Why is it all happening to me?

[virginfish]

I am a19 years old girl, considered extremely pretty. I am having intense infatuation( i guess so) with an admin in my university, who is around 50 years old. I have daddy issues. He behaves in a romantic way with me and I have fallen hard for him. The thing is this that, though I dont have any affair or any kind of communication with him other than staring at each other in the college or talking very rarely, that too on purpose and flirting a bit. I cannot stop thinking about him. Its just him I think of. In my thoughts, most of the time, I think/imagine that I am talking to him, like I am sharing my feelings, my thoughts my ideas, my wit, my humor, my creativity with him. This is what I do 90% of my time, imagining that I am talking to him. I am romantically interested and physically attracted towards him but I dont understand that despite of imagining other things with him, like holding hands or kiss or whatever, most of the time what I fantasize about is that I am TALKING to him and conveying my emotions. I get so involved in my fantasies of talking to him that I lock the room and talk to myself, and do all the things that I imagine I will do in front of him. Its another story that when I see him I feel too shy to even look at him eye to eye, but all I do is I start talking randomly(when there is no one definitely, lol) with myself and after a while I realize that I was lost in my imaginations that he listening to me and we were talking. What could be the reason for all this? I wake up in nights and imagine myself talking to him and its sooo intense like I am present in the moment. Everything, my voice tone, my body language, my eyes, my lips, my hands, my feet, my body move in the same direction as per the conversation is going. And the conversation is usually about ME speaking to him and conveying my ALL feelings about random things and he laughing. I am an extremely witty girl as well, and I am usually fantasizing that I am making him laugh & I do make him laugh but just a few times. These imaginations are 90% of my thoughts and actions and they cannot let me concentrate on other things. It has been happening from last 6 months. What do you think could be the reason? Please help me? Does it sound like a disorder or what? Am I severely obsessed with him that I imagine communicating with him and him only? Do things like this happen when you are obsessed/infatuated with someone?

[TheZebra]

Sounds like an extremely intense crush. I've had similar things happen to me in the past with professors in college, though I must admit I didn't think about them nearly as much as you seem to.

 

If you want this to stop, there are several things you can do. First, stop doing any behavior that you can control. Stop locking yourself in your room so that you can talk to yourself as you would to him. Clean break, just stop.

 

Second, it's hard to stop thinking about something you're obsessed with; this takes more work. Try to focus your attention on other things in your life. Focus on your work; try to get tasks that require your concentration on them and only them. Pick up a new hobby or two that require you to meet people (especially men) and that get your mind away from him and onto whatever you're doing. Anything that really requires you to be in the moment works... like cooking or rowing, or most sports.

 

Third, don't entertain activities that will either a) have you thinking about him or b) have you seeing him. For a, don't write about him, don't talk about him. It's like he doesn't exist.

 

Hope this helps! Impossible fantasies are hard... I used to have a MAJOR crush on my 46 yr old professor and it did get obsessive. I was stupid though and didn't do any of the above things. I only got over him when I started meeting new guys that I was attracted to. It's only in the recent two months or so that I've been able to see my old crush and not feel a thing. Took a long time though...

[virginfish]

Thank you SO much for understanding me. I am in a situation, where I hardly find anyone communicating on the same level with me because they just cannot feel/understand what I am going through. Also to add, in June-July this year, I started having feelings towards him and we used to stare at each other ALOT and I started getting feelings for him. In August, I left my boyfriend, stopped talking to all guys who asked me out or were interested in me, left all the lovers of mine(lol), stopped talking to my girl-friends, and started isolating myself and became more and more obsessed with him, to the point that there was no day I wouldn't see his pictures and just wanna talk to him. I did nothing, I never called him because of lack of confidence. But the things started getting intense. Now, its the 6th month going on, with me on the same condition, getting worse, For the last three months before this month, from September to November, I used to see him in my dream EVERYNIGHT and used to see that I wanna speak to him but I cannot. Now in college, I dont wanna talk to anyone, I have lost my interst in human communication because he is the only one I keep thinking of. If I talk to anyone, it HAS to be about him in some way or the other, otherwise i feel too bored in the conversation. I left my committed boyfriend because of this and he became too disturbed and tried his best to contact me but I just left everyone. I dont feel like talking to anyone in college, I just keep looking for him here and there. Whenever I go anywhere out of my home, its just him I am looking everywhere. I find him in every man I see. I feel shy just by being with myself because I feel that he is looking at me, his eyes are on me.

I have got and always get MUCH attention from the opposite sex, and even in these six months, I have been chased by LOTS of guys but I cannot think with a clear mind. It literally feels like my mind has been damaged emotionally and cannot clearly think. I feel so better here expressing my feelings. I find him everywhere. And 90% of the times, I just talk to him in my imaginations and when he is there in front of my eyes in reality, my lips are zipped, even when he talks to me, I cannot answer him! I cry every night and pray everynight to be with him. I just wanna talk to him once.

[RoyMinnett]

Yeah agree with @TheZebra to some extent.

 

May be I faced some similar feelings in my college life. But certainly my friend had a similar crush about 5 to 6 years back. I didn't get a chance to talk to him on that crush after that, coz of busy professional life. But your post reminded me of that

 

Anyways I'll try to ask him how he got out of that situation.