Prettybones Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 I have been "friends with benefits" with this guy for about 4 months, until recently. A few weeks ago, I contacted him after we hadn't spoken for 2 weeks. I said I missed him, and he said he did too. Then we slept together again after we hadnt for a month. After that things got strange. He started saying mean things like I was bad in bed and I "pissed him off" during sex. I got extremely upset over this nd basically told him I was sick of his sh*t and him criticizing me. I told him we should just be friends but he wouldn't let it go. He kept talking to me. Then after that happened, he changed. He has been super sweet and attentive and caring, he was never that way before that fight. Then I found out he went out of town with his ex and they have been hanging out a lot. Yet he texts me all the time. It is so weird. I haven't told him I know about him and his ex yet. He keeps being weird and talks to me all the time. I have no idea how he went from being a total jerk to this. Part of me makes me believe he is trying to cover his butt because of the stuff going on with his ex. I feel like everytime I try to move on or stop talking to him he comes back into my life and I can't say no. Then once he gets bored he stops talking to me again and I begin to miss him. It's a vicious cycle I can't break. I've deleted his # and Facebook but he always comes back being caring and nice after hurting me. I just feel stupid that I can't stand my ground. As soon as I tell him I just want to be friends he plays games and manipulates me. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Don't answer his calls. Telling you you are bad in bed and stuff? He is a total jerk, what exactly is there to miss about someone who would talk to you like that?? He is just keeping you on the backburner in case things with other girls don't work out. He is USING you. You don't want to be "friends", you want something more with him that's why you fall back into bed with him just cause he is "attentive" after being an as.shole to you! Just go No Contact...you don't owe him an explanation or anything, meet new guys!! Why do you wanna waste your time on someone who treats you badly?? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 He's just keeping his options open with you... for a booty call on his schedule, that is. Look at it this way: his "caring and nice" is only an act. It's what he does to keep you where he wants you: as his piece on the side. He's a player; he's not your friend and never was. I know that's harsh, but if you put aside your illusions and look at his actions (not his words), can you really say it's not true? Why he's being so nice to you as he's going out with his ex: 1) Like veggiegirl said, it keeps you on the backburner, but I'd add that it's only to keep your, ahem, "services" available and not for a relationship. 2) By giving you that attention, it also keeps him from being 100% focused on or invested with his ex or any other woman he's allegedly dating (fooling around with). Dollars to doughnuts, he's a committmentphobe. Why he was mean to you: it pushes you away, keeps distance between you, and is an attack on your self-esteem, which makes it easier for him to manipulate you. A note on putting distance between you: you don't necessarily have to do anything to make it seem like you want to be closer. Often, these guys do stuff like this when they feel like things are getting too close between you both, so they panic and do something to increase the distance again. Does this guy often disappear or become aloof after you've been together and things were good? Because that would be pretty typical. And the yo-yo continues indefinitely until you decide you're done with their crap. Why do you want to be friends with him? He's not good boyfriend material (if that's what you're hoping for). As for being friends, just because you propose it doesn't mean he wants to or even can be a friend in any real sense of the word. Your yourself say you get game playing and manipulation instead. Perhaps you don't want to end things badly or be rude or be the bad guy, but that may be the only way to go. Whatever it takes to maintain no contact. Some people just never get the point any other way. It doesn't make you a bad person to be tough with someone. You can be so much better off without him in your life. I hope you can go NC and keep it. Be rude or even nasty if you have to, but don't let him suck you back in! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 Can't add anything that hasn't already been said. If you keep in touch with him, you only have yourself to blame for being suckered in. Link to post Share on other sites
Sylar Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 This is a clear cut case of him having the best of both worlds. Ditch him. He sounds like a right prick. Link to post Share on other sites
redleader Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 As a guy I can tell you what this is: He is a dick until he wants sex, then turns into the nicest guy in the world until he gets what he wants. I do not subscribe myself to this ideal, but know plenty of men that have. Cut your losses before he cuts your soul, you will only have yourself to blame if you get hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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