way too much

[erin]

Hello,

 

I need massive help. My boyfriend wants sex all the time. I know he doesn't have a serious problem or anything. He just says I really turn him on. My sex drive is extremelly low. It takes awhile for me to get in the mood. Sometimes though I don't want to get in the mood. He's always trying to get some. I am very attracted to him, but I can't surcomb to his every move. How can I get him to ease up & also any tips on increasing my drive would be great.

[Tony T]

The two of you have a serious sexual incompatibility. If you can't work it out, he will surely look for sexual outlets outside the relationship.

 

There is no simple cure, nor is there a way to increase your desire if you are very attracted to him and you have no health problems. You are who you are. I wish I could control by liking for chocolate. If people take it away, I will find some somewhere.

 

Talking won't help. Horny is horny. No getting around that. He can't talk you into want sex more anymore than you can talk him into wanting it less. You can either make an effort to relax and give him the loving he requires or you can run the risk of eventually losing him.

 

I also don't think counselling will help. There may be some stuff you can find in a health food store to increase your libido. How about watching sexy videos, would that help? Ask you doctor if he's got some sort of medication that might do it? Call a licensed medical hypnotherapist and see if hynosis may be the answer. Of course, there is a risk he could turn you into a super sex machine.

 

But this problem is a very serious one that must be resolved very soon.

[Taressa]

Erin,

 

Once you've started, do you enjoy the act of sex?

 

What does your boyfriend do to seduce you into the mood?

 

Have you had bad experiences that have turned you off?

 

Are you in good shape physically? mentally?

 

Looking for somewhere to start,

 

Taressa

[jeremy]

any chance you work for an orlando themed restaraunt?

[erin]

Erin, Once you've started, do you enjoy the act of sex? What does your boyfriend do to seduce you into the mood? Have you had bad experiences that have turned you off? Are you in good shape physically? mentally?

 

Looking for somewhere to start, Taressa

Hello,

 

1 yes, once I start I do enjoy it after a couple of minutes

 

2 we do have forplay but I don't actually get turned on until the actual sex act.

 

3 no I have never had bad experiences

 

4 yes, I am in good shape and excercise regularly.

 

I don't know if maybe I get turned off because he always wants it or not. As I said before, I am very attracted to him. Help? How can I get him to ease up. He claims it's just me that does this to him. He says he was never like this with his past girlfriends.

[erin]

any chance you work for an orlando themed restaraunt?

 

NO what are you talking about?

[Taressa]

Erin,

 

I'm going home to think on this one. For now, all I have to offer is to reiterate what you've probably heard before - - that it is never a good idea to try to change someone else.

 

I guess I do have another question: are you and your boyfriend compatible in most other ways? In values? In likes and dislikes? In personality?

 

I'll try to check back in tomorrow but will be hoping for more input from other more experienced posters.

[erin]

Erin, I'm going home to think on this one. For now, all I have to offer is to reiterate what you've probably heard before - - that it is never a good idea to try to change someone else. I guess I do have another question: are you and your boyfriend compatible in most other ways? In values? In likes and dislikes? In personality?

 

I'll try to check back in tomorrow but will be hoping for more input from other more experienced posters.

 

Tarissa,

 

Yes we are very compatible, we agree on almost everything, same type of personality also. I just want him to tone it down a bit, but not seem like a prude. I love being with him but he just wants it to much. Again, he just claims its me & was never like this before, so I no he doesn't have a problem. He says he is so much in love with me he can't help it. If he could tone it down a notch & I could tone it up a bit things would be perfect. Help

[Taressa]

Hi again Erin,

 

This may be a circumstance when one partner sacrifices to please the other. Since he is not asking for anything unreasonable and it seems he is honestly responding sexually through love for you, it seems reasonable for you to make the sacrifice and step it up a bit.

 

And right, it will be no fun and it could cause hard feelings unless you're able to get into the game, so to speak. So how...

 

Fantasize, perhaps. Start fantasizing of him when you're with him, when you're alone, when you're eating fast food... Just use your greatest sexual tool - - your mind - - to speak to those parts of your body that will experience him.

 

Turn the tables, perhaps, too, and be the one to seduce him. I believe you may be feeling a little like a pawn he calls on whenever he's ready. Take the reins and initiate the lovemaking on your own sometimes.

 

Perhaps you could also teach him other ways to show affection so he can learn to enjoy quiet, intimate time without the sex.

 

I believe in time his passion will subside but for now it may be best to enjoy the ride and do all you can not to discourage his feelings. If you've read the other posts recently you'll find there are too many men turning to other sources for sexual outlet... for now try to enjoy (and return) the love he showers on you.

 

Tarissa, Yes we are very compatible, we agree on almost everything, same type of personality also. I just want him to tone it down a bit, but not seem like a prude. I love being with him but he just wants it to much. Again, he just claims its me & was never like this before, so I no he doesn't have a problem. He says he is so much in love with me he can't help it. If he could tone it down a notch & I could tone it up a bit things would be perfect. Help

[Deejette]

Sometimes a man will interchange sex for affection. In other words, he may just feel loving towards you but he can only express it sexually. I have experienced this with my ex-husband. Five times a day was not too much for him. But after a while, it just isn't very special any more when it is done with such frequency.

 

He felt very loving to me but did not come from an affectionate family so he only knew how to show it through sex. But I began to feel it was too much and I even began to dread his approach. I tried to just let him have his way and get it over with, but even then it began to wear on me.

 

That is why Tony says it is serious. Because sex is an mutual decision. It is not about one person sacrificing herself for the other person's drives on a repeated basis. I don't think you should submit yourself to him every time he approaches. Perhaps you should tell him that you want it to be special and it can't be if it becomes so commonplace.

 

Hi again Erin, This may be a circumstance when one partner sacrifices to please the other. Since he is not asking for anything unreasonable and it seems he is honestly responding sexually through love for you, it seems reasonable for you to make the sacrifice and step it up a bit. And right, it will be no fun and it could cause hard feelings unless you're able to get into the game, so to speak. So how... Fantasize, perhaps. Start fantasizing of him when you're with him, when you're alone, when you're eating fast food... Just use your greatest sexual tool - - your mind - - to speak to those parts of your body that will experience him. Turn the tables, perhaps, too, and be the one to seduce him. I believe you may be feeling a little like a pawn he calls on whenever he's ready. Take the reins and initiate the lovemaking on your own sometimes. Perhaps you could also teach him other ways to show affection so he can learn to enjoy quiet, intimate time without the sex. I believe in time his passion will subside but for now it may be best to enjoy the ride and do all you can not to discourage his feelings. If you've read the other posts recently you'll find there are too many men turning to other sources for sexual outlet... for now try to enjoy (and return) the love he showers on you.

[Tony T]

The two of you have a serious sexual incompatibility. If you can't work it out, he will surely look for sexual outlets outside the relationship. There is no simple cure, nor is there a way to increase your desire if you are very attracted to him and you have no health problems. You are who you are. I wish I could control by liking for chocolate. If people take it away, I will find some somewhere. Talking won't help. Horny is horny. No getting around that. He can't talk you into want sex more anymore than you can talk him into wanting it less. You can either make an effort to relax and give him the loving he requires or you can run the risk of eventually losing him. I also don't think counselling will help. There may be some stuff you can find in a health food store to increase your libido. How about watching sexy videos, would that help? Ask you doctor if he's got some sort of medication that might do it? Call a licensed medical hypnotherapist and see if hynosis may be the answer. Of course, there is a risk he could turn you into a super sex machine. But this problem is a very serious one that must be resolved very soon.

[Tony T]

DITTO