LuckyClover Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 It's days like these I just want to buy some perks and go numb.
Author LuckyClover Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 All the advice in the world can't take away the feeling of sadness. We all feel it, some of us more than others, but regardless, it's there. Some of us are really good at disguising the pain with smiles or whatever else works to help cover it up until it goes away. It never goes away forever.. for a little while it does. But every time we overcome that pain or lack of something we feel deep inside.. we find ourselves once again being revisited.. sometimes it's triggered by something going on in our lives that we have a deep connection to/with, and sometimes it's just there.. undefined but loud and clear that it resides in you, not just because of what goes on around you. I understand addictions to drugs. They are no different than being addicted to a lover. Both are used to cover that lack of fullness within ourselves... that lack of feeling good. I can blame it on everything around me.. the evil this world displays for me. Or I can make believe I'm unique and need medication to fix a chemical imbalance. Or I can just say who cares the origin I'll medicate myself with alcohol or pain pills. Or I can do nothing and just fake it until I make it. No matter what I do.. that stupid **** will continue to haunt me. It's not okay. I don't like that we feel this un-explainable pain. I have a great life... I have great kids... I have a great job... I have a great personality... but sometimes the pain love doesn't cover convinces me to use other alternatives to mask my feelings of incompleteness. Hopefully I'll just get over it quickly and feel better tomorrow.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 So was that pretty much a rant / rationalization about your addiction to opiates?
Author LuckyClover Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Not really sure exactly.. I just know when I feel this way I come here and type... I have been addicted to opiates and I guess in a way I always will be. I haven't abused/used them in over a year now, but days like today make it easy to give myself an excuse to use them.
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