I gave him the option

[screwedovertwenty]

Antidepressants have to build up in your system and you can't just take them when you feel down. They don't work that way - anti-anxiety drugs can. I took antidepressants when this first went down for me. I was so depressed and tearful. It really was quite unlike me, but I had been through a horrible 2 or 3 years and I had no reserve to help me get through. The antidepressants made me have a little higher level of low...so not any great shakes,but definitely helped. I have been reducing the amount so that now instead of 2 a day, I am on 1 every 3 days. I will most likely be off of them by the end of this or next week. They might help you.

I also took over the counter sleep meds - maybe generic unisom - I can't remember now, but I took it for a few months and do not need it anymore and haven't in quite a while (working 2 jobs will do that for you - lol). Even with the sleep meds, I would wake up at 5am and just would be unable to move for a while. My God, when I think about how far I have come, I am just so grateful.

 

I have a brother and a niece that called me every single day during all of this and some friends who called 2 -3 times a week. I have one friend here who would come get me to go to her Dr. appointments with her just to get me out. I did everything I knew to feel better and I went to a divorce support group. I would be lying if I said I am completely over all of this mess -divorced Oct. 2011 - but the roller coaster ride is over. I found that after that happened, I realized the absence of great sadness was not happiness and then I discovered I could, after all, have some happiness and hope also. I am sorry my X was a cheating liar, but I did not deserve what he gave me and he really, really did not deserve me.

 

Call a friend tonight, go to a movie with kids this weekend. Things will get better. Don't let him convince you he wasn't lying - you know he was.

 

I have a handful of friends who would do anything for me. Unfortunately they all live in other states. I have considered throwing the kids and dogs in the van and heading to Florida or Texas, but that wouldn't be good for the kids. That was my initial thought.

 

I have an online group of friends who I have known through dog rescue for about ten years. They are spread out throughout the country, but have been very much there for me since the very beginning.

 

Other than that, I have a lot of coworkers and they all know. A handful have been very supportive. Many more though just want the scoop. I had a coworker yesterday facebook me asking me why I quit. I ignored it. I did quit but I talked to my boss and will probably be going back next week. I just needed time away from these people.

 

I didn't even want to tell the ex about this because he still has feelings but respects my marriage. I didn't know who else to talk to the other night. I felt so rejected and I knew that he would be there for me to cry on his shoulder. I told him I wasn't going to make it and he understood. Now I know his address though, and if it comes down to it, that is probably where I will end up running to. I hope not.

[Furious]

I have a handful of friends who would do anything for me. Unfortunately they all live in other states. I have considered throwing the kids and dogs in the van and heading to Florida or Texas, but that wouldn't be good for the kids. That was my initial thought.

 

I have an online group of friends who I have known through dog rescue for about ten years. They are spread out throughout the country, but have been very much there for me since the very beginning.

 

Other than that, I have a lot of coworkers and they all know. A handful have been very supportive. Many more though just want the scoop. I had a coworker yesterday facebook me asking me why I quit. I ignored it. I did quit but I talked to my boss and will probably be going back next week. I just needed time away from these people.

 

 

I didn't even want to tell the ex about this because he still has feelings but respects my marriage. I didn't know who else to talk to the other night. I felt so rejected and I knew that he would be there for me to cry on his shoulder. I told him I wasn't going to make it and he understood. Now I know his address though, and if it comes down to it, that is probably where I will end up running to. I hope not.

 

 

It's common that when betrayed your self esteem takes a vicious knock. Despite all the good qualities you have, being cheated on can make you feel as if you are nothing.

 

You said it yourself, you are an attractive woman, fun, and loving, and very smart. Don't let your husband take your self esteem away from you. Don't hand your self esteem to some old ex-boyfriend while you're feeling low and hurting. You're ex is only a bandaid, and a bandaid will not be big enough to fix the huge hole in your heart.

 

If you separate from your husband you are free to see your ex-boyfriend, or date any other man you want. Please don't make your life more complicated than it already is. Sadly if you take off to the ex-boyfriend you may be jeopardizing the higher ground you stand on.

 

It's not uncommon that many betrayed spouses contemplate a revenge affair.

Sadly, revenge affairs, do not take away the pain, and more often than not leave you feeling worse.

 

You're smart and beautiful, you own that, don't let anyone take your self esteem away from you.

[Steen719]

I have a handful of friends who would do anything for me. Unfortunately they all live in other states. I have considered throwing the kids and dogs in the van and heading to Florida or Texas, but that wouldn't be good for the kids. That was my initial thought.

 

I have an online group of friends who I have known through dog rescue for about ten years. They are spread out throughout the country, but have been very much there for me since the very beginning.

 

Other than that, I have a lot of coworkers and they all know. A handful have been very supportive. Many more though just want the scoop. I had a coworker yesterday facebook me asking me why I quit. I ignored it. I did quit but I talked to my boss and will probably be going back next week. I just needed time away from these people.

 

I didn't even want to tell the ex about this because he still has feelings but respects my marriage. I didn't know who else to talk to the other night. I felt so rejected and I knew that he would be there for me to cry on his shoulder. I told him I wasn't going to make it and he understood. Now I know his address though, and if it comes down to it, that is probably where I will end up running to. I hope not.

 

Oh, I get that. Most of my friends are in NY and I am in Florida. My niece who called me in in Ct., and my brother was in Kansas then. The friends who called 2-3 times a week were in NY primarily and they were so funny. When one could tell my resolve was slipping, they told each other to call me and the calls would increase. I finally asked if they were rallying the troops and they said YES!!! I do have some friends here and they were good to me, also, but the other friends and family are lifetime f/f.

 

All of your good intentions and efforts and opportunities to make this a better life for you and your kids will go up in flames by messing with your ex. You do not need him. Be strong and do this without resorting to that!

 

2 more things I could suggest. One is to join a divorce group ASAP. You will find incredible support there. I have made a couple of friends there, also. The other is plan a trip with your kids to Florida or Texas over spring break and have something to look forward to.

[screwedovertwenty]

Nobody knew why I had my appointment today! LOL! They gave me my copayment back! The dr was nice and talked to me about everything that was going on and I told her that I would prefer antianxiety meds just so I can avoid freak out moments that set me back to the beginning. She prescribed me some xanex. I may take one tonight just to see how it affects me.

 

The lawyer appointment went more like a counseling appointment. The lawyer is a customer where I work and he talked to me for an hour. He told me what I needed to do and what I needed not to do. He told me that when/if I am ready that the best thing to do is separate for a year and then divorce. I guess if I want a quicker divorce then I can use the infidelity. He said that is more expensive though. He thinks I am not ready. I don't think I am either. And it makes me feel like an ass.

 

I met husband on his break today and got lunch. We talked. I didn't tell him about the lawyer yet. I may tonight. No, he isn't gone yet. I told him that the box of his stuff is staying there and I am ready to kick him to the curb if he lies to me one more time. I told him that he set me right back to square one with that trip to her house, and I honestly don't know how I can ever trust him again. I told him that I want to trust him so bad, but that I can't and I am not going to be able to live like that forever.

 

He is trying to set up another appointment with the counselor that told him he didn't need counseling. It's free through the employee assistance program at work, otherwise I would try to find another counselor. I told him that he needs to figure out what his problem is that he keeps feeling the need to get in touch with her. I told him that he needs to sort our his feelings and that is something that he needs IC for.

 

We have marriage counseling tomorrow morning. I am going to go talk to my boss tomorrow also and try to get back on the schedule next week.

[CantgetoveritNY]

 

 

 

He is trying to set up another appointment with the counselor that told him he didn't need counseling.

 

 

 

That counselor might not have specifically said he does not need counseling. He might have said that counseling is pointless because your H has not got the right attitude. And your H put that spin on it. Or he might really have said that b/c your H fooled the counselor with an act. Either way counseling won't do him any good if he does not want to do it.