youaremysunshine Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 B. and i have been casual friends since highschool. I heard from friends that he liked me then, but i had a boyfriend. Two years ago, i drunkenly hooked up with b. less than two days after he was dumped by his girlfriend. Obviously, he wasn't in a good place emotionally, although he said I made him feel good. His ex ended up making a public scene and threatening to kill us both.Nothing more ever came out of the hook-up. I moved to the city about an hour away. After losing many of my belongings in a fire, my old friends held a fundraiser for me in my home town and he shows up unexpectedly. We hit it off great and talk all night. I say I am happy being single, and he says he in unhappy being alone. I am skeptical of this cause I know he sleeps around. We end up at a couple of friends place and drink more. We have so pretty intense sex. Like he throws me on the bed rips my tights off. So gooood. Even he says so. We cuddle and have sex again in the morning. We hang out with our friends all day and it's like old times. Things only get a little sour when I mention I'm now friends with his ex. He is still bitter about the way that realationship ended. Now he texts me occasionally to make chit chat about his work stress, his car (he is a mechanic and loves his car) or about how he never gets out of our old town. He never used to text me so this is a change. I'm going to be home again this week, walking my uncles dog who lives in his neighbourhood, should I ask him to come with? I think I could accept it if he didn't want a realationship with me, what with me living out of town. But I'm afraid if I ask him to hang the spell of that night will be broken and he will lose interest in me. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 I think you should give it a shot, you really have nothing to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted December 31, 2012 Author Share Posted December 31, 2012 I guess I suspect he responds to the whole "hard to get" routine but I really want to see him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 I just mentioned to him via text I'll be around, hoping he would ask to see me. no response. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) But I'm afraid if I ask him to hang the spell of that night will be broken and he will lose interest in me. That night is just one night. One night does not make a relationship -- consistently spending time together and being involved in each other's lives is what makes a relationship. Do you want a realtionship with him? You told him you were happy being single. If you want something more, step up and ask him out on a date, not "hang out" -- if you've already had sex, get past dancing around each other and make a real move. Also, you simply asking him out is not enough for him to lose or gain interest -- he either is or he isn't, but it sounds like he is. If you're not sure what you want with him, leave him be and don't jerk him around. If he's not sure what he wants with you, don't let him jerk you around either. Good luck. Edited January 2, 2013 by NoMagicBullet addition Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I hope I didn't really screw it up saying I was happy being single. In truth I am - I don't NEED a boyfriend to be happy. I would kill to date him. I've had a crush on this guy for years! He's just so exciting to be around. The thing is he is kinda out of my league looks wise and he is constantly being chased by beautiful women. I'm going to try to talk and hang out with him more, because I've had lots of adventures in the past two years that I know he'd get a kick out of. I think my personality and sense of humor is my strength hear. Don't want to scare him away though Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I hope I didn't really screw it up saying I was happy being single. In truth I am - I don't NEED a boyfriend to be happy. I would kill to date him. I've had a crush on this guy for years! He's just so exciting to be around. The thing is he is kinda out of my league looks wise and he is constantly being chased by beautiful women. I'm going to try to talk and hang out with him more, because I've had lots of adventures in the past two years that I know he'd get a kick out of. I think my personality and sense of humor is my strength hear. Don't want to scare him away though People worry too much about scaring someone away and I think a lot of people miss out on good things because of it. So don't worry about it! If you don't: 1) start inundating him with texts, calls, gifts, etc, when you barely have a relationship, 2) express your interest in an over-the-top-manner, or 3) stalk him trying to get him to change his mind if he ever says he's not interested or wants to move on, ... then you'll probably be okay. Do ask him out while you're home. Just gently let him know you're interested in him and let him take it from there. A good way to start a convo about it would be to say to him "You know that time I said I was happy being single when you said you were unhappy being alone? Well, I think I could be happily not-single with you." (Best to say something like that in person so you can smile at him when you say it. ) His ex being your friend could be a problem, though, so you might want to further think about how to navigate that. It's never easy to choose between friends and partners, but understand that that's what it may come to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Ok, so I've been really busy and had to go back to to my city early so I never got the guts to ask him on a date. D'oh. I appreciate your advice and have Actually taken the initiative to talk to him. You are right about probably losing my friendship with his ex. To be honest I'm only friends with her because she is now dating my ex with whom I have to be civil because we have the same friends. I'm still resentful of her over the top violent reaction to b. and I hooking up because I feel like it made it way more awkward for us and really hurt him. Also she might actually beat me up, she is like the she-hulk I posted an old photo of me from high school on Facebook b. liked it and put some silly comment and my ex freaked the eff out saying I shouldn't talk to him because he had I thing for me while we were still together and that he flaked our on me. When I said if I could accept him dating a Woman that threatened me with death he should be tolerant of me talking to a guy I knew years before I even met him. He was pisssssssed. So I'm pretty much going to lose my friendship With his ex and my ex and it makes me mad that it has to be so complicated. So many angry people coming between us. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) Good idea to cut out the exes. Neither one of them sounds like healthy people to be around, especially She-Hulk Ex. I hope things work out with you and b. (Oh, and good reply to your ex about the pics on FB! He may have been pissed, but you're totally right!) Edited January 4, 2013 by NoMagicBullet addition Link to post Share on other sites
Shy_Classy_Lady Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Hi It sounds like it's progressing into an FWB relationship. You two definitely sound as if you are fond of each other. If you are both happy staying in that situation, then by all means do what you want. It's important that you're happy with whoever you end up with. If he makes you feel happy, then why not? However, are you okay knowing that he sleeps around? Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 I'm ok with him sleeping around because well, I'm not a num either. I've had several nonmongomous casual realationships over the years that were stress and jealously free. I would be happy with a friends with benefits situation if we could reestablish our old friendship, we havent hung out much since hight school. Fun times. I'd also like to get to know him a little more intimately and be a supportive person in his live as he apparently suffers from depression. I just don't no how to go from two drunken hookups in two years to that though Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Well he just changed his profile pic to him at a bar with a girls head on his shoulder with the caption "best palz" He introduced me to her the night we hooked up and spoke very highly of her.- Probably in love with her, right? Messaging him would just seem desperate right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author youaremysunshine Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Oh and he also posted a bunchpictures of himself with a guy who was also and old friend of mine who I fell in love with and after leading me on rejected me in rather coldly. I guess they are buds now Link to post Share on other sites
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