probs making good friends

[simplybrill]

Anyone else here have a hard time making REAL friends? You know, people who want to do more than drink, smoke, talk about themselves, or gossip about mutual friends?

 

I choose not to drink because the alcoholism runs really strong in my family, so I would rather just not put myself in that situation. Also im on the small side, so its not like I could take liquor if I drank it.

 

The occasional wine with dinner's no prob for me, Im just really not into the beers or mixed drinks. Needless to say, most people around my age range are drinkers, and that seems to be a common problem with meeting people and wanting to hang out...if you dont drink, they dont want to hang out - end of story. Im not generalizing here, Ive run into many many people and got this reaction.

 

I have the gossip problem with girls and guys for that matter. Do people just have nothing better to do than cut down people in their friend circle to the new person?I had to dissassociate myself with 4 people last year, because I found out thats the only reason they wanted to be friends with me. When I asked them to stop, they just started talking about ME behind my back instead. Yes, that was one ridiculous circle im glad I distanced myself from.

 

Anyone else have this problem?

[dreaming4ever]

I have the SAME problem. Everyone around my age (24) where I live only seem interested in drinking and drugs and it's just ridiculous! Why bother when you can have fun without those things and save a hell of a lot of money PLUS a hangover and messed up brain cells. I don't get people...maybe we're more mature than them but I don't know. I'm just SO FRUSTRATED about it....I want a bunch of nice friends like me that don't just want to go out to bars and clubs and that actually have something interesting to say. Jeez!

 

About the friends thing....ya I hate it when people gossip. Cuz you KNOW as soon as you're out of earshot you're the next one they're going to be talking about. Seriously, people like that need to get a life.

 

*sigh* I need to move somewhere where people my age are not interested in drinking or drugs....and actually have goals for the future and want to be good people, not lowlife's. There's WAY too much of that here in Canada where I live. THERE'S WAY MORE TO LIFE!! OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE!! I understand an initial curiousity with drinking but you'd think most people would get over it in a couple years. I get sick whenever I drink so besides hating the taste, it's dumb cuz it's like PAYING to get physically ill....like WHO does that?? I just want some really cool friends that I can hang out with, be myself with and have fun!!

[simplybrill]

HAHAHA I think you need to move down here to the US so we can hang out. I might just be the only girl in my area like this, and sounds like you're the only one in Canada--- joking, but seriously, would you believe its hard to find an intellectual on my Uni Campus?? Sounds like I need to go somewhere else for Grad School where theres more people like us?

[dreaming4ever]

Really? No intellectuals on your campus? Ya I bet there isn't any on mine either. All everyone at university or college seem interested in is drinking and NOT going to their classes. A bunch of dumbasses if you ask me....considering most of them are paying to go to school to flunk because they skip too much. Wow...can I be a dumbass too and throw my money down the toilet?? PLEASE?? *sigh* Why don't they just work full time somewhere, get an apartment and party all the time instead of wasting their money on school?

 

I think YOU have to move near ME....how old are you anyways?? Sucks here....are people as interested in drugs AND alcohol there too??

[simplybrill]

Nooo you should come Here, there's so many advantages to being a US Citizen!! Canada's toooo cold!

 

Ya know,,,I wonder that all the time, why dont these folks just drop out, or go to community college if all they want to do is drink themselves into regular stupors.

 

They hardly go to class here either, and the problem is: they're like this all across the country,,,and they're actually graduating...making a 4 year degree less desirable to our bosses, because there's so many of them out there...making the ones who actually came here to LEARN a thing or two have to incur MORE loans to go to Grad school/Med School/Law school just to get a decent job!!!

 

Another thing, seeing that most of these people have been drinking since they were 16...whats the big appeal when you're in your 20's?

 

Yeah they're really into the pot here, just as much as the booze...woo hoo lets all cut our life spans down by 20 years...

 

The smog's killin us as it is...why do further damage? I just dont get it...

 

Oh, im 20 nearly 21.

[moimeme]

It's not about place. It's about interests. Not everybody drinks for entertainment. Join some of the clubs at school. Try a dance club. Dancing seems to attract a lot of people who don't drink much. You can't dance well if you drink. It's probably the same with sports and athletic clubs.

 

Hang out at health food places or take courses in healthy cooking and eating. People interested in those things are less likely to drink a lot. I've never been a big drinker and I've never had problems finding friends who don't think booze is the only way to have fun.

 

Most cities have local newspapers with free social event notices - look for classes and lectures you can attend. Actually, your university will have interesting public lectures, too. You can also try volunteering for things like music festivals or maybe Habitat for Humanity.

 

Join book clubs. There are a zillion places to find people who don't want to just drink.

[Foreversorry04]

I find that making good quality friends is hard too. I get the feeling because I am better off (financially)then a majority of the people my age, a lot of the people who want to be my friend are only after one thing. I work for a large company in WA (Microsoft), and there are a lot of people my age there, but like a lot of people who are in money, they are stuck up and think they are too good for most people. They are not the type of people I like. Maybe I am too picky, but I am also looking for friends who like to do more then drink, smoke, talk about others and gossip & I find that really hard.

[loveregardless]

haha. it's so funny that this was already a topic, because I was just about to post a new one asking if I was a was a weirdo or something because it is impossible for me to find good freinds. I feel like I am probably even worse off than yall though because it sounds like you are in college, where there at least a lot of people your age around. I'm 19, living with my boyfreind and his parents in the middle of the boon-docks (that's goofy hillbilly talk for in the middle-of-nowhere), and I work, get this...in town at my father's office. So not only do I not have freinds, but I have absolutely no oppurtunity to make any either. My boyfreind is the closest thing to a freind that I have and well...he's being a stupid boy half the time so that doesn't help me much either. Actually, I know it sounds pathetic but the reason I joined this online forum thing was so that I would have someone (ANYONE) to talk to. I mean, I'm a very intelligent person and I do a lot of reading and personal research on just about anything interesting, and sometimes I just wish than I knew anyone who actually cared to hear about it. Sometimes it's depressing, sometimes it just seems so pathetic that I have to laugh. I know that it is mostly because 19 is a very akward age. You think it's bad cus all the middle 20's people only want to drink and party, you should meet the teenagers around here! They are all insane. Sex has completely lost any meaning or value to most of the people I know, and drinking is the least of their problems...they're usually so far gone on some cheap wanna-be designer drug that I have actually known people to lose track of entire weeks of their lives-gone-no memory of it whatsoever. I spent a long time being friends with these types of people, mostly because I was friends with them before, and then when they started in with all the drugs and crap, I stuck around to babysit them. but all that got me was frustrated and angry. So now I don't have anything to do wih any of those people anymore, and that's why I have no freinds left. But I keep hoping that i'm gonna find some soon. Actually just one would make me happy. Of course, I have never actually met a girl that I really got along with either. at least not the ones like i was describing, for obvious reasons, along with the fact that you don't bring your boyfreind around drugged up girls who "just wanna have fun". yeah right. but anyways... I'll be all yalls friends =)

and I completely agree with the gossip issue...but that's an issue that has dominated female politics since the beginning of time. That's what women DID for the longest time. I still know some older women who go every day to the salon and gossip with all the girls while they get their hair done, cus that's how they've been behaving for years. and then us sophisticated girls with all kinds of crazy ideas about social propriety come along and ruin all the fun, and start behaving more like...women!. =) (cus a real woman doesn't need to tear someone else down to build herself up. she is what she is.)

"If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Wait to go Thumper!

[Foreversorry04]

Oh wow loveregardless that is amazing, you could just described me at 19. Man was that really eight years ago?? Damn how time fly's.

 

I hope you get some good advice off of this board, I know I have. I at least find it comforting to know I am not the only one having the same problems.

 

Good luck and hope to see you around this site :-)

[dreaming4ever]

Hey loveregardless,

That's kinda funny....when I was a couple years older than you I was living with my boyfriend and his parents in a small, nothing town. And had no friends since I had just recently lived there. And everyone there either did drugs or drank hard core....everyone my age anyways. LOL kinda weird how things go eh?

 

Anyways, even though I've five years older than you, you sound like me now loveregardless. Except in my life I'm going to school (where I don't know anyone cuz I just started there...been to other schools too but this is a new university)...and I moved to where I am to live close to my boyfriend in December. He wants to hang out with me ALL the time, which is cool cuz I honestly have no one else. But I would LOVE to have a close girlfriend or a few girlfriends cuz honestly, there's some things that boys just can't understand about girls. We relate differently....even though we DO have a good relationship. Like we have such different interests so I can't really talk about things that interest me at length with him.

 

I also research about things I'm interested in. And I come up with ideas that people don't even think about sometimes....it's fun though. Just wish I could find someone like me. Do you have msn? We could chat or email each other or whatever. You sound like me

[loveregardless]

that is so strange how similar our stories are. So then I have a question. did your boyfriends parents drive you as crazy as my boyfriends parents do me? Haha. No but seriously...we are supposed to be finding a place of our own soon...but it's just that whole money issue that's got us pretty stuck right now. We're doing alright saving, but it still isn't enough.

I've attempted to "go" to school at our community college three different times now, and each time I ended up saying screw this and dropped the classes, which kinda pissed my dad off since I had a 75% scholarship to any university in florida when i graduated high school. but it's not that i'm a drop out kinda girl, it's just that all throughout highschool i sat through classes that taught me nothing, and i'm tired of being bored. and that was exactly what they were doing to me at the community college. it was like highschool all over agian. i already knew everything they were making me take. so anyways... i'm going to start classes to receive my massage therapy liscence in January and at least get a job somewhere where i can start making some money. and then i plan on taking online classes...all of which fall into the natural health field.

i know what you mean about not being able to talk at any real length with your boyfriend about...well, at least for me...anything! i mean, the most extensive conversation you can hope to have with him is about his truck. and since i work at my dad's office, all i do all day long is research and read about EVERYTHING I can. But then when I go home and try to talk to him about it...it's just pointless. because not only does he not read anything, but he refuses to read, refuses to learn or be interested in anything. it's not that he's stupid, he just doens't care. Me on the other hand, I care about EVERYTHINTG. hehe, anyway...I have aol and outlook email here at the office. I would love to talk with you. I would love a friend!

[dreaming4ever]

Hey,

No my boyfriend's parents didn't drive me crazy at all. I was SO glad to get away from my family cuz they are SO ANNOYING...you see, I have a dad that has been on business trips most of his life and so he doesn't know me but has always tried to buy me stuff to make up for it. Don't like people like that. And my mom and brothers are too occupied with their lives to care much about me. Plus my parents were really overprotective and pried into every aspect of my life, it was SO annoying. They're really religious too so they guilt tripped me a lot. So you see i was SO glad to get out of that house!!

 

My boyfriend's family was completely unlike mine! They weren't strict and his mom talked to me like I was an adult who actually had a brain which is SO unlike my family (i'm the youngest). And they were fun too! And they lived 2 hours away from my family so I didn't have to see them a lot. It was great living with them....even now although that boyfriend and I split up like 2.5 years ago, I still visit them and stuff...in fact when my and my ex broke up, it was b/c he cheated on me....and his mom loved me so much that she kicked HIM out....so I lived there until last December. They're awesome people and have helped me through a lot. It's funny cuz his ENTIRE family....grandparents, uncles, aunts, all that....STILL say that he was a fool for ever breaking up with me....and I'm not egotistical but they were SO right...lol....he became a deadbeat though so I'm WAY better off with my bf now.

 

My current boyfriend (that I've been with for a year) and I are looking for a place but we're also having troubles b/c of the whole money thing. We're both living in the same town....I moved back in with my parents But my parents are somewhat better now and usually leave me alone...

 

I agree that school can be boring and useles and I HATE how what you learn at school usually is NOTHING like the job you'll end up getting....but I go for the piece of paper and in hopes that I'll find an interesting class or two (I love psychology especially....I took a really interesting Psychology class last semester...it was all about disorders and stuff people develop...Philosophy is interesting too) But I'm an english major...3rd year....I've changed my major so many times and this is the 3rd university I've attended...I was originally an english major, then switched to being a psychology major....then I got a 2 year business degree....then decided business is boring as hell....and now I'm back to finishing my english degree.....currently not sure if I want to be an elementary teacher or a journalist/magazine writer/editor...lol...can u tell I'm indecisive??

 

Sorry I can't go online (like msn or aol or whatever) while I'm at work...they don't have the program...but I CAN email...I'll send u my email address in private

 

What else? Oh right...ya my bf and I have SUCH different interests that although he's sweet and tries to listen when I talk about something I'm really interested in, I can see his eyes glazing over usually and well, it's just not the same talking to someone about something when they're not too interested in it. He's into learning and reading and stuff like I am but he's interested in stuff like buddhism and video games (yawn)....so ya....email me whenever you want and I'll try to reply as soon as I can...sorry I just told you my life story but ya...that's me

[simplybrill]

Hey Im glad you guys found each other, it really is funny how similar your situations are!!

 

Im a Psychology Major, and its fabulous, but you have to go to grad school or med school if you want a job, so thats where Im headed.

 

I hate it when 'the parents" dont like you. Hope this isnt rude, but are you guys all the same ethnic background? - Just asking cuz most times Im not the same ethnic background as my boyfriend OR his parents, and that causes some sticky situations...you know...when the parents think its ok for their son to be friends with someone of a different background, but its a big no no to seriously date one? I know, its totally ridiculous, and not to mention racist...but I cant even count how many times Ive run into this problem, and it ruined everything.

[dreaming4ever]

Hey simplybrill (and I have NO idea what that name means btw)

My boyfriend and I are the same ethnic background....we're white Canadians...his background is british/german and mine's british/polish but neither of us is very ethnic...if that makes sense....we're just typical white Canadians....and no i've never dated a guy with a different ethnic background so ya I'm sorry that that's happened to you....you know, how it's turned out bad....I can't stand racist people either.

 

So what are you planning to do with your psychology degree? Psychology is my absolute FAVORITE subject to take at university btw....

[loveregardless]

unfortunately I've been quite in the thick of racism my whole life. For one thing, it is almost impossible to physically discern what it is that I am in regard to ethnicity. I have naturally olive tan skin with dark brown curly hair and big poopy brown eyes (everyone but the milk man in my immediate family has beautiful green ones). so all the hispanic people always thought I spoke spanish and the black people that I was mixed and the white people didn't know whether to hate me or just look at my weird. Actually I am a hodge podge of the most intersting ethnicities from all over the world. I am jewish (by heritage not religion)(another reason for people to hate me), native american, irish, German (so the german and the jewish in my are fighting constantly ) and that's just the most dominate of the many. I suppose the Native American and Jewish are what make me "look" so ethnic, but beyond that...I'm just me! I had freinds of all kinds and color growing up, but ESPECIALLY in the SOUTH (what year is this) you just don't do the interracial thing. Now personally I could love a purple person if they were the right one, but unfortuantely people don't treat you very well down here when you dare to be different. i mean you can't even be an Indian down here without being called a "dot-head". And my bestfreind when I was younger was Hindu straight from India. Luckily her family was always very kind and warm hearted, they didn't care what color I was they were just good people. But racism is still such a prelavent force in our world that sometimes I feel like we muct be moving backwards. And as far as your boyfreinds' parents beying unreceptive to you because you weren't (black, spanish, etc.) that must be really stressful and make it super difficult on you and apparently their children. what I have noticed however is that eventually, people's parents will change, as long as you really love who you are with, it may take a while, but they will eventually see that, and get over it. They can't hate you forever, because then their children wouldn't talk to them. And most good people eventually see the error of their ways. People are just all so angry with everyone else who isn't exactly like them. I will never understand it, but the only thing I can do to keep myself from dweilling on it is think hey, not EVERYONE can be like this...cus here we are...having this converation. =)

 

and even when you are the same ethnic background as your bf, parents will ocassionally still dislike you. it's easier for them to blame the child that isn't their own when they have something to gripe about. not that i would know anything about that

[simplybrill]

wow, im very mixed myself: indian, latina (puerto rican), irish...you name it, im IT, haha. I know, I always get those puzzled looks and the question of the century: " So what are you?"...like me answering that would cure cancer, and they have to know...I dont get it. To make a long story short I usually just say the first two, indian + latin...and that subsides their gnawing curiosity for a while... so YES I definitely know where you're coming from with the white girls hating on your natural tan (it happens folks), and other races just, well staring - which is rude initself.

 

Im in the south too!!! I wasnt born here originally, so I never thought inter-racial dating was a big deal,,,that is until I started dating down here, and whoa...what a mind trip.

 

Ever dated the guy who liked you just because he liked the way you looked racially...yeah...been there done that...and when I found out, I dumped his butt because I found it pretty racist to date someone just for their background. He was a neglecter, and pretty much just wanted to be with me for arm candy in public, and to "rebell" against his white country roots. Twisted...yes. Does it make me want to date white guys less, absolutely. I know they're not all like this, but it does make me wonder what's running through their minds when a white guy approaches me from now on.

[loveregardless]

I certainly understand what you mean about boys dating you just because you look ethnic- and well- the whole tahitian beauty stigma is hard to escape even when your not tahitian. I suppose it does something for a man to be with an "exotic" woman. I find that all men, white or otherwise act like this however. The black ones only want you cus your not black and that's hot. and the white ones think it's hot that your not white! its' really a losing battle. isn't it odd that people wanna hate you cause your different, and lust after you because your different at the same time. well, the young men wanna lust after you, the women hate you cus your stealing their men...it's just ridiculous. And here all this time I've only been fueling the fire by hating on those damn blonde blue eyed girls with big boobs for being blonde and blue eyed with big boobs, I'm worse than anybody. But I do have my natural tan to keep me company =)

[simplybrill]

Hahaha yes I hear ya sista- they can hate as much as they want to, waste their energy, and turn into lobsters for all I care, in the process! Its like hahahah b____, im STILL TAN IN THE WINTER, HATE ON THIS!

 

And yes it really feels like a losing battle sometimes. its makes me really pessimistic towards the whole dating and love deal!

 

And here all this time I've only been fueling the fire by hating on those damn blonde blue eyed girls with big boobs for being blonde and blue eyed with big boobs, I'm worse than anybody.

 

hahaha, same here. I dont really hate on them for their boobs, Im happy with what Ive got. (not to say you're not happy with yours girly, im sure you are ) I just dont like them for giving me that up-down, head to toe stare when im out doin my thing, and their sheer stupidity at times. Sometimes it seems like they have it so easy, people dont expect them to be smart half the time haha. Try being a brunette! It would blow their minds! (at least some of them)

[loveregardless]

no. my boobs are little. i hate on them for their boobs too! =)

hahahahahhahahahahaha

[simplybrill]

haha...too funny chica, hey same here but Im happy with what Ive got, I think with my body frame if I got implants or something it would just make me look wierd.

[loveregardless]

my boobs are just fine. that's how God wanted them to look and who am I to argue. But that doens't mean I can't hate on those with more. =) Besides, I got a better butt than everyone else. hahahaha

look out J-Lo

[dreaming4ever]

Hey girls,

Don't be hatin'! I got big boobs...you want them? I've been trying to get rid of them for years but oddly enough no one will take them. Guys stare at them too much and I'm just like "the face is up here buddy!" I said that to my bf once and he said "I've made my choice" (j/k)

 

I even offered my boobs to my sister in law as a wedding gift but she was like "nah...sorry man...i won't fit into my bathing suit on the honeymoon"...so ya...sucks. I want baby boobs like you guys ....anyone wanna trade?

[loveregardless]

haha! but can i keep my butt? No i would look funny with big boobs. I guess I'll let you keep yours.=) I knew a girl who was 5'2" with almost triple D's. Now that's big!! But she had all kinds of back problems and stuff. Poor thang!

[dreaming4ever]

See what I mean??? Nobody wants them!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR

[simplybrill]

I've got a booty myself..its so hard finding jeans that fit without having that wierd gap in the back, or being just too tight and making me look like a teenager

I went crazy this weekend and bought way too much...its for school, I keep telling myself, but I still have buyers remorse. Amazing, I went shopping to try to feel better after the rude comment my new roomate made to me , and it helped a bit. I dunno why I let other people's comments hurt me so much

 

To make matters worse, I didnt even stand up for myself when she made the comment, as usual my sis had to say something, and I really hate that. Being more assertive is something im struggling with. Its so wierd, Im up front, and loud and myself with everyone in my family but when it comes to other people out there in the world im really sensetive and (Im gagging at the word here,)meek.