My husband is looking at nude women online! HELP!

[jacobmarino03]

I need some help. Here's the situation. I've been married to my husband for a little over a year now. The women that my husband dated before me all had great bodies and were pretty good looking. I look alright, but after 2 kids my body is not the greatest. When we first got married, I saw that my husband was looking online at naked celebrities. I had confronted him about this, because I am very insecure about the way I look. He said he was sorry and that he wouldn't do it again. Now a year later, I caught him doing it again. He does it after I go to bed. I'm really concerned that he's not satisfied enough with the way I look that he has to look elsewhere. He says he loves me the way I am. Should I be concerned? Please help!

[dyermaker]

I don't think you should be concerned, no.

 

: Surely your relationship is based on more than your appearance, yes?

[jacobmarino03]

Well we do have 1 child together. Everything seems fine. I am just really insecure about the way I look and feel he will leave me for something like what he's looking at online. I just dont get why, when you are married, why he has to look at someone else.

[dyermaker]

It's a way of dealing with chemical impulses without the emotional intimacy of sex.

[RowanRavyn]

Wow, Dyer....becareful or you will impress me

 

I understand your feelings hun, but some men like looking at what they can't have. They are strangers. Nothing invested on any level for them, just a quick inspiration to slap off to.

[faux]

Originally posted by dyermaker

It's a way of dealing with chemical impulses without the emotional intimacy of sex.

 

::sarcasm:: No, no. As we all know, when men look at pornography it is their sole intent to harm their partners. By ogling other women, we purposely strive to remind our partners that they are unattractive, undesirable, and fail to satisfy us. ::sarcasm::

 

I see no reason to be concerned over your husband doing what healthy husbands, and men in general, will do from time to time.

[Jacksin]

Perhaps if your body is 'not the greatest' as you say what about enrolling in a gym and try to shape up a bit.

Jack

[The_Analyzer]

I know you may find this hard to believe right now, because of the way you feel about your apperance, but it really isn't about you. Its him. SOMETIMES porn is an emotional outlet for something else going on in peoples lives. Have a talk with him about why he feels the need to view that, if it bothers you. Most of the time people will feel it all has to do with the physical side of looking at naked bodies, but alot of the times thats rarely the case. It goes a little deeper. Good luck.

[moimeme]

Not really. It's not an 'emotional outlet' although if the relationship is bad enough that the spouse viewing porn doesn't want to have sex, then it's an escape.

 

Has he asked you for sex before you go to bed? Does he think you're not interested? If he's horny and you're not available for whatever reason, he'll do something to get relief.

[jmargel]

Click here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t45653/

 

I talk about why I think this happens. Well this is more for cheating & obessiveness with strip clubs. With viewing porn, nothing wrong with it. You two should rent & watch it together. Make it a postitive instead of a negative. Face your fear, it might turn out into something really good.

[Kasey70]

Be it an emotional or physical "outlet", or "escape" if it bothers you, then you need to talk with him. He needs to be aware that it bothers you. Wheather he will stop or not, who knows, but its important to communicate how you feel about it. Hope all works out.

[Samuel62]

Try having more imaginative sex with him. Then, see if it just stops.

 

When children arrive, you cannot spend as much 'quality' time together, and he knows that, but his drive didn't go away.

 

You could just ask him what it is that's missing from your relationship that makes him go to porn. Then, listen.

[UCFKevin]

At least he ain't banging other broads.

 

Take what you can get and be thankful.

[Kricket]

Wow! I really saw myself in this thread! But the difference is, we have sex on a regular basis, we're intimate, we actually watch it together, but my concern is, after we go to bed (after I fall asleep) he gets back up to "collect" more pictures. At last count he had almost 20,000 pictures (no, that's not a couple of extra zeros). But he tells me he doesn't even look at them after he has saved them. Then WHY have them? I feel insecure enough about it! He knows I don't like it! When I "catch" him doing it, I beg him to stop (which he doesn't) and just tells me to go back to bed! I really think I am crazy! But I am sorta glad to see I am NOT the only one!

[FolderWife]

I have to confess that even though I hate porn, and have given it up so my husband would give it up, and restore our healthy sex life, I sometimes miss looking at naked pictures myself.

 

It has nothing to do with my husband....it doesn't really do anything to me sexually...I just like to look. I watched a movie about a porn star (not porn, a MOVIE ABOUT porn) and the main character was just so mesmorizingly beautiful. I wanted to look at a dirty magazine

 

It isn't because I'm not sexually satisfied, or because I want to look at naked bodies, or anything like that...it's just there's a beauty in things like the women of playboy that I like to look at...they are just so seductively beautiful. There's something about looking at a doctored up picture of beautiful breasts that makes me want to look....kinda like a bug is drawn to light.

 

I can not break the connection between my husband and porn, connected to my husband neglecting me. So I want it as far out of his life as I can get it. I hate it for what it's done to us....on the same note, however, I do have a slight desire to go out and buy a playboy, AND I'M A WOMAN! So for me, it's not to get aroused...it's more of curiousity. Yeah, looking at people in sexual positions turns me on, and often rather than bother my spouse, I'd masterbate......like if I couldn't wake him up. Also, I like to do it in private too....it's kind of embarassing to sit and LOOK at people doing it.

 

It's not because there's something wrong with my spouse, it's not because I'm not sexually satisfied...it's sheer curiosity. And yes, it's addictive to the point of the more I see the more I want to see.

 

I'm trying to understand myself, because even though I despise porn to the point of wishing harm on porn stars, I actually miss it sometimes Mostly when I'm menstrating.

 

So if your husband is still treating you well, try to get past the porn thing. If you can't, however, try to talk to him about it.

 

I couldn't get past it. My husband didn't want to have sex with me, but he was all ready to masterbate to some stranger's body. That hurts. So I got really offended, and hurt, and we fought for about a year, and as of late, he hasn't had any porn that I know of, and he's reverted back to treating me like a princess.

 

So it's an individual thing. I can't BELIEVE that I still miss porn sometimes. But I'd rather never have it again, then have it in my husband's life.

 

When I origionally came here with that problem, I wanted answers that I could accept, and no one could give me any. "It's a sexual release," and "It has nothing to do with you." Didn't help me, because I wanted to be his sexual release. But...I don't know. I think your husband looks just out of curiosity. He's not neglecting you, is he?

[marie337]

I know exactly how you feel. I honestly thought my husband had given up his porn, until I recently found out about his stash. I feel totally ignorant and sort of betrayed now. I told him several years ago how much it bothered me that he would look at other women like that. I gave up porn myself once I committed myself to him. But, a couple of weeks ago he admitted to me and even showed me the hundreds of pictures and video files on his computer. I was shocked. Of course, I tried not to overreact because I really appreciate his honesty. But, it just makes me feel so worthless. I give and give and he always tells me how sexy I am. But, it just doesn't seem to be enough. We've been incorporating it into our sex life lately and that is working out great. But, I just hate thinking that he is still needing it when I'm gone. I hate that he masturbates period because we have sex at least once a day, usually two or three times. So, I feel like he's just waiting for me to leave the house so he can do whatever he wants. Anyway, you are not alone.