my high school love is back after 8 years and in love again, how can this be ?

[notthepersonyourelookingfo]

this is kinda a last resort thing here, nobody i know has any good advice for me.. and the only people i know that would have a crush on me or something, so i can't talk to them about it.

anyway... in high school i wasn't really into dating anyone, just wanted to have fun and smoke. then i met a girl that blew my mind, she was like an angel. i was even going to ask her to homecoming until i found out she was dating a friend of mine. so i ended up going with somebody else, but i got to hang out with the girl i wanted to most of the time. and about a week later we hooked up. after a few months of dating i went sober and so did she, i didn't feel like i needed any drugs around her. we had such wonderful times together, but for some reason i broke up with her for about 3 weeks and started smoking pot again. i think i just wanted to be a raging hormone, but all i ended up doing was making out with one girl, and just kissing and a lil tit feeling. right after that i figured out how much i really loved her and we got back together. that only lasted 3 or 4 months, she was bored with me and her dad has always told her to go out and experiance life to the fullest. and since he died a few months after we broke up the last time i would guess she listened to what he had said more then ever. she broke up with me and i was heart broken, i couldn't even talk to her, and i really didn't much. the few times i did she always managed to tell me about her latest sexual encounter. slept with some guy i know, went to chicogo and fooled around with 3 guys and had sex with another, and actualy had to tell me it was "amazing". this was all between 1996 - 1998, we dated for those first 2 years and the last one was me trying to get her back but really just pushing her away even though i didn't know. she ended up leaving MO to go to college in TX, i was still in high school we didn't talk really at all for the first 2 years, then started talking maybe 1 or 2 times a year later on. in 1999 i became a herion addict for about 4 years... so most of that time is a blur... i remember talking to her everyonce in a while, i always had her new phone numbers so i know we were in contact. i had alot of silly pointless herion related relationships, i don't even know how serious they were since i ws to messed up to even love myself. i quit using around 2001, and had make out buddies here and there.. but i was always looking for something like the love i had lost. i passed up sex with countless amounts of women/girls because it didn't mean anything, and i wanted something real. (if your still reading this bless you, please respond) in 2003 i moved to FL to get away from all the crazy women i met and the crazy town i live in, nothing really happen there.. i just sat around all day after i lost my job so i moved back to MO right before chrismas to be with my family. around this time she started calling me because i'm "the one person she knew that knows about addictions" she had becom an alcohalic. i told her she needed to go to rehab and she agreed, but yet kept calling me with the same problems acting like she didn't know how her life was so messed up. finaly i got a little upset with her and told her she needs to go to rehab and stop calling me thinking i can help her just by talking to her. i told her i'd help her find a place to go for rehab, she sounded excited yet scared as most drunks do. now it's around may and i still haden't found a place we could aggree on, she calls one day and i didn't pick up the phone because i haden't made any progress in finding a place. i check my messages the next day, she says her and her crazy boyfriend are coming up to st. louis where i was. they end up in little rock, he trashes the hotel room they were staying in after a fight, calls her to come back and give them 1000$ or they will take him to jail. she pays the people and then he calls her a dumb bitch and she ends it with him (says she was planing it the whole time in the back of her mind) she's to drunk to drive anywhere so i took a bus to little rock to get her. oh my! we got along so well, it was like high school all over again it felt like heaven on earth. we slept in the same bed in the hotel and it took all i had to keep me from making a move on her, i haden't had anything real in so long and this was sOooo much more than just real, this was true love i had for her. it took about 10 hours to get back to my town, we made alot of stops and worn't really in a hurry. we had sex the first night she was here. she wasn't taking it as seriously as i was at first, but now says she's in love all over again. she stayed with me for about 2 months, i told her to just tone down the drinking and start eating more that way rehab wouldn't be that bad. she went into rehab at the end of july and gets out on the 20th of this month.

 

that's the back ground... now the problem....

she's the coolest person i know, i just love her to death and wanna spend the rest of my life with her. but i can't stand that she never even considered it those 8 years we really didn't talk. she was ready to go looking for men on match.com and dating alOt slept with "under 20" guys fooled around with people all the time drunk and partying. she had 2 other serios relationships, even a long didtance on with a guy that lived in st. louis. she tells me about things like a bauhaus concert she went to with some guy then slept with him afterwards, now i can't listen to bauhaus the band i introduced her to. and she thinks i don't want to know about her life cause i say i don't wanna hear about it. the whole idea of her with anyone else makes me sick to my stomic all the time, like 10 times a day. sometimes i'll be starving but can't eat, or i'll see a guy and all these thought of her with others go rushing through my head. random things remind me of her with others, proms, high schools, my hairy legs, pictures i took of her 8 years ago, leters she wrote that i kept. i don't even know if it's the thought of her being with somebody else or the fact that she never thought of being with me again until i picked her up in little rock. what if i never did, what if i was still living in FL would we have never gotten back together? and this all bothers her but i have to talk to her about it don't i ? how do i make her understand how hurt i was? why does it mater if she knows or not ? and what the hell would it fix ? and how do i fix my head? for the first time in my life i feel like i can't fix myself, which is something i've always been really big on. i actuly want to talk to a psychologist or something, and that scares the hell out of me. i've cried more in this last month that she's been in rehab then i have in my whole life, that's not how it's sposed to be.

 

i thought love was all lolly pops and fairy tails, and i'm seeing it's not.... somebody, anybody, say anything.. i love her, and she loves me... but is it real ?

 

she gets out of rehab in 4 days, i'm scared.........

[notthepersonyourelookingfo]

*bump please reply ya'll i need help

[notthepersonyourelookingfo]

funk you guys, thanks for the help

[TommyGirl]

Be there for her during her trials and tribulations, be a good friend and pray for her. Take things slow for right now, especially since she is about to get out of rehab. Bring up anything about a relationship later. Her health and well-being is more important right now.

[YellowLioness]

funk you guys, thanks for the help

 

Any time. Don't mention it, really. Rude a$$.

 

Anyway, sometimes people don't love you back like you love them. It sounds like you are obsessed with her.

 

My guess is that you should move on, or else you may get hurt. She sounds like a very confused person, and you have high expectations for her.

 

You should realize that she may not be the girl you want her to be.

 

If you want to be with her, and she feels less for you then you feel for her, things will be on her terms. End of story. Let her give what she wants to give. You must accept this as a part of her.

[notthepersonyourelookingfo]

thanks for the replies, wasn't trying to be rude... no need for the name calling... i'm just on my last string here and have nobody to talk to....

 

but i still wonder... can people really not talk for all that time and still be together ?

she didn't help me when i needed it.. yet i did when she did

 

and obsessed huh ? anyone agree ?

[YellowLioness]

If you do all the giving

and she does all the getting

then you are being used

[notthepersonyourelookingfo]

what makes you think i'm doing all the giving and she's doing all the taking ?

[YellowLioness]

I think you represent stability to her. Its just from the things your post said. You are the one persuing her. She's not persuing you.

[notthepersonyourelookingfo]

i can see how you would see that, and maybe it's true. but at the same time she's thinking of taking a break from us (not living together) since we are both newly sober and need to figure out who we are and where we stand. i'm just hella confused... i would figure after all this time she would just know how she feels. she broke down and started crying during sex the other night because of the "feelings". she said if she had it her way she wouldn't be in a relationship after rehab, so she could have meaning-less sex. now she's pissed cause i picked up her cel phone and looked to see what call she missed, even though she answers my phone on a reg...

[Mr. Zero]

First of all I just want to say thanks for sharing that story. I'm sure it is hell to be stuck in that situation. I've been facing something similar (minus the addiction). I'm just speaking from my own experiences here, and I'm assuming that her feelings for you are real, so take this for what it's worth...

 

 

That feeling of "if only"...if only she'd come back, If only she hadn't slept with him, If only she.... That feeling will never fade if you give this up. If you've spent the past 8 years trying to replace her only to find her again, you've got the second chance that most people never get. Can it work? Yes...but how hard are you willing to try? Is it worth it to never again have to ask "if only"? If the answer is yes then all you can do is focus on keeping yourself sober and supportive. As you well know living life without a substance altering your perception and numbing you constantly is a scary thing. That's what she is facing. Feeling means opening yourself up to pain...pain without the safety net of a chemical to wash it away. Of course she is running scared. My opinion that may be a good thing in the long run. If she didn't care she would'nt be afraid. Does love conquer all? No, but patience and support can increase your chances. You are going to hear all kinds of hurtful things from her and she tries to deal with the new reality of a life she never really lived. It is going to sting, but if you can hang in there and she stays clean you could end up with the happy ending. If she loves you when the haze clears then the prize was more than worth the battle fought.

 

 

She is right about one thing; living together after coming out of rehab isn't a great idea. Most programs recommend against relationships in the first year. Well man you've waited 8, can you trade one more for the rest of your life? That's something only you can answer. Just know those dreams of her you had that made you wake up in the middle of the night wishing things were different? They won't go away if she isn't there with you to reassure you. Now some people would tell you that you'll find someone else and they are right, but those dreams...they may never fade.

 

 

Give her the support she needs to get her life in order. Take care of yourself during the process. And remember when she comes through the other side of the darkness she is a new woman. Get to know and love her for who she is then with you and don't let the thoughts of her past ruin what you have now. Most of all right now don't take what she says as personal. When this is over you both will be reborn as new people and the hope of a better future, not the shadows of the past, is what you should keep your focus on.

 

 

In the meantime i'll be hoping you win this one. Take care of yourself.

 

JKN

[notthepersonyourelookingfo]

thanks alot man, that was very helpful. i hope what your going through works out as well. she has since moved out but we are still together. i get a lil frustrated here and there because she's not feeling at all sexualy active, but i'm trying to understand it and i do a lil more everyday. that's just a hard thing to understand as a guy, since we exprese alot of out love through sex, but i just need to remember SHE's not a guy

 

again, thanks for the reply, hope it works for you too