Heartbroken over a short relationship, is it possible?

[Divasu]

Here's what I think the difference is, in my opinion based on these experiences. My long relationship falling apart didn't break me very much because of two core reasons. 1) I had gotten a chance to know him inside and out over those 4.5 years. I knew what the good and the bad of him and the relationship were, so it wasn't a surprise that we broke up. I knew what the issues were and what they could be. 2) The relationship had been going downhill for months, so when the clean break happened, I had already had a long time to 'mourn' if you will. It wasn't a surprise.

 

With the new guy, both elements were missing. I didn't know him, I only had the fantasy of him, which meant that all I could think about was 'what if it could've worked out? What if we WERE perfectly compatible?' I didn't know him and he didn't know me - for all I knew he could've been my soulmate. Not knowing hurt. And second, there was no period of decline. It was only stedily going up, getting more attached, feeling more lust then boom, gone. That's a shocker and it hurts.

 

Anyways, that's my take on it

 

I think your take sounds fairly accurate and makes complete sense.

[Divasu]

My heart just cannot absorb anymore, and I can't take the risk of being hurt like this again.

 

That's how I feel too.

[Divasu]

I later found out that he left me for his ex girlfriend who was a very close friend of his throughout our relationship but he had neglected to mention that they had dated. But that's a whole other can of worms!

 

As Alice said: it has taught me to make sure i get to know someone better next time before i involve myself too heavily in their life. I definitely made that mistake.

 

Amen. What a jerk.

[Divasu]

Even though it hurt it a lot, I would do it all over again even if I couldn't change anything. Getting hurt sucks, but it's a risk you have to take to find someone great. Although it sucks she lives next door, and there is the constant reminder of what happened.

 

Positivity, that's good. We all need a dose of that.

[suladas]

Positivity, that's good. We all need a dose of that.

 

Maybe it's because it was my first time really being hurt, or I just keep remembering the good times and think it was worth it. I don't know i'm only 23 i'm not going to give up

[Simon Phoenix]

I found this site in the aftermath of a short relationship. I think they hurt more than long ones sometimes because typically the break is the first "negative" aspect of it. You are in the honeymoon stage where everything is fun and BOOM!, gone. In longer relationships there's usually some angst or annoyance that precedes the break, even if only temporary, but in short relationships you only see the other person's "best" and you see a ton of potential that isn't realized. And there are few things worse than unrealized potential.

[sangel07]

I found this site in the aftermath of a short relationship. I think they hurt more than long ones sometimes because typically the break is the first "negative" aspect of it. You are in the honeymoon stage where everything is fun and BOOM!, gone. In longer relationships there's usually some angst or annoyance that precedes the break, even if only temporary, but in short relationships you only see the other person's "best" and you see a ton of potential that isn't realized. And there are few things worse than unrealized potential.

 

 

Same reason why I'm here - I was desperately looking for some tips on how to survive my heartbreak, and I've never even had an actual relationship with the guy. But as many of you already said, fantasy is a big trap when you didn't have the chance to at least try, and discover how things would have turned out. How can you stop thinking that maybe that person was the love of your life? Idealization probably plays a big role, but it's hard to be realistic when you didn't even have the time to taste reality.

 

I think it also depends on how much that person affected your life. Some people can have a great impact even in a short amount of time. The guy I'm trying to forget changed me in so many different ways, although we never really were together. I guess that's a good thing, since I'll always be glad he came into my life, although right now it hurts like hell. But at the same time I'll never stop wondering how much good would have come out of it if he had really given us a chance, and my worst fear is that this thought will haunt me forever and just won't let me move on.

[edgygirl]

Oh my... you posted this thread exactly at the time earlier today when I was breaking up with my (almost) potential guy. I just posted about it in another thread. I am so confused to be going through what feels like a heartbreak over someone I know for 3 months only. I think the main problem is that I made myself vulnerable before it was time. Lesson learned, I hope. I am so afraid of getting back in the pond now as I was so hopeful that things could work and was hit on my head.

 

I am grieving over what I never had / almost was. Feeling a little pathetic right now.

[Svet74]

I had a 2 month relationship, but im still convinced that he is coming back. but i do feel they are harder to get over because u dont know the person well enough

[Cutiepie1976]

...

 

Even though it hurt it a lot, I would do it all over again even if I couldn't change anything. Getting hurt sucks, but it's a risk you have to take to find someone great. Although it sucks she lives next door, and there is the constant reminder of what happened.

 

This is what gets many of us to pick ourselves up after a breakup, dust ourselves off, and try again. Optimism that we'll meet someone great with whom we can share our life.

 

Great thread Divasu!! It's inspiring to hear everyone's story.

[Divasu]

Maybe it's because it was my first time really being hurt, or I just keep remembering the good times and think it was worth it. I don't know i'm only 23 i'm not going to give up

 

Well in that case, keep posting for us here Suladas, we need a dose of you around here.

 

I found this site in the aftermath of a short relationship. I think they hurt more than long ones sometimes because typically the break is the first "negative" aspect of it. You are in the honeymoon stage where everything is fun and BOOM!, gone. In longer relationships there's usually some angst or annoyance that precedes the break, even if only temporary, but in short relationships you only see the other person's "best" and you see a ton of potential that isn't realized. And there are few things worse than unrealized potential.

 

Me too. And the above, very true.

 

The guy I'm trying to forget changed me in so many different ways, although we never really were together. I guess that's a good thing, since I'll always be glad he came into my life, although right now it hurts like hell.

 

That is how I am trying to look at it. But you're right, it is hard to see the 'forest through the trees'. I'm going to try to make a resolution with myself in that regard.

 

I am grieving over what I never had / almost was. Feeling a little pathetic right now.

 

I commented on your thread edgygirl. Hope you're feeling better.

 

I had a 2 month relationship, but im still convinced that he is coming back. but i do feel they are harder to get over because u dont know the person well enough

 

Thank you for sharing Svet, and I hope it works out for you.

 

This is what gets many of us to pick ourselves up after a breakup, dust ourselves off, and try again. Optimism that we'll meet someone great with whom we can share our life.

 

Great thread Divasu!! It's inspiring to hear everyone's story.

 

Thanks Cutiepie!

[wwwwww]

As others have said. Short term relationship break ups can feel devastating because the level of infatuation is still high. Then all of a sudden someone who was apart of your life is now a stranger. That's the tragedy.

 

I have been in several long terms, but dated an attractive woman for two months. She had several guy friends, and bounced from one guy to the next. When she lost interest I felt as if it were the end of the world. I didn't confront her about it I just left it alone. 32 and have been down this road a few times. The same thing many of you are currently feeling. No sleep, no appetite, heartbreak, sadness, all of those horrible ingredients.

 

The good news is that short term breakups tend to have short term heartbreaks. I run 5 miles a day, ferociously work on my abs and keep busy doing things I enjoy. And after a few months I don't check my cell phone often at all. There are even days where I don't think about her. Then eventually you'll be ready to wade through more people again until someone who makes sense will come along.

 

The sun will come up tomorrow whether we like it or not, and dwelling into someone who doesn't care about you isn't going to make things better. They are pre occupied with someone else. Go pre occupy yourself with someone too.

[david_46]

for me a short relationship can even hurt in-to-your-heart, cause i had this relationship just for 2 weeks maybe, i mean right now i still am, but its so over cause she's cheating on me with some other guy, and i feel this relationship is kinda strong, it did'nt even feel like its for just a week or two; i don't know what you all think but to me i feel it this way.

[Divasu]

The sun will come up tomorrow whether we like it or not, and dwelling into someone who doesn't care about you isn't going to make things better. They are pre occupied with someone else. Go pre occupy yourself with someone too.

 

Yes you are right. In time, in time...

 

for me a short relationship can even hurt in-to-your-heart, cause i had this relationship just for 2 weeks maybe, i mean right now i still am, but its so over cause she's cheating on me with some other guy, and i feel this relationship is kinda strong, it did'nt even feel like its for just a week or two; i don't know what you all think but to me i feel it this way.

 

Two weeks, cheating? Ouch. I'm sorry you're hurting. Stay strong!!

[david_46]

just so things are clear its not like that, cause she had a boy friend, before i met her, so technically she cheated on her boy friend, not me. whatever it is, what should i do, a revenge or cool-guy-breakup.

[Divasu]

just so things are clear its not like that, cause she had a boy friend, before i met her, so technically she cheated on her boy friend, not me. whatever it is, what should i do, a revenge or cool-guy-breakup.

 

Were you aware that she had a boyfriend? If yes, you're equally responsible.

 

What you should do, is up to you. While the 'concept' of revenge in itself, may feel adequate at times after wrong doing, it's best reserved for the movies.

[david_46]

if i was aware of this, then nothing would have happen. its from fb that i came to know of, i was just checking out at her timeline (human habits what can i do) and found out that she was with some one else, before i met her.

anyways y don't you give a hear at my revenge plan (super evil genius hahaha)

now here it goes what if i talk with her bf and tell him the truth.

[Divasu]

if i was aware of this, then nothing would have happen. its from fb that i came to know of, i was just checking out at her timeline (human habits what can i do) and found out that she was with some one else, before i met her.

anyways y don't you give a hear at my revenge plan (super evil genius hahaha)

now here it goes what if i talk with her bf and tell him the truth.

 

Okay that revenge plan is not that bad Haha. If it will help you then go for it, by doing so it will also hurt the 'boyfriend'. I was in a similar situation years ago (I was the one cheated on) and the person my then boyfriend cheated with, had told me (to which he later admitted to). In the end, I was glad to have been told. I'm not sure if I would go that route, but you have to take care of yourself.

Edited January 1, 2013 by Divasu
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[david_46]

so are you telling me that i should not do what m thinking to do, anyways was it worth it, in your situation. because right now you are putting me in a situation, whether or not i should be a super-careful bf or the other one.

[Harradin]

so are you telling me that i should not do what m thinking to do, anyways was it worth it, in your situation. because right now you are putting me in a situation, whether or not i should be a super-careful bf or the other one.

 

Sorry to butt in, but been on the bad side of this. Tell him that she had been cheating and let the girl go, if she's ready to cheat on her boyfriend with you she's prepared to do it again.

[david_46]

you got a point there friend, thanks for coming in. i think you have to know this too, that she's my ex-gf and just recently we got back together. and before she used to be so different, before i can see her trying hard to keep our relationship. she would call every single day or night and would always make me feel that i am not alone.

anyways i think this is what they call "time will heal", in fact she's so healed that, she's tryin to hurt me i guess.

[Divasu]

so are you telling me that i should not do what m thinking to do, anyways was it worth it, in your situation. because right now you are putting me in a situation, whether or not i should be a super-careful bf or the other one.

 

Honestly, I do not know what you should 'do' or should 'not do'.

 

Like I said, I was on the receiving end and yes, it was worth it to find out because I was headed down the aisle with this person. Also a few years later, he married a new woman he met and I 'heard through the grapevine' from friends of mine who live in his town, that he was cheating on his wife.

 

I've never been in a position where I was dating someone, and I found out he had a girlfriend and was cheating on her with me. Having said that, I am not sure how I would have handled it, had I found out. I know I would be very hurt and also angry, that's for certain. If I told the girlfriend, it would probably be more so for her benefit, versus 'getting back at him'.

 

Either way, it's hard for me to predict how I would react in such an extreme situation.

 

Whatever you choose to do, make sure that you think it through and weigh out the pros vs. cons. I'd imagine it's a tough situation to be in, you have no 'ties' to her boyfriend. Whereas, if it were a close friend of yours that was being cheated on, you'd probably feel a sense of 'duty' to help your friend.

[Svet74]

i wonder if there is a better chance of getting someone back after a short term relationship rather then a long term one. And will having NC work? its just all so confusing.

[david_46]

Thanks you all......I am single again and it feel good, well not the first 2 or 3 days, that was kinda obvious, I guess. Anyways now I am available.....lol........just kidding (no am not).......

[ScienceGal]

Do you think being sad over the ending of a short relationship is moreso about a bruised ego? Because logically, how can you 'grieve' over the loss of something/someone when/if it was short lived?

 

Some suggest that moving past it is more about you ('us'), not the other person. Having said that, why is it that some relationships have more of an impact on us versus others?

 

If you reflect back on some of your 'relationships' at what point were you able to reach a stage of indifference?

 

I had a short relationship (6 months) that completely gutted me and brought me to LS. I was infatuated and sucked into an unhealthy and toxic relationship. There were many things in the relationship that I wanted in my life, so I compromised my values big time. And when he left (via email) and flat out ignored me, that made it even worse.

 

But, it made me redefine my values and what things should and should not be compromised.