zanesfan Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I need to know a gentle way to break it off with this guy I have been talking too. He recently told me that he is into (clothes female naked male) and he likes to be dominated and humiliated. I was ok with it at first but after doing research--- some of these men like wearing ladies under garments, make up, taking it up the butt etc. I asked him if he would wear a bra, panties, and lip gloss and he said yes if i made him. I have a small child (boy) and there is no way I would really be comfortable with that. I know I have to tell him but I am so fearful that he may take it as a rejection due to trusting me with his fetish. I want him to be open with the next person and not feel ashamed.
Angel Heart Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Nothing wrong with a small fib in this case. Tell him any of the following: The timing is bad and I'm not ready for anything serious right now. It's not you, it's me. I'm just too busy with taking care of my child and work and all my responsibilities right now. You're a wonderful guy but I'm still not over my last partner. I'm thankful for the time we've spent together, however, I feel it just wasn't meant to be between us. I'm sorry, I'm still in love with my former partner. Hope these suggestions were helpful.
TaraMaiden Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 "While I can respect your sexual desires, and completely understand that they're your fetish, and something you enjoy, I cannot in all honesty commit myself to someone with tastes as yours are. I know you're comfortable with them, and I wish you well. But you need to find someone who is both willing and able, and again, quite happy to be "On the same page as you." Sadly, that's not me. I wish you well, and hope you find who you need, in 2013. All the best, *name*" ...Would be my personal approach.... 7
Ruby Slippers Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 "While I can respect your sexual desires, and completely understand that they're your fetish, and something you enjoy, I cannot in all honesty commit myself to someone with tastes as yours are. I know you're comfortable with them, and I wish you well. But you need to find someone who is both willing and able, and again, quite happy to be "On the same page as you." Sadly, that's not me. I wish you well, and hope you find who you need, in 2013. All the best, *name*" ...Would be my personal approach.... Excellent advice. I agree completely. I'm a big believer in being honest. You can be kind while being honest.
Author zanesfan Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Ok, we have been talking long enough for me to be completely honest. And plus, I wouldnt be surprised if he called me to talk about it.. which I hope not. This is gonna be sooo hard. But thanks everyone! We have been dating for about a month now so I know he is going to assume its his fetish anyway.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) I need to know a gentle way to break it off with this guy I have been talking too. He recently told me that he is into (clothes female naked male) and he likes to be dominated and humiliated. I was ok with it at first but after doing research--- some of these men like wearing ladies under garments, make up, taking it up the butt etc. I asked him if he would wear a bra, panties, and lip gloss and he said yes if i made him. I have a small child (boy) and there is no way I would really be comfortable with that. I know I have to tell him but I am so fearful that he may take it as a rejection due to trusting me with his fetish. I want him to be open with the next person and not feel ashamed. I know you have already made up your mind about this guy and the fetish, but as a point of clarification, not everyone who is into CFNM is into cross-dressing, and just because he said "I'll wear it if you made me wear it" doesn't mean he'd ask you to make him wear female clothing/underwear. My ex had CFNM fetish, and while he liked being dominated, I never did anything that was over the top, nor did he ask me to do anything in particular (he did tell me I could do anything I wanted to him). And he never crossdressed or brought it up himself. I never asked, since I never made that connection, and I'm surprised that you made that connection? How are the two related? Good luck , though! Chalk it up to sexual incompatibility and move on. Edited January 1, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
rocketman122 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 WHen I first read the topic I was pissed, psychotic freak with many fetishes. but truthfully I wouldnt date a man who dressed like a woman. I think its a turn off. especially the dominated and humiliated part. uch. ..specifically in bed. I am king there. I'll let her cowgirl and let her take control a little here and there but I like to control. I had a bad issue with one of my first GF's when I was young. I didnt have much experience obviously and was very submissive in bed with her and it turned her off. she told me " a man needs to lead and dominate in bed" I took that failure and from then on I made it a point to be the dominator in bed. over time I also realized that I would never want to be submissive in bed. I decide where and what. I like it that way. my GF always went out with guys who were submissive and im the opposite and she tells me she likes it better this way. I care that she's comfortable and move her around gently but I am king. not sure being dominant in bed vs humiliation fetish is the same but I think as a man I have the desire inside to be in control in bed. I think to control in bed is to be a man. its very masculine IMO.
Samilia Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I like Taramaiden's answer, it's polite, respectful, and straight to the point. It's something that would bother me too, I don't like seeing the feminine side of a guy in bed. But more power to him, whatever rocks his bed I suppose, just not my thing either.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 My ex was super-submissive in bed (only sometimes dominant), and he would just lay there on his back, and expect me to do all the work and everything.... and I was kinda out of ideas as to what to do. You only can do so much when someone is just lying on his back and expecting you to make him feel good. WTF. The sex , overall, sucked. I think he only made me orgasm like, 3 times in the 6 months that we were together. He was incredibly selfish in bed, as he was in the rest of the "relationship". Now, I would prefer not to be with a man who was submissive all the time. Every once in a while is ok, but not as a general rule... Not sure if it's a dealbreaker for me, though, if I like the guy enough.. and he's repectful and caring in other ways.. as long as the fetish is not freaky.. 2
rocketman122 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 My ex was super-submissive in bed (only sometimes dominant), and he would just lay there on his back, and expect me to do all the work and everything.... and I was kinda out of ideas as to what to do. You only can do so much when someone is just lying on his back and expecting you to make him feel good. WTF. The sex , overall, sucked. I think he only made me orgasm like, 3 times in the 6 months that we were together. He was incredibly selfish in bed, as he was in the rest of the "relationship". Now, I would prefer not to be with a man who was submissive all the time. Every once in a while is ok, but not as a general rule... Not sure if it's a dealbreaker for me, though, if I like the guy enough.. and he's repectful and caring in other ways.. as long as the fetish is not freaky.. Im sorry you had to suffer such a bad lover. im sorry he was selfish and didnt care to love you right. a guy not making it his priority to pleasure his lady and make her have multiple orgasms is not a man. I go crazy if I cant lick taste and smell my GF. I feel like crap if I go home knowing I could have done better. last night my tongue and fingers got a hard workout. we dont sleep much when I see her though. after she came, first thing that came to mind was "you know sweetheart, I just read an article (stumble upon app)and its funny but the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body" HAHA in bed, I want my woman to relax and feel comfortable so she can enjoy what I do to her. you just need to find someone not selfish. sometimes I dont even feel like finishing. I can lick her all day. lick her after she takes a wee, or lick up her discharge all day. I tell her that she doesnt need panties. she can just give me the knighting hand gesture and I will get on my knees and clean her up with my tongue. I just want to live there. she said all her previous men she was with were like ur ex. laying on their back and letting her do the work. she now prefers it that I control. I move her around gently and adjust to her. it works better. I love to see her rest her head, eyes closed and I look at her to see if she's happy. when she enjoys, then I did my job. yes, its a mans job to give. you can receive a little but im traditional in thinking its a mans job to please his woman.
Samilia Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Im sorry you had to suffer such a bad lover. im sorry he was selfish and didnt care to love you right. a guy not making it his priority to pleasure his lady and make her have multiple orgasms is not a man. I go crazy if I cant lick taste and smell my GF. I feel like crap if I go home knowing I could have done better. last night my tongue and fingers got a hard workout. we dont sleep much when I see her though. after she came, first thing that came to mind was "you know sweetheart, I just read an article (stumble upon app)and its funny but the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body" HAHA in bed, I want my woman to relax and feel comfortable so she can enjoy what I do to her. you just need to find someone not selfish. sometimes I dont even feel like finishing. I can lick her all day. lick her after she takes a wee, or lick up her discharge all day. I tell her that she doesnt need panties. she can just give me the knighting hand gesture and I will get on my knees and clean her up with my tongue. I just want to live there. she said all her previous men she was with were like ur ex. laying on their back and letting her do the work. she now prefers it that I control. I move her around gently and adjust to her. it works better. I love to see her rest her head, eyes closed and I look at her to see if she's happy. when she enjoys, then I did my job. yes, its a mans job to give. you can receive a little but im traditional in thinking its a mans job to please his woman. I wish more men like oral. They like to receive it, don't like to give it. As long as it's shaved and clean, that should happen. At least I wish it would. 1
rocketman122 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I wish more men like oral. They like to receive it, don't like to give it. As long as it's shaved and clean, that should happen. At least I wish it would. I fight with my GF not to shave. nothing sexier on a woman than a bush. the mound smell is amazing. she shaved a little yesterday and I told her the next time she shaves, my tongue doesnt go down there. I also fight with her not to shower. I dont care to smell soap and lotion. when she sweats from her armpits and feet, I become the man of steel. haha. last night she woke me up because she had a bad dream. one part was she was very offended that I turned her down because I told her she had a bad flavor/smell. she said she had a green slime come out and I was disgusted. I laughed. it would never happen because she always tastes so yummy. when I see that white cream on salami, I just swipe my finger and eat it. mmm sometimes it tastes salty, sometimes a bit sweetish, sometimes lemony bitter. but always yummy. I tell her that if she could bottle her P juice she would be a millionaire. I feel bad that she really loves to give me oral but I cant get hard if her azzhole isnt on my my nose and my tongue in her hole at the same time. I never really enjoyed it for more than 2 minutes but im trying to.
spiderowl Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 This is a dilemma I faced recently, though I wasn't actually dating him only considering it. He was honest upfront about his desire to wear women's clothes. I just didn't want it. I thought long and hard because I, too, felt he had trusted me and as if I was under some obligation to be accepting because I'd let him tell me about it. But, the fact was I was unhappy about it and I knew I would remain so. In the end, I said I couldn't cope with it and wished him luck. On reflection, I did the right thing. I didn't want to be pressured into the world of guys who like to wear women's clothing and I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted someone uncomfortable with that.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 As a totally out transgender woman I kinda feel where most of you are comming from. In truth, the kind of people you have in mind tend to want to be submissive when they are with people like me as well. You see not all "men in womens clothing" are the same. There are: CrossDressers - Generally heterosexual rather manly men in l most of their life. DragQueens - Generally homosexual and bisexual men in most of their lives. Transgender Women - Any sexual orientation but live as women full time no bottom surgery. May identify as totally female or somewhere on the spectrum between man and woman. (like myself). Transsexual women - Any sexual orientation, live as women full time, have had bottom surgery to reassign their physical sex. _______________ What you are all describing sounds like what's called the Sissy Maid fetish. Within BDSM there are men who want to be dressed like maids and be treated like slaves or servants by women. There are also women who get off on that. Sissy (transgender) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia There are all manner of sexual fetishes. Fetishes for big breast, big butts, big feet, fetishes for really big *icks, fetishes for dressing up in fur, fetishes for people of specific races, fetishes for being cuckolded... So Here is my advice to the OP. Just explain to them that you aren't into their particular fetish and would not be sexually compatible with them for that reason. One word of caution. In my sexual travels I have found that just about everyone has some variety of fetish or hangup when it comes to sex.
Author zanesfan Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) I did the deed by breaking things off with him. He sent me a simple text that said, "bye now." I was shocked and relieved at the same time. He text me again to say that I was ok with it at first and then I went left with it without so much as talking it over with him. He never said anything about wearing panties. I brought it up. After being on the internet all day and reading what other men liked I only assumed he did as well.. esp when he said he would wear it. Now this past weekend we did have sex. He was dominant.. so much so that I didnt get to ride it once. And we did it 3x. I voiced what I wanted but it didnt happen. So he is not totally submissive.. only when he wants to roleplay. And I hate the fact that he did not give me oral sex but wanted it in return.. yeah right! I did advise him that I only wanted to do certain things. I didnt want to go to far with it, he understood and said that the only way he would want to do it is if I get pleasure from it. I told him I would try but dont expect me to be gung ho about everything. So we are back dating. Outside of this we like each other. If I decide again that I cant deal.. its over for good! Edited January 2, 2013 by zanesfan
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