Spent a night with a friend drunk..

[allenpo123]

Is it normal to feel OKAY after making out with a trustworthy male friend? We were both drunk and he was completely gentle, treating me like a real gf.

 

We don't have ANY feelings for each other, we treat each other with great respect and support, and it didn't feel awkward the next day either. We just sort of didn't talk about what happened AT ALL, and just let our usual conversations flow.

 

I kind of feel like a SLUT to let him kiss me and touch me when I'm drunk, but the truth is, I did like his touch because it was sweet and gentle. (NO SEX)

 

Anybody have similar experiences to share?

[GB500]

A year ago exactly same thing happened with me.

One night hanging out with friends. My best friend and I had to much to drink. He started kissing me and although, I had ABSOLUTELY no feelings for him, I kissed him back and started making out (no sex). Afterwards, I felt like a slut because I let it happen; especially, because he is my best friend not just some random guy that i will never see again. But we never talked about it and everything was normal between us. I thought I would never let it happen again. But it did happen again (four times) (still no sex) and we were not even drinking and we still never talk about it (kinda like pretending it never happened). By the third time, I had started developing feelings for him. Unfortunately, I never had the courage to ask him why is this happening or if he has feelings for me because I was afraid to ruin our friendship and of course because i am afraid of rejection.

But two weeks ago, I texted him that I cannot make out with him again and we should stop. He never replied to that message. Things got awkward between us ever since.

I feel like a total loser that I got myself into this mess from the beginning. Still wondering if he ever liked me more than just friends.

[allenpo123]

Thanks for sharing your story.. It's so nice to hear that someone is going through the same thing as me. Although in your case, your friend might like you since you guys made out another 4 times when sober. That ought to mean something...right? If I were you, I would develop feelings as well. Has he returned your text yet? Have you guys talked ever since?

 

My friend and I have absolutely NO FEELINGS for each other, that I am sure. I was drunk, but I'm not sure how drunk was he, probably just a little tipsy because he was sober enough to check into a hotel for both of us(we didn't have any place to go, I trusted him) Or maybe no matter how great a guy could be, guys are still guys, they see a drunk girl on the bed, they just take action?

 

The worse thing is, I left my coat with him, now I have to meet him up and get my coat back.. I wonder how awkward it'll be..

[redleader]

I hate to say you set yourself up for this sort of. As a man that this has happened to on the other side, any woman in your bed is tempting to the point of insanity, especially if alcohol is involved which lowers that wall quickly.

 

I had a friend that I thought was into me a bit, we spent time together to the point we had that final moment whether it would be more that night or not, which she dodged and asked if we could just cuddle instead. We were both a little drunk so I wasn't sure where that was going. In the end she would sleep with me in my bed, and cuddle, sometimes in her underwear, but wouldn't go further. I had no problem with that other than she never gave me a straight answer of what she was after with me exactly, eventually I gave up just happy to have her company sometimes if she was too drunk to drive or tired, and not like she was the only one anyway. Unbeknownst to me at the time she either very recently or was about to get with another as a boyfriend. She was cool but kind of unfair to me on that level, but I chose to respect it because I'm not a jerk.

 

So yes, guys are guys. If you lay a steak right outside a lions cage, you know he will do his damnedest to get it. Not saying all men are just animals, maybe some are, but I would say don't introduce the temptation if that isn't what you want. Part of the boundry is never ending up in the same bed or it sends mixed signals or can be interpreted in that way, with some booze added you can almost count on something else going on. You say you have no feelings for them, forgive me but it seems like denial a bit. Maybe not romantic feelings at first, but didn't have a problem with it going there either. You still have the power to say no, if he really is your friend he will respect that.

 

And, if it does go there, leading them on will make it 100x worse and can easily destroy your friendship when backpedaling out like it never happened.

[tamara27berry]

Yeah, I have an experience with this. I had this male friend that I don't know why we kissed and touch when we are drunk. Honestly even he is not drunk, there are moments he will be in my apartment just for a passionate kiss. Maybe we enjoyed it both, but we have no feelings for each other. He told me ones, I never get the chance to think of you as a slut because when I tell him that is it, then that is it. No Sex, necking and petting, yes.

[Nightsky]

Is it normal to feel OKAY after making out with a trustworthy male friend? We were both drunk and he was completely gentle, treating me like a real gf.

 

We don't have ANY feelings for each other, we treat each other with great respect and support, and it didn't feel awkward the next day either. We just sort of didn't talk about what happened AT ALL, and just let our usual conversations flow.

 

I kind of feel like a SLUT to let him kiss me and touch me when I'm drunk, but the truth is, I did like his touch because it was sweet and gentle. (NO SEX)

 

Anybody have similar experiences to share?

 

You do realize there is a difference between a male friend and a female friend. You shouldn't just spend the night and have drunken sleep overs and be surprised when things happen. I'm surprised he didn't whip out his dick and ask you to start sucking.

 

A year ago exactly same thing happened with me.

One night hanging out with friends. My best friend and I had to much to drink. He started kissing me and although, I had ABSOLUTELY no feelings for him, I kissed him back and started making out (no sex). Afterwards, I felt like a slut because I let it happen; especially, because he is my best friend not just some random guy that i will never see again. But we never talked about it and everything was normal between us. I thought I would never let it happen again. But it did happen again (four times) (still no sex) and we were not even drinking and we still never talk about it (kinda like pretending it never happened). By the third time, I had started developing feelings for him. Unfortunately, I never had the courage to ask him why is this happening or if he has feelings for me because I was afraid to ruin our friendship and of course because i am afraid of rejection.

But two weeks ago, I texted him that I cannot make out with him again and we should stop. He never replied to that message. Things got awkward between us ever since.

I feel like a total loser that I got myself into this mess from the beginning. Still wondering if he ever liked me more than just friends.

 

The guy might like you but be afraid of rejection himself. He might have not understood what you meant when you said "this can't happen anymore." Maybe he doesn't like you that way though. He obviously finds you sexy even if he doesn't want to date you though or he wouldn't have kissed you.

[NoMagicBullet]

I'll admit that I've never done anything like that with a guy who was only a friend -- I don't do things like that with men who I consider platonic friends, not even with alcohol involved. Otherwise they might get the wrong idea. (Hint, hint.) And I have no desire whatsoever to makeout with someone I have no feelings for.

 

So I find it really hard to believe that there are NO feelings involved -- even if it's mainly lust and physical attraction, there is still some kind of feeling going on, on at least on person's side, or it wouldn't have happened. How you feel about it afterward is a different matter, and is a reflection of your personality and values. I'm not saying you should feel good, bad, or anything about it -- your feelings are your own, whatever they are -- but I suspect this thread is more about justifying or normalizing a behaviour that you or your friends feel is questionable.

[allenpo123]

I suspect this thread is more about justifying or normalizing a behaviour that you or your friends feel is questionable.

 

Man, you are GOOD!!!! Yes, if I thought it wasn't a big deal I wouldn't bring this up on LS in the first place... I guess it's because he was REALLY sweet to me when he took care of me, I just broke up with my bf so I was feeling really lonely.. I regret having that much to drink and ending up like this (though we only kissed and made out a little bit), I hope it isn't awkward when I see him.

[NoMagicBullet]

Man, you are GOOD!!!! Yes, if I thought it wasn't a big deal I wouldn't bring this up on LS in the first place... I guess it's because he was REALLY sweet to me when he took care of me, I just broke up with my bf so I was feeling really lonely.. I regret having that much to drink and ending up like this (though we only kissed and made out a little bit), I hope it isn't awkward when I see him.

 

Thanks for the compliment! Either I've been on a roll lately, or perhaps I should start an advice blog... well, better not let it all go to my head just yet.

 

After what you described, I think it's pretty natural to wonder if you did something wrong/right, if he did something wrong/right. After all, you never expected something like this to happen, correct? And it probably wouldn't have happened if you were sober? Lots of mixed thoughts and feelings about it?

 

Between the alcohol (lowering inhibitions) and feeling lonely after your breakup, it's not surprising that something like this happened. Ultimately, you'll have to sort out your thoughts and feelings about it in a context that's meaningful for you. Other people can make all kinds of judgements about what happened, but they weren't there, and didn't experience it the way you did. Whatever you think or feel about it, make peace with yourself about what happened and where it fits in the overall picture of your life.

 

And I do hope things aren't awkward with the guy.

[GB500]

Thanks for sharing your story.. It's so nice to hear that someone is going through the same thing as me. Although in your case, your friend might like you since you guys made out another 4 times when sober. That ought to mean something...right? If I were you, I would develop feelings as well. Has he returned your text yet? Have you guys talked ever since? My friend and I have absolutely NO FEELINGS for each other, that I am sure. I was drunk, but I'm not sure how drunk was he, probably just a little tipsy because he was sober enough to check into a hotel for both of us(we didn't have any place to go, I trusted him) Or maybe no matter how great a guy could be, guys are still guys, they see a drunk girl on the bed, they just take action? The worse thing is, I left my coat with him, now I have to meet him up and get my coat back.. I wonder how awkward it'll be..

 

 

How did it go when you met him to get your coat back? I hope it was not awkward.

 

So to answer your questions. No, he never answered that text. I felt terrible, I felt rejected. I wish I could move on and forget about it but the fact that he did not reject me in words by replying to that text makes me confused and thinking that maybe he liked me or likes me.

 

Few days later, I texted him saying, "Hi how are you? do you wanna hang out?" He replied, "I'm ok. sorry I can't today, maybe tomorrow."

He never texted the next day and I did not text him again.

 

I think that meant he does not want anything to do with me anymore. Don't you think?

 

Almost a week later, I was at a friend's house for a get-together. We were all sitting on the couch. He walked in saying Hi and started going around giving hugs to people. When he came up to me, He pulled me off the couch from my one hand and put it on his shoulder, then wrapped his hands around my waist tightly. It was kind of a long hug. He did not say a word. The rest of the night, he completely avoided me. We did not even make any eye contact.

 

Very confusing! Was this "a good-bye and we can't be friends anymore" hug?

 

But I would feel very silly and pushy bringing it up again to him.

[allenpo123]

How did it go when you met him to get your coat back? I hope it was not awkward.

 

He didn't contact me about giving my coat back, so I contacted him first. We're meeting next week... He lives like 2 hours away from the city(he has to take the train to get here) and he said that I just have to say the word and he'll be here. He's extremely polite.... I don't know how awkward would it be when we meet alone. Maybe I should make something up and avoid spending time with him?

 

So to answer your questions. No, he never answered that text. I felt terrible, I felt rejected. I wish I could move on and forget about it but the fact that he did not reject me in words by replying to that text makes me confused and thinking that maybe he liked me or likes me.

 

Few days later, I texted him saying, "Hi how are you? do you wanna hang out?" He replied, "I'm ok. sorry I can't today, maybe tomorrow."

He never texted the next day and I did not text him again.

 

I think that meant he does not want anything to do with me anymore. Don't you think?

 

I don't know, maybe he feels awkward too. Or maybe he just feels like he likes you, but not enough to actually take action..?

 

Almost a week later, I was at a friend's house for a get-together. We were all sitting on the couch. He walked in saying Hi and started going around giving hugs to people. When he came up to me, He pulled me off the couch from my one hand and put it on his shoulder, then wrapped his hands around my waist tightly. It was kind of a long hug. He did not say a word. The rest of the night, he completely avoided me. We did not even make any eye contact.

 

Very confusing! Was this "a good-bye and we can't be friends anymore" hug?

 

But I would feel very silly and pushy bringing it up again to him.

 

I think it was a "lets stay friends but I'm not sure if we can really be friends but I dont want things to be awkward" hug? Have you guys spoke ever since? How did you feel after this?

 

Now I'm worried about meeting him... Do you think we should talk about the night we spent together...? Oh man I'm so screwed..

[GB500]

He didn't contact me about giving my coat back, so I contacted him first. We're meeting next week... He lives like 2 hours away from the city(he has to take the train to get here) and he said that I just have to say the word and he'll be here. He's extremely polite.... I don't know how awkward would it be when we meet alone. Maybe I should make something up and avoid spending time with him?

Now I'm worried about meeting him... Do you think we should talk about the night we spent together...?

 

 

Is this guy your type? I mean do you think that if he were to have feelings for you, would you develop feelings for him?

 

I am asking because from my experience with my friend. I always thought of him as "out of my league" I admired him and loved being friends with him and never thought of anything more. So when we made out that very first time, I was freaked out, intimidated, and confused. I was and still am convinced that he did not mean to make out with me. I just happen to be there when he was drunk and horny. But I am not sure how to explain the other four times. In addition, I like to think of myself as the kind of girl who would not get drunk and make out with her friends or random people and then think that it is ok and no big deal. Therefore, at the time, I felt like a slut and decided right away that it is a total mistake and that the best way to go around it is to completely avoid my friend and pretend it never happened. As a result, the next day after it happened, when my friend texted me wanting to talk about it, I completely avoided talking about it and he never brought it up again. Few months later, when I started developing feelings for him, I regretted that I avoided talking about it.

 

Anyways, my point is do not feel embarrassed by what happened and decide that it will be awkward between you two. Maybe you can give it a chance. If you feel that he wants to talk about that night, then let him. If you want to talk about it and clarify that this is something that you do not usually do, then go ahead.

 

I hope it goes well.

 

To answer your question, no I have not talked to him since that last time when I saw him. I think we probably won't talk again. IDK

[allenpo123]

Is this guy your type? I mean do you think that if he were to have feelings for you, would you develop feelings for him?

 

Too bad he isn't my type, he's a really nice guy, but maybe "too nice" and "too polite" it's hard to really understand what he's thinking. You know what I mean? Sometimes it takes a little 'impolite' to get closer to a person... If he had feelings for me, to be honest it would be hard for me to turn him down. I know he's super sweet (He has had 2 gfs since I knew him, and he would ask us to record a video saying happy birthday to his gf, we don't even know his gf!) Too bad I'm more into "bad" guys

 

Anyways, my point is do not feel embarrassed by what happened and decide that it will be awkward between you two. Maybe you can give it a chance. If you feel that he wants to talk about that night, then let him. If you want to talk about it and clarify that this is something that you do not usually do, then go ahead.

 

Thanks, I hope we don't just meet, small talk, hand me my coat and say goodbye, that would be a little too cold. He said he's coming to my area(which is a little far from his place) so I think I'd show him around, maybe buy him dinner or something.

 

To answer your question, no I have not talked to him since that last time when I saw him. I think we probably won't talk again. IDK

 

You never know... It's corny to say "leave it up to fate" but yeah, sometimes the timing just ain't right. I like to believe "everything happens for a reason." So maybe he doesn't speak to you ever, but something better will come along.

[GB500]

Haha yea I know what you mean about kinda liking bad guys. They are just much more interesting. And OMG that sounds really cute about the birthday videos. Showing him around and getting dinner is a good idea.

Yea I agree with you, everything happens for a reason!!!

[allenpo123]

Haha yea I know what you mean about kinda liking bad guys. They are just much more interesting. And OMG that sounds really cute about the birthday videos. Showing him around and getting dinner is a good idea.

Yea I agree with you, everything happens for a reason!!!

 

Hhaha, speaking of bad guys, I loved it when I lost a bet to him, and he would had this big evil victory grin on his face, I swear sometimes I'm not even trying to win, just that making him smile and gloat is so cute And even though we would bet on something big to make things more interesting, he never asks me to do those horrible things it's sweet.... Well, that's in the past though.

 

To me, it's a huge turn-on when he's being a bit more "dominant", in a good way though. Shows that he's confident around me I wish the next one would be as confident as him!

[GB500]

Hhaha, speaking of bad guys, I loved it when I lost a bet to him, and he would had this big evil victory grin on his face, I swear sometimes I'm not even trying to win, just that making him smile and gloat is so cute And even though we would bet on something big to make things more interesting, he never asks me to do those horrible things it's sweet.... Well, that's in the past though.

 

To me, it's a huge turn-on when he's being a bit more "dominant", in a good way though. Shows that he's confident around me I wish the next one would be as confident as him!

 

Yea I know exactly what you mean, same here. My friend and I were almost always competing. It's a huge turn-on when a guy is more dominant or very confident; especially, that I am very independent so not a lot of guys are more dominant around me. It is kinda hard to find such guys lol

[allenpo123]

Yea I know exactly what you mean, same here. My friend and I were almost always competing. It's a huge turn-on when a guy is more dominant or very confident; especially, that I am very independent so not a lot of guys are more dominant around me. It is kinda hard to find such guys lol

 

I'm like that too. I'm confident and independent around friends, I'm happy to be the one on the giving end rather than the receiving end; but in a relationship I just want to relax and have him take control. Not every guy notices that, they usually think I have control in everything and don't need them anyways.

 

Oh yeah, and I met my friend... just a couple days ago. I took my dog with me so we could focus on my dog instead of each other... But then we had dinner together and as usual he was a complete gentleman. If it were a date I'd say it's good, but just don't feel the spark.

[GB500]

That is good. I am glad it went well and was not awkward.