caity_d Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I was with my partner for 3 years. We lived together for most of that time, had a house together, a dog, the same group of friends and for the most part were inseperable. About 2 months ago, he told me that he didn't know if he was in love with me anymore, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me. The reasons he gave me were really petty and not like him at all and I wondered if there was someone else. He took about a month to make a decision, and I told him to follow his heart and to think of all the positive aspects of our relationship, and realise that the negatives were few and far between. Eventually he broke down in tears and told me that he was attracted to another woman from work and that he felt incredibly guilty and that he was sorry and that he loved me. But this made me very upset and made me feel uncomfortable around him and feel like I couldn't be myself around him and that I couldn't be with someone who didn't love me wholly and completely. We decided to go on a holiday and try to sort everything out. He assured me that his feelings for this other woman was no longer. The holiday was amazing, we really connected again, until the last night when he received a text message from this woman, and I saw it. This made me completely paranoid and i felt like i couldn't trust him. Things progressively got worse as i got more and more emotional. A week later he said that he wanted to break up. He moved out the next week. A week later I found out he was dating this woman. It hurt. It made me angry, but i held back from being angry because I didn't want to destroy our friendship or any chance that we may not get together. We have been in touch almost every day since we broke up. He would tell me that he was having problems with his new girlfriend and they were probably splitting up, and then the next time he would tell me they were back together, he said she was having problems because we were still in contact and all of our friends talk about me and things they have done when she is around. I know he has feelings for me. I invited him to my birthday party last weekend, he came and told me that I looked amazing and was flirting with me for most of the night, but then he left early. I don't know what to do, I want to stay friends with him, but i think its only because i want to be with him again. I feel like if it doesn't work out with this woman, then he may come back to me. But then I feel pathetic for thinking such things. Should I just sever ties and forget about him? I feel like if I do, it will make it easier for this other woman... Link to post Share on other sites
Starnette83 Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 well im so sorry that your bf left you for another woman, i think my bf did the same to me..we dated for 3years 1/2 and overall we had great chemistry anyways he had just met some girl and was acting weird with me, then i realized they had been talking over the phone..this broke my heart cuz i felt like if i didnt end it with him he would end em with me anyways ..plus i couldnt be with him anymore cuz he had given her his number...anyways to make things short we broke up 4 weeks ago and i decided for him no longer to contact me, i swear this hurt alot cuz i loved him alot but i realize i couldnt be with him if he wasnt appreciating me and was finding another girl intresting... anyways what i think u should do is make him see LIFE WITHOUT YOU!...this girl wont last ...and she will always be insecure cuz of u...but anyways u need to no longer call him and just avoid him, if a month or mroe goes by and hes still with her well..i dunno its gonna hurt but why would u wanna be with him anyways? hes with her right now, why does he even bother with u now, doesnt he see this hurts u? is he being selfish? I think so!!! u need to have some pride and dignity.... we are all going throu7gh this..hey i havent had contact with my ex for 4 weeks since we broke up and tho im scared he might be with that chick...doesnt mean imma call him, it will only make him see that im weak and he will do it again to me, im just trying to move on right now, yes i miss him, yes i still care but atleast im not wasting my time anymore with soemeone who doesnt know if im the one.... Link to post Share on other sites
Starting Over Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I'm so sorry for what you've been through....I think you are being WAY too easy on him though!!! He totally betrayed your trust. I'm sure he cares about you, but he's obviously looking out for number one. He's dating this other girl and then keeping tabs on you just in case things don't work out...or if he comes to the realization (which he probably will) that he made a huge mistake (which he did). I would just go on with my life. Let your self-respect be more important than keeping together a relationship. Because it is, without that self-respect, you will have trouble having a successful relationship with anyone. I have often let my desire to keep something going override my self-respect. My last boyfriend broke up with me two weeks after giving me diamond earrings and telling me I was the "one". The "one" what, I wonder?? The "one" who got away, I guess:) LOL. But, I tried so hard to do and say anything and everything that would put things back together, to help HIM through this difficult time. Well, its not my job to help him love me. If he doesn't know how, oh well. And if he wants to learn that he would come back to me, make a committment and ask. It doesn't work to still be having his cake and eating it too. If this guy wants you, he needs to get rid of the other girl...no questions asked. And then, he's lucky, if you will reconsider. Consider your self worth...and what a wonderful and understanding girlfriend, and Friend, you have been to him. And realize that you deserve the same in return. In fact, it might not hurt to tell him just that. I wish I had just stopped talking to my ex when he broke up with me. He was sad and so confused. Poor boy. I'm not confused anymore....and I have no room in my life for someone who pledges his devotion to me and then breaks up with me via EMAIL. If he were to apologize and reform, then I would reconsider. But for now, he seems content to be as he is, and I'm content to move on with my life. I might sound a bit hostile, but reading your email just made me realize how I've let this guy walk all over my poor broken heart. My heart that doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I've been "such an understanding and patient girlfriend" as he said. But the second my patience began was exactly when he decided to take advantage of it. Well, the secret to seeking advice to seek many counselors, as they say in the Old Testament. This is only my opinion, and its based on my own circumstances. Find out what others think and hopefully you can take away something encouraging and inspiring. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself and treat yourself well. And don't worry so much about him. He's made his own mess, and he'll have to sort it out if he decides to come back to you. S.O. Link to post Share on other sites
aFighter Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 The same thing more or less happened with me and my ex. She dumped me for someone else and she was married to the guy 2 months later, anyway I kicked her out of my life, my thoughts, everything and have not looked back & you know what, I feel fine Link to post Share on other sites
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