probs making good friends

[loveregardless]

Who doesn' t go shopping for clothes...like, ever!?

I wear the same few pairs of jeans like 5 times before I wash them. I mean, if they aren't dirty...then they must be clean right?! Besides, I can't stand a fresh pain or jeans right out of the dryer, makes me want to scream. I have to wait a day or so until they're nice and stretched out and comfy. I guess I'm just kinda guyish about stuff like that. Of course I never go two days without changing my underwear or anything disgusting like that...and I don't ever wear the same shirt more than once, cus well...those get dirty and stretched out in bad way. Right now I'm wearing the same pants I've worn all week probably, I can't even remember. And a shirt that I got for like 7 bucks at some discount store. I think buying clothes is a waste of money unless they're really cheap. I was really fashion concious when I was younger, and spent bucko bucks on stuff that I look at now and wouldn't even wear if someone payed me. Like designer shirts with a huge logo accross the front. I don't wear things that make me a walking advertisement for a product. but now...I just don't care about fashion at all. I never wear make up or fix my hair in anything other that apny tail. Not that i look like an awful bum walking around or anything...I'm just ULTRA low maintenance. Now if I have something really special to get all dazzled up for that's different, but that doesn't happen too often.

What on earth did your roomate say? Why is she your roomate if she's mean? I can understand what you mean about being outgoing and voicing your opinion most times until someone makes you UNCOMFORTABLE. And then of course, once your feelings have been hurt, it's hard to know what to say at all. Not that I typically have that problem, cus I tell you what girl, if someone was to be rude to me for no reason I would have no problem telling them that they can keep their negativity and verbal abuse to themselves. I don't have much patience for mean people. Mean people suck! Just tell her that next time. Tell her that the only thing that she acheives by making rude comments is making herself look pathetic, petty, and insecure. Tell her that you pity her and that it must be really sad in her world. Bet she won't say much else!

[simplybrill]

Well she's my roomate because I live in an on-campus apartment at my University and she was assigned to live with me.

 

Here's what happened Tuesday:

* Its move in day and she moved in all of her stuff (I was getting ready for work, had just gotten out of the shower so I didnt come out of my room while she was moving in) She's banging cabinets, talking really loud to some dude who helped her move in

 

* I come out after im ready to make something to munch on, before I go to work, and I can barely open my door, because there's some dude's boots thrown in front of my door, a hand cart behind that, not to mention the trail of her stuff that goes across the apartment, to her...in her room...who didnt even come out at first when I said 'Hello??? Is anyone in there?"

 

* when she finally does come out, we make some chit chat, I ask where she's from, etc...and then she says she's got to go, going back home or something, that she'll be back on Saturday. Im like ok, things are pretty normal between the two of us, I think things are cool.

 

*she spontaneously comes back, Im standing in my doorway talking to my other roomate - and she goes "wow, you're still not done eating yet?!...She's been sitting with that food for like half an hour!!!" Really making a big stink out of it...I was shocked, I used to have some health problems with eating when I was younger and Im continuously working on it - eating more, taking more portions- the fast metabolism doesnt help things, I was born an extemely low birth weight, and have always been fighting the "anorexic" comments and stereotype forever because of my small frame. Comments about my eating habits, have always cut very deep for me...especially criticism...Im sure she meant it maliciously, from what I heard her yelling at the guy that was helping her move in, she's got a nasty attitude...even though after I just gawked at her comment, she was like "oh heh heh, Im just kidding" Yea right. She's only been here 5 minutes and she's already got issues with me, and trying to start BS.

 

*my sis jumps in, says something like "she's just a slow eater" Which gets under my skin...because she shouldnt have to stick up for me, but she does it anyways, and I just wish I thought quick enough to tell the girl off myself, ya know ! I couldnt think, I was in such shock. And my sis said something like, 'you really need to start standing up for yourself, ya know' which totally got me feeling deserted, but I understand what she's saying, its true.

 

This always happens when people are nasty to me, I get real hurt first, and then I get angry after the fact which doesnt help anything..arrgh I wish I had thicker skin and wasnt so damn sensetive!!!

[loveregardless]

Being sensitive is not a bad thing. The only thing that's "bad" is that you allow people who's opinion should not matter to effect the way you think/perceive yourself. I used to have eating problems when I was younger, and I almost DID become anorexic at one point. Since then it has always been the complete opposite-- I love food!! But because I have always been like an amazon compared to every other girl around me, I used to be really insecure with myself. I'm like 5'8" and I weigh anywhere from 128-142 pounds, depending on what time of year it is. In the winter I form what I call a "coat of blubber", hence the 142. I mean, even when I'm big I'm not BIG, as my boyfreind would put it... I just "ain't no puppy" =)

But anyways...

Why does it matter how long you take to eat? that's such a trivial thing to even bother noticing about someone else. she sounds like she is just a particularly miserable person to me, (from everything I can gather so far)and for your sake, you need to realize that NOW, 'cus seems like your gonna be stuck with her for a while. So then how do you deal with it? How do you deal with rude/mean people in general. Well I actually might be able to help with that one. Considering that I myself live with someone who's additude would probably match up near/or just about to this girls, and most hateful/miserable people...I'll tell you what I have learned over the last year.

My boyfreinds father is the kind of person who always has something negative to say about EVERYTHING. Besides the fact that he has been verbally/emotionally abusing my boyfeind and his mother his entire life, he has also decided (since I'm a part of the family now, yippee) that I get to experiance the wonder of his insanity as well. He is always pointing out to his wife when he thinks that she looks fat or ugly. He is always making comments to me about how much I eat and how his son is going to end up with a fat girlfriend. I mean, if you wanna talk about difficult/ridiculous people, i can just about garauntee that this guy is the just about as bad as it gets. 24/7 MISERABLE HUMAN BEING.

But what I have come to realize is that people who do/say/act unkindly/rudely/mean towards others, have either insecurities or mental deficiencies that lead them to act in that way. They are simply not strong enough or are too ignorant to behave otherwise. So really, you should pity them! Think to yourself, "how sad _______ must be inside to treat others in this way."

It does you no good at all to absorb their negative energy into your own. So by realizing that they're thoughts/actions are the result of some sad internal conflict of their own, it allows you to not be hurt by their comments, but rather feel sorry for THEM. Not that it isn't extremely difficult to do. I constantly have to tell myself the same things that I just told you, to remind me WHY exactly I don't just blow up right back and call them a dumb F*** or something. But doing that, means that you are allowing their negativity to effect you. You can't allow it do that.

I'm going to try to share with you an exercise, that I (who am certainly no therapist) came up with on my own to help me.

Imagine that you can see your aura, that you can see your personal energy imminating all around yourself. Now imagine that this energy, this life force, is also acting as a sheild of GOOD energy protecting you from everything/everyone else. (Imagine this is brilliantly beautiful white light or some other bright color) When people do or act this way, visualize their words/actions as weaponry (as black or dark colored, EVIL if you must) and then allow the negative energy of their words/actions to bounce off your good energy sheild and simply fall to the ground. (It helps if you visualize this, even if you aren't into all that energy/aura stuff)

you see what happens there? fundamentally it's just a visualization exercise, but when you look beyond that it is also a method of personal behavior modification. By allowing peoples actions/words to bounce off of your powerful good energy, you are really learning to let go of any initial pain or hurt feelings that may have been caused by them. (instead of harboring it inside of you and continuing to turn it over in your head for who knows how long)

If you can remember to imagine it happening this way (and remember to tell yourself that that is really all there is too it), it will eventually start to feel that way when it happens... naturally. I don't know if you are a very spiritual person or not, but if you are, then you should do research on the whole idea of auras/karma/and spiritual energy. I think that as a fellow sensitive person you would probably find it quite interesting and helpful.

Remember, being sensitive is never a bad thing. sensitiviy is what allows us to be caring, loving and understanding. it's sensitivity to the negative that is bad. once you learn to direct your sensitivity towards the good, you'll find that mean people (although they will always suck, and on some level sting us now and then) ultimately they do not matter. they're thoughts do not matter. they're words/actions...you guessed it...they do not matter.

from that point on, you can choose to respond however you would like. I personally find that the best medicine for a mean person, is to simply not give them the satisfaction of any response at all. Mean people do not matter. That may be awful of me, but it's the truth.

I was taking a comparative religion class once where I learned something VERY interesting. According to studies conducted on patients who have had near death experiances and report things that happened to them on the "other side", the most common of all occurances was that of the life review. but what was so interesting about these reports of life reviews was that not only were they shown they're own actions, but they were made to see/and to FEEL whatever those actions caused for other people. And then how those people in turn made others feel, etc. and so on. So I guess what I'm saying is that mean people, are really just sad lost people, and one day when it is all said and done, God will see to it that they KNOW what kind of life thet they lived. For people like us, it is only a further shove in the right direction. But for others, for those who lived lives where the golden rule seemed to elude them, that life review will be their own personal HELL.

Sorry if I sounded preachy at any point. I'm just trying to help the way that I have learned to help myself.

[simplybrill]

Sorry its been a lil bit since ive written,

 

No you dont sound preachy at all, actually this is some of the best advice I have ever gotten for this kind of stuff! I really love the aura visualization technique, its helped me loads. I can be more vocal now, and Im getting better at saying what I need to say when people say hurtful things. Thankyou so much!!!! Its a process, Ive had some luck, but Im still working on things

[loveregardless]

I'm so glad that it worked for you. Like I said, I kind of made it up on my own to help me, so I wasn't sure if it would help you...but I'm so glad that it is. That's like....amazing. And I'm sorry, but I am going to have to steal your little icon thingy. i have been searching for like that EXACT image I swear. Where did you find it?? Every image I try to use gets denied, I don't understand.

p.s. I was starting to wonder where you had flown off too. =)

[dymanda]

Well it seems like this thread has taken it's own course, but I'd just like to say that I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like it's so hard to make quality bonds with friends. I have lots of people that I call my friends, but essentially they just amount to a bunch of people that I hang out with, go to shows or bars or whatever with, and I wouldn't say that any of them are my bosom buddies or anything like that.

I used to think that this problem had a lot to do with being a student, I assumed that getting out of college would change things, but it hasn't. I'm 28 and I still feel like I'm hanging out with a bunch of classmates or something. I hear what people are saying about wanting something more than getting drunk or doing drugs - I drink socially but I don't do any drugs and even though most of my friends are in their 30's there is still that stupid high-school factor of me being excluded from invites to social gatherings because I don't want to get high or do a bunch of coke or something equally as stupid and mind-wasting.

 

I guess it does come down to the people I'm choosing to be around, I should go take part in a knitting cirlce or something if that's what I'm looking for in people. God I feel like an old lady!

[dreaming4ever]

dymanda,

Yeah....I completely know what you mean. I don't even drink socially cuz it makes me throw up way too easily and I don't like the taste so why bother, not to mention the calories...so how do you think I feel? I just wish people our age were interested in other things besides drinking/drugs....and if there are people like that, where do we find them?

 

lol....u made me feel bad...I knit. and I'm not a grandma!! But no seriously, I only knit when someone's having a baby cuz I make them a baby sweater.

 

So where are all the GOOD friends?? Are they taken?

[simplybrill]

Dreaming, well I did a google search for random lotus pictures and found this one, its because my tattoo looks just like it, Im obsessed! haha

 

I know what you mean girls, about having a hard time finding people who are worth the time spending to get to know them. I dont drink socially, for the same reasons you do Dreaming, because I dont like the taste and because its just not my thing. I broke up with a guy last year because Im more into soymilk and yoga and he's into clubs and "living life to its fullest" - which to him meant partying all the time and engaging in really risky behavior like getting drunk all the time to the point where he couldnt remember barely what he was doing, speed racing etc. I would just rather have fun, and REMEMBER IT.

 

Is that too much to ask for in a relationship in general? I dont think so... The guy had the nerve to act like I didnt have a life, because I wasnt running around like these kids at our university from club to club, getting wasted. Forgive me for actually wanting to take care of my body, and make it last as long as possible...he actually called me a "Stay at home" kind of girl, and asked me if I "always did what my mom told me to do when I was in highschool" and I told him, well you know I had a certain level of respect when I was that age, and I didnt need to sneak around, or sneak out of the house when I was younger, I never felt the need to, and ended our conversation right there. Some guys, jeez, what a mind trip that one was.

 

Dymanda, I feel ya girl, I definitely know what its like feeling as if you're permanently surrounded by acquaintances who are just playing the game to get what they want out of each other,,,its wierd.

[dreaming4ever]

Simplybrill,

I know what you mean! People think that just cuz I don't want to mess up my body with drugs or alcohol that I'm some type of goody-good and don't know how to have fun. SO many times I've said to people, "You know it IS completely possible to have fun without those things!!" and they just roll their eyes at me like I'm some kind of nut job. It bothers me that more people don't think like I do and thus continue to drink and do drugs....but honestly, what can I do? start a revolution? NOT LIKELY! Who's going to listen to me? I don't care...I'll just be myself and not do those things and still have fun.

[simplybrill]

Lovely...its that time of year again...Fall Semester and the Frat Parties Begin!!!!

 

I have no probs with people that drink...unless of course they come into class late, and decide to sit next to me, and still smell like the frat party the night before. Gross! And then after, they yak to their friends about how sick they were, etc. I dont see the big deal...but anyways...

 

Anyone here ever seen that sketch on SNL with that guy that plays the "drunk girl?" its great. You should see it sometime Dreaming.