Wish I knew what to do/think. I have no idea, and it's killing me.

[balex]

Background information: I've known this girl since we were kids. We always had a thing for one another, but nothing ever developed into anything serious. We had a couple "flings" in high school. She ended up meeting a loser (a real loser...in and out of jail loser) who she had a kid with (6 years ago) and he is not in her life. Since then, we dated for a little while again, but it never developed into anything serious (my fault, because you see, I'm an idiot). After we dated, she started dating another guy, got engaged, then starting working in a small doctor's office as a nurse. The jerkoff doctor lured her away from this guy, asked her to marry him, and she did. This was almost exactly a year ago. He left her and her kid 6 months after that (and I find out he was cheating on her since they were dating), and she ended up moving to VA (from Pittsburgh, PA --- about 4 hours) two months ago. She was home two weeks ago and I ran into her. That just about takes us up to where we are now.

 

She went back to VA. and we started talking via email. I had a girlfriend that I've been seeing for a few months now, but after talking for a couple weeks by email, she asked me to come down and visit. I broke up with my girlfriend, and last Thursday, I made the trip. I spent 3 nights at her place.

 

Now, she is living in VA. with a sister and she has a job *pending* (kind of confusing...the job doesn't seem to be definite....but she is waiting for "security clearances" to go through). The 3 days I spent with her were seriously three of the best days of my life. I've dated so many girls over the years, and just don't remember feeling this way about anyone, ever. She's amazing. At 26, she's been through so much, she's a great mom, and I swear I would do anything for her. She thanked me a ton of times for coming down and in our email correspondence she constantly let me know how exciting she was to see me and stuff like that. I think she "likes" me for sure, but I don't know how much.

 

Here's my dilemma. First of all, she lives in VA. about 30 miles outside of DC, 4 hours from me. The cost of living (housing) is RIDICULOUS. Now, I'm not thinking that I'm going to drop everything and move down there immediately, but I'm a teacher, and it seems like although the salaries for teachers in her area are slightly higher than were I'm living now, the cost of houses and apartments seem to be almost double, and it doesn't seem like even if we would determine that we want to be together, that I would ever be able to afford moving there. Unfortunately, it looks like she is there for good. This is problem #1 I guess.

 

Second problem is timing. She's 6 months divorced. She was engaged to someone else right before this marriage. I'm not the type of guy to let my feeling be known....I'm really not.....I don't say I love you unless I mean it, I'm not a big complimenter unless I'm dead serious, but I just couldn't help but tell her how much I enjoyed being with her and how I wished she could move back. Today, for instance, we were talking on the phone and she mentioned how she was getting her car inspected so she could get her new plates, and I let her know how much I didn't like hearing that. Stuff like that makes me feel like she's there for good. She is also registering her kid for first grade at the local school. And I just can't help telling her how much I look forward to talking to her.

 

I really don't know where I'm going with this, or if I'm expressing my concerns correctly, but I guess I'm just wondering if I should just back off and let it go. I want to flat out tell her that I've always been in love with her and the 3 days spent with her just confirmed that 100%, but I know I shouldn't do that....she's just been through too much. But on the other hand, I know I'm not like the other guys she was with....I DO love her, and I would never hurt her. (I actually told her that the one night, that I'd never hurt her, and she said "what do you mean?". I said "I just mean that I never would").

 

So, here are my questions I guess. Should I tell her how I really feel? Should I wait it out for a few months and see what happens? Should I just back off and tell her that although I think (know) I'm in love with her, the fact that economic reasons would prevent me from ever moving there, that I think we should be friends and that I'm going to continue dating up here? I feel like if I don't let her know, NOW, how I feel, that I will regret it for the rest of my life, but at the same time, I care about her so much, and the last thing I want to do is make her feel rushed into anything (girl's been through so much already....and it is so soon after she was probably CRUSHED by the jerkoff doctor.....like she really needs something like this right now). I just don't know what I should do. I also worry if I let her know how I feel, she'll think I'm crazy being that we just stared talking two freaking weeks ago. I just can't stop thinking about her and I know, for sure, that I've never felt this way about anyone, and there have been alot of "anyones".

 

Honest advice from any of you would be so greatly appreciately.

[overseas2004]

My honest advice is that if economic reasons are going to stop you from being with someone who is the love of your life then you are not in love with her at all. True love does not know any limits and it certainly does not have petty limits like the one you just spelled out. Since the girl has been through enough as you say I would let it go. You don't deserve her. She needs someone who will pass the test of limits.

 

Regards,

 

Overseas

[balex]

Well, scratch the economic concerns. Let's say that wasn't a hurdle. I'm more concerned with the other stuff. Is it too soon for me to let her know how I feel? Should I just play it....."if it's meant to be..."? The economic stuff is important (seriously, you have to be able to afford to live), but I am SO much more concerned about how I should approach this and whether I would be doing the right thing by letting her know how I feel.

 

My thoughts are leaning towards that I should say nothing, and just talk to her as much as a can and visit her as much as possible. Maybe I'm making too much out of it, I don't know. Like I said, I just have not felt this way, ever, about anyone.

[moimeme]

I just couldn't help but tell her how much I enjoyed being with her and how I wished she could move back.

 

What was her answer? Did she respond in kind or was she sort of noncommittal?

 

True love does not know any limits

 

It may not, but it also isn't well-served by doing dumb things. She has no idea he's always felt this way and may be spooked if he uproots and moves there. Plus, if the relationship doesn't work out, he's stuck living in a place he wasn't planning to live in the first place. It sounds all romantic to give up everything for someone. I've done it and it's not fun if you crash and burn.

 

Continue talking to her by phone and online (get yourself one of those cheapo phone plans). Let the relationship develop that way. In a few months she may be receptive to the idea of you moving there but don't do it unless you know she's eager to have you do so. And if you must 'confess' anything, tell her that you've started to think you two might make a good pair and see how she responds to that.

[StrengthThruStruggle]

I'd have to agree with Moimeme on this one. Play it safely in terms of moving. Put those feelers out and see if she would even be receptive to the idea of dating you. I mean if she is dead set on not seeing ANYONE right now and you move out there just for her she will probably feel a lot of not-so-good pressure. Maybe she needs her space right now. If your feelings for her have been strong and steady for some time, then a little extra time to make sure she's ready to see someone won't kill you.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!