dolcegal2002 Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 guys, i was using my boyfriend of 6 months (whom i adore) computer and realized he was actively using match.com to talk to other women. i am devastated. he told me he never met any of them and that he loves me and want to talk things over and work things out. he said he felt i was going to leave him for someone better and thats why he did it. the relationship has had some up and downs but overall we have been happy together. we always work things out.. i am very hurt, and i dont know if i can trust him again. i want to work things out but i have too much pride. if i find out he never met any of these women, should i forgive? should i just forget it because he already had the intention to cheat? i hope you have some advice for me, he is divorced with two kids, i get along with them but sometimes it can be overwelming. he is 13 years my senior (i am 27) i dont know if i should just move on or should i let him prove to me that he can be faitful? go to therapy? all i know is that this is the most compelling relationship i ever had (i am divorced) and i dont want to lose it but i dont know if it is worth saving. please help me! thank you Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 If this guy is telling you the truth, then, when he had doubts about you, he sought out other women. Maybe it was for the ego boost, maybe it was for the potential of meeting a new sexual partner, maybe for the possibility of getting a new emotional connection that didn't make him doubt his worth. Whatever the reason, this guy doesn't have very good relationship skills. And he's willing to go behind your back with other women when the going gets tough, and deceive you at least by lies of omission. He fesses up when he's caught red-handed. But his lies of omission make you doubt whether you're getting the full truth now -- and should. The relationship you have with this guy is, to say the least, in serious jeopardy. It's not a matter of pride, but of trust. Are you willing to risk getting an STD (given that you can't believe in his utmost faithfulness now)? Can you count on this guy only to find he's seeing someone else -- and perhaps in a moment when you're down (diagnosed with cancer, have lost a job, etc.)? If you reconcile now, can you be sure he won't turn back to such an outlet when you've got trouble -- rather than coming to YOU to work things out? I'll admit, I've got trouble buying his excuse. That's a backhanded compliment -- a version of telling a woman what she wants to hear. Has this guy got a history of being unfaithful to other partners? Do you have any access to friends and family who will give you a picture of how honest he's being now? You might want to place some boundaries and tests between you. You might also want to seek couples counseling. This isn't just a roadbump until much more is known and resolved. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author dolcegal2002 Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 his friend who is also my friend was shocked but assured me he is sorry and never meant to hurt me (i have a hard time believing that) i have to admit he has always treated me like a princess. this came out of no where. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts