The dangerous sense of pride.

[NGC1300]

For so long now I've lived under this "hate the world" mentality that I just don't know anything else, and feel like I wouldn't want to. My social isolation and contempt for so much hurts less and less; a strange sense of pride and martyrdom takes over in not being like anyone else.

 

I wouldn't say I see myself as "better" than others; just that I feel I've expereinced things few could understand or relate to. It has certainly affected my beliefs on many things, and most would conclude I'm a negative person.

 

I sometimes think I want to change - aquire that regular-type life and be happy - but lately I've felt perfectly content holding onto my hatred and isolation.

 

I wonder, is this the point of no return? Not wanting to change anymore?

Edited December 29, 2012 by NGC1300

[SpiralOut]

You say not many people would understand your experiences. What about the few who do? Have you sought them out? Tried to connect with them?

 

You're walking a dangerous road. Not caring anymore will cause you more pain. Even if you feel numb, the pain will continue to grow underneath that layer of numbness. I'm sorry if this comes across harsh. I can relate to what you say and I really wish that I would have reached out to others instead of deciding that I don't need anybody.

 

Is there any part of you that wants to change?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I don't believe there is ever a point of no return for any human being. Any. You recongnize that there is a problem with in yourself. You say that sometimes you want to change. So you aren't completely content the way things are.

 

Believing that you are the only one to understand does isolate you. It's also a very false ideal. People experience pain much more similiarly, then disimilarly. Although our experience might be different, the reasons and emotions behind why we feel things can be amazingly similiar and not as unique as we may believe.

 

Get involved with doing some voluenteer work with people that have less then you do. This has an amazing way of putting things in perspective while openning our eyes to what is really true about the world and what isn't.

[amaysngrace]

I think your past experiences are getting the best of you and that's a shame. It's like whatever happened to you keeps winning.

 

Sometimes we get comfortable by being uncomfortable because its all we know. And we're afraid to see what life would be like if we didn't have the crap we carry to identify ourselves with.

 

It's not pride you have. It's fear. Fear of letting go of that which keeps you feeling isolated. So you're just accepting your discomfort and making it seem strong.

 

It isn't.