My best friend!

[HURTbadly]

I have a friend who I met 4 years ago and he became very close to me (like brother from different mother). He is truly my best friend who i can trust on anything and who will always help me. If i have any problems in my life i will go and talk to him even before i go and talk to my mother. I have lost most of my family, all i have left is my mother (who i am not very close to) and my brother who is living in different country.

I was seeing a girl for 3months who has a kid from different person. I absolutly love them both with all my heart and i am very close to the boy and he likes me alot aswell. She said to me that she likes me alot aswell but she does not want to go to relationship yet, because she broke up few months ago with her ex, (who she has kid from). They we together for 7 years and boy is 6 year old. She also told me that she likes me a lot and she does not want let me go because i made them happy and she is considering option of going to relationship with me and after few weeks it could happen.

Until one day i found out that she was texting and seeing other man behind my back secretly. I was devasted and heart broke. We had big argument and fight and I stopped seeing her after that, but at the end we decided to stay friends.

3 months has gone by and I was getting over her but not fully yet because i still had some feelings left for her. I did not see a boy for 3 months and I really missed him so I decided to get a Christmas present and she did not mind me doing it.

Meanwhile my best friend told me that she is is texting him on facebook saying that " he is good looking and that she likes him" but he completly ignored her and did not pay any attention to her because of me. I saw them messages and saw him not to replying to her. He did it because of me and he knew that I still have feelings for her and did not want to ruin our friendship.

Few days ago i was invited to house party by my other friend , (i was bit late because i had some things to do before i came there). So when i walked in, party was already started and i saw the girl i was seeing before she walked out straight away from one of the bedrooms and left the house. When i walked into the bedroom to see who was there, i saw my best friend there. He had a clothes on and said nothing happend that they were only talking. But i was devasted and heart broke and i went home straight away.

Next day he texted me and appologized. He also said that he kissed the girl but he was very drunk and that she took advantage of him.

I am feeling really bad and devasted right now, i still like girl but i know who she is and that she is not worth it, but i am really upset because of my friend and do not know what to do.

Should i forgive him or let him go same as her?

[HURTbadly]

I also wanted to add that, my friend knew that i was coming there but he did not knew what time exactly because i was running late, so if I was like 30 minutes late, you would never know what could have happend in that bedroom.

I also did not knew that the girl would be there but i think she had a clue when she arrived there.

I am feeling really badly because of numberous reason:

1) I really did not expect it from my friend and i feel really devasted because of that.

2) I still love her and miss her and would love to have her back, if i know it is wrong. And i do not understand why she did it, just to make me jealous or she geniualy likes him.

3) I feel really bad and guilty for a kid because i do not know if she will let me bring kid a gift after that, because we had a big fight and argument after that. I promised him and I know that he miss me and is really looking forward to see me.

[NoMagicBullet]

Forgive your friend -- it's sometimes difficult to resist the attention of some who's attracted to us, even if we don't want to get involved with that person. We're all human, and we make mistakes. I doubt he intended to end up in that bedroom with her before going to the party.

 

I have to point out, though, that you expected too much, too soon, from this woman. She broke up with her ex a few months before dating you, and she was clearly on the rebound. She shouldn't be dating, nor letting you meet her kid and letting the two of you get attached, but she made those choices, among other bad choices in this situation, and it's up to you to make the best choices for you. (So I'd say keep your promise to the kid, give him the present, but don't keep in further contact with her & her kid after that -- you'll just get hurt repeatedly.)

 

As for why she did what she did: I don't think it had anything to do with you or him -- I think it's about her and how much attention she can get from different men, because the attention makes her feel better about herself. She's probably really insecure and uncertain about herself (a newly single mom) after the breakup, and she's looking for proof of her own value in a very unhealthy way. Even if she had some interest in your friend, she'd probably be moving onto another man soon afterward. Many men do the same types of things after their breakups. This is why it's never a good idea to get involved with people who recently ended a relationship.

[todreaminblue]

I think your friend whether drunk or not acted very inappropriately...i find ti hard when guys say they were drunk and taken advantage of....he knew what he was doing he could speak so he had thoughts that were in sequence......the same with girls......does he suffer with mental illness of any kind? even then i have a compound mental illness and i can and do take responsibility for my actions.i accept consequences....consequences i believe are what we need to happen to grow and learn..i admit mistakes when i mess up mentally ill or not, drunk or not....i think you should forgive you friend as magic bullet said hsi post was insightful had soem good advice.....your friend needs to be able to be trusted though i would be a bit wary.......fro a guy to throw off onto a girl and blame them not a positive trait if he admits the truth yes.....have a heart to heart with your friend be open and honest maybe he will be too....

 

 

 

i disagree with the rebound relationship, sometimes rebounds work, if a person is there for you at your worst they will be there with you through hard times and good....thats the way i look at rebounds...you have to be in the right frame of mind....not resentful or bitter...and i exist lol most of my life in that place...i cant hold resentment for long or bitterness .....my friends and family consider me a soft touch...i am forgiving its just me......cant change it....dont want to ....doesnt make me weak ...its a lot harder to forgive thats what my friends and family need to understand it takes a lot of core strength....be a bigger person and forgive your friend but be honest with what he made you feel....forgive the girl too....sometimes bad things happen to good people...she wasnt into you the way you were into her.....it doesnt matter why or how anymore.......it just is that way and shall be that way....what comes to pass and your level of happiness depends really on your ability to let go of resentment and the hurt that has happened...do that out of kindness to yourself....it is the kindest thing for you to do for you and your heart...you need your friend.....deb

Edited December 30, 2012 by todreaminblue