I have been swept off my feet by a married man

[irishsam]

I met a man on a dating site less than 2 weeks ago, we met and boom!! we connected. We had been talking on the telephone and got very deep with each other. All of a sudden he starts telling me he has never felt this way about anyone, and what our future will be like. I found out a couple of days later he was married.. He met me and explained that he was very unhappy, he did'nt love her and she was abusive. He says he loves me and can't live without me. He says he is going to end it over the next few months, as he does not want to lose his home. I have fallen for him in a big way...but it is cutting me up inside.. I have always dreamed of falling so madly in love with someone and I don't want to walk away. We hav'nt even slept together but all we talk about is how our lives will be together.

He does not have children with her.

I don't know what to do, should I wait for him?

[ThatJustHappened]

He started off your 'relationship' with a gigantic lie about his marital status. What makes you think he's being honest with you about anything else?

[mammasita]

LOL, um no.

 

2 weeks and he loves you? RED FLAG. I think you both need to take a step back. You, run far away and find a SINGLE and AVAILABLE man. He needs to get his a55 off of dating sites until he's divorced.

[irishsam]

I am 42 and he is 40.

I not naive but scared in case he could be the love of my life and I walk away ......

[bentnotbroken]

I met a man on a dating site less than 2 weeks ago, we met and boom!! we connected. We had been talking on the telephone and got very deep with each other. All of a sudden he starts telling me he has never felt this way about anyone, and what our future will be like. I found out a couple of days later he was married.. He met me and explained that he was very unhappy, he did'nt love her and she was abusive. He says he loves me and can't live without me. He says he is going to end it over the next few months, as he does not want to lose his home. I have fallen for him in a big way...but it is cutting me up inside.. I have always dreamed of falling so madly in love with someone and I don't want to walk away. We hav'nt even slept together but all we talk about is how our lives will be together.

He does not have children with her.

I don't know what to do, should I wait for him?

 

 

The bolded............

 

1) no one with the maturity level above teen meets someone and is dreaming of a future in less than 2 weeks.

 

2)You are being groomed...niave+predator= easy pickings.

 

3)Being in love with the idea of being in love(dreaming of falling madly in love...with mad being the operative word here)is even looking at the individual they are involved with..they would feel the same way if the individual were a cave man from geico.

 

4) you don't want to walk away therefore you won't. You have already made up your mind to be involved with this person no matter what anyone says here...go for it. Make sure to pencil in time for the emotional meltdowns, ultimatums, building of disgust toward his wife and idolization of the poor pitiful man.

 

I am sure someone will come along with a something that you will cling to say..."see..I was right." Good luck to you.

[jwi71]

I met a man on a dating site less than 2 weeks ago, we met and boom!! we connected. We had been talking on the telephone and got very deep with each other. All of a sudden he starts telling me he has never felt this way about anyone, and what our future will be like. I found out a couple of days later he was married..

 

You mean he "forgot" he was M?

HE is building this foundation with you on a lie. Its not a positive sign IMO.

 

I wonder why he didn't just tell you that upfront....

 

He met me and explained that he was very unhappy, he did'nt love her and she was abusive.

 

There is a real epidemic of abusive wives on this forum. You'd think it would national news or something going by all the abused married men here.

 

He says he loves me and can't live without me.

 

I do believe he is confusing love with infatuation. Not a good sign IMO.

 

He says he is going to end it over the next few months, as he does not want to lose his home.

 

How does waiting save his home?

 

I have fallen for him in a big way...but it is cutting me up inside.. I have always dreamed of falling so madly in love with someone and I don't want to walk away. We hav'nt even slept together but all we talk about is how our lives will be together.

He does not have children with her.

I don't know what to do, should I wait for him?

 

Its your life and ultimately your choice - but I'd RUN.

 

For starters, he can't live w/o you BUT you have to wait so he can not lose his home. Ergo, my possessions are worth more than you as he moves to protect his house and not be D so he can M you. His words and actions not mine.

 

Two, he lied by omission. HE could have put that out there upfront - but didn't.

 

Three, this story has played out literally hundreds of times here. Read on...

[KathyM]

Some men will say anything to get you to drop your panties. MM on dating websites looking to score a side dish will tell you whatever they think you want to hear in order to get what they want from you. Don't trust a MM who is cheating on his wife. He's a known liar and manipulator. He's lieing to and manipulating his wife. He is doing the same to you. There are plenty of single men on those dating websites to focus your attention on. You don't need liars and cheaters in your life.

[irishsam]

thanks for your replies... I really do appreciate it.

 

 

The other thing in the back of mind is..

 

I have a very good friend, who had a similar situation but the man involved had children.

 

It took a few years before the could be together properly, as he did not want to leave his children.

 

Now five years later they are very happy and very much in love.

[bentnotbroken]

thanks for your replies... I really do appreciate it.

 

 

The other thing in the back of mind is..

 

I have a very good friend, who had a similar situation but the man involved had children.

 

It took a few years before the could be together properly, as he did not want to leave his children.

 

Now five years later they are very happy and very much in love.

 

 

Birds of a feather.....

[MissBee]

LOL, um no.

 

2 weeks and he loves you? RED FLAG. I think you both need to take a step back. You, run far away and find a SINGLE and AVAILABLE man. He needs to get his a55 off of dating sites until he's divorced.

 

Ditto.

 

Any person whom you've just met who fast forwards the relationship, starts saying I love you and start planning your future (future-faking) before any real foundation is set, please run away! Worse, said person is married, and on a dating site??? Come on OP....

 

Does that really make sense? It's one thing if you were his friend and he "fell inlove" with you overtime...but he was on a dating site, obviously looking for someone...and you just happened along. If it wasn't you, it would be someone else. He's a married man looking for an affair and is leading off with "love" and fake-future-fantasies and you're buying it.

 

No...do not "wait".

[ThatJustHappened]

thanks for your replies... I really do appreciate it.

 

 

The other thing in the back of mind is..

 

I have a very good friend, who had a similar situation but the man involved had children.

 

It took a few years before the could be together properly, as he did not want to leave his children.

 

Now five years later they are very happy and very much in love.

 

If this is true, your friend is the exception, not the rule. It's highly doubtful that your story will end the same way.

[MissBee]

I am 42 and he is 40.

I not naive but scared in case he could be the love of my life and I walk away ......

 

Nope...I'm sure that won't be the case.

 

There is no one love of your life and I would caution ANY person to be very suspicious if the "love of your life" is also married and cheating.

 

So many people in As come up with this love of my life story, seemingly more than regular people who are dating normally. Yet it is often no such thing.

[KathyM]

thanks for your replies... I really do appreciate it.

 

 

The other thing in the back of mind is..

 

I have a very good friend, who had a similar situation but the man involved had children.

 

It took a few years before the could be together properly, as he did not want to leave his children.

 

Now five years later they are very happy and very much in love.

That's way too big of a gamble to take--to invest years of your life in the hopes that he may someday divorce his wife and be full-time with you. These scenarios hardly ever work out. And in the remote chance that it ever would happen that he leaves his wife for you, what would you be getting really? A man who is dishonest. Who cheats on his wife. Who can't be trusted. Who puts his needs above everyone else? Not a prize worth waiting for.

[TaraMaiden]

thanks for your replies... I really do appreciate it.

 

 

The other thing in the back of mind is..

 

I have a very good friend, who had a similar situation but the man involved had children.

 

It took a few years before the could be together properly, as he did not want to leave his children.

 

Now five years later they are very happy and very much in love.

 

What's the point in your mentioning this?

They are they and you are you.

 

Here's what you do.

You tell him that you are cooling it completely and breaking off all contact - until you hear from him that he has left his wife, and HAS divorced her - although I fail to understand his point about losing the home.... What does he want to do - summon up the courage to make her live in the car?

 

He either has to buy her out, let her buy him out - or they have to put the house on the market and divide the proceeds.

 

He is so pulling the wool over your eyes.

You need to back out completely and make sure you date single guys.

Or hook up with him once he's divorced.

 

But then, it won't be as exciting for him any more, and of course, "Marrying your Mistress leaves a vacancy".....

[ThatJustHappened]

Hey Sam..I love you. Will you be with me instead?

 

I'm not making fun of you, I'm just trying to make you see that saying those words isn't that hard. I'm sure you're great but I'm not in love with you (plus I'm not a lesbian, though again, I'm sure you're lovely), but it's not difficult for me to type those words..it doesn't make them true. You've known him for 2 weeks..don't you think it's a little bizarre that he's planning a life with you?

 

He's so obviously grooming you to be his side dish. You're not naive because you're asking questions..but you do seem pretty vulnerable. Do you think that maybe you just want to find love so badly that you're ignoring all of the glaring red flags here?

[Mount]

Pierre - not really. My EX (single guy of course) treated me like a queen, did everything, sometime I felt like he was my servant. At that time you could say it was because he tried to show love, or from my perspective he could also not only target at me, but target at my banking account.

 

 

You know why he swept you of your feet? Single available men don't treat women like he treats you. Cheating MOM are way better at wooing needy naive women. Stay of the dating sites, you are way too naive; a very easy target.

 

 

 

Please check the MOM's cheating manual, they all say the same thing.

 

 

 

This MOM is not even that creative. He used the same old lines verbatim.:D:D They all say "abusive" and the prospective naive OW goes into saving mode.

 

 

 

 

After two weeks, yeah right. You take the prize for being the most gullible OW today.

 

He says he is going to end it over the next few months, as he does not want to lose his home. [/quote

 

If he had children it would be the children. But, he has to use the house as an excuse to prolong his divorce for the next ten years Maybe wait till the mortgage is paid off.:D:D (the equivalent of waiting for the kids to finish college).

 

 

 

 

He is grooming you to be his concubine. Is that what you want?

[irishsam]

He has told me is leaving her, if I wait for him or not.

 

He says all his friends and family want him to leave her as she can get very violent and once broke his nose.

 

He has also told me, I can speak to any of this friends as they will back this up.

 

Also he says, they have not slept together in months.

 

 

I am a very head strong woman, after nearly 20 year with one man, now i am separated.

 

I never really believed in love at first sight, and never believed that I would ever, ever fall for someone so quick.

 

What if he is being honest with me now...... what if he really has fallen head over heels for me.

 

He talks about my children and how we will be a family, he tells me I am the love of his life and that we were destined to be together.

 

I know this may sound hard to believe to some of you, but what if it is true?

 

I would never, never have dated him, if I knew he was married.

[irishsam]

Also

 

one thing sticks in my mind about the words he wrote on his profile...on the dating site.

 

 

Where all the other men, have wrote things like..

 

wanted..

 

a bit of fun or a laugh, serious relationship, love, a soul mate etc etc

 

 

all he wrote was..

 

 

"A chat would be nice....."

 

he also never stated he was single, married or separated...

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah, regardless of what's being SAID - Actions speak louder than words.

he can promise to do this, that or the other, all he likes.

 

he can get his buddies to evidence the state of his marriage and what his wife's like, until you're blue in the face (Remember an awful lot of abused spouses do NOT leave their partners, even if the violence escalates!).

 

Get him to put his money where his mouth is.

 

Or be happy to screw about with him, with no expectations, no ties, no strings attached.

 

if that's what you'd like, that is....

If not - be prepared for a long wait.....

[bentnotbroken]

He has told me is leaving her, if I wait for him or not.

 

He says all his friends and family want him to leave her as she can get very violent and once broke his nose.

 

He has also told me, I can speak to any of this friends as they will back this up.

 

Also he says, they have not slept together in months.

 

 

I am a very head strong woman, after nearly 20 year with one man, now i am separated.

 

I never really believed in love at first sight, and never believed that I would ever, ever fall for someone so quick.

 

What if he is being honest with me now...... what if he really has fallen head over heels for me.

 

He talks about my children and how we will be a family, he tells me I am the love of his life and that we were destined to be together.

 

I know this may sound hard to believe to some of you, but what if it is true?

 

I would never, never have dated him, if I knew he was married.

 

 

He says...why not skip what he says, what the friends say and ask her. She is after all the one being discussed. Go right to the horse's mouth as it were. Strong woman that you are....you should not have not any qualms about speaking to her woman to woman. What if it is true? What facts does this change about him being married without children and not leaving? Choices baby...all about the choices. What if she gets hit by a bus tomorrow..will he coming running to you with tears in his eyes, roses in one hand and fall on bended knee? What if the world were to end tomorrow..would it end with him sitting next to you or at home with that horrible shrew? You know he is married now...and what? You still there cleaning the lens of those rose colored glasses.

[irishsam]

He's not getting divorced. He wants to have an affair.

He found a desperate 40 or 50-something who just got separated and is taking advantage.

 

 

WOW.... that was harsh!!

 

don't forget I only met him a couple of weeks ago, and we have only kissed!!!!

 

The reason why I came on this forum what to get honest opinions, and yes that is what they are.

 

Remember I am not the OW who has waiting pitifully for months or years for the MM to leave.

 

 

I am at the very early stages of all this...

 

and yes I am having a hard time of it, even now...

 

 

I think I WILL have to give him an ultimatum, before this whole pile of crap get's any worse......

[ComingInHot]

You say you'd Never date a married man. So, why are you?

 

You say you "hear" his wife is abusive. So, why don't you ask her?

 

You say he's leaving her "regardless". Why don't you ask for proof of, at least, the proceedings?

 

You say you're Not naive. Then what are you? And PLEASE don't say "in love"!

[ThatJustHappened]

He's not getting divorced. He wants to have an affair.

He found a desperate 40 or 50-something who just got separated and is taking advantage.

 

 

WOW.... that was harsh!!

 

don't forget I only met him a couple of weeks ago, and we have only kissed!!!!

 

The reason why I came on this forum what to get honest opinions, and yes that is what they are.

 

Remember I am not the OW who has waiting pitifully for months or years for the MM to leave.

 

 

I am at the very early stages of all this...

 

and yes I am having a hard time of it, even now...

 

 

I think I WILL have to give him an ultimatum, before this whole pile of crap get's any worse......

 

Right, you only met him a couple of weeks ago. And he's already lied to you and cheated on his wife with you (kissing is cheating)..and you're already claiming to be madly, desperately in love with him and ready to drop your entire life for him. You still have time to get out before you fall in any deeper.

 

This really doesn't seem weird to you at all??? This is not normal or healthy.

[whichwayisup]

I met a man on a dating site less than 2 weeks ago, we met and boom!! we connected. We had been talking on the telephone and got very deep with each other. All of a sudden he starts telling me he has never felt this way about anyone, and what our future will be like. I found out a couple of days later he was married.. He met me and explained that he was very unhappy, he did'nt love her and she was abusive. He says he loves me and can't live without me. He says he is going to end it over the next few months, as he does not want to lose his home. I have fallen for him in a big way...but it is cutting me up inside.. I have always dreamed of falling so madly in love with someone and I don't want to walk away. We hav'nt even slept together but all we talk about is how our lives will be together.

He does not have children with her.

I don't know what to do, should I wait for him?

 

Say goodbye and tell him to call you when he is divorced.

 

You've only invested a few weeks into him. Do you really think he's going to up and divorce his wife, change everything in a few months for someone he barely knows? He's got a history with his wife, in laws, friends and family. I think too, he probably has kids, he's already lied to you about being married, so it is probable that he has children.

 

He is feeding you the biggest lines of bullshi.t and you're eating it up. He has no intention of leaving his wife, divorcing her. What he wants is, an affair. An OW to make him feel good, to fulfill his selfish needs..On his time frame!

 

RUN. If you're smart and don't want to get hurt, end it now. As I said, you barely know him and one would think after 2 weeks it would be very easy to walk away from someone that you now KNOW is 1)a liar and 2) Married.

 

If you choose this, you have issues that you need to deal with in counseling.

[irishsam]

Thanks for the honest advice ladies...

 

 

I will be keeping you up to date..

 

and let you know what happens