Told best friend I like her

[Natchitra]

Hi,

 

This is my 2nd post on this forum and quite different to my last! I started developing feelings for one of my close friends who had recently (5months ago) come out of a 2 year relationship. I had feelings for her before she started dating this guy but I Diddnt say anything.

 

So I thought now would be the perfect opportunity to tell her how I feel as I regretted manning up before.

 

I told her I like her but didn't ask her

On a date. Her response was that she really needed me as a friend as things in her life are kinda :/ ATM.

 

Just wondering what this means for me?

[Natchitra]

Any advice guys??? I was planning on working on building up the friendship and trying later

[Enema]

If she really liked you, she'd have made the effort.

 

You will never get this girl. Conversely, your best chance at getting her is to forget about her and move onto other women.

[todreaminblue]

Any advice guys??? I was planning on working on building up the friendship and trying later

 

 

 

i vary on what people say on here i believe friendship is a great place to start to get to know someone, apparently its bad to get friend zoned.....i think as adults you can and should be honest with what you feel, if you have feelings that are stronger than friendship you should be able to say so....respecting what the person says after you tell them is important...if they so no you have to respect that, if your feelings are strong though it makes it hard to be "just friends" especially if they were to start dating someone else and you are in the friend zone...it would pretty much make you feel like crap, I think thsi is where you need to fade out.Honesty to me is th ebest policy adn if they start to date soemone else I dotn think it woudl eb a good place to be....have not had this happen yet to me....i am expecting it however and that isn't fun..i would have to go no contact.....you have to do what you feel is right for you and what you can handle..its easier to be honest and a lot less painful a lot less guilt and gives both a chance to move on.....deb

[soccerrprp]

If she really liked you, she'd have made the effort.

 

You will never get this girl. Conversely, your best chance at getting her is to forget about her and move onto other women.

 

Disagree and agree.

 

First of all, no one knows if you'll ever get this girl to take the chance and get involved romantically. I know people who started off friends and became lovers, married. Some of them had the same kind of response. But, this is not all too common, so don't place too much hope in it happening.

 

The great thing is that she still wants you as a friend. She needs that right now. The best thing you can do is continue being that friend. You need to move on and continue dating others for your own sanity and well-being. This is not a wholesale rejection and don't take it like that. If you've been true friends then you shouldn't change how you've approached her...I know easier said then done. Well, i'm in the same boat. I actually told my friend that I LOVED her. The best thing I could have done! We continue to be friends, closer and it's such a huge weight off my shoulders. I know she knows how I feel and yet, we continue to have 1 to 1 time every once in a while and we get together with our kids and have family time. I personally cherish and value our platonic relationship more now. She knows that I'm in her corner and she accepts the fact that my feeling for her are greater than hers for me. There's a great deal of maturity that comes into play here and that, in itself, speaks volumes about our relationship.

 

The key is that I am prepared and willing to continue with our "friendship." Are you? I date other ladies and still make her a priority as friends should, right?

 

I have NO ILLUSIONS that we will become more, but I love being her friend! And for now, it's friendship that she needs.

 

Good luck!

Edited December 28, 2012 by soccerrprp

[Natchitra]

Thanks for your advice guys. She's agreed to go out with me for lunch (no date) but a few of her friends have contacted me saying she's still really in love with her ex... I should lay back a bit and see what happens I guess... Or should I show her a good time? I'm a bit confused

[allenpo123]

Yeah, it's great that she agreed to go to lunch with you, she really wants you as her friend, nothing bad about that right? Since you mentioned her friends contacted you saying she's still into her ex, I reckon maybe she asked her friends to tell you that so you wouldn't have to turn you down in person, she likes you as her friend, and I believe hurting you is the last thing she would want to do.

 

Have a good time at lunch, but just don't try pulling off romantic ideas to her yet, she's not ready.

[soccerrprp]

Great! Have lunch with her w/o expectations other than being a FRIEND. It's my birthday today and my "friend" is throwing a birthday celebration for me. Remember, my friend knows how I feel about her! But she values me as a friend and loves me in her own way and that, my friend, is better than not having her as a friend and screwing it up by mixing-in romantic expectations that are not realistic for the time being.

 

If she is a friend, act like one and let her be one.

 

Again, if YOU cannot handle that, then you're really not a true friend and YOU should move on. Tough....but true.

[redleader]

If you can probably move on, find a girl who does want to be with you that way. Could be a case to self impose the friend zone without expectations otherwise. If you stay around only because you want to be with her and keep wanting that without the possibility of her returning those feelings, you will crash and burn my friend.

[darkknights]

Hi just check video of how to turn a friend to lover from youtube.

[johnmarry321]

I did the same thing but in person it only drove us apart. The best thing to do is let things settle and see what happens. She now knows how u feel and if you don't push it maybe things will work out. The reason I think it didn't for me is because I became obsessed. I got it to the point that no other guy would talked to her cus they were afraid of my reaction and she hated me for it. We did the sex thing for a minute but that's all that came from it I wanted more. Like they say let it go and if its ment to be it will come back. Good luck and don't make things worse.

[redleader]

You are in the danger zone with her now, I hate to say.

 

Sounds like she might entice the idea but if her life is a mess she probably needs her space to deal with that, and needs friends and allies more than another boyfriend. Or she doesn't see you that way.

 

The choice is yours whether you can live with it and convert your feelings toward a stronger friendship with her, or let her go if you find these thoughts making you miserable that she is not with you, or wont be.

 

Whatever the case absolutely do not hang around expecting something that will never happen as the only reason you are with her as a friend, you would be setting yourself up for an icepick to your mind later when she rejects you.

 

Probably just play it cool, don't save yourself for her. She knows you are interested in more potentially, if she feels the same she will come back to you and say so. Just maintain no expectation of this. Be careful though, if you let your feelings consume your thoughts and you start acting on them, your friendship will not last long at this point.