How to improve my social skills with women

[Sun Devil]

As some of you know, I am trying to improve myself with women. One of the things I am working on is social skills. I read Dale Carnegie's book on how to win friends and influence people, but I am not sure if it applies with Dating? What other books are there? What are other good ways to improve social skills, especially for women?

[SJC2008]

You talk to a woman the same way you talk to a man and if you can conversate with men you can converste with women! I'm VERY bad at lowering my tone of voice with women when I talk to them. I've been working on it!

[IT Geek]

I have trouble talking to women because I'm afraid they'll look at me, cringe, and then just kind of blow me off.

[Marek]

I have trouble talking to women because I'm afraid they'll look at me, cringe, and then just kind of blow me off.

Haha yeah, I know that feeling.

[Necromancer]

I have trouble talking to women because I'm afraid they'll look at me, cringe, and then just kind of blow me off.

 

That's your body avoiding rejection, if you would be male 8.0 not only would you be much more confident around women, they would approach you to and make the conversation easy.

 

Looks= your life.

[somedude81]

You talk to a woman the same way you talk to a man and if you can conversate with men you can converste with women! I'm VERY bad at lowering my tone of voice with women when I talk to them. I've been working on it!

 

Great advice for if you never want to get laid.

[IT Geek]

That's your body avoiding rejection, if you would be male 8.0 not only would you be much more confident around women, they would approach you to and make the conversation easy.

 

Looks= your life.

 

You won't get any argument from me on that observation.

[Treasa]

Having true confidence in yourself, knowing how and when to set boundaries, and being friendly and interested in what the other person has to say is how to improve your social skills with *anyone*.

 

A guy could be a 4 on the looks scale, but if he has an awesome personality, is confident in himself, and has something going for him, chances are Ill date him.

 

Shove a narcissistic prick who's a 10 in the looks department in front of me, and I will drop him in a second.

[IT Geek]

Having true confidence in yourself, knowing how and when to set boundaries, and being friendly and interested in what the other person has to say is how to improve your social skills with *anyone*.

 

A guy could be a 4 on the looks scale, but if he has an awesome personality, is confident in himself, and has something going for him, chances are Ill date him.

 

But it all comes back to a "chicken or the egg" type of paradox.

 

Women say that they'd date a guy low on the looks scale if he has {personality|brains|confidence|money|etc}. Since he's low on the looks scale, it is assumed that she is not physically attracted to him since an attraction would lead to a higher "rating".

 

However, if she isn't physically attracted to him, how does she get to know he has those qualities? Women I know would instantly dismiss him as undesirable based on the lack of physical attraction and not "waste their time" with him.

[jcrew11]

I would work on "Public Speaking" - this will make you appear more confident and help you connect with strangers (and new women).

 

Also, do you attend a Church? Being spiritually secure and having a weekly social gathering will help you grow your social circle. Women also trust men who attend their Churches, rather than sketchy drunk guys at bars.

 

Maybe think about converting to one of the more popular religions. If you feel your religion is too restrictive on potential spouses.

[IT Geek]

Public speaking has nothing to do with interactions with women you are interested in. I'm fine with public speaking in front of hundreds (something thousands) of people, but can not for the life of me talk to a woman.

[Treasa]

But it all comes back to a "chicken or the egg" type of paradox.

 

Women say that they'd date a guy low on the looks scale if he has {personality|brains|confidence|money|etc}. Since he's low on the looks scale, it is assumed that she is not physically attracted to him since an attraction would lead to a higher "rating".

 

However, if she isn't physically attracted to him, how does she get to know he has those qualities? Women I know would instantly dismiss him as undesirable based on the lack of physical attraction and not "waste their time" with him.

 

That's why I'm saying he should have an awesome personality. Put himself out there. Not be afraid to talk to people.

[Mr.White]

The only way I found to improve my social skills with women, is to talk to women.

 

Get out of your comfort zone and talk to them. You have to be CONFIDENT, show them that you are confident in yourself and the words you say. Be nice, have a smile on your face (like you're interested, not a creppy Joker smile), look nice and be casual.

 

I still get nervous talking to women but I take myself out of my comfort zone, talk, learn from my mistakes and in return I am better at talking to women the next time.

 

If you can go to parties/clubs go and talk to them! The environment is set up to be a very social place.

[jcrew11]

Work on improving your "Salesmanship"

 

Try selling "anything" to "anyone"

 

Imagine yourself selling "fantasy travel vacations" to women. Women want their senses entices about a glamorous, fun, fantasy, adventure.

 

You're not just selling yourself as a potential boyfriend; but you are selling a "wonderful" life together as a couple with you in her life.

[january2011]

Here is some general advice that is gender-neutral:

 

Regularly putting yourself in any situations where you are placed in a group of strangers and you are striving towards common goals or pursuing your interests, e.g., Meetups, volunteer groups, community events and adult education/further education classes come to mind and even taking on a more client/customer facing role.

 

The people I know with the best social skills are also the best at making conversation, with anyone, anywhere about nearly anything.

As an aside, I've found that a lot of relationship-building is based on conversations, doing favours for each other and having shared experiences. So get out there and start chatting.

 

Before going out, read up on news, current affairs, popular culture or whatever themes/subjects the group of people you are about to meet are interested in so you have a library of conversation topics to select from. There are also stock topics, depending on location and culture, e.g., weather, economy, family, food, travel, etc. Make sure you have some kind of opinion on these. If nothing else, you can ask people about what they do for a living/study. Ask relevant questions, remember and repeat information from earlier in the conversation. Use the "yes and.." improvisation technique to keep the conversation flowing. That is, agree and then add to the other person's comments. Though make sure you really agree. Regular practice will allow you to come across as more sincere and less rigid.

 

Otherwise, if you want to go down the public speaking route, consider joining your local Toastmasters organisation. From memory, public speaking is a common fear for many people, so you will find that there will be some people in the same boat at these events and you won't feel like the odd one out.

[somedude81]

Being able to have a casual conversation with women and not be freaked out about it, is very different from being able to attract women.

[rys]

baby steps.

 

1. conquer your territory first. if you're an IT guy, hang around with women in your dept. you don't have to think that you want to date them. talk bout your work, talk about your boss (haha) if you think you're confident enough, move out of your comfort zone. start a conversation with the girl you always see at the coffee shop.

 

2. talk to women within your age range first. you probably wouldn't have any generation gap