my situation

[vixee]

One last question..what is the right approach?..should I ignore all the texts and not take any calls and he will get the idea? I have had this argument with him several times earlier in the relationship..that I don't want to cheat, its not a right thing to do etc etc..he always manages to talk me out of it. He is really strong personality and I won't be able to do this face to face, at least not right now!! How should I go about this?

[silicone]

One last question..what is the right approach?..should I ignore all the texts and not take any calls and he will get the idea? I have had this argument with him several times earlier in the relationship..that I don't want to cheat, its not a right thing to do etc etc..he always manages to talk me out of it. He is really strong personality and I won't be able to do this face to face, at least not right now!! How should I go about this?

 

Ignore texts, calls etc. Don't even think about him. Delete him - maybe change your number?

[vixee]

He is linked everywhere, social/professional groups.. even my H is friends with him (through me) and they speak sometimes (work related) we are all in the same field. We have 40-50 mutual friends..I can only ignore text & calls, cannot delete him from everywhere that easy.

 

I guess I will take one step at a time..ignoring text & calls will give him an idea. Then I will avoid meeting him.

Edited December 30, 2012 by vixee

[silicone]

He is linked everywhere, social/professional groups.. even my H is friends with him (through me) and they speak sometimes (work related) we are all in the same field. We have 40-50 mutual friends..I can only ignore text & calls, cannot delete him from everywhere that easy.

 

I guess I will take one step at a time..ignoring text & calls will give him an idea. Then I will avoid meeting him.

 

It sounds like your husband is likely to find out.

[CantgetoveritNY]

Something is very wrong in your own marriage if this guy can turn your head this easily.

You intended to rebuff him, but instead, things are going dangerously awry...

.

 

 

This is SO wrong. Happily married people can ge swept off their feet. Just b/c she is now in love with this guy does not mean her marriage was bad. She may find reasons to only look at the bad now that she is in love but no, there need never have been anything wrong with her marriage for her to fall in love with a new guy.

 

You need to go complete No Contact, and focus instead on what you owe your husband and family.

 

What has your H. done to deserve this?

 

Oh yes! In spades. If she does not listen to this her life will be hell on earth.

[vixee]

It sounds like your husband is likely to find out.

 

What makes you say that? No one knows and he won't be that silly to go ramble about it to him!! Or can he do that?

[silicone]

What makes you say that? No one knows and he won't be that silly to go ramble about it to him!! Or can he do that?

 

Unlikely, but he can. He could even say that you came onto him.

[vixee]

Unlikely, but he can. He could even say that you came onto him.

 

He won't believe that, cause he knows I don't know how to do that plus H knows I have quite a few admirers and I don't give a damn!

 

Like I said OM used to compliment me a lot and H knows about all of them, I used to let him read all the texts. Two months back when it all started I stopped telling him anything.

 

But as a contingency plan, is there anything I can do/say if he goes to H and says what you said?

 

OM has my lovey texts + emails, I have what he sent me but I am so sure that H won't be able to handle it if he knew the whole truth!

Edited December 30, 2012 by vixee

[silicone]

He won't believe that, cause he knows I don't know how to do that plus H knows I have quite a few admirers and I don't give a damn!

 

Like I said OM used to compliment me a lot and H knows about all of them, I used to let him read all the texts. Two months back when it all started I stopped telling him anything.

 

But as a contingency plan, is there anything I can do/say if he goes to H and says what you said?

 

OM has my lovey texts + emails, I have what he sent me but I am so sure that H won't be able to handle it if he knew the whole truth!

 

The truth would be the best answer. Don't gaslight or make it any more painful than it has to be, i.e give full disclosure as required.

[vixee]

The truth would be the best answer. Don't gaslight or make it any more painful than it has to be, i.e give full disclosure as required.

 

No way!!!!!! I hope nothing gets out! I will tell his wife everything if he did any of that! Now I am hating all this!!!

[silicone]

No way!!!!!! I hope nothing gets out! I will tell his wife everything if he did any of that! Now I am hating all this!!!

 

It's an entirely plausible scenario.

[vixee]

I hope I am able to stay in same mind frame and pull out of this situation. Its ironic how something that made me so happy can become so painful! Not sure who will know what and who will react how!? I am going to take one step at a time. So far no text from him after the last one, lets see how it goes!!

[CantgetoveritNY]

Vice,

 

My most beloved wife showed me her text from a fat bald MM. She said and I believed that nothing physical would happen bc he was not her type. And bc we were so tight. She said and I believed that she just was using him for attention. For ****s and giggles.

 

Then I found out that this serial cheater, predator, had charmed my WW into loving him. Despite that she knew he was married. Despite that she knew he had cheated on his wife and been caught seven times. Despite that he was fat bald and unsatisfying in bed. All this and yet the sweet words he said, the time, the flattery he gave her, bit was enough for my otherwise chaste wife to bed this snake. Please don't do there. Ask my wife. It's bot worth it. You will regret this.

[CantgetoveritNY]

Vixee,

 

My most beloved wife showed me her text from a fat bald MM. She said and I believed her that nothing physical would happen bc he was not her type. And bc we were so tight. She said and I believed that she just was using him for attention. For sh**ts and giggles.

 

Then I found out that this serial cheater, predator, had charmed my WW into loving him. Despite that she knew he was married. Despite that she knew he had cheated on his wife and been caught seven times. Despite that he was fat bald and unsatisfying in bed. All this and yet the sweet words he said, the time, the flattery he gave her, it was enough for my otherwise chaste wife to bed this snake.

 

Please don't go there. Ask my wife. It's not worth it. You will regret this. Even if you go no further you will regret what you have done so far. Don't do worse.

[Marly F.]

Vice,

 

My most beloved wife showed me her text from a fat bald MM. She said and I believed that nothing physical would happen bc he was not her type. And bc we were so tight. She said and I believed that she just was using him for attention. For ****s and giggles.

 

Then I found out that this serial cheater, predator, had charmed my WW into loving him. Despite that she knew he was married. Despite that she knew he had cheated on his wife and been caught seven times. Despite that he was fat bald and unsatisfying in bed. All this and yet the sweet words he said, the time, the flattery he gave her, bit was enough for my otherwise chaste wife to bed this snake. Please don't do there. Ask my wife. It's bot worth it. You will regret this.

It helps you cope knowing he's fat and bald?

[CantgetoveritNY]

It helps you cope knowing he's fat and bald?

 

Thread high jack by you. But yes. It does. Does that bother you! Are you fat or bald,

[Marly F.]

Thread high jack by you. But yes. It does. Does that bother you! Are you fat or bald,

I'm just curious because I've seen you mention it in a lot of posts. No offense, just curiosity.

[GLDheart]

My heart breaks reading this. You might as well be my ex fiancee... A woman that I love so much, but will never ever tell her those words again. Ever.

 

Believe these other posters when they tell you that the fantasy you are living in will crash on you.

 

The clock is ticking. Your husband knows something is off. He (by taking 15 days off from work) is showing you he is aware of ***something*** being "off". How long until he stumbles onto something that opens this can of worms? What kind of a man is he and what will he do when he finds this horrible truth?

 

If he is like me, he will demand more from the woman he wants to invest everything into. If he is like me, he will hold you to the consequences of your choices.

 

I mourn my loss everyday. This pain is unbelievable. I hope you "come out of this fog" in time.

[Steen719]

One last question..what is the right approach?..should I ignore all the texts and not take any calls and he will get the idea? I have had this argument with him several times earlier in the relationship..that I don't want to cheat, its not a right thing to do etc etc..he always manages to talk me out of it. He is really strong personality and I won't be able to do this face to face, at least not right now!! How should I go about this?

 

Vixee,

You are a grown woman, not a child who stands in front of an adult saying "but, but...." He does not talk you into these things without your permission. You must stop seeing yourself as a victim of a predator. Regardless of what pressure he puts on you, you certainly are able to say no. Look at it this way. I am assuming you do not think it is right to rob a store at gunpoint, right? Now, he talks to you and talks to you about this. Is he going to be able to talk you into this? Most likely not, right? You know this is wrong. You also know it is wrong to cheat. He does not manage to talk you out of that (thinking it is wrong - per you) - you allow it.

 

Despite what anyone on here says - unless you are a child and/or cannot make fully informed decisions, no one can make you a victim. They may be "smooth" operators, but they do not take you anywhere you do not want to go.

 

Quit playing a victim and honor your husband. If you want this man, tell your H and tell his wife. Then go for it. See what this "great" guy says to that. Yuck, really, Vixee, he is such a user and you are falling for it hook, line and sinker and will end up divorced from a man who loves and trusts you to be with a cheater -someone who would cheat with his friend's wife.

 

You are NOT a victim. You are a grown woman with her own children. Quit acting like he makes your decisions for you. If you decide to be with him, at least own that it is you who is making this decision and he is not "forcing" you to do so.

[ComingInHot]

Steen;

 

THANK YOU! and I "like" your post one hundred times!!!!

Edited December 30, 2012 by ComingInHot
tipsy typo on name

[2.50 a gallon]

No doubt you are being played.

 

He is using his prior knowledge of you, to lead you on.

 

I freely admit to being a player for most of my life. One of the reasons I was so sucessful was my ability to pay attention to and remember the smallest of details. The way she dressed, a change in the way she wore her hair, "Is that new?" As I learned that most men don't notice these thing because they don't care. But for those of us who do notice, it gives us an inside track to their heart. By that I mean it gets their attention, and then they will eat up our BS line of becoming emotionaly attached.

 

As an example, I have been with my current lady for 17 years, however I met her two and a half years previous to our first date. And I can tell you what she was wearing, how her long haired pony tail was streaked with hints of blonde, and even what we talked about including the first words I ever said to her. Which were, "I know you have been wondering what you can buy me for Christmas . . ."

 

I can even take it back further to the first time I saw my Ex wife, she was on the back of a motorcyle, a ride from her college classes, long legs, short white cutoff shorts, and the day we met, by the pool, her in a aquamarine bikini, the towel she was carrying, and what our first words were. And that was almost 35 years ago

 

The OM had his chance to say something "or forever hold his peace"

 

Nuff said

[Darren Steez]

My husband loves me and will never doubt my love for him. I love my family and they are my number one priority. But past two months this other person has become everything for me, he calls me his! I love him so much it hurts to even think that I will have to put him out of the picture. I am very strong and not the one easy to get to but something in me is so weak when it comes to him. Whenever we meet we talk about old times, common friends and our common interests. When I see his name flashing on my mobile my heart skips a beat! Agree that my ideas are skewed and I am big time confused, and I don't know what I want now!! But I do need clarity on the situation and above all his intentions!

 

Heh?

 

His intentions are to bang you.

 

His intentions are that you cheat on your husband with him

 

You're a grown woman, this guy is feeding you some Mills and Boon crap and suddenly you "love him" and you love your husband.

 

As for people using religion as some sort of excuse...look honey you're cheating emotionally and soon it will be physical.

 

Tell your husband how you're feeling, see the hurt in his eyes as the woman he loves vanishes right in front of him, replaced by another woman..why? Because that's what breaking trust does, suddenly every word, every actions is questioned, the validity of the person that was, gone.

 

You have a family and children, time to start acting like an adult not some silly little girl with a crush. Be responsible, either tell your husband before it's too late and cut this man off. He's got a wife and family. Think of them too and what this will do to them.

[TaraMaiden]

Vixee re-reading this thread, it seems apparent to me that it's part of your drama.

You keep going on about how you'll stay NC and wait for his next attempt to contact you then see what happens, and counselling is too expensive, and all this 'dirt' has now come out about your Husband's previous actions, his temperament and how he might react now, and how you've considered leaving him before...

 

(see, CantgetoveritNY?...I was right in my original statement, about the condition of her marriage.... a person's head is impossible to turn if it's fixed on a future with an already present SO....)

 

The solution is very simple.

Send this man one single last text:

 

"Please never contact me again.

It's over between us, and this cannot go on. Consider this the last communication between us."

 

Then eliminate him, block him, delete him and as I previously advised you - prevent all and any means of ever being able to reconnect, again.

 

THEN:

Work on your marriage.

And if THAT doesn't work - then get out.

But get out for all the right reasons, not the wrong ones.

 

It sounds very much to me as if you need time alone to discover who you really are.

Not *husband's wife*, not *children's mother*, not *other man's lover* - You need to find YOU.

 

And it won't happen if you simply fall from one damaged situation into another.

[vixee]

..since his last text.. I know I have to move away and I have ..he don't know yet!! It's hurting me already big time, what will happen when he will know? This is a lot of heartache..I am not being a baby/teenager just ranting!! I have never felt this way before!! As crazy as it sounds H is the only one I have ever been with, he is my first love and the chemistry was strong but different between us!!

 

I am not able to think about anything else at the moment, just OM and his passionate love that I am about to throw out the window!

 

It really hurts..

[vixee]

Vixee

It sounds very much to me as if you need time alone to discover who you really are.

Not *husband's wife*, not *children's mother*, not *other man's lover* - You need to find YOU.

 

And it won't happen if you simply fall from one damaged situation into another.

 

I like that you are so direct and you make sense to me. I am going to do just that. I wish it was not so hard.