Friends or more?

[FromOhioWithLove]

Hello everyone! This is my first post and first time on this site. I am in need of an outside opinion on what's going on with my newly acquired friendship!

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Background(s):

 

I am 26 years old! I work at an Electronics Retailer (shipping and receiving) I am decent looking and recently lost a lot of weight making me a lot more confident. I haven't dated in years, because I havent met the right one.

 

She is 23 years old! Works in the same place as me (in sales) she is very pretty but has some insecurities and doubts. She however has a boyfriend of a year.

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Now, before you write this off as she has a boyfriend etc. She rarely sees him, maybe once a month or so. Her and I have worked together for three years or so. We rarely talked, and honestly, I liked her the first day I set eyes on her. (I buried my feelings once she got a boyfriend)

 

Our friendship became closer over summer and this fall it really took a turn. Here are some things that happened that made me start liking her.

 

She baked me a cake on my Birthday (She wouldnt do it for any of our other mutual friends at work.

We began paying for eachother!

We had lunch with friends... then alone more and more.

We began texting daily.

 

My friends planted this seed in my head that maybe she likes me more than a friend. Both women and men in our group of friends told me this. She is shy and wouldnt bring this up i'm sure. One day I asked her to get something to eat with me. She said yes! She dressed up and curled her hair... something none of us expected.

 

This went on for a couple months then finally my friends told me I have to tell her that I am falling for her to see what she'd say. I wasn't gonna do it, and especially not via texting. then I did it I sent this....

 

I don't expect a text for a while so.... Listen, Im just going to throw this out there. You and I have been hanging out a lot lately. Its a weird thing for me to do as I don't have many girl-friends. But, I have a lot of fun and enjoy spending time with you. I'm not sure what it is about you... Maybe its your personality, maybe your interests, perhaps even your smile, could be your beautiful eyes or insanely cute and infectious laugh. But something if not everything about you drives me crazy. You are super sweet and possibly the nicest girl I've ever known. Now, I know you have a boyfriend and honestly I am super happy for you both.. As your happiness is the only thing that's important to me. Well that and keeping you as a friend regardless of what happens. But this is something I needed to tell you. Im not gonna be awkward or mention it again.

 

I sat out in the cold for an hour awaiting her response (I didnt have a good signal) and got this....

 

I dont quite knw how to respond.I really enjoy hanging out with you and its always a lot of fun. Im extremely flattered by all of the compliments (Even if I disagree ) youre very sweet regardless. I dont want our friendship to changand I dont know what will happen but I dont know how you feel about it.

 

Firstly, what does that even mean? that was so confusing!

 

I responded with.... I mean honestly this whole thing is kinda new to me...I don know what to do or say.

 

She said Yeah, I agree

 

I then said I dont want anything to change either! Its been so good hanging out with you. I really just had to get that off my chest, it was had keeping it in.

 

She responded Good! im sorry.

 

I said No need to be sorry, you didnt do anything wrong. Just lets not be weird at work about this whole thing please? haha

 

She said Haha Deal!

 

When I went back to work all of our mutual friends were in the know. We continued to hang out. Nothing changed....

 

She hung out in the warehouse more and more

We bought coffee for eachother

She'd work until I got off so we could leave together

She finds me before she leaves everyday

We see movies together alone all the time

 

I took the next step and did a few nice things for her.

 

Gave her my coat when she was cold

Brushed the snow off her car

Brought herlunch when she didnt have time

 

Her and I are always together... people at work are beginning to notice. I like her a lot and just cant tell what she wants. It doent help that I said I wouldnt mention it again, and that she has a boyfriend....

 

Please help me as I am very confused.

[NoMagicBullet]

Ditto on not texting conversations like that. You see each other face-to-face often enough.

 

Anyway, there's nothing to be confused about -- the reason you feel confused is that you want to hang onto the hope of a relationship with her in the face of evidence to the contrary:

1) She has a boyfriend. How good or bad that relationship is, is irrelevant. (Unless you're just dying to be used as someone's rebound in a relationship that will fail anyway.) It's also none of your business.

2) She specifically said that she doesn't want your friendship to change.

3) You're friendship hasn't changed. You're still looking for signs of romantic interest from her, but she's simply not being weird about your confession and trying to just be a friend.

4) Oh, yeah... and she has a boyfriend! If she was interested in you and trying to start something with you without ending things with him, then she's not that great of a catch.

 

But she's not trying to sart something or drop you hints -- you are only friends. She only wants you as a friend. It's clear that's not what you want, though, so you are looking for signs of something that doesn't exist. Unless you can accept it, you're going to be very unhappy and/or you may start acting inappropriately.