Sexuality

[Paulie]

The institution of sexuality (I'm not sure if it's exclusive to our society) has, in my opinion, given a certain power to women, that I, as a man, frankly am a bit taken back by. I am intimidated, and feel a good degree of inadequacy regarding my male sexuality when I go out to clubs, talking to ladies, etc...(and frankly, I am considered to be a pretty good-looking guy.), as I feel as though ladies are perceived as having "more valuable stock" on "the scene" when dating and going to clubs and things.

 

For example, women's sexuality is exploited by men in the form of strip clubs, nude magazines, the over-sexualization of young women, etc. Clubs around the country have nights where only men pay a cover charge. Women generally get drinks bought for them, not men.

 

While I realize that in some circumstances, the reverse situations occur (ie: Male strip clubs, women buying men drinks, etc), this is not anywhere as common.

 

Another example:

 

Because men in general (more specifically younger men) are more prone to go with a girl based on her willingness to have sex alone, women that are sexually open have a great deal of an advantage in the dating market. Take an equally good-looking couple, both are very attractive, smart, personable, etc. The lady, in my view, will have a MUCH easier time finding someone if she invokes the power of her sexuality.

 

People (men and women) leave bars and clubs if they appear to be a "swordfest" (predominantly guys).

 

As a man, I feel somewhat inadequate, in this sense.

 

What is it about women's sexuality that has given them this power, and where do I find the inherent value of my own male sexuality...something that is unique to a man, that women desire and Need?

[sparkle]

where do I find the inherent value of my own male sexuality...something that is unique to a man, that women desire and Need?

It's in your pants.

 

heheh

 

sorry, I had to say that.

 

[Taressa]

Paulie,

 

Your prior posts would suggest you are more interested in a loving relationship than a sexual experience. I'm not so sure the power you question has anything to do with love.

 

List out a woman's needs and you will see she needs intimacy much more than she needs sex.

 

List out a man's needs and you will see he desires sex far more than intimacy.

 

If I use my sexual power to draw a man, I've made a great compromise trying to find the intimacy I desire the most. The man I had sex with would have had his need for sex met while the intimacy I felt would have been just another illusion... voila'... that bag of bones illusion you've talked about before.

 

So the power you see in a woman's sexuality is a power granted only by a man's desire... Rather like the advertising world: a pretty package flaunted to an interested buyer... but that sexual power has zero power in cultivating love. Sex draws attracts sex, only love draws a response of love.

 

If it's sexual appeal you're after, Paulie, you'll convey it through having the confidence to have a good time with whomever you happen to be with, and through contentment in whatever company (or lack of) you are in.

 

If it's love you're seeking, it is just going to take more time and perhaps a few more mis-steps. Some woman will eventually see the pleasure of your depths.

 

And Paulie, if in person you posess even half of the charm and wit you display in your loveshack posts, you need not feel in any way inadequate. You are a pleasure to listen to and talk with.

[Deejette]

The club scenes you are mentioning try to lure women in so males will be attracted and buy more drinks. It is profitable in the meat-market atmosphere of a club to give perks to women, such as "Ladies Night."

 

I can understand your issue with the club scene because it is so appearance-based you feel you have to strut your stuff to get noticed and you can easily be shot down. If it happens enough, you get shell-shocked and start doubting yourself as an attractive person. You see that you are putting yourself out there for the approval of some chick that you just met, and she has the say-so over the fate of your self-esteem that night.

 

But I could make a case for the women, saying, "Hey, it isn't fair that we have to wait for the guy to ask us out, wait for him to call, wait for him to ask us to dance! Why do I have to sit by the phone waiting for it to ring when the guy said he would call me?" Many women think men have the upper hand in the dating scene.

Paulie, Your prior posts would suggest you are more interested in a loving relationship than a sexual experience. I'm not so sure the power you question has anything to do with love. List out a woman's needs and you will see she needs intimacy much more than she needs sex.

 

List out a man's needs and you will see he desires sex far more than intimacy. If I use my sexual power to draw a man, I've made a great compromise trying to find the intimacy I desire the most. The man I had sex with would have had his need for sex met while the intimacy I felt would have been just another illusion... voila'... that bag of bones illusion you've talked about before. So the power you see in a woman's sexuality is a power granted only by a man's desire... Rather like the advertising world: a pretty package flaunted to an interested buyer... but that sexual power has zero power in cultivating love. Sex draws attracts sex, only love draws a response of love.

 

If it's sexual appeal you're after, Paulie, you'll convey it through having the confidence to have a good time with whomever you happen to be with, and through contentment in whatever company (or lack of) you are in. If it's love you're seeking, it is just going to take more time and perhaps a few more mis-steps. Some woman will eventually see the pleasure of your depths. And Paulie, if in person you posess even half of the charm and wit you display in your loveshack posts, you need not feel in any way inadequate. You are a pleasure to listen to and talk with.

[Paulie]

Not so...

 

An attractive woman can have her pick of men on any given night. And in regard to Tarressa'a post (I thank her for her kind words), Yes...women who use their sexuality for the purposes of meeting men may encounter the types of men that are shallow, and won't cater to the intimacy needs of women.

 

However...I find that they can more successfully "get the ball rolling" with a man that they are interested in by useing their sexuality than a man can. Yes...I might be very caring and sensitive, communicative, etc., but that takes a little bit of time to bring out. I can't "get the ball rolling with these qualities of mine.

 

See what I mean?

[Paulie]

Also, Deejette,

 

Why does a higher proportion of men in a bar not attract women (thus selling alot of drinks)

 

Why is it the other way around?

 

See my point? Where is my faulty thinking?

 

Why are we always the ones that have to do the chasing, and women are the ones that are considered the valuable ones that shoot US down?

 

Agh!

[Tony T]

You have bought into a highly warped mindset and therefore are stuck in this reality.

 

Maybe the ladies do get to choose the men they date more often than men pick the ladies, but I promise you the men they pick up in bars, for the greater part, give them pain and heartache beyond imagination. So, in return for women being able to masturbate their egos in a bar, they must pay in the form of hurt, anger and disappointment in the end.

 

In other cases, it's only a game...again, an ego game. Yes, women can pick up men much more easily by letting their breasts hang out a bit and by crossing their legs nicely. If a man let's his penis hang out a little, he gets arrested for indecent exposure...and if he crosses his legs nicely, he is labeled gay.

 

Basically, as men we give females the power they have. When I go into a bar, I give them no power at all. N-O-N-E. I mostly do my own thing and ignore them. Just because a woman is incredibly attractive doesn't mean she can hold up a conversation or be a nice date...or even produce nice babies. It often means she spent an hour in front of the mirror with the best make-up and hair rinse. She's probably a graduate of John Casablancas or Barbizon. I don't allow them to indulge their ego by using my attention.

 

It drives them wild. There is nothing in the world that drives a beautiful woman more wild than to be ignored. So while most of the guys are slobbering all over them, I'm over in a corner talking to the disk jockey or bar tender. Sooner or later, they come to me....because I gave them no power to draw me to them. They seek to find out why they had no power over me...and then I can decide whether I want to mess with their minds or not.

 

The bar scene is a tragi-comic farse. Each night, a different play is performed with different characters and a different outcome. It is a lonely play. It is one that can't be figured out because it changes so rapidly. But the players only get the parts that others give them.

 

Men do exploit women's sexuality in strip clubs, etc., but in return women exploit men's pocketbooks. It's a business deal, not a romance. The guys frequenting these places aren't looking for love, they are looking for TnA. It's basically a business deal.

 

Women know that men can exploit them, ultimately, so some women decide to do the first exploiting. In biology, they call it natural selection. The most attractive of the species gets to reproduce before the lesser attractive...that was the law in the animal kingdom, of which homo sapiens are a decendent, for many thousands of years. It still applies to most species.

 

Most men are unaware of which women inside a bar will be more quickly sexually accomodating. Women who are willing to have sex quickly do have a bit of an advantage with men who want to get in their pants rather quickly. Prostitutes have an even greater advantage with men who are willing to cut to the chase and pay. But to find the most loose women requires a heavy investment of time, usually until just before the bar closes.

 

For a guy looking for real love, I recommend he put down the booze, stay out of the clubs, and look for love in his daily travels. There he will find a different world, in which women are respectful, on a level playing field, and less likely to play games.

 

If you want to go to the bars, where everyone is artificially pickled with their favorite beverage, you can eliminate all the behavior that goes on there from any rational sampling of human male or female behavior because nothing will make sense. And in the morning, when you wake up, you may look over at the lady you picked up at the bar and ask yourself what ever attracted you. Or you may just wonder if a woman who would come home with you, who is so stupid to think that the perfect life-long relationship could start this way, is smart enough to be in your life at all. Then again, she may holler rape if she is truly disgusted with you.

 

A lady who invokes her sexuality in order to find someone may certainly find a highly testosterone charged stud...but if she depends solely on her sex appeal to find a quality mate, she most probably will remain sadly lonely. And so will the guys who went after her.

 

As in the Budweiser commercial, really great women know that the frogs are drinking in the bars...and their prince is most likely sipping coffee and reading a good book at Barnes and Noble.

 

Smart men know their true princess does not have a staple scar on her belly button and that many of the girls with the great bodacious tatas will leave them flat broke in the end.

 

And that's all I have to say about that!

[Paulie]

AMEN!!!!

 

And I thank you Sir...after a night on the town.

 

Later,

 

Paulie

[Taressa]

Paulie,

 

I believe the only power we (women) have is the power that you grant us.

 

By revealing a little skin, showing a nice shape, we can manipulate men only because they give in to their own sexual desires. I don't believe it is power we have, it is rather a manipulation of someone else's weakness.

 

Please, Paulie, don't judge the world of women by the women you witness in bars. Bars lend themselves to that lascivious behavior and we all tend to walk around with our minds in a gutter... all that throbbing music, all that double-entendre talk... Paulie, there are better women and better places in which to take chances with love.

 

And truly, Paulie, with an air of confidence coupled with your grand sense of humor you will be the most attractive man.

 

Take your time, Paulie, and you will overcome this dry spell.

[Deejette]

In nature, the woman is the receptor and the male will travel miles when he detects the scent of a female in heat. Females do not go around looking for males to mate with. Male lions, for example, will travel across the plains to find a mate and then when he gets there maybe another lion will be there and they will have to fight it out.

 

Human females follow this pattern too, even if they don't know they are doing it. They are the attractors (like in the insect world) and the males fly in to mate with them.

 

Therefore, it is up to the male of the species to seek, find, and make themselves acceptable to the female as mating material. This may not seem fair. I mean, why shouldn't females buzz around a male and fight it out over him on a regular basis?

 

It may be because females carry and bear the young. They must choose whom they think would have the best genes to pass on. A male can impregnate any woman and then be on his way. A woman needs more to ensure the nurturing and support of her child. So there may be a predisposition to choose a certain type of male with good genes.

 

This sounds very unfair, but we are not in control of some of the forces of nature, even though we would like to be.

Also, Deejette, Why does a higher proportion of men in a bar not attract women (thus selling alot of drinks)

 

Why is it the other way around? See my point? Where is my faulty thinking?

 

Why are we always the ones that have to do the chasing, and women are the ones that are considered the valuable ones that shoot US down? Agh!

[Deejette]

Yes, Tony! A great description of the bar scene! It is a superficial show at best and the presence of alcohol in the blood can make even the jerkiest guy or girl seem fascinating and wonderful.

AMEN!!!! And I thank you Sir...after a night on the town. Later, Paulie