UCFKevin Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Saturday night, I was out with my buddies walking around on Sunset, going from bar to bar, club to club, etc. You were, presumably, with your girl friends. As we neared each other, none of us made eye contact. It's as though we were trying not to look at each other. I sure as hell was. But because of this, I wasn't looking where I was going either, and tripped on a crack in the pavement and tripped, falling forward, right as you were passing by. My arms flailed about and tried to grab the nearest sturdy thing to steady myself. That nearest thing ended up being your rack. Unfortunately, your breasts weren't steady nor sturdy enough, so I kept falling. Along the way, your shirt and bra were torn off in the process. Your knockers, exposed to the night air, bounced with delight and glee. Almost immediately, you came down upon me, fists rained down hellfire the likes of which I've never experienced. Your friends quickly joined in, pummeling me, while my own friends stood back and watched, giggling gayly as if their kindergarten classmate had just poohed his pants during recess. It was when you were pepperspraying the s*** out of me that we locked eyes for a moment. It was incredibly painful to keep my eyes open, due to the intense sting from the pepperspray, but I noticed how goddamn gorgeous your blue eyes were, and I think I noticed a moment of hesitation, almost admiration, perhaps. A hint of a smile formed on your face, and for a second, I thought you were going to kiss me, but then you headbutted me directly into the sidewalk, rendering me unconscious. This, however, did not stop you from kicking me in the side, spitting on my face and stealing my wallet, while, yes, you were there, you know, my friends continued laughing and whooping it up like a bunch of drunken rednecks at a hoedown. I had hoped to find your phone number scratched into my chest, along with the many other scratches from your fingernails, but alas, when I came to, nothing. Just blood and a few scattered teeth. I sincerely hope you read this message because I think we had a connection, you and I. I want to see where this might lead. As long as it's not the ICU again. Link to post Share on other sites
pitprincess Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 That made me smile Kevin... I sure hope you never have to do this to find the love of your life. Oh just incase... May I please walk way in front of you so I don't get caught in the cross fire.. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Heh, this made me laugh, great stuff! Pity you don't live in Africa, you could've organised a Sangoma to devine the scattered teeth Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Lol The headbutt was an accident kev. My bad. Link to post Share on other sites
TineeTam Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 OH MY GOSH! Was that YOU?! It took me forever to get the blood out from under my nails, and you ruined my manicure!!! One of my implants is now lower than the other one too and I have to lean to the left and limp just to keep them even! Sorry about the pepper spray. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 You mean you weren't the stunt guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 I have a scar on my bottom lip b/c my high school BF split it twice. The 1st time we were flirting in the parking lot when I blew a bubble and he popped it- unfortunately he forgot he was wearing his class ring until it crushed my lip. Another time he turned to tell me something while I was taking a sip from a soda- his hand pushed the bottle crushing my lip into my teeth. I'm a klutz but he was the most accidently abusive guy I ever dated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 "I love you, honey." <WHAP> "WHoops!" Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Originally posted by TineeTam OH MY GOSH! Was that YOU?! It took me forever to get the blood out from under my nails, and you ruined my manicure!!! One of my implants is now lower than the other one too and I have to lean to the left and limp just to keep them even! Sorry about the pepper spray. Looks like a Love Connection to me!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 We'll be back in two and two. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 God help me, I did another one! ---------------------- Saturday night at the Raven, I was with my friend Empathy, and we were all dressed up in our usual outfits, which consisted of black pants, black shirts, and black jackets. I had on one gray sock, though. I lost the other black sock. I looked so foolish. I wrote a sixty page diatribe on my pain earlier that day. But we were ready to party! Well, not so much party as sit around and sulk while waxing poetic about death and suicide to the tunes of Marilyn Manson while the Crow was being projected on the walls. Empathy and I sat down at our usual table, the one furthest away from the light (we don't like to be seen much, our complexions are what dermatologists call, "holy grails.")Do you remember us? It was during my prayer to my own personal God, Shiabatru, Lord of Deviances and General Rudeness over the dead cat's mummified head when you walked thru the door. Your hair looked beautiful, flowing as if centuries old moth-ridden drapes hanging from a castle's open window, and your lips were as black as my soul, which is pretty damn black, now that I think about it. You sat down across from us and took out a vial of blood and began to pour it onto your face. I was mesmerized, but also a little woozy, as I've never been too comfortable around blood. You should've seen me watching Kill Bill Volume 1. Like a nervous wreck, I was! ER's a rough one to view, as well. Although ever since Clooney left, it hasn't been the same. But I digress. The blood oozed down your face in such a way that made my heart stop. (I have a condition. It's not that serious. Empathy carries a pocket defibrilator to jolt me back to life in case he sees the lifeless look in my sunken eyes.) I came to and continued to marvel at your splendor. I was so enticed! You started shouting out, "I wanna dance with somebody! I wanna feel the HEAT with somebod-aaaay!" and blood droplets splurted all over the place. As sickened as I was by the blood, I was enchanted by your mesmerizing performance art piece. I would've, no, SHOULD'VE gone over to talk to you and tell you how beautiful you were and how interested I was in getting to know you, but again, that thing with the blood was a pretty big barrier between us. I mean, if you and I ever do meet again, you'd obviously have to ix-nay the ood-blay, if you know what I'm saying. Hopefully you wouldn't mind the sacrifice. It'd be worth it. I make a hell of a quiche. Please write me if you're out there, oh beautiful crimson covered coven wench! Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 A hell of a quiche, huh? Lovely, really. Even better than the first. -DA Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Yeah, I have no idea where the quiche thing came from. It works, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Renaissance Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 As a much older man I must tell you how much I enjoyed your "Fantasy", In 1964 my buddy and I met two girls on broadway in San Francisco and they told us the wanted "escorts" to go in and see Lennie Bruce-{a totally outragious 4 letter word comedian} naively we agreed and discovered we had 16.00 between us and the "girls", were expecting us to pick up the tab. This occured while we were watching the show. We excused ourselves, had a hurried conference in the "john" and proceeded to climb out a back window and escape our own demise.-Not real cool but fun to laugh about in retrospect. Hey man don't loose your sense of humor and don't settle for a second rate woman.-Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
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