Forever Learning Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Gee, I didn't plan ahead of time to start a thread on this particular day (New Year's Day, January 1st), but is sure does seem like a great day to do so! Anyhow, I have been doing alot of reading lately about healing from abuse, and all topics under the sun about relationships, abuse, and healing. Becoming more enlightened, so to speak. I spent my 20's and 30's in turmoil in a bad relationship with a psychopathic man. I hope to make my 40's so much more rewarding and peaceful. So far, so good! So my thread here is for anyone to mention great articles, books, websites, authors, groups, quotes, or advice they have found along the way about any number of topics regarding relationships, abuse, and healing. I am casting a broad net, anything goes that is positive and helpful or insightful for personal growth. My favorite author lately is Natalie Lue, a British woman who runs the website called "Baggage Reclaim". Her website, and her articles, are absolutely, absolutely PHENOMENAL!! One of many great articles on her website: Is It Time To Go On a BS Diet? | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue ********************************************** I also stumbled upon the book: "Getting Past Your Breakup" by Susan Elliot. A famous book (likely found for free at your local library). On her website of the same name: Getting Past Your Breakup along the right hand side of her website, is a super list of so many topics of self help, good reading, and great groups and websites. Something for everyone. *********************************************** A long time favorite website of mine regarding Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and more specifically, healing from a relationship with a Cluster B Personality Disordered man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or other similar psychological disorder, is the website by Lisa E. Scott, author of Surviving A Narcissist: The Path Forward her most excellent website, forum and blog are located at Surviving a Narcissist - The Path Forward | Lisa E. Scott *********************************************** Some of my favorite books for women who have experienced abusive relationships include: Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood (check your library, a famous classic) and Codependent No More by Melody Beattie (again, famous book, check library) ************************************************* I would love input on other authors, articles, and websites that you find insightful, enlightening, educational, or uplifting. Cheers friends!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever Learning Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 This article is fairly short but quite funny. Mostly because Natalie Lue uses the word "@ssclown", which always cracks me up! Women Who Talk (& Think) Too Much – Wasting time explaining & discussing with men that don’t want to listen | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever Learning Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) This seems to be a common topic here at Love Shack: Signs that a guy wants you just for sex | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue This article is about using sexual attraction as a judge of the person's character. The two items are completely separate! http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/using-sexual-atraction-as-judge-of-character-other-sexual-pitfalls/ And an article about Boundaries ("Your Personal Electric Fence"): http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/boundaries-in-relationships-understanding-your-personal-electric-fence/ Edited January 1, 2013 by Forever Learning Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 A must read for someone involved with someone who has BPD: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Paul Mason MS (Author), Randi Kreger 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever Learning Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 Thank you Art! I will check it out! Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 I've read the "Stop Walking on Eggshells" book. That's a good one. Also, I want to recommend "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. I've recommended that on this board before, and it is very helpful for people whose partner yells and says demeaning or hurtful things. The book gives some good insight into why a person engages in verbal abuse, forms of verbal abuse, and how to effectively stand up to a person who is verbally abusive. I would highly recommend that book for anyone who is in a verbally abusive relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever Learning Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 I had not heard of that book Kathy, thank you for mentioning it, definitely something I'd like to read. My ex was so verbally abusive, wish I had known of this book a decade ago. Thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever Learning Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 I remembered something on Lisa E. Scott's website about Narcissistic Personality Disorder that is really interesting. It's called "Narc Speak", also known as "Word Salad". Basically, it's the things some personality disordered folks with say, to keep you off balance, confused, and easier to manipulate. Excellent reading for anyone who suspects they've been manipulated. NARCISSISM SPEAK - NARCSPEAK | Lisa E. Scott 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever Learning Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 I am posting authors and such as I think of them (I have so many favorites). Earnie Larsen. This man passed away not too long ago, but he is quite famous for the extensive work he did in motivational speaking and writing for those who feel trampled, bulldozed and downtrodden in life. A really amazing man, incredibly kind hearted in his endeavors to help those who are suffering emotionally in life. Earnie Larsen Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever Learning Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 This website is a real gem, for those of us who have been a victim of "Love Fraud". Lovefraud.com -- sociopaths, psychopaths, antisocials, con artists, bigamists http://www.lovefraud.com/03_trueLovefraudStories/case_histories.html Link to post Share on other sites
Seductive Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Great thread. I'm also curious to meet other people that didn't know what sexual consent was until much later on in their life. Let's say you grew up in a family where you were taught that you had to give into sex no matter what. As you got older, you ended up with male partners that were also pushy and forceful. Maybe you had male friends that also said pressured and forced sex was just a typical guy thing. Even though this guy is a little too religious for my tastes, one thing that stood out in his article is "If a man is pressuring you to have sex, he does not honor or respect you!" It's called "40 things women should know about men." Gillis Triplett - 40 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex and Relationships 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever Learning Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 Thank you for this link, Seductive! I enjoyed this article so much, I have posted it in it's entirety for all to read. Well done, excellent wisdom!! ************************************************ 40 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex and Relationships Most women learn about men, love, sex and relationships the hard way. They walk down the highly traveled, worn out path of emotional scars, broken hearts, abuse, confusion, anger and sleepless nights. When it comes to learning the hard way, you can get to know a great deal about men, love, sex and relationships, but most women who have traveled that path will tell you, “The price is too high and the consequences and lingering effects are way to painful!” Smart women understand this irrefutable truth. They know there is an easier less complicated way to obtain the vital information they need to know about the opposite sex. Ladies, these 40 nuggets of wisdom and sage advice will help set you on the right path to finding and experiencing true love. Share these life-saving truths with every woman you know. They will forever thank you! by Gillis TriplettThere are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being; choose an honorable man and choose life!You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adieu and don’t look back!This is a true saying: “The soul of a woman is fragile.” Please note: dishonorable males refuse to respect this crucial truth. They will toy with a woman’s emotions without any semblance of concern or compassion. Therefore YOU must guard your heart from these cold-hearted males with all diligence.Good men need to be treated like good men, dishonorable males, need to be let go and left alone!OK ladies; you’ve met this great guy, but he’s got a child or children for which he does not take care of, provide for or see to. Follow these instructions to the letter: urgently send him back to the mother(s) of his child(ren) and don’t look back. Don’t make the same mistake the mother(s) of his child(ren) did!Dishonorable males treat sex as a sport, females as trophies and children they sire as wastepaper. Never allow yourself to become their next score, mantle piece or sperm repository.Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!Choose the wrong mate and you might as well have laid next to a boa constrictor or grabbed the ears of a raging mad pit bull. A smart woman learns how to choose her mate wisely!Heed the sage advice of some caring brothers and honorable men. If he doesn’t fit - don’t force him, just relax and let him go. Destiny is on your side… TRUE LOVE will find you!Momma’s boys belong with only one type of woman; their moms! Ladies, these mothers and their sons will never cut their grotesque umbilical cord. Therefore, for your sake, leave them alone and just let them trot home to their mommies.Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.Don’t judge ALL men by one man’s actions; unless you want ALL men to judge you based on the acts of amoral women.Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. Don’t become one of those heart broken and bitter women! Learn how to properly choose a mate before it’s too late! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you!You wondering, “If I move in with him, is he going to marry me?” Answer: “Not likely!” Don’t believe it, take these two critical tests: (a). Ask any honorable man! And, (b). Examine the ever-growing list of disillusioned women who are begrudgingly waiting for their non-committal live-in lovers to pop the big question.Do you keep attracting men who are dogs? Check the scent you’re putting out. Men who are dogs are attracted by scent!You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.If you don’t know what a misogynistic man is, take this time to check your dictionary. For your sake, sanity and safety, avoid these treacherous males at all costs.Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!If your potential mate does such things as: promises to call you but doesn’t, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions; take notes ladies... those are clear cut warning signs that he DOES NOT value you, he DOES NOT love you and he DOES NOT care about you!Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy love; DO NOT obtain this crucial information from dishonorable males or from angry bitter women.If you choose to be with dishonorable males, pimps, players, thugs, ballers and shot callers, you have absolutely no right to complain when they torch your emotions, abuse you, leave you pregnant and alone, jeopardize your safety and otherwise harm or hurt you. Remember, you have freedom of choice and you chose to be with them!When a man is trying to find himself, kindly bid him adieu… PERMANENTLY! He can find you, but can’t find himself? He shouldn’t be looking for love… he should be searching for the map to Mastering Manhood!OK; he wants or is demanding sex but you are not his wife. Write this down: There is no need to wonder, debate or contemplate: he DOES NOT honor or respect you!Spoiled women are like spoiled milk, spoiled meat, spoiled fruit spoiled bread and spoiled brats. Get the picture? Don’t become a spoiled woman!Expecting a dishonorable male to do the honorable thing is like expecting piranhas not to devour you if you make the mistake of diving into their water.You’ve asked these questions, “Why doesn’t he call me more often? Why doesn’t he pursue me more diligently and why doesn’t he show me that he loves me?” Answer; he’s not into you! If you don’t let him go and move on with your life, you will allow him to hinder or block your true love from finding you!All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!Some males like to hit women. It gives them a sense of power and control. If you give yourself to one of these abusive males, most assuredly you will become a punching bag and a floor mat. It is critical that you learn how to detect and avoid these cretins!Promiscuous immoral women are not worthy of an honorable man. They never have been and they never will be.Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.You were not designed, built or destined for abuse, whether: emotionally, physically or financially. If he is an abuser, there is no need to deliberate … he IS NOT the one; leave him now!Some women live their lives vicariously through the women on “Girlfriends, Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives.” Don’t become one of these women. If you do, you will make a literal mess of your life, emotions, physical body and well-being.When a man truly loves you, he will honor and respect you. If he doesn't… don’t deceive yourself and don’t allow him to defraud you; he DOES NOT love OR care about you!Everyone has skeletons in their closet? Wrong! Not everyone has skeletons in their closet. Don’t start putting any in yours!There is a vast difference between sex and love. Most men know the difference and you had better learn it fast! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are surely headed for relationship or marital crash and burn.Don’t deceive yourself, once you have sex with a man who is not your husband… he may never admit it, but he has lost a degree of respect for you. Don’t believe it? Ask any honorable man or virtuous woman.The dismal cycle of breaking up and making up only works out in the romance novels, television shows and movies. If you are riding that emotional roller coaster get off right now! Your heart, mind and soul will forever thank you.Nothing is more beautiful, captivating, attractive and sensual than a woman with a gentle and peaceable spirit! Link to post Share on other sites
Seductive Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) Thanks,Foreverlearning. He also has a good book: Amazon.com: Why People Choose the Wrong Mate: Avoiding the 9 Deadly Booby Traps (9781890292096): Gillis Triplett: Books The only thing I don't agree with is his views on pre-marital sex. I definitely think there's truth on being selective with who you sleep with, but I think some men won't lose respect for you for having pre-marital sex. May I also add to other posters on valuable piece of insight? NEVER BETRAY YOUR INSTINCTS, NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY. If you were like me, you had friends and family members around you say "Oh, he's such a great guy. Don't worry about it" whenever you suspected that someone was toxic. You will be the one in the end dealing with the abuse, and not your family/friends that told you he/she is "such a great person." Edited January 1, 2013 by Seductive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Forever Learning Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) Thanks,Foreverlearning. He also has a good book: Amazon.com: Why People Choose the Wrong Mate: Avoiding the 9 Deadly Booby Traps (9781890292096): Gillis Triplett: Books The only thing I don't agree with is his views on pre-marital sex. I definitely think there's truth on being selective with who you sleep with, but I think some men won't lose respect for you for having pre-marital sex. May I also add to other posters on valuable piece of insight? NEVER BETRAY YOUR INSTINCTS, NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY. If you were like me, you had friends and family members around you say "Oh, he's such a great guy. Don't worry about it" whenever you suspected that someone was toxic. You will be the one in the end dealing with the abuse, and not your family/friends that told you he/she is "such a great person." Thanks for mentioning that book. I agree with your bolded statement as well. In the case of my marriage, part of my problem was I thought I could change (at least somewhat) who he was, I did not realize it was deeply pathological and at the very core of who he was (a psychopath), likely since he was a child. I didn't know anything about personality disorders years ago and that they can't be 'fixed' via counseling and 12 step programs and whatnot. Apparently, their brain is broken and they manipulate and lie their way through most counseling situations. They can ACT like they are interested in changing, but it is just an act. They can't/won't give up that manipulative persona, and the control and power it gives them. Plus they don't experience the normal range of human emotions either, such as compassion, empathy, etc. They are missing their 'sensitivity' chip. That book looks really interesting, thanks again! Edited January 1, 2013 by Forever Learning Link to post Share on other sites
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