I love my GF but I don't LIKE her.

[crabbiestcancer]

Also, she projects her own flaws onto to me, she's incredibly self-centered and annoyingly prideful.

 

I don't know what to do. We love each other. I don't want to leave her but I hate her guts.

 

We've been going out for a year now. Someone please tell me it's just a phase.

[monicaelise]

Also, she projects her own flaws onto to me, she's incredibly self-centered and annoyingly prideful.

 

I don't know what to do. We love each other. I don't want to leave her but I hate her guts.

 

We've been going out for a year now. Someone please tell me it's just a phase.

 

....or the relationship has run its course.

 

Why is that you think you love about this person? That might be a good place to start in figuring out whether you really do love her, or are just stuck in the relationship.

[MrCastle]

This makes absolutely no sense. What, exactly, do you love about her?

 

Tits and ass man! :laugh:

[veggirl]

You don't love her, you love the comfort of knowing you have someone around all the time. You are just attached to her. It's only been a year and you can safely say you don't like her. That is jacked, you are wasting your time on this crap. Is this your first gf or something? how did you end up in a relationship with someone you don't even like? Just desperation or something? I don't get it.

[ooglesnboogles]

My best friend in high school was in a similar situation. He and his first girlfriend had been going out for a year and a half or so, but she made him miserable. We often asked him about it and he admitted to being miserable, but their home situations pulled them together, something they could both talk about and escape from. She was very clingy and controlling, and he was happy to have someone around and somehow controlling as well. It was a painful relationship that had an argument every day or so. But they thought they needed each other.

 

Best to get out of it if you don't make each other happy. Or if you think there's something else there, you could try to talk to her and see if you can resolve the issue. But that still might not work out.

[GMG90]

Sounds like what happened with me.

 

You can obviously talk to her about everything, but if she's not going to budge then don't drive yourself nuts. And this isn't something that will magically change with time either ...

[CptObvious]

This makes absolutely no sense. What, exactly, do you love about her?

 

dem sweet sweet sugawalls

[KungFuJoe]

Well...I don't know about hate, but I was with a girl for a year and, if it wasn't for the amazing sex, we probably wouldn't even be friends. We seriously did not get along and fought over everything. Best part of our relationship was near the end when I literally would show up at her door, we'd have sex without even saying a word, then I would be on my way.

 

Obviously your relationship isn't going to last. I'm assuming you're sticking around for the sex so I would suggest you arrange a NSA relationship or you simply be on your merry way.

[crabbiestcancer]

You don't love her, you love the comfort of knowing you have someone around all the time. You are just attached to her. It's only been a year and you can safely say you don't like her. That is jacked, you are wasting your time on this crap.

Whoa. How dare you make those insulting claims with such little evidence. Respectfully, I'm inclined to ask, what the hell is wrong with you! Do you always project your failed relationships onto others? Must be a girl thing.

 

How do you know I feel safe with what I'm saying? I haven't told her I don't like her yet so I must not feel too safe saying it and perhaps need reassuring.

 

Is this your first gf or something?

She's my sixth, if you must know.

 

how did you end up in a relationship with someone you don't even like?

It's quite easy actually: at first, you may think someone is perfect for you and that you belong together but people don't always reveal their true nature until the relationship gets further down the road. Anyone with at least one or two failed relationships can tell you that. So how many relationships have YOU had?

 

Just desperation or something?

Again, I must ask (not so respectfully this time), what the hell is wrong with you? Did I insult your mum or something? No. So enough with the ad hominem attacks, please.

 

This makes absolutely no sense.

What part are you not getting, mate? What I'm saying is not cryptic at all: I love my GF dearly but sometimes she gets on my last nerve.

 

What, exactly, do you love about her?

Do I really have to elaborate for you? Love is a bit subjective, isn't it? The point is I love her.

 

Tits and ass man!

I do love a good pair of tits and ass. Unfortunately, my GF doesn't have either. So I must've been attracted to something else, eh?

 

Am I the only one who found this hilariously amusing?

I'm glad my relationship troubles amuse you. Seriously, if you're not going to say anything useful, why post at all? I suppose I should flag your post but I'm having way too much fun making fun of you.

 

I read it as if he was whispering to his cousin about hating the knitted sweater his nan gave him for christmas

That's downright the worst analogy I've ever heard. If anything, you should have read it as a guy seeking advice. That is what this forum is for after all.

 

Best to get out of it if you don't make each other happy. Or if you think there's something else there, you could try to talk to her and see if you can resolve the issue. But that still might not work out.

Sounds like what happened with me.

 

You can obviously talk to her about everything, but if she's not going to budge then don't drive yourself nuts. And this isn't something that will magically change with time either

Well...I don't know about hate, but I was with a girl for a year and, if it wasn't for the amazing sex, we probably wouldn't even be friends. We seriously did not get along and fought over everything. Best part of our relationship was near the end when I literally would show up at her door, we'd have sex without even saying a word, then I would be on my way.

 

Obviously your relationship isn't going to last. I'm assuming you're sticking around for the sex so I would suggest you arrange a NSA relationship or you simply be on your merry way.

This was the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you. Shame on the rest of you.

[todreaminblue]

Also, she projects her own flaws onto to me, she's incredibly self-centered and annoyingly prideful.

 

I don't know what to do. We love each other. I don't want to leave her but I hate her guts.

 

We've been going out for a year now. Someone please tell me it's just a phase.

 

 

eeeeek....hate is not love please leave her you made me uncomfortable reading this I will feel better when you say you have ended it...another eeek...this isnt a phase....im out for the night...celibacy intact and kickin in strong...leave her being sent subliminally from me to you ...deb

[Ninjainpajamas]

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are compatible....love is a feeling and not a choice, but it takes more than that to having a loving life and relationship with someone.

 

It sounds like you love this person for a particular experience or set of qualities you see in her, but you will continue to have difficulty in this relationship if you cannot get along, resolve your issues through compromise and love the person for who they are with their faults...it's a very difficult thing to do with the wrong person.

 

Sounds like you don't approve of her character and that's a hard pill to swallow, that will continue to irk you during periods in your life and you'll wonder why you are even with this person, especially at times where she embarrasses you or shows qualities that you despise of or resent.

 

It was good for what it was, but the relationship has run it's course...take from what you can and let it help guide you to someone who is more compatible and will become more fulfilling in your relationship.

[veggirl]

Well, you are quite defensive.

 

Whoa. How dare you make those insulting claims with such little evidence. Respectfully, I'm inclined to ask, what the hell is wrong with you! Do you always project your failed relationships onto others? Must be a girl thing.

 

Um I wasn't projecting. You literally said you hate her.

 

How do you know I feel safe with what I'm saying? I haven't told her I don't like her yet so I must not feel too safe saying it and perhaps need reassuring.

 

When I said "you can safely say you don't like her" I meant you can confidently say you don't like her. You called her self-centered and said you hate her. So I assume you are safely, aka confidently, saying you DON'T LIKE HER.

 

It's quite easy actually: at first, you may think someone is perfect for you and that you belong together but people don't always reveal their true nature until the relationship gets further down the road.

 

I guess I would then wonder how fast you jumped into things. If you take things slowly at the beginning, you can usually avoid the "fog" of lust...the fog that clouds how people truly are.

 

Anyone with at least one or two failed relationships can tell you that. So how many relationships have YOU had?

 

3 serious, plenty of short term. The short term all ended pretty quickly when I realized (early on) that we weren't compatible.

 

If you can say you hate your girlfriend, that you don't like her, you should break up with her. I've never been in a relationship where I went through a "phase" of hating my SO. Esp not after only a year.

[crabbiestcancer]

Well, you are quite defensive.

 

I have a quick reaction to bull****, yes. I'm guilty as charged. You also made insulting claims about me and asked me personal questions that I am now giving you the answers to. So if I seem defensive it's only because you attacked me.

 

Um I wasn't projecting.

So that we're both on the same page here, let's take a look at what projection is, shall we?:

 

Psychological projection or projection bias is a psychological defense mechanism where a person subconsciously denies his or her own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world, usually to other people. Thus, projection involves imagining or projecting the belief that others originate those feelings.

Now let's take a look at your projections:

 

Projection #1:

 

You don't love her,

You assume, because I don't fancy my GFs personality very much, that I can't possibly love and hate her at the same time. That is projecting your own attributes (or found attributes) onto me. Just because you can't feel two feelings at once for someone, doesn't mean that I can't.

 

Projection #2:

 

you love the comfort of knowing you have someone around all the time. You are just attached to her.

You assume, once again, that I'm some lonely person in need of comforting and that that's the only reason why I'm still with my girlfriend, when in fact, you haven't got a bloody clue. So where are you pulling this idea from? Your own experiences. Which you then project onto me.

 

You literally said you hate her.

I did say that, you're right. But I also said I love her as well, which is why things are quite difficult.

 

When I said "you can safely say you don't like her" I meant you can confidently say you don't like her. You called her self-centered and said you hate her. So I assume you are safely, aka confidently, saying you DON'T LIKE HER.

As far as you know, I'm anonymously posting on a forum meant for relationship advice, instead of actually telling anyone, or even my girlfriend how I feel. I can't be that confident, now can I?

 

You have every right to assume what you want but I'm telling you you're wrong.

 

I guess I would then wonder how fast you jumped into things. If you take things slowly at the beginning, you can usually avoid the "fog" of lust...the fog that clouds how people truly are.

There you go assuming again! How do you know if I'm only lusting for her? How do you know if I'm not abstinent, or if I don't believe in sex before marriage? Why would you assume anything other than what I've told you? Once again, you're trying to pigeonhole me by projecting the behaviors of someone else onto me.

 

3 serious, plenty of short term. The short term all ended pretty quickly when I realized (early on) that we weren't compatible.

And what, you think I'm not capable of recognizing, early on, when I'm not compatible with someone?

 

I'd love to know what you consider "short term." A week? A month? Because I don't believe that's long enough to get to know someone very well. Either way, we're getting into subjective territory and I don't really care to go there. Just know that I consider all six of my relationships to be "serious" ones because those are the only kind I bother making.

 

If you can say you hate your girlfriend, that you don't like her, you should break up with her.

Really? I don't think I should. 1) Because I'm not CONFIDENT enough yet to make such a drastic decision and 2) because I love her. If that's the only non-assumptive piece of advice you can give me, then thanks but no thanks.

 

I've never been in a relationship where I went through a "phase" of hating my SO.

Right. And because you haven't, it's impossible for anyone else to.

[todreaminblue]

I have to wonder why you are justifying your post that posted, when you

specifically pleaded for help your very last sentence ....wanting to know if it is just a phase you are going through...like you dont know but you know about projection and have the capacity to pick apart people who are responding to your call for help...i make this projection...you have a lot fo self pride yourself by the emoticon you posted which give a projection if being pleased with your response........i question whether you really wanted help or are posting for an ulterior reason which to me is not discernable from your responses other than to feed an ego which is questionable...if you were part of some circles i have been in they would rip you a new one....just saying you dont ask for help and then not thank people but pull apart their responses one sentence by another sentence and sit their smiling after with a smug emoticon...you doing a study?.....hows it going???? did you want help....what was the reason fro your post again...i am schizo affective and you dont seem legit to me.:bunny::bunny::bunny:......are you donnie darko personified..gave you some rabbits.put your mask back on...say thank you when you ask for help and somebody bothers to write a long assed post to try and help....thats courtesy........deb

Edited December 28, 2012 by todreaminblue

[veggirl]

I have a quick reaction to bull****, yes. I'm guilty as charged. You also made insulting claims about me and asked me personal questions that I am now giving you the answers to. So if I seem defensive it's only because you attacked me.

 

So that we're both on the same page here, let's take a look at what projection is, shall we?:

 

Now let's take a look at your projections:

 

Projection #1:

 

You assume, because I don't fancy my GFs personality very much, that I can't possibly love and hate her at the same time. That is projecting your own attributes (or found attributes) onto me. Just because you can't feel two feelings at once for someone, doesn't mean that I can't.

 

Projection #2:

 

You assume, once again, that I'm some lonely person in need of comforting and that that's the only reason why I'm still with my girlfriend, when in fact, you haven't got a bloody clue. So where are you pulling this idea from? Your own experiences. Which you then project onto me.

 

I did say that, you're right. But I also said I love her as well, which is why things are quite difficult.

 

As far as you know, I'm anonymously posting on a forum meant for relationship advice, instead of actually telling anyone, or even my girlfriend how I feel. I can't be that confident, now can I?

 

You have every right to assume what you want but I'm telling you you're wrong.

 

There you go assuming again! How do you know if I'm only lusting for her? How do you know if I'm not abstinent, or if I don't believe in sex before marriage? Why would you assume anything other than what I've told you? Once again, you're trying to pigeonhole me by projecting the behaviors of someone else onto me.

 

And what, you think I'm not capable of recognizing, early on, when I'm not compatible with someone?

 

I'd love to know what you consider "short term." A week? A month? Because I don't believe that's long enough to get to know someone very well. Either way, we're getting into subjective territory and I don't really care to go there. Just know that I consider all six of my relationships to be "serious" ones because those are the only kind I bother making.

 

Really? I don't think I should. 1) Because I'm not CONFIDENT enough yet to make such a drastic decision and 2) because I love her. If that's the only non-assumptive piece of advice you can give me, then thanks but no thanks.

 

Right. And because you haven't, it's impossible for anyone else to.

 

Wow.

 

Good luck with your girlfriend/this problem.

[crude]

Sounds like you're doing the chick thing. You're not in love with her, you're in love with the idea of being in love.

[TaraMaiden]

Also, she projects her own flaws onto to me, she's incredibly self-centered and annoyingly prideful.

Actually, it might be less projecting and more copying... we hate in others the flaws we ourselves have....

 

I don't know what to do. We love each other. I don't want to leave her but I hate her guts.

No, I personally wouldn't call this 'love'. You abuse the term terribly, and it's not a word to be trifled with. it's a precious and rare commodity. There's an attraction - possibly, if not probably physical - I mean, you guys still have sex, right? - because it's strong enough to over ride the 'hating her guts' thing.... But Love?

No.

Oooh, no.

Definitely not.

We've been going out for a year now. Someone please tell me it's just a phase.

Yes, going out is just a phase. Do her a favour; dump her then maybe she can find someone who lusts after her and DOESN'T hate her guts.

[crabbiestcancer]

I have to wonder why you are justifying your post that posted, when you

specifically pleaded for help your very last sentence ....

 

I'm not "justifying," I'm clarifying.

 

wanting to know if it is just a phase you are going through...like you dont know but you know about projection

When I first made this thread I didn't know if it was a phase or not but then as time passed and as people gave their "advice," it became more clear to me what it was.

 

And yes, I know a bit about projection but what are you trying to say? That because I know about projection, I should automatically know all the answers to my relationship problems?

 

and have the capacity to pick apart people who are responding to your call for help...

I "picked apart" one person who wasn't helping me but instead making rude/insulting assumptions. So yes, I do have the "capacity" to defend/explain myself, just like I'm doing now, because I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me.

 

i make this projection...you have a lot fo self pride yourself by the emoticon you posted which give a projection if being pleased with your response........

Now who's picking apart who?

 

I do have pride in myself, thank you, I never said I didn't. But it's a fair amount of pride, as one should have for oneself. I don't go around boasting aimlessly or placing my opinion where it isn't needed.

 

i question whether you really wanted help or are posting for an ulterior reason which to me is not discernable from your responses other than to feed an ego which is questionable...

Instead of trying to cut me down to size, how about you try asking me a question that isn't condescending and actually pertains to the main subject? And then maybe, just maybe, I'll answer your question respectfully and it won't seem like I'm posting for ulterior reasons.

 

You make these absurd claims and then complain when I respond back to them the way I do (which is quite lightheartedly IMO), as if I'm the one with the problem. It's sickening.

 

if you were part of some circles i have been in they would rip you a new one....

Well, if everyone in that circle is as unreasonable as you, then of course they would.

 

just saying you dont ask for help and then not thank people but pull apart their responses one sentence by another sentence and sit their smiling after with a smug emoticon...

What I consider help and what you consider help is very different. I don't consider someone who tells me I don't love my girlfriend, that I'm wasting my time, that I don't have relationship experience and I'm desperate to be very helpful. Especially when they don't have any solid evidence to back up what they're saying. And just FYI, I did thank those who I thought gave helpful advice.

 

In order to make it clear what I'm responding to, I have to pull apart responses sentence by sentence so no one gets confused. That's part of the reason why the quote function is there. So why you're holding that against me is beyond my comprehension.

 

The emoticons almost serve the same function as the quotes. They make it easier for readers to understand when I'm being sarcastic or when I think something is amusing.

 

you doing a study?.....hows it going???? did you want help....what was the reason fro your post again...i am schizo affective and you dont seem legit to me.:bunny::bunny::bunny:..... .are you donnie darko personified..gave you some rabbits.put your mask back on...

I'm sorry, I thought I was talking to an adult. I won't be so hard on you next time.

 

say thank you when you ask for help and somebody bothers to write a long assed post to try and help....thats courtesy........deb

Thank you, Deb!

 

Wow.

 

Good luck with your girlfriend/this problem.

 

Thank you. Cheers.

 

Sounds like you're doing the chick thing. You're not in love with her, you're in love with the idea of being in love.

 

If I didn't hate the idea of being in love, I would probably agree with you.

 

Actually, it might be less projecting and more copying... we hate in others the flaws we ourselves have....

 

That's kind of what projection is, mate: you place a copy of yourself onto someone else.

 

No, I personally wouldn't call this 'love'. You abuse the term terribly, and it's not a word to be trifled with. it's a precious and rare commodity.

For you to say that I'm abusing the term, you must think that I don't sincerely mean it. When in fact, I love my girlfriend more than you can imagine. I love her despite her, what I consider, poor personality and I will continue to love her whether we're together or not. That is, by definition, unconditional love. So you and anyone else who doubts the love I have for my girlfriend can bugger off. Respectfully, of course.

 

There's an attraction - possibly, if not probably physical - I mean, you guys still have sex, right? - because it's strong enough to over ride the 'hating her guts' thing.... But Love?

No.

Oooh, no.

Definitely not.

So you're saying that sex can override hate but love can't? What complete ****ing rubbish! If you believe that, you're big trouble, mate!

 

I've only been a member for several days, but I already, as you have, noticed that some people either assume things or say cruel things that kind of hurt your feelings and make you feel stupid.

 

No, I don't feel stupid at all. Not after that last comment!

 

But it's true, there's a ridiculous amount of ridiculous assumptions being thrown around here. Not even "probably this might've happened" or a "maybe you should" but just a flat-out "you're an awful person who doesn't love his girlfriend, please die." That same attitude is probably why half of these people are having relationship trouble.

 

You shouldn't let it get to you though, maybe that is just how they give advice? Tough love maybe? I don't know. But I do know that we are all here for a reason.

If it's tough love, then why can't they handle my tough responses without letting off steam?

 

I'm not bothered by any of this. I think it's hilarious! Forum discussion is one of my favorite pastimes.

 

I, in fact, have gone through a stage where I hated my ex. After about a year he started acting distant, closed off, and completely uninterested in anything I wanted to talk about or do. I talked about breaking up with him on multiple occasions, but he always broke down and swore he loved me and needed me, so I stayed.

His attitude was dragging me down, and I just wanted to be happy. But I continued the relationship, feeling I owed it to him to make it work, and all that led to was me resenting him.

Don't get me wrong I still loved him, part of him, but sometimes I would look at him and wish he would find someone else to go bother. Then he did and our relationship ended. Problem solved.

This is a beautiful example of what could happen and sounds a lot like the relationship I was in before the one I'm in now. Thank you for sharing that with me. You've given me a lot to think about.

 

Well, I think that about covers it! It's bedtime now.

[todreaminblue]

I'm not "justifying," I'm clarifying.

 

When I first made this thread I didn't know if it was a phase or not but then as time passed and as people gave their "advice," it became more clear to me what it was.

 

And yes, I know a bit about projection but what are you trying to say? That because I know about projection, I should automatically know all the answers to my relationship problems?

 

I "picked apart" one person who wasn't helping me but instead making rude/insulting assumptions. So yes, I do have the "capacity" to defend/explain myself, just like I'm doing now, because I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me.

 

Now who's picking apart who?

 

I do have pride in myself, thank you, I never said I didn't. But it's a fair amount of pride, as one should have for oneself. I don't go around boasting aimlessly or placing my opinion where it isn't needed.

 

Instead of trying to cut me down to size, how about you try asking me a question that isn't condescending and actually pertains to the main subject? And then maybe, just maybe, I'll answer your question respectfully and it won't seem like I'm posting for ulterior reasons.

 

You make these absurd claims and then complain when I respond back to them the way I do (which is quite lightheartedly IMO), as if I'm the one with the problem. It's sickening.

 

Well, if everyone in that circle is as unreasonable as you, then of course they would.

 

What I consider help and what you consider help is very different. I don't consider someone who tells me I don't love my girlfriend, that I'm wasting my time, that I don't have relationship experience and I'm desperate to be very helpful. Especially when they don't have any solid evidence to back up what they're saying. And just FYI, I did thank those who I thought gave helpful advice.

 

In order to make it clear what I'm responding to, I have to pull apart responses sentence by sentence so no one gets confused. That's part of the reason why the quote function is there. So why you're holding that against me is beyond my comprehension.

 

The emoticons almost serve the same function as the quotes. They make it easier for readers to understand when I'm being sarcastic or when I think something is amusing.

 

I'm sorry, I thought I was talking to an adult. I won't be so hard on you next time.

 

Thank you, Deb!

 

 

 

Thank you. Cheers.

 

 

 

If I didn't hate the idea of being in love, I would probably agree with you.

 

 

 

That's kind of what projection is, mate: you place a copy of yourself onto someone else.

 

For you to say that I'm abusing the term, you must think that I don't sincerely mean it. When in fact, I love my girlfriend more than you can imagine. I love her despite her, what I consider, poor personality and I will continue to love her whether we're together or not. That is, by definition, unconditional love. So you and anyone else who doubts the love I have for my girlfriend can bugger off. Respectfully, of course.

 

So you're saying that sex can override hate but love can't? What complete ****ing rubbish! If you believe that, you're big trouble, mate!

 

 

 

No, I don't feel stupid at all. Not after that last comment!

 

But it's true, there's a ridiculous amount of ridiculous assumptions being thrown around here. Not even "probably this might've happened" or a "maybe you should" but just a flat-out "you're an awful person who doesn't love his girlfriend, please die." That same attitude is probably why half of these people are having relationship trouble.

 

If it's tough love, then why can't they handle my tough responses without letting off steam?

 

I'm not bothered by any of this. I think it's hilarious! Forum discussion is one of my favorite pastimes.

 

This is a beautiful example of what could happen and sounds a lot like the relationship I was in before the one I'm in now. Thank you for sharing that with me. You've given me a lot to think about.

 

Well, I think that about covers it! It's bedtime now.

 

 

i am an adult crabbiest cancer and i have seen a lot of hate,possibly dealing with a backlash of hate actually since i helped a friend out recently, bit paranoid to tell the truth hence my last post which i regret posting by the way as it was fragmented and anxious ...here's my post to you post anxiety...i have helped many of my friends over the years, girlfriends who have been in domestic violence situations thats stems from having hate not love in their relationships...your post triggered a response to me where i was actually trying to in my own way make you respond ...and it worked...now ill be serious.....

 

 

 

 

.there is no light in hate...hate most often will turn to violence...violence against the victim and then as a residual snowball affact, violence agaisnt anyone who helps that victim out...which is where i come from when i post to you and my position on hate...it isnt funny and peppering your posts with emoticons laughing and belittling others is not my take on being an adult crabbiest cancer...i ask that you reconsider staying with someone who you profess to hate at times....because at times can turn into the majority of times and when it does people like me step in ....and yep you guessed it...cop it.......i have a situation where in reality, i have to go see this guy who beats up my girlfriend and talk to him, she is that scared of him that she has projected(as you call it) all the blame on to me has told him i have been pleading with her to leave....so now,,,, you guessed it ....he hat5es m e....adn she gets a break from him hating her...i am the proxy.... ...i understand her fear, she is too scared to go to the police and i understand again why ti only takes five minutes for her to be in fear of her life,............i once took in aanother girk in my younger years who needed to get away....that time the boyfriend got me........put me in bed for two weeks......ruined my right leg..i was and sill dance......but....not like i used too...caused damage that is becoming mor eapparent now as i age...i have permanaent reminders of hate so excuse me if i dotn find it funny or light.....

 

 

 

 

you can bluster all you want laugh at me whatever.....but hate starts from a seed, it always starts from a small place, seething boiling simmering under the surface of someone who doesnt take it seriously and then it germinates infecting all and whoever are in its way........do you still think its funny..should i put a laughing emoticon here......the post to you before as i said was written from an anxious place as i smost o fmy posts abotu self defense and hate on this board it triggers ....a keen desire to turn hate around........i hope with just a small part of my heart you can see reason from my words and not take it as a joke, hating soemone even if it a small amount of time during the day you do it, if this post of yours is serious to begin with.....

 

 

 

i woudl liek you to consider hate that has grown from small things and attitudes of one guy that has turned his girlfriend into a punching bag......is it funny or worth not taking advice from others....a poster wrote about tough love.......i am not tough when i face soemone who hates, in reality i am a little girl again..scared and insecure but knowing i have to try..who just has enough in her to stand up and stay standing.......with the grace of god go i .....for a friend i will do it everytime, and put aside my fear... so she doesnt have to be a bruised and battered reminder how quickly hate takes and can take over a guy and changes him...dont let it be you...dont let it change you....believe me stay with her without therapy...without help think its funny...and it will change....clean up your own mess.....before you make it.....and take it seriously. as other posters on here have advised..ill let you know how i go with the guy who has only hate in him i am pretty sure you have a heart ...so use it.......deb

Edited December 29, 2012 by todreaminblue

[Maneater]

Projection is the transferring (not copying) of attitudes onto another person. Tara is, rightfully in my opinion, suggesting that this is more a case of imitation, since you seem to exhibit the character flaws you find in your girlfriend to a frankly astonishing degree.

 

this ^ Or perhaps you both are meant for each other. not sure:o

[bolase]

All advice comes from the giver's experience, right? Either direct or indirect experience. So, this blabbering about projection is...duh!

 

From what I can tell, everyone is genuinely trying to help you in this thread. That alone should be enough for you to appreciate each response, even if god forbid some of the people are projecting their own relationship experience and understandings onto you.... you might learn something from their experience because again, god forbid..some of our experiences and learnings are alike when it comes to love..

 

Anyway OP, I think that love is very close to hate. One year I came home after a long holiday and found my two best friends, a guy and a girl, hating each other. It turns out nothing had "happened" between them, except that they had fallen for each other and never admitted anything, never acted..and the equal and opposite reaction was hate when things went wrong. Took us ages to figure it out.

 

So I believe that you can love her and hate her, but I was once told what true lasting love is my an old friend...he said love is when you admire everything they do, you are attracted to them, and the X...the closeness and special spark between you that makes them your best friend...of course there is no hate in any of that. So if you want the love part to last for a long time, you'd better sort out what part of those 3 things is missing..good luck