lovesick2001 Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 Day 10 of NC with my MM but only cos he has not answered my texts. I did well for 2 days but got a bit emotional it been new years and text him that i was sorry for making him tell his wife and ruining his life most probably. I accept that we are done but i just can believe that he hasnt given me a seconds thought or worried about how i was feeling. Im not unstable i just basically blew a gasket cos he dropped the bombshell on me that he was going to try and make his marriage work after 6 months of telling me he was leaving her, but still wanted us to keep seeing each other. I gave him his marching orders and i think the reason i made him tell her was to blow it all out into the open to make it more difficult to return. But it could be that i was just angry too. I dont know who or what i am anymore. I have no idea whats happening or if his wife has even thrown him out as its his second offence. I do think if he was away from the home he would have text me back. Will he ever forgive me? will he try and contact me again? i accept its over but thats not to say i wouldnt fall for his charms again. Anyone have any experience with this cos i need to be prepared. I dont want to be 6 week in to my grieving only to be dragged back into it again. i cant trust myself yet. I thought i might have even gotten the 'stay away from me' call that a lot of BW over see???? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 He should be wondering if you'll ever forgive him...and he's probably not wondering about that. You shouldn't be seeking his forgiveness. You didn't do anything wrong. But such is the irrational/bargaining mindset we can get into after a breakup. You start apologizing for things you didn't even do and lowering your expectations just because you're so lost without contact and desperate for a "fix". It's normal to feel this way...trust me. But let the feelings pass. Please do not continue to contact him. Save your dignity. Try as hard as you can to stick to NC and think of everyday of No Contact as a day you're getting stronger. Fake it until you make it! In the beginning you will feel crazy, you'll start thinking crazy stuff like maybe you shouldn't have told and maybe you should have waited more and you'll be very concerned about how he feels about you and always check your phone/emails for some sign of life and care from him. BTDT got the t-shirt, but it does pass and you do begin to see things clearer after a while and you start getting angry (which helps you to keep NC). Then eventually NC no longer feels fake or forced but you start to like it and see how useful it is to your sanity and healing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesick2001 Posted December 31, 2012 Author Share Posted December 31, 2012 Alexandria 32 I gave him a time to tell her by and she rang me 10 minutes later, i sent her some screen shots of texts he sent me declaring his undying love. After that i dont know whats happened. Thank you for your good advice i know things will become clearer in time. I am angry now and i really want there marriage to end. I dont want him back id never trust him again but i want him to suffer. Link to post Share on other sites
Sparkly24 Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 Why does he need to forgive you? Its his wife who needs to forgive him. You have nothing to be sorry for other than falling in love with someone. Give yourself some time, time is always the best healer. Use anything you need to get yourself through the first through weeks, like maxing your credit card on a new wardrobe, going out for meals with friends, drinking lots of wine and listening to loud music, whatever you need. You need to give yourself time so that you can see life goes on without that person and that you can still live life and give so much without focusing on one person. I know this is a little bit ironic me saying this what with all my recent posts but a friend of mine who has been happily single and un-involved with anyone for a long time told me that she loves having a clear head. When you are bogged down with feeling so much for someone it just clouds your mind all the time. With a clear head you focus on yourself all the time, you see the world properly and make the best choices. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Sorry you're hurting. I do hope, soon, that you can try your best to focus on grieving the loss and forgiving yourself. He may never forgive you, but that should not get in the way of you letting go of him and moving on with your life. Your exMM lied to you, let you believe that he was going to leave his wife. I will say this though, along the way he had every right to change his mind and decide not to leave her., and that's what happened. He just handled it all really badly and it bit him in the ass, now he's got to deal with his wife, who's world has been turned upside down again by his selfish choices. He is putting his wife first now, and as much as you want him to check in on you and see how you're doing, he isn't going to. Try your best too, to not wonder what is going on in his life, marriage and if they are going to work it out or stay together. All that is out of your hands, you get no say in how his life goes now. What's done is done, so please, just really focus on you, your friends, family and all the good stuff going on in your life. Life is short so don't waste your precious heart, or any tears on this man. He made his decision - Now make yours! TO get over him and move on...Never look back. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Let's see: she broke down upon hearing about you, he felt guilty and all sorts of things, begged for forgiveness and a chance to reconcile. She asked he never contacts you again and he's crawling and kissing doing whatever she wants to keep the life/kids/house/friends/pets. If they are the lucky ones, your exitance brought them hysterical bonding and they're sexing, sharing and growing closer like never before. Where are you in this story? Well, nowhere. Oh, yes, in her triggers and his assurances that you meant nothing, he really wanted her blah blah blah you get the point. His forgiveness that you asked him to tell her is a false issue. He's actually probably greatful because they'll be able to communicate like never before. He stabbed you in the back and when you'll realize that you'll want to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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