck him (uh, not literally ok ) Wash hands, introspection, learn, then meet some guy who likes you simply because you ARE you. He doesn't deserve another thought. He doesn't. I just need to get there. It's getting better. And believe it or not venting and swearing on LS is helping. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Repetition of my Mamma's wise words to me: "My darling, remember this: It doesn't matter what job they have, how much money they earn, what clothes they wear, what car they drive or what house they live in - they're only ever 9 years old." God, it's just too true.... Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Yes, and two weeks from now he'll do it again. You're right. He's now doing it because his life is so messed up he feels the need to remind me again and again.. He doesn't want me to be happy either at this point. This is the control part. Affairs are so much about control issues. It has little to do with caring about me. What a mess. He IS still looking for sympathy, the sympathy you gave him over his poor loveless marriage, the one he is fighting to save now. I believe many an OW is too sympathetic, too kind, too validating to his every emotion. Who could resist that? Bottom line: You were being too nice and understanding when you should have been hurling plates against your kitchen walls, around his head, when he wouldn't leave his marriage. Plate hurling seems to get their attention, and their respect. In the future, don't be so nice. be demanding, have boundaries, no what you want and don't want, and strictly enforce it. If they can't fill YOUR NEEDS, say buh-bye. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 What he's doing is typical. Trying to keep his options open in case his wife dumps him. And as painful as this may be to hear, promises, Alice is right! If his wife is as crazy as I was, she is putting him through he'll or throwing him out, or trying to. My H kept intermittent contact in case we were over, she would be his soft place to land ( and she was! ). For awhile. Don't be that woman! See plate hurling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 And as painful as this may be to hear, promises, Alice is right! If his wife is as crazy as I was, she is putting him through he'll or throwing him out, or trying to. My H kept intermittent contact in case we were over, she would be his soft place to land ( and she was! ). For awhile. Don't be that woman! See plate hurling. She is acting pretty crazy, yes. He is out. Or was recently. Don't know now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted February 5, 2013 Author Share Posted February 5, 2013 Promises, Curious, do you notice your ex mm trying to contact you more around holidays or birthdays or big events. Mine starts sending signals right before big events it seems for some reason. I feel the tension building when some occasion is coming up. Thanksgiving, Birthday, Christmas, etc. Do you notice the same? Yes. Thanksgiving Eve, Christmas Eve, New Years Eve, my birthday was prior to NC and that was approx 8 times that day, and I'd say his typical calling is approx. every 7-9 days. Longest was 21 days. Link to post Share on other sites
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