Problems with women if you're looking younger in 40s

[Tres]

I have a problem with women's reaction on my age and appearance.

I am in mid 40s but I have done some procedures on my face. I also have been on a diet and going to gym all my life. Therefore, I might look some younger than I am. I do not think that I really look much younger, but some older women think than I look much younger than I am. The problem is that they cannot help talking all the time about my too young appearance. It makes me feel very uncomfortable because the women express their envy this way indirectly. I can feel negativity towards myself because I look younger than they do.

 

My best friend thinks that she looks much older than I am. The situation is so bad that we cannot meet each other any more. We can only talk on the phone because of the problem.

 

In fact, I am afraid to let women 40-50 y.o. to know what is my age.

I typically answer them that it is not true and I do not look any younger. But, they start insisting that they are right.

 

Please, I need some advice on how to react on the women who make me feel uncomfortable with their hurtful statements about my looks.

I want other women to treat me well but they have problems to accept me because of my appearance.

Edited December 29, 2012 by Tres

[Ross MwcFan]

Sounds like you're associating with the wrong type of women.

 

Just **** them off, find some women who're nice people.

[Angel Heart]

Tres,

I'm in my late 40s and look about 39-40 yo. I've been told I'm attractive and the few female friends I have are in their late 30s.

 

I find spending time with both men and women my actual age to not interest me.

 

I take quite good care of myself and have had a few of my former friends find reasons to insult me in one way or another.

 

Forget that, just spend time with people that can appreciate your awesomeness and share common goals.

[Lobouspo]

Haters gonna be haters....so the jealous noobs talk smack and dont wanna be around you? I say good riddance

[Tres]

Haters gonna be haters....so the jealous noobs talk smack and dont wanna be around you? I say good riddance

 

It is not that they do not want to be around me. It is about them making me uncomfortable/depressed because of their unwanted comments on my appearance. I do make it clear that I do not want the false complements but they continue doing/enjoying that because it makes me feel uncomfortable/depressed.

[Lobouspo]

It is not that they do not want to be around me. It is about them making me uncomfortable/depressed because of their unwanted comments on my appearance. I do make it clear that I do not want the false complements but they continue doing/enjoying that because it makes me feel uncomfortable/depressed.

Ok, but either way my point still stands. If your avatar is you. I think you are an attractive woman and look great for your age. Never tolerate folks who diminish you in any way whether it be out of spite, jealousy or whatever, especially if they make you feel bad. Find real friends who empower you and lift you up. Life is too short, and tomorrow is another day.

[Tres]

1) Why are you assuming the compliments are fake?

 

2) #1 doesn't really matter, because your response is the same whether they're genuine or not: Smile, say thank you, and change the subject. If they're trying to get under your skin, they'll get bored when they don't; if they sincerely wanted to tell you that you look good, well, that's done and everyone can move on.

 

As a general rule, it is terrible form to argue with someone who is trying to compliment you. Either you're insulting the judgement of the person who's trying to be nice, or you come off as fishing for more compliments. The correct answer is, "Thank you." Always.

 

That is unnatural to say "thank you" because it is like I am accepting their envy and negativity. I guess they focus on me mostly out of envy and curiosity unless they are bi-curious. And, they cannot move on for some reason.

It feels like they are thinking smth like 'what the f....k we are the same age as she is but we are aging properly and getting fat, old and wrinkled. That is unfair that she looks younger.'

[TaraMaiden]

You're making an awful lot of assumptions about why they compliment you, and what they're thinking.

Stop being so self-conscious.

The reason you had work done was to look prettier, because you lack self-esteem.

You don't need more botox.

You need counselling and therapy.

 

That's what I'm thinking, and that's my assumption about you.

I could be right, I could be wrong.

 

 

But there, for what it's worth, it is.

[Tres]

You're making an awful lot of assumptions about why they compliment you, and what they're thinking.

Stop being so self-conscious.

The reason you had work done was to look prettier, because you lack self-esteem.

You don't need more botox.

You need counselling and therapy.

 

That's what I'm thinking, and that's my assumption about you.

I could be right, I could be wrong.

 

 

But there, for what it's worth, it is.

 

Thank you. You are right that I have some problems with my self-esteem.

But, the women have the same problems as well.

Also, I am not planning on doing botox or smth else.

And, I do not have extra money for either botox or therapy.

[TaraMaiden]

Forget what other problems you assume other women might or might not have.

That is not your concern.

Your concern ends at your cranium.

 

All you need to concern yourself is what goes on inside your head, about you, for you.

 

Nothing else.

 

Not all counselling costs money.

Speak to your doctor about referral, and explain your financial situation. Can s/he help guide you in the right direction?

Borrow 'self-help' books/CDs from the library, read everything you can about cultivating and maintaining a positive attitude and improving your own self-image.

[Tres]

As a general rule, it is terrible form to argue with someone who is trying to compliment you. Either you're insulting the judgement of the person who's trying to be nice, or you come off as fishing for more compliments. The correct answer is, "Thank you." Always.

 

Thank you.

But, what is the right answer if a person asks you 'why do you look younger?'

 

I have heard that some people answered that it was their good genes. I guess it might be a good answer.

[TaraMaiden]

"Why thank you! Well.... I have a positive outlook, think young - oh, and I drink 2 litres of fresh water a day!"

 

And smile, broadly!