Parents are fighting each other.

[rladngus]

It's not the first time it's happened. It's rare, but it has become an increasingly common occurrence in recent years. They argued over something - what that something is, I never learned - last year. I never heard them yell or curse at each other, let alone get physical or even violent. They're very passive folks. Basically, the fight resulted in my mother spending several nights sleeping on the couch in the living room while my father remained in their bedroom. Then, they got back together. It was all good. Almost as if the fight never even happened. Now, they're at it again, and, again, I don't know what's causing it, what's ticking them off like that. I'm actually really glad that they're not screaming on top of their lungs or throwing objects at each other like some of the more unfortunate couples I've read about before did. Instead, they're fighting some kind of silent, "cold war."

 

I walked up to the dining room today to find my dad taking up two seats and watching TV and my mom eating food directly from the cooking pans and pots while she's standing over them in the kitchen. It's really weird and disturbing. I asked her why she hasn't brought the food to the table like she always does and she said that it's just "inconvenient." My dad simply says that he doesn't know what's going on. They're both lying to me, and it's painfully obvious. They're lying to make me feel as if nothing is wrong, but they don't need to admit it. They don't need to say a thing, because it's all in their voice, it's in how they interact with each other. My mom absolutely refuses to go near my dad. It's not that my dad was being abusive and prevented my mom from eating at the table. My mom just doesn't want to be near her man. They used to go to bed together all the time. Now, my mom goes to sleep nearly three hours before my dad does.

 

My mom, just completely out of the blues, went to the hair stylist earlier today without her cell phone. She never does that. She never leaves home without a way to contact the rest of us. Of course, when she was gone, I did not know where she went. I was a little concerned (because this silent fight had been going on for a few days). My dad showed little concern when I told him that mom was gone without notice. When she came back, she came into my room and told me where she had been, and that she was thinking in staying at a hotel nearby. She told me she didn't want to come back home. That, there, was her confirmation of something being very wrong between her and my dad, but I didn't know what to think of it. You can imagine how shocked and absolutely stunned I was when I heard that. Still, I pretended to be merely a little surprised. I asked her why and she told me that she's always wanted to go to places. Lies. Just more lies. Well, maybe not really lies. Maybe she really does want to go to places, but I knew that those weren't the real reasons.

 

I guess my parents are really considerate, given their behavior. I assume that they're doing what they can to keep their fight away from us (by us, I mean me and my brother), but it's disturbing enough as it is.

 

I don't really need you to tell me what to do or how to help them. I know what I can and have to do. I have to just let them fight it out. I can't intervene. It's their fight. The fact that they won't acknowledge the struggle to me is a clear enough message - that they don't want me meddled in this stuff. What I could use is some solace. A reminder that I'm not alone. Some words of encouragement and kindness to help me through this difficult time, even if we're all anonymous here. I'm sorry if your parents had it worse.

[Kisliean]

Well, I've been in that situation before. Looking back as an adult, I can understand why my parents "lied" to me. They did it to protect me. Of course, I was old enough to understand what was going on, so lying to me only made me frustrated. I'd sometimes get involved with their fights, and that was a huge mistake. My parents were very passive also, then it eventually turned physical and very scary for me. They were unhappy, and that made me unhappy also. They eventually got a divorce. At first, I thought it would be horrible and I'd never get over it, but I did. My mom was happy, my dad was happy, and I eventually was happy. Being in a home with miserable people isn't fun.

 

Maybe your parents will work it out, maybe they won't, but you just need to know that they love you and it isn't your fault if things don't work out. I think you'll breathe a little easier if they do get a divorce. I remember how tense and unhappy our home was when they were together. After the divorce, my mom would smile and enjoy life a little more, and my dad was upset, but he definitely seemed a little happier. The only advice I can give you is to stay out of it. If they're fighting, don't get in between them. If it bothers you, talk to them when they're calm and have some sort of family meeting to help understand the situation.