kc2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 Even if no one reads this, I think it will be really helpful to write everything down. I was with my boyfriend for 7 years, I met him when I was 18 and he was 25. He was my first boyfriend and although we didn't live together, it was a serious relationship and I loved him and thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. In March 2011, we broke up. It was him that initiated it but I didn't really put up much of a fight because I'd known for a while that he wasn't really happy, he wasn't keen on living with me, which upset me a lot, and he had recently got a new job and had made lots of new friends, of whom he didn't want me to meet. My ex was and is my best friend, I don't have many friends and I feel like he was the only person in the whole world who actually knew me and who I could be myself around. I'm quite a socially awkward person and I don't find it easy to connect with others. So we pretended to be friends for a while, I say pretended because I still had romantic feelings for him so he was never really just my friend. And although we didn't meet up very much, we got back in to the habit of texting and emailing each other on a daily basis. About a month ago we met up and although we had a lovely time, when I had to say good night to him and go our separate ways, it hurt so much not to be able to go home with him, I made the decision to go NC - not forever but for a little while until I got stronger. I told him this in a very long email the next day and to my surprise, he didn't put up a fight, he didn't question anything I said, I didn't get an email back. And that was it, I didn't hear from him and I was getting through it just about until a few days ago. I completely broke over Christmas, I couldn't sleep, I looked at his stupid Facebook page for the first time since we broke up and wound myself up in to such a state that I ended up calling him in tears. To summarise our conversation, he said he thinks we can't be in each others lives anymore and that he felt guilty because he knew I still loved him, we agreed at the end of the conversation to not contact each other again -ever. Now I feel like I'm back to square one. Im in so much pain, not just emotionslly but physically, it feels like my heart and stomach have sunken. I can't bear the thought of never speaking to my best friend again and I can't bear the thought that he is going to just forget me and all those years were for nothing. The worst thing though is that because we broke up nearly two years ago, I feel like I've lost my right to feel sad. I've been crying on and off for the past three days and I'm having to hide it from my family because I don't think they'll understand why I'm still crying over our break up. I'm scared that I'll never get over him and that I'll never move on. I still don't feel like I'm ready to. Thank you for letting me vent on here, I don't really feel like I can talk about this with anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
health Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 Maybee this was what you needed to heal further. Dont let anyone tell you how long it shoyld take to heal. I am much better 4 years after my break upand took time to heal. Cry it all out and keep writing. There is way more to life then romantic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
sangel07 Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 Hi kc2012, I'm new to the site and I read your message yesterday, but I kept thinking about it, so I came back to answer, although I don't know how much comfort I can give since I'm not in a good place either. First of all I just wanted to say that someone read your message and can really sympathize. It struck me when you said you feel you lost the right to be sad. I know what you mean, since after a while you feel like you've used up everybody's patience and you're not entitled to bother them anymore since you're supposed to have moved on. But by reading your message I got the impression that you didn't follow the usual path during these 2 years, with all the contact and the "friendship" you had with your ex. So it makes sense that now you are still coping with most of it, since it seems to me that you sort of put it on hold and you're only starting to "really" face it now. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but it's something you had to do sooner or later and from my point of view it's better if you start doing it. I understand you can't bear the thought of not having him in your life, but I really think he can't be your best friend now. You need a best friend who will hold your hand while you cry and talk about how you lost your lover and miss him. If it's meant to be, then maybe someday you two will find a way to be in each other's life without this hurting either of you. But you need to get stronger first. In any case I'm sure that, whatever happens, those years will never be for nothing - so much time spent together must have affected both of you deeply and even if it wasn't supposed to last forever, it's a part of your lives that will always be there and that made what you are and will be. Maybe you still got a long road ahead of you, but you're definitely on the right path and someday you'll see where it's leading you. Hang in there until you can see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kc2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Share Posted December 30, 2012 Sangel, I wanted to send you a pm to thank you but I couldn't see the link to do that. Reading your message really meant a lot to me, its made me cry but I think everything you said was true, I'm not sure what your situation is but I feel like you know exactly what I'm going through at the moment. I think I was very naive to think we could be friends and I guess you were right in that I was putting off the inevitable "facing up" to the break up. I guess it's just really crap timing that this has come during Christmas and New Year and to top it off, it's my birthday next week too, which I think makes NC even harder. I was debating whether I should send a text on NYE but I suppose that's a really bad idea isn't it? Anyway I just wanted to thank you because your reply meant a lot to me and I'll probably re-read it a few times whenever I feel like I'm going to break again. Link to post Share on other sites
portableversion Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 hang inthere 7 yrs is a long time. decide on what you want and work for it Link to post Share on other sites
sangel07 Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 Sangel, I wanted to send you a pm to thank you but I couldn't see the link to do that. Reading your message really meant a lot to me, its made me cry but I think everything you said was true, I'm not sure what your situation is but I feel like you know exactly what I'm going through at the moment. I think I was very naive to think we could be friends and I guess you were right in that I was putting off the inevitable "facing up" to the break up. I guess it's just really crap timing that this has come during Christmas and New Year and to top it off, it's my birthday next week too, which I think makes NC even harder. I was debating whether I should send a text on NYE but I suppose that's a really bad idea isn't it? Anyway I just wanted to thank you because your reply meant a lot to me and I'll probably re-read it a few times whenever I feel like I'm going to break again. Wow, your reply made me cry too - I'm glad that among all those tears we're helping each other too I agree, it's bad timing and Christmas time always seems to make everything harder when you have a big heartache (even not love-related). But try to enjoy your birthday! I'm sure you can do something nice with friends to celebrate your day and have a nice time even if of course you'll feel that something (or someone) is missing. Yes, maybe you were naive, but we all do that and tell ourselves all kinds of stories to allow ourselves to keep that special person in our life. I've been doing it to myself until 3 weeks ago, so I know how that works... Texting on NYE doesn't seem like a good idea, but I'm a really bad preacher here... in my case, even when I told him it was better not to contact each other ever again, I told him that wouldn't include the holiday wishes... I just can't give up on that too. But I felt strong enough to allow myself that little exception... hope I'm not mistaken. Anyway, I'm really glad my words helped a little... if I understood the site policy you can't send me PMs since I'm a new user, but keep me posted here Link to post Share on other sites
listen_to_me_please Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) You love him but he doesn't feel the same. By the tone of your message its almost as if you are saving a place for him to return in your heart. This is not good, the only cure is to socialize and get new personailities inside of your body, mentally and physically. I too loved a girl, she left me a few years ago, I too still think about her, I waited for her for about 2 years and in that time all I did was mess up any chances of the other women whom were trying to get my attention. its been now going on 5 years for me, i think about her more so than i care to admit but hey, I love her, atleast I did. I still don't think I have truely moved on, but it doesn't hurt as much, I can manage the pain, I know we'll never be together, I know she was only with me because it suited her needs at the time. There is no easy path but with time, you won't remember. In your case another few YEARS Edited January 3, 2013 by listen_to_me_please 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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