Sugarkane Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 I've found it odd that my parents oddly don't want to be grandparents. My relatives on both sides had children young. I feel like the odd one out that I haven't. For some reason they've always made out that having children is the worse thing in the world. I find this odd when the media is full of blaming women for leaving it too late. They never give me a reason. My mum had us in her 30s. And she had my brother in her late 30s. I really loathe it when they NEVER explain anything. They are obviously insecure about losing me. Link to post Share on other sites
fieldsofgold84 Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 Sugarkane, I did not understand the question here but as someone whose mother has told her that she really doesn't want to have grandchildren I thought I could share with you. My mother, just like yours, had us in her 30s and she openly says she thinks having children hinders women's progress. While she's absolutely right (imagine maternity leave and not having time to work over time and all the dilemma), I do want to have a child when time is right. Interestingly enough as a 27 year old girl I don't think I am ready yet. She thinks I am still a baby myself! I do not care what society wants or says or what my mother thinks. I admit a big age gap with my kids will make it difficult to communicate with them but at the same time I love myself to slow down for two years because of kids. If I were you I wouldn't discuss kids straightforward; I'd dig down memories while they are a little tipsy to see what bothers them. By the way, they are gonna love your kids as soon as you announce you're expecting. They can't help it Bests Borijana 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) Yet I find if a woman has difficulty having children on here, they're blamed for it. And asked why did they leave it too late. Women are also called too old in their 40s on this site too (which is ridiculious). I see having a larger age gap between my parents has been frustrating. They don't seem to understand why a grown adult doesn't want to live at home forever, when you can't even have your SO sleep over. Are parents this stupid? Edited January 1, 2013 by Sugarkane Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 It seems like no matter what you do/ choose, you get blamed for it being a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
fieldsofgold84 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Sugarkane, I think it is time women stopped caring what the society/parents want and started living as they please. You want to move out and you can afford it? By all means do it! They can't stop you, but make sure you don't need their financial support. You want to have sleep overs and you are over 16? do it! I think the problem with us -women- is the urge to be pleasing and sweet on one hand and independent on the other. Nobody says you can't have both together but if you try to please everyone you are living a life, not YOUR life. With regard to babies, I have written a list for myself I am going to share with you. I have decided to have a baby when the answer to all these three is yes. 1- Are you happy where you are (career and financial and relationship- wise)? 2- Are you emotionally ready for the responsibility? 3- Are you ready to give up on your life and sleep for at least two years? I do not give a rat's a** what the society thinks. If I am in my thirties and want to have a baby and I face difficulties, there is always other options. Your list is probably different but seriously if you think you're ready nobody should have a say in this matter; unless you're 16 and want to get pregnant to have your reality show which I think is absurd. best of luck to you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Yet I find if a woman has difficulty having children on here, they're blamed for it. And asked why did they leave it too late. Women are also called too old in their 40s on this site too (which is ridiculious). I see having a larger age gap between my parents has been frustrating. They don't seem to understand why a grown adult doesn't want to live at home forever, when you can't even have your SO sleep over. Are parents this stupid? They KNOW why a grown adult doesnt want to live with them, but as long as you let them take advantage of you, they seem like they will do it. So its up to you to stop listening to them, and stop worrying about what they think, and do what you need to do. If you are grown, there is NO reason why you should be living at home anyway if you want to have SO's sleep with you. When youre an adult, you do what YOU want, not what THEY want. The only reason I can think of for them to keep you home is because they think for some reason you arent mentally capable of handling life on your own. I hope thats not the case. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 It seems like no matter what you do/ choose, you get blamed for it being a woman. Depends on what kind of parents you have. Obviously, you have dysfunctional ones who put their cares ahead of yours, so you will never matter much to them. You will always be the one they blame so they feel better about themselves. The sooner you accept that they were simply the parents you were dealt and it has nothing to do with who YOU are, the sooner you can leave it all behind and stop bogging down your life with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 They KNOW why a grown adult doesnt want to live with them, but as long as you let them take advantage of you, they seem like they will do it. So its up to you to stop listening to them, and stop worrying about what they think, and do what you need to do. If you are grown, there is NO reason why you should be living at home anyway if you want to have SO's sleep with you. When youre an adult, you do what YOU want, not what THEY want. The only reason I can think of for them to keep you home is because they think for some reason you arent mentally capable of handling life on your own. I hope thats not the case. No I don't have anything wrong with me. But constantly being gaslighted by my parents never helped. Gaslighted will make the most sane person feel crazy. Like a lot if people I know, I didn't know what I wanted to do career wise after high school. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Another thing I can't understand is my dad thinks having children out of wedlock is "ruining the family name". This makes zero sense to me as we only see his side of the family once a year. Its not like they're close. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Sugarkane, I think it is time women stopped caring what the society/parents want and started living as they please. You want to move out and you can afford it? By all means do it! They can't stop you, but make sure you don't need their financial support. Women can already do that. Much of the state of affairs you complain about is perpetuated by women. You want to have sleep overs and you are over 16? do it! I think the problem with us -women- is the urge to be pleasing and sweet on one hand and independent on the other. Nobody says you can't have both together but if you try to please everyone you are living a life, not YOUR life. Weather or not you can sleep over at someone's house is a matter of local law and parents. I do know that if you were raised by my wonderfull mother [whom i think the world of], you would be grounded for eternity for doing that. --- My mom had me when she was 28, and my sister at 30. By today's standards that is ... normal. However, back then it was almost unheard of. It's today's equivalent of children at 40 from a social pov. She missed work only for a few months after both me and my sister, she worked otherwise and she was doing quite serious work [research institute]. She had help, my dad was contrary to the norms of the time. He actually cooked while my mom handled other chores and he also looked after the kids to giver her alone time. Having kids today is much harder because over the last 20yrs the family has been shattered by the feminist movement [they only went overhill with it in the last 20yrs] Men are in a marriage strike of sorts [no telepathy involved i swear ... it's just a ****ty deal] or just plain in an identity crysis of their own which reduces the numbers of eligible good men. Women have been lied to and told that they can be everything. Quite frankly, both your average man and your average woman is receiving fu*ked up messages that mess up with having a strong family unit. Add to this the biological pressure upon women [more limited timeframe for starting a family than men], and you got one messed up system. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Another thing I can't understand is my dad thinks having children out of wedlock is "ruining the family name". This makes zero sense to me as we only see his side of the family once a year. Its not like they're close. I can explain that. Is he by any chance immigrant ? Having children out of wedlock had bad connotations in the past in the west and applied a tag of 'loose morals' to the woman in question. Tag which also got stickied to the family as well. It used to be like the family's dirty secret. In many countries it is still a big thing. Hell, one of my great aunts surprised me a few months ago with this view. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Anyone in America older than 50 is likely to share the same view. It wasn't until Welfare made it cheaper to NOT have a husband that men stopped marrying the women en masse - to get more money from the government. Two generations later, this is what we get. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 I can explain that. Is he by any chance immigrant ? Having children out of wedlock had bad connotations in the past in the west and applied a tag of 'loose morals' to the woman in question. Tag which also got stickied to the family as well. It used to be like the family's dirty secret. In many countries it is still a big thing. Hell, one of my great aunts surprised me a few months ago with this view. Not really. My dad came from Great Britain as a child. I hate it how men are allowed to have "loose morals" though. As always. Thanks for all your answers, my parents refuse to answer any of my questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) I'd be less resentful if they actually answers my questions without telling me where to go or walking off. I find him a massive hypocrite to be all about family (or more that he looks not like a Ahole in front of people) yet would most likely cut my siblings or I off, if this ever happened. Edited January 11, 2013 by Sugarkane Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Not really. My dad came from Great Britain as a child. I hate it how men are allowed to have "loose morals" though. Hon, that's been around since caveman days. They have the higher sex drive (generally speaking) to keep the species going, so the 'loose morals' thing has just always been around. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I'd be less resentful if they actually answers my questions without telling me where to go or walking off. I find him a massive hypocrite to be all about family (or more that he looks not like a Ahole in front of people) yet would most likely cut my siblings or I off, if this ever happened. The truth is, you just got parents you don't gel with. It happens. You weren't guaranteed Brady Bunch parents when you were born. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to live your life without stressing over stuff you have no control over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 The truth is, you just got parents you don't gel with. It happens. You weren't guaranteed Brady Bunch parents when you were born. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to live your life without stressing over stuff you have no control over. I know but NOTHING is ever logical with them! I mean I ask her for advice and she always cracks it and walks off. Who does this? This is why I post here, to try and make sense if this shyte in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 It's gotta be frustrating, for sure. Maybe you could just try to look at them like those crazy relatives everyone ignores. Link to post Share on other sites
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