Girlfriend Kissing Other Guys and Club...Need advice since she cheated.

[jprez1980]

Hello Everyone--

 

I need some advice on how to proceed. I have been dating my girlfriend now for about 3 months. This Saturday while at a club and with her being pretty drunk I saw her kiss 3 guys on stage at the club. After the third guy I stepped in and said it was time to go and we all left. Why I waited until seeing it 3 times is beyond me, I think I wanted to see how much worse things could go. On the way home I broke down into tears in the car because I felt hurt and betrayed. After getting her to her apartment I took everything that was mine and left without saying a word. The next morning I run by her place with a bag full of her stuff and sit it next to her door and left. In the afternoon she calls apologizing and admitting what she did was wrong and that she will do anything to get us through this. She blames the alcohol which I am sure is a good portion of the problem. She is seeking help and is reducing her drinking significantly.

 

My question though is can a cheating girlfriend ever be trusted? Is it worth my time and effort to stick around and see how serious she really is about us? I care for her so much, but her actions last night seem to speak volumes on how she really feels about me. She claims she talked to her mom and told her that I was the one she wants more than anything, and that she really messed things up. Her mom is surprised I am even talking to her. She says she will prove to me how serious she is about us and saving this relationship. Can it even be saved? Kissing while not extremly serious is still cheating in my book because it violates trust and respect. Please provide me with your opinions/advice.

 

Thanks.

[EC]

You don't deserve that. I don't think drinking is an excuse.

 

BTW, you were there and she did it right in front of you!

 

Nasty! Find someone who will respect you!

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I think you did exactly the right thing. Drinking is not an excuse. She was kissing 3 different guys in front of you and seemingly could care less that you were watching her do this. When even her mother tells you she is surprised that you even want to talk to her it says a great deal. Move on and find someone who does not have drinking problems and who has the ability to respect you. This girl will break your heart and give you enormous pain in the long run. I wish you luck.

[babybear]

So...she kissed 3 other guys when you were right there. I guess you can only imagine what she will do/has done when you aren't there!

 

Just something to think about.

 

Babybear

[jprez1980]

Thanks gang for your advice...however I need some more. I have gone since Saturday without talking, IMing, or contacting her. She shows up late last night saying that she can't get me out of her head and that she can prove herself to be faithful and if I can forgive her maybe one day I can forget. She wants to start a new fresh beginning with a clean slate, she has sought help for her alcohol problem. I'm really torn..can a cheater remain faithful or is it once a cheater always a cheater? If she did more than kiss I wouldn't even fathom the idea. The kissing still hurt and was still betrayl nonetheless. She claims I wasn't an angel either since I "tested" her at the club by not wanting to dance with her. I admit, I do have trust issues that stem from a prior relationship and maybe my constant nagging about what she is doing and all that pushed her to doing this I don't know. I definately don't want to rationalize her behavior. I told her I am working on my trust issues, I actually have an appointment on Thursday to see a psychologst because this is something I need to address for me.

 

I told her I would think about it, I really have no idea what to do. What's everyones suggestion? What can be expected if I say let's try this one more time, a second and final chance?

 

Thanks,

JP

[jmargel]

One of the main ingredients in a relationship is forgiveness. When two people are married, they should NOT divorce while there is bitterness in their heart. Only divorce after you both can agree that you have done everything to save the relationship but that there are just too many incompatibilities and too much water under the bridge to save it. Leave knowing you did your best, and this person wasn't meant to be with you.

 

This goes for the same in a relationship as well. It's very good that both of you recognize that you two have issues to deal with. Countless times I have posted advice on here to deal with the issues, not the topic. The topic here is the kissing part, though it will sting for awhile you two are smart enough to deal with the issues (the drinking, and the nagging & insecurity). Dealing with the issues will eliminate the topics. Otherwise just dealing with the topic will have it resurface again, or something else will take it's place. It's like a weed, unless you get it by the root it will grow back.

 

Alcohol does alter one's ability to make rational decisions, but it's still not an excuse. If you two are serious about each other, counseling for both of you would be in the right direction. If you two marry you are going to have disagreements, and you will run into obstacles such as these. You'll have this with anyone you meet. Eliminating her from your life won't solve your nagging, or insecurities, and it won't solve her drinking problem.

 

If two people do love each other enough, you can get through it all. You can't have people on here answer what you feel. You have to do what is right in your heart. If you decide to give her another chance, you CAN'T throw the kissing incident in her face. If you want to be with her, tell her you want to give it another shot, but that you haven't forgotten about the incident yet and that she has to understand & be willing to talk about it anytime you need to.

 

Sounds like you've been on edge, and she hasn't been as sensitive as she could be. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love you.