jjwats Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 My gf told me 5 or 6 months in (8 so far) that she was abused, very badly, as of my understanding bcz it was much worse than i thought, i know most of the details. emotional/sexual/physical/neglect but i have a few questions, maybe provide me with insight on how to help/what to do. she is over obsessive with her jaw, something she finds odd about it, even though its beautiful. she cannot think of her face as beautiful. (her councelor said it was bcz she has fixed everything else, and now wants to find something else.) she has trouble trusting i won't leave her, and can't believe me when i say she's gorgeous (she really is amazingly beautiful, seriously.) she has bad nightmares, and feels alone, hasnt slept more than 2 hours straight, (low quality sleep) a night for 2 months now. she stays up til 4 everyday. if she does sleep, its nightmares and she is woken up again. if there is any insight on how i could better help her understand my true feelings that would be great! thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 She doesn't sound fixed at all to me. Maybe she's recognized the abuse and has seen someone about it but she sounds far from healed if she's not sleeping properly and still having nightmares. She sounds like she may be suffering with post-traumatic stress. Her perception of herself still sounds off. That's a common characteristic of being abused. You feel so ugly on the inside that you're sure that you must be ugly on the outside too. There is nothing that you can do to heal her. Just be nice and listen if she wants to talk but don't pressure her into talking about it. Practice patience and kindness. There's a book called The Courage To Heal. You may want to get that for her if she hasn't already read it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjwats Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 thanks, although she still has some trouble with some things, she has come a LONG way from where she was at when she was 9 years old. she has an amazing outlook on life, loves her family, (step dad/real mom) she loves her personality. she is competely fine from day to day,its just at night when she is alone that these feelings come back. she is an amazing girl! im just wondering how i can make her see my true feelings for her pertaining to how beautiful she is and how much i love her. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 I think if she's still getting triggered at night she should see someone and tell them that. If you want to make her feel better I'd suggest you keep giving her compliments. Not phony ones but genuine ones. I wouldn't keep saying "you're beautiful" but pick out particular features of hers that you find to be beautiful. This way what she sees as a bad feature will be overcome with a positive feature of hers hopefully in time. Don't overkill it though. One at a time will do. But I still think she's not completely better even if she's come a long way. She should see a professional who deals with abuse. And I believe in that book I mentioned that there is a section for those who are in a relationship with a survivor of abuse. You may be able to get some pointers from there as well. Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 And I believe in that book I mentioned that there is a section for those who are in a relationship with a survivor of abuse. You may be able to get some pointers from there as well. Actually there is a companion book by the same author called "Allies in Healing." Highly recommended for the partner of a survivor. Link to post Share on other sites
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